About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

[willstarttomorrow]

Very late to this thread and it has obviously moved on but surely it is about an individual's mindset? It is like all the threads about splitting bills/contributing to shared Christmas meals etc. Or people for whom gift giving is about spending equivalent amounts. I would not dream of asking for £4, even if I was a few days before payday and had emptied my account. Lots of my friends are the same. However some are different and very much about every pound so 'This is what I owe/this is what you owe 'way. Some are struggling, some not- just their mentality.

I personally find lack of generousity in people very unattractive however respect people who prefer to pay their way and others just pay theirs. It is those who are happy to accept the 'odd drink' or happily receive others hospitality without recuperating. They wind even the most generous people up.

Just to add, on a personal note, I have somehow become responsible for birthdays at work. Not an issue in that I like finding presents people like and everyone agreed to a small set contribution so everyone gets a present. Always one or two I need to chase- money not an issue for them but it is pretty soul destroying to chase £4. I may be one of the few on the highest payscale but I am also the only lone parent so probably on the lowest overall household income. It just becomes about the principal really.

[BonnieDundee]

I hope you enjoy your night out when it eventually happens

[Bekstar]

@BonnieDundee sorry popcorns out I'm still waiting for her to pay for hers and now I'm skint.
Maybe it is her because I've suddenly been blocked on FB.
But no sweat I'm happy because due to one CF I've become close to 10 more people some of who were already friends but many now ex-friend and family of hers who have been ripped off too. Now we are planning a post Covid get together without the Drama queen dictating where we go and what we pay. All's well that ends well in my case. It's maybe worth the loss of that money to see someone for who they truly are.

[PurpleDaisies]

@slowdriver

It depends on how well off your friends are.If they can easily afford to buy you shopping and you cannot do it yourself because you have COViD, then they could just buy you stuff and worry about the money some other time, if ever. On the other hand if your friends are skint then they are not being unreasonable to ask for repayment.

It’s irrelevant how rich they are. You can’t just expect your rich friends to buy you stuff.

[slowdriver]

It depends on how well off your friends are.If they can easily afford to buy you shopping and you cannot do it yourself because you have COViD, then they could just buy you stuff and worry about the money some other time, if ever. On the other hand if your friends are skint then they are not being unreasonable to ask for repayment.

[chaosrabbitland]

you do need to pay it back , if you dont than next time they wont help you out . my next door neighbour always helps me out , of i run out of coffee , sugar , tabacco ,she always lends me a little bit to tide me thru , so when she ask for something i always help back too , i would never say no to her . it will put a strain on your friendships if you just hope they forget about it and you dont pay them

[S0CKS]

My siblings my family probably not, friends I possibly would not if they was particularly close but if it was just a 'let me know if you need anything' then I would expect to be offered I would probably say no but if not offered damn right I want my money back.

[MiddlesexGirl]

I wouldn't have asked. But I would have expected to pay.
I suspect if you'd phrased the OP .... I didn't ask my friend for £4 for the shopping I bought her when I was self-isolating and my DP says I should have.... you would have got mostly.... your DP is a tightwad - LTB.

[BonnieDundee]

Perhaps your friends are broke? If not then yes they are stingy.

Its not stingy to ask for money you are owed. Its stingy to expect your friends to pay for your shopping

She's surprised that she was asked for the money when she wouldn't ask herself, that's all. She's still paying the money.

If you read the OP she is annoyed at.being expected to pay for her own shopping that she asked.for

[fairydust11]

Op, why should they pay?
It’s kind of them to even offer to go the shop for you.
I would’ve offered to pay before being asked, but that’s maybe just me.
Being a single parent nhs worker has nothing to do with it. Pay your own way in life.
In my opinion Yabu

[Gwenhwyfar]

@BonnieDundee

No *@gwenhwfar* but she is seriously pissed off that she is expected to pay for HER OWN SHOPPING. You dont get much more CF than that although Mexican House Thief Thief definitely was cheekier

She's surprised that she was asked for the money when she wouldn't ask herself, that's all. She's still paying the money.

[Skysblue]

Seems weird to me OP. When my friends had OP I was happy to dropoff stuff (including gifts to keep kids busy etc) and it never crossed my mind to ask for money.

Perhaps your friends are broke? If not then yes they are stingy.

[BonnieDundee]

No @gwenhwfar but she is seriously pissed off that she is expected to pay for HER OWN SHOPPING. You dont get much more CF than that although Mexican House Thief Thief definitely was cheekier

[Lweji]

(Maybe it's not you seen as you claim you had offered)

The OP doesn't claim such thing. She says she didn't get the chance to...

[Gwenhwyfar]

"It doesn't matter if she knows her friend can afford to spare £4. She owes £4 and doesnt get to unilaterally decide she doesn't have to pay it back."

She hasn't refused to pay it though, has she? That's not what the thread is at all.

[Gwenhwyfar]

" if she had gone to the shop for me then yes regardless as to whether I was at her home or pub"

Do we know if the friends went to the shop just for OP or if they were going to the shop anyway?

[BonnieDundee]

But if you went to her house, would you expect her to charge you? Ant not everyone is just trying to survive. OP probably knows her friends' economic situation better than you and she may know that they can spare £4.

It doesn't matter if she knows her friend can afford to spare £4. She owes £4 and doesnt get to unilaterally decide she doesn't have to pay it back.

