About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

Not only that but the second feiend was already dropping off books, presumaby for free.
Free shopping on top definitely is taking the piss.

@MozzchopsThirty

'Of course you should pay'

That's not the point of the thread, I absolutely would offer and pay (which I have done)

My point is I wouldn't ask for £4 from a friend, for anything, a drink, a taxi, popcorn
That's what being a friend is about but obvs I'm in the minority

I think the point here is that it is different to buying someone a drink and going 'oh just get me one next time' which most people would do...this doesn't really apply in this scenario.

As someone else said, the favour is them going into a shop, out of their way, and risking interactions in order to get you something. Now, fo course its completely normal to do that for friends and they're not going overly out of their way (just clarifying before you try and hyperbole that as well and go 'oh so I should be SO grateful for them risking their lives for me'.. again, noone is saying that). however, that is still the favour, so they don;t need to do you another one by paying for it also.

The etiquette is different from drinks-owing in normal times.

If anything, I would say the polite etiquette would be to tell to feel free to get themselves a little treat while they're at it and to give you the receipt- their choc bar is on you too! But hey ho, seems like you enjoy feeling smug about being he good friend who wouldn't ask for money back, so just pointing out that there is actually a level up of 'nice' that you should probably have done

I've no doubt that, had OP offered to pay, the friends would have said "no, you're alright". Everything in this tale suggests that these friend have shouted more than their fair share of drinks / cabs etc and that's precisely why they're asking for such small sums.

They were doing you a lovely favour and their time was for free. I would pay even if it was £2 for milk!

Sorry but I wouldn't count you as a friend if you expected freebies. You should pay your own bills seriously they are doing you a favour by going shopping for you. If you dont want to pay don't ask them to go.

Whether you'd ask or not you can't expect everyone to be able to do that. They may not have the ability to spare even £4 but still what to help where they can. I'd do the same if I was able to spare and sta it didn't matter but that's your choice not an expectation, but I'd always offer money for those who have been shopping for me even if it was 50p, you don't know their own situation even if you think you may. I don't even tell my closest friend if I'm struggling with money. But I'd still do my best to help them. I've done errands for people while I'm homeless without them even knowing about my situation. I wouldn't want to explain to someone that I can't afford to pay their £4 shop because I'm hungry myself or have kids to feed, rent to pay etc but it wouldn't stop me offering to help with you been unable to go out. With the current pandemic a lot of people are struggling and even without the current situation. Expecting them to say "forget it" whether you say you aren't expecting freebies is exactly that. You are basically expecting them to offer to pay for your shopping whether you intend to accept or not. This would put those who can't afford it at a disadvantage. Personally what you describe there is multiple friends going for small shops as if you want them to come and say "oh it doesn't matter" I wouldn't be asking different people to deliver food if I was isolating I'd order online in a biggish order or ask one individual to shop and I'd pay every penny in fact I'm the opposite if someone goes to the shop for me I round it up tell them to keep the change. £4 alone can buy a few solid meals for someone who is genuinely struggling.

When people go for me I get bank details and put money in before they go. I wouldn't expect anyone to say oh no don't worry /buy a drink etc. And if I went for someone I'd expect money back as well.. How do you know they're not well off or struggling for money. That 4 quid could be several meals to them

What the hell. They shouldn't have to ask you for the money - you should be offering

These replies are so strange, in my world you would never ask for £4. You of course offer to pay but your friend would say “buy me a drink, or your got lunch last time” maybe it’s a money thing? If you’re not struggling you don’t worry about things like this?

I’ll put hard hat on as Mn is so weird about money.

The simple fact that the OP started a thread about it, and that the friends both had to make a point about leaving the receipts in the bag make it sound like there's a very good reason why they asked!

good for them. More posters with CF friends stories should do the same.

@Playnoh

These replies are so strange, in my world you would never ask for £4. You of course offer to pay but your friend would say “buy me a drink, or your got lunch last time” maybe it’s a money thing? If you’re not struggling you don’t worry about things like this?

I’ll put hard hat on as Mn is so weird about money.

Think we’d all be waiting a while for the drinks or lunch, given everything is shut!

@Playnoh

These replies are so strange, in my world you would never ask for £4. You of course offer to pay but your friend would say “buy me a drink, or your got lunch last time” maybe it’s a money thing? If you’re not struggling you don’t worry about things like this?

I’ll put hard hat on as Mn is so weird about money.

Your world is utterly irrelevant @Playnoh. The question isn't what you would do. Or even what the OP (who's vanished!) would do. The question is: is it unreasonable to ask for reimbursement if you've been shopping for somebody else? The answer: no, it's not unreasonable to ask for reimbursement. That's all there is to it.

It's entirely up to the shopper to decide whether to waive payment. They are reasonable to ask for payment if they don't want to waive it. Totally their choice.

@NoWordForFluffy

Love the italics, I can really hear the distain in your voice.

Good.

@NoWordForFluffy

Haha so glad to have ruffled your feathers.

By the way, your opinion on this (which is all your post is opinion, not fact) is also utterly irrelevant. Have a wonderful day.

[quote Playnoh]@NoWordForFluffy

Haha so glad to have ruffled your feathers.

By the way, your opinion on this (which is all your post is opinion, not fact) is also utterly irrelevant. Have a wonderful day.[/quote]
Fluffy’s opinion is the decent one. The good thing is, it also highlights just how many CF friends are really out there.

