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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"What? You?!" Sneery Teen

360 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2021 22:25

He is 15 and literally NOTHING existed in the world until he heard of it, which I am sure he is not alone in.

He is into musical theatre. Goes on and on about various musicals he has found and likes. Ok, no problem there except he does it in a very sneery way as if I coudlnt possibly know about these things but I generally let it go.

When I was younger I planned to go into acting and part of my unofficial training when I was waiting to go to drama school was being trained in theatre production. There is a really good theatre nearish to me and I did some am-dram and got a lot of training in sound for stage productions and I really loved it. I decided that I would rather do sound than acting. Then life happened and I didnt go to school and blah blah but I did still do sound for am dram for a few years.

Last night I get "You probably wont have heard of it but there is this great musical called Blood Brothers which has great songs" and I said "yeah I know, they are good". "Oh you've heard of it?" and it just put my back up. So I said "Of course. Its been around for years and is very well known. I did the sound on it when it was on at X theatre about 20 years ago"

That was when I got "What? You?!" in an incredulous disbelieving sneery way. "You dont seem to me to be someone who could do that" And I got really annoyed and did shout that yes believe it or not I do actually know things, that I did have a life that didnt involve being a mother and to not look down his fucking nose at me. Oh and by the way, no he doesnt fucking know it all. I then asked him a few technical questions "do you know how to....." which he didnt and I could say "Well I do, so...." and he bogged off upstairs!

AIBU to think that sometimes it is justified to give them a smack round the earhole, because I have had the most incredible urge to do just that ever since.

OP posts:
Lweji · 25/01/2021 18:43

It is black.

ChimaeraEgg · 25/01/2021 18:55

Gosh my brother (21 now and the youngest of four, all others girls) could be a little turd at that age but if me or my sisters had ever heard him call our Mum a fucking bitch we'd have knocked him into the middle of next week. No adult males in our house but he still knew who was boss.

We are a very sweary family but I think there is a big difference between swearing at someone with aggression and swearing about something. My siblings and I all would've told one a other to fuck off in jest etc but not one of us would ever have called Mum a fucking bitch.

LittleGwyneth · 25/01/2021 19:00

I was just like this as a teen OP and you have my sympathy. I remember telling my mum how the tube works despite the fact she had lived in london for 12 years.

MintyMabel · 25/01/2021 19:03

So the "usual" swear words are not offensive to us. If they are to you, then thats your issue.

Except they are apparently offensive to you.

Sounds to me like you’ve forgotten he is 15 and are expecting an adult thought process.

Sceptre86 · 25/01/2021 19:04

15 is a bratty age bit you called him out on it and good for you. Keep doing so. He doesn't get to behave that way with you just because you are his mum. Keep correcting him when he acts like an idiot.

ChimaeraEgg · 25/01/2021 19:07

Sounds to me like you’ve forgotten he is 15 and are expecting an adult thought process.

I don't think expecting your 15 year old son not to call you a fucking bitch is unreasonable.

Most teenagers think themselves superior. It is insufferable but normal.

I don't think aggressive swearing at your mother is normal or should be accepted.

tommyhoundmum · 25/01/2021 19:19

I am a single guardian to a 17 year old.

I find she likes all the ballads I loved at 13 and 14. However, when she plays rap interspersed with songs from the sound of music, that sounds odd.

Torvean32 · 25/01/2021 19:47

Teenager's know it all and have seen it all . Get a red carpet outside his room.

Forgottenwhatsleepis · 25/01/2021 19:51

Boys definitely think they know it all more than girls, and show it! Girls just think it, but have enough restraint to not actually say it to their parents 🤣 i remember my cousin at 15/16 acting lime he knew it all and all the adults around him knew nothing, my younger brother was the same at the same age, and now my own sons did at the same age! They do grow out of it, honestly!

VestaTilley · 25/01/2021 19:59

YANBU. I’m not yet the mother of a teen so I don’t know what’s reasonable to chastise and what is better just to let go (my DS is a toddler), but it may be worth finding your moment and talking to your DC and telling them to either speak to you with respect, or not at all.

It’s a hormonal time and children are struggling with the pandemic, but that is no excuse to talk to your parents as though they’re a piece of dirt. Dock pocket money and privileges until he can adopt a civilised tone of voice.

TramaDollface · 25/01/2021 20:50

Your problem was not slapping him down the first time he was like that.

He sounds obnoxious, sorry.

DenisetheMenace · 25/01/2021 20:55

Forgottenwhatsleepis

Boys definitely think they know it all more than girls, and show it! Girls just think it, but have enough restraint to not actually say it to their parents 🤣”

Not in our household, unfortunately! Big sister was MUCH worse 🥴

Eeeemac · 25/01/2021 21:05

In any other post on here, where a male called a female a 'fucking bitch' it would be soundly called out as abuse.

Introduce the terms mum and son or daughter into the narrative and all sorts of excuses will appear, including, very often the misogyny of mum blaming.

