To wonder why men don't seem to feel "mum guilt"?

[giantwaterbottle]

I don't mean this to be a man bashing thread, I've just been thinking about the above.

DH is a good dad and he puts in as much time with the kids as me, he's done half of the majority of things although I do more hands on as he works and I am on maternity (or if not have worked part time).

Every night I go to bed and think of all the things I did wrong/wish I hadn't shouted/been cross etc/feel guilty for not doing more crafts etc etc.

I also constantly worry about their development and if I'm doing things wrong/doing enough.

I spoke to DH about this last night and he said he occasionally thinks like that but rarely.

I just don't understand!!! Also he gets frustrated with them more than I do, so I don't understand how he doesn't seem to second guess himself.

I've spoken to friends about this and their DH's seem to be the same.

So why don't men feel this?

My OH does.

He finds certain aspects of parenting a little more difficult to cope with. He has less patience. So when he shouts, he feels very guilty and thinks about it quite alot.

I'd say he feels more guilt than I do. I do feel it but I can rationalise it. He seems to let the guilt eat him up a bit more.

@TaraRhu I think you've just summed mine up for me 🤣
I was the same when pregnant with my second and my husband completely took over with toddler DS.
I felt guilty and like a bad mother/wife even though my husband would never complain told me that was ridiculous and that he was also the parent!

He also works from home so does almost 50/50 parenting as well as working. I feel like I can't complain with the other mums about it being hard (even though o find it hard) as I get so much help.

Depends on your circle. In my work plenty parents (mums & dads) no guilt
Also I’m still working,in fact a lot more,and it’s my dp who’s working at home
He’s home,I’m out and no one is neglected. No one is guilty

I’ve had the barbed comments from the school gate cabal. the PTA witches
Such a shame you can’t come to x event...bet you feel rotten?
Err not really no. Why is your dp not coming?
Oh heavens he’s terribly busy at work!
Same as me then...

@giantwaterbottle I also waver between getting cross with others who accept their partners doing nothing to help and then act like martyrs... and the thinking I'm a spoiled Madam who treats her husband like a slave....

My husband is putting my son to bed. I've been playing with him uncomfortably on the floor for the last 1.5 hours. My back hurts and the baby is kicking me like mad . I'm really tired. Yet I feel guilty for having a break.# mum guilt

I have never felt guilty for not doing any crafts, no.
Maybe OP is asking why men seem to not psycho analyse parenting as much. That I can see, I'm constantly proactively 'strategizing' about DC behaviour and our bribes/threats/techniques whereas hes more a shrug, silent about it, 'shout at kids when they dont do as told' type person.