There is a big difference between waving away payment if you’re in a position to do so, compared to thinking that a friend should automatically waive payment for you.

[quote Playnoh]@NoWordForFluffy

Haha so glad to have ruffled your feathers.

By the way, your opinion on this (which is all your post is opinion, not fact) is also utterly irrelevant. Have a wonderful day.[/quote]
You've not ruffled my feathers. I now know that you're also a CF friend, however.

I also said I would most likely waive it, by the way. That doesn't make the OP any less unreasonable for expecting a waive, rather than understanding that the default position is to pay.

I may be missing the point of the thread completely but isnt everyone's opinion relevant if AIBU is asked

@NoWordForFluffy

You know nothing of the sort, you think I am, but thinking and knowing are two different things.

I always offer to pay also, and my friends never accept and neither do I accept when they offer to pay. This thread just makes me feel grateful for the position I’m in in life.

I personally think it also comes down to the relationship between the OP and the person who was delivering the goods and other factors we may not be privy to (financial situation, OP's past habits etc).

I still firmly believe that she should NOT have gotten upset because "the receipt was in the bag". Screams entitlement and is totally unreasonable and unfounded as she WOULD HAVE BLOODY WELL HAD TO PAY FOR THE STUFF IN THE SHOP, (regardless of the amount!!!!) should she have been in the position to go herself. I see it as plain and simple as that.

I do however totally get the sentiment of the "how much do I owe you" & "nah, don't worry about it" scenario from PPs, we've probably all done it but I feel this wasn't one of those situations. So it's ultimately wrong that she got offended / questioned the situation. Shows that now she's disappeared too....

YES I AM SHOUTING!

Honestly I can't believe anyone here is supporting the view that the OP has a right to expect the buyer to waive the payment. You wouldn't go into a shop and have the shop keeper say "Oh it's only £4, forget it" every time you shopped. Even if you know them. My sister owns a pub it doesn't mean I expect free drinks or meals. They are trying to survive. This post is clearly about entitlement. It echos I have enough money to expect other people to waive what I owe them. Why don't you ring your credit card company or bank and ask them why they had the audacity to send their bills. Or even your landlord, electric company etc. Come into the real world. This has nothing to do with whether you would waive that payment. Good for you if you will or are able too. But not everyone is a Karen in this life. Not everyone is able to waive what you owe however small it is. I'm so pleased I don't have friends like you. If I did you wouldn't be one any longer. You clearly think so little of your friends who have offered you help as it is that you can't recognise they are doing something nice to help you and you have no right to take advantage of that.

"Even if you know them. My sister owns a pub it doesn't mean I expect free drinks or meals. They are trying to survive. "

But if you went to her house, would you expect her to charge you? Ant not everyone is just trying to survive. OP probably knows her friends' economic situation better than you and she may know that they can spare £4.

The key difference here I think is that friends were offering "delivery of required shopping" whereas OP thought offer meant "payment of AND delivery of required shopping"

I guess OP grew up on another planet though.

OMG Are you by any chance the person I just tried to help for the last time, your story sounds so similar. If not I feel for your friend. I mean just because you work for NHS and are a single parent doesn't give you the right to expect someone to pay for your food.
The lady I just shopped for asked for something similar to what you mentioned. Then when I told her where the receipt was she looked at me like I had trodden something foul on her new fur rug. Yet this individual would be the first person to demand people pay their share if she had to fork out. As she has another occasions trying to organise things nobody wanted to do anyway despite people being clear it's not their thing.
My ex-friend would do exactly what you did. Someone further up said it sounded like you were requesting small amounts from different people so you could expect it free, this is exactly what she has done lately, all her friends are discussing it via a social media post, they find her appalling, I find it so ironic that your just like her that's if your not her. I was one of many who feel this individual scammed them. She has fb posts saying she can't get out to get stuff because of Covid 19 yet has had supermarket deliveries two or three times a week and when you offer help she only needs a little then doesn't even come to door with the money or attempt to offer to pay. (Maybe it's not you seen as you claim you had offered) Yet as a single person in a keyworker role you would think she had the decency to realise that not everyone is earning full wage and regardless of whether they are you have no god given right to their money. I can honestly say I feel sorry for the fact that my ex- friend has lost so many friends in the course of a day because she thought it was a cheaper option to ask friends to buy her a few small titbits rather than do her a full shop because she would find it harder to get away with expecting friends to pay for her shopping. Ironically when all her friends and some of her family have worked out what she has asked each person for it worked out to be a full shop anyway. Which she should be paying for. It may well be that you aren't her, I sincerely hope there aren't two CF's in the world like you but sadly I know that may not be the case. But if it is by any chance you, can I just clarify 5 out of the 11 of us we are aware of are still waiting for our money, which are as follows £2.75, £3.52, £4,£5.99 and £7.30 which adds up to £23.56 and if unpaid we will pursue you. Sadly 2 of the group fell for the scam and did tell her she could forget it more because they were put on the spot and made to feel bad about it. So she has already had some freebies. Oh regarding the AIBU question the fact your posting this says you know you are and maybe just want some new CF friends.

Oooooh. fetches popcorn

Sorry for being flippant.@Bekstar
I'd be furious in your shoes too