Its absolutely fine if.friend says dont worry but to ask someone to buy you something.and.be offended that you have to pay for it, she's got more front than Blackpool

[Brockaslass]

@ 17:41Gwenhwyfar if she had gone to the shop for me then yes regardless as to whether I was at her home or pub I'd still expect her pay her for what was spent and for the benefit of the (knowing her friends situation better) my sister is still better off than me by far, but with has nothing to do with it. It's just pure cheek.
If I was at her home for a get together etc I'd make an offer to bring food etc or contribute some way. As would she. If it was a coffee then fair enough I would offer her the same at my house. But realistically that's not we are talking about. We are talking about her asking for help shopping. Not an offer of a cuppa in the home. We are talking about someone saying "please go to the shop for me but realistically I don't want to pay"

[BonnieDundee]

Oooooh. fetches popcorn

Sorry for being flippant.@Bekstar
I'd be furious in your shoes too

[Bekstar]

OMG Are you by any chance the person I just tried to help for the last time, your story sounds so similar. If not I feel for your friend. I mean just because you work for NHS and are a single parent doesn't give you the right to expect someone to pay for your food.
The lady I just shopped for asked for something similar to what you mentioned. Then when I told her where the receipt was she looked at me like I had trodden something foul on her new fur rug. Yet this individual would be the first person to demand people pay their share if she had to fork out. As she has another occasions trying to organise things nobody wanted to do anyway despite people being clear it's not their thing.
My ex-friend would do exactly what you did. Someone further up said it sounded like you were requesting small amounts from different people so you could expect it free, this is exactly what she has done lately, all her friends are discussing it via a social media post, they find her appalling, I find it so ironic that your just like her that's if your not her. I was one of many who feel this individual scammed them. She has fb posts saying she can't get out to get stuff because of Covid 19 yet has had supermarket deliveries two or three times a week and when you offer help she only needs a little then doesn't even come to door with the money or attempt to offer to pay. (Maybe it's not you seen as you claim you had offered) Yet as a single person in a keyworker role you would think she had the decency to realise that not everyone is earning full wage and regardless of whether they are you have no god given right to their money. I can honestly say I feel sorry for the fact that my ex- friend has lost so many friends in the course of a day because she thought it was a cheaper option to ask friends to buy her a few small titbits rather than do her a full shop because she would find it harder to get away with expecting friends to pay for her shopping. Ironically when all her friends and some of her family have worked out what she has asked each person for it worked out to be a full shop anyway. Which she should be paying for. It may well be that you aren't her, I sincerely hope there aren't two CF's in the world like you but sadly I know that may not be the case. But if it is by any chance you, can I just clarify 5 out of the 11 of us we are aware of are still waiting for our money, which are as follows £2.75, £3.52, £4,£5.99 and £7.30 which adds up to £23.56 and if unpaid we will pursue you. Sadly 2 of the group fell for the scam and did tell her she could forget it more because they were put on the spot and made to feel bad about it. So she has already had some freebies. Oh regarding the AIBU question the fact your posting this says you know you are and maybe just want some new CF friends.

[Agwen]

The key difference here I think is that friends were offering "delivery of required shopping" whereas OP thought offer meant "payment of AND delivery of required shopping"

I guess OP grew up on another planet though.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Even if you know them. My sister owns a pub it doesn't mean I expect free drinks or meals. They are trying to survive. "

But if you went to her house, would you expect her to charge you? Ant not everyone is just trying to survive. OP probably knows her friends' economic situation better than you and she may know that they can spare £4.

[Brockaslass]

Honestly I can't believe anyone here is supporting the view that the OP has a right to expect the buyer to waive the payment. You wouldn't go into a shop and have the shop keeper say "Oh it's only £4, forget it" every time you shopped. Even if you know them. My sister owns a pub it doesn't mean I expect free drinks or meals. They are trying to survive. This post is clearly about entitlement. It echos I have enough money to expect other people to waive what I owe them. Why don't you ring your credit card company or bank and ask them why they had the audacity to send their bills. Or even your landlord, electric company etc. Come into the real world. This has nothing to do with whether you would waive that payment. Good for you if you will or are able too. But not everyone is a Karen in this life. Not everyone is able to waive what you owe however small it is. I'm so pleased I don't have friends like you. If I did you wouldn't be one any longer. You clearly think so little of your friends who have offered you help as it is that you can't recognise they are doing something nice to help you and you have no right to take advantage of that.

[PenguinsandIcicles]

I personally think it also comes down to the relationship between the OP and the person who was delivering the goods and other factors we may not be privy to (financial situation, OP's past habits etc).

I still firmly believe that she should NOT have gotten upset because "the receipt was in the bag". Screams entitlement and is totally unreasonable and unfounded as she WOULD HAVE BLOODY WELL HAD TO PAY FOR THE STUFF IN THE SHOP, (regardless of the amount!!!!) should she have been in the position to go herself. I see it as plain and simple as that.

I do however totally get the sentiment of the "how much do I owe you" & "nah, don't worry about it" scenario from PPs, we've probably all done it but I feel this wasn't one of those situations. So it's ultimately wrong that she got offended / questioned the situation. Shows that now she's disappeared too....

YES I AM SHOUTING!

[Playnoh]

@NoWordForFluffy

You know nothing of the sort, you think I am, but thinking and knowing are two different things.

I always offer to pay also, and my friends never accept and neither do I accept when they offer to pay. This thread just makes me feel grateful for the position I’m in in life.