It is not ok for teenagers to abuse their parents.

RootyT00t · 25/01/2021 21:07

@Eeeemac

In any other post on here, where a male called a female a 'fucking bitch' it would be soundly called out as abuse.

Introduce the terms mum and son or daughter into the narrative and all sorts of excuses will appear, including, very often the misogyny of mum blaming.

It is not ok for teenagers to abuse their parents.

👏
Lweji · 25/01/2021 21:32

@TramaDollface

Your problem was not slapping him down the first time he was like that.

He sounds obnoxious, sorry.

Great parenting tip.

If it gets to the point of them swearing at us and us choosing to slap them, then it's time for a big rethink of our parenting.

MummyMayo1988 · 25/01/2021 21:40

I get this exact same thing with my DS and he's only 11! He always seems genuinely surprised when I know things.
I really loved history as a teenager. Also loved ready period/fact based dramas. Still do. During the first lockdown we learned a little about the Tudors. He was soo shocked that I could list all these facts and seemed to know a lot about it.
I totally get that I am probably just "mum" to him but sometimes I wonder if he thinks I'm stupid because I'm a SAHM. Like there is no job I could possibly do because I've always been at home.
Thankfully he loves a good discussion and history too so we have these great big long talks about any given subject that pops into his head. Sometimes I know about it; other times I get on Google and find out about it. He is soo full of questions - "what exactly is mummification?" - "Why did Henry NEED so many wives?" - "If the Titanic was soo big; why didn't it just crash through the iceberg?"
I dare say his attitude will change over the years; for now tho I'm just happy he's interested and polite (enough) about it.

You definitely did the right thing tho OP - a clip round the ear never hurt anyone! Grin

nannykatherine · 25/01/2021 21:46

Yes you need to me sort him out ASAP before he turns into an obnoxious little twat who treats his wife like that too

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 25/01/2021 21:50

My dd aged 14 has decided that she knows all about trans rights and has tried to explain it to me. She’s not knowledgeable enough to present a coherent argument and I’m not knowledgeable enough on the subject to articulate why I think it’s not always a good idea for men to pretend to be women. We’re going round in circles because she will not back down and admit that I might have a point. It’s exhausting.

HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake · 25/01/2021 22:26

I'm kind of amazed at this thread.

The OP said she shouted "Don't look down your fucking nose at me! You don't fucking know everything! Did you know [whatever]? No, exactly! Did you know [whatever]? No! Well I did! So there!"

And most of the replies are saying she did the right thing? Good on her? If a woman came on here saying her husband spoke to their daughter that way, everyone would be saying LTB he's abusive.

OP sounds more like a stroppy teenager than the stroppy teenager.

Mamanyt · 25/01/2021 23:08

When he gets over his snit, and he will, think of a few that he might not have heard of, but would like. Try to make this something that the two of you can discuss and share.

But, yeah, they are all horrid at that age, and think we were never young, never did anything at all but get married and have kids. They outgrow it. He'll be a delight by the time he's 25 or so.

MaLarkinn · 25/01/2021 23:13

my boss recently found out i have a piano in my house as it was getting tuned and tuner rang me while i was at work. his face when he looked at me and said, you have a piano at home. he probably went out that evening and bought one!

Macncheeseballs · 25/01/2021 23:14

They certainly are not all horrible at that age, completely disagree

MrDarcysMa · 25/01/2021 23:21

@HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake

I'm kind of amazed at this thread.

The OP said she shouted "Don't look down your fucking nose at me! You don't fucking know everything! Did you know [whatever]? No, exactly! Did you know [whatever]? No! Well I did! So there!"

And most of the replies are saying she did the right thing? Good on her? If a woman came on here saying her husband spoke to their daughter that way, everyone would be saying LTB he's abusive.

OP sounds more like a stroppy teenager than the stroppy teenager.

Erm. No. He called his mother a 'fucking bitch'. That's abusive. He needs a reality check and to know he can't speak to women like that.
HippoOnMyRoofEatingCake · 25/01/2021 23:26

Erm. No. He called his mother a 'fucking bitch'. That's abusive. He needs a reality check and to know he can't speak to women like that

Oh right, I hadn't seen that update. Was just going by the OP and her first 3-4 replies, in which she somehow completely failed to mention that huge part of the argument 🤷‍♀️.

Anyway even if it's true, kind of proves the point doesn't it. Kids learn from their parents. If you shout and swear at them, it's not really a surprise when they shout and swear back. I guess it's possible this is the first time OP's EVER done that and it was solely a reaction to this awful behaviour by her son, but I wouldn't put any money on it.

CecilyP · 26/01/2021 00:11

No, you’re right, hippo. Upthread, in response to a poster who queried the swearing, OP said the following;

And FYI we are sweary family. So the "usual" swear words are not offensive to us. If they are to you, then thats your issue.