About friends buying goods during covid?

[MozzchopsThirty]

I've had covid for over a week now, been in with 3 dcs, 2 of whom have also tested positive

A few friends have said 'if you need anything just let me know' and I've asked for a few bits.

My friend bought me £6 worth of stuff and said 'the receipt is in the bag can you put it in my account'
My other friend called over last night and I asked if she could bring some crisps & popcorn and she also said it was about £4 the receipt is in the bag

I'm just wondering AIBU to think that dropping £4-£6 worth of shopping off I wouldn't ask for that back off a friend (and I'm not well off, single parent nhs worker)
If it was a £20 shop upwards that would be different

Maybe I'm wrong, AIBU?

This thread is strangely addictive.

I don't know that OP is being grabby here, actually. Some people are raised to think it's rude to ask friends to repay small amounts of money and what is "small" varies hugely. I definitely had it in my head in my 20s that you should never ask for money for small things you have bought, eg under a fiver - so very like the OP - because if friends are both treating each other it balances out. Also, that it was rude to quibble over meal bills (and so I regularly paid £10+ over the odds because the bill was split evenly between say 10 people but I personally don't drink alcohol for example). I also would join in rounds even if I was only having coke or water.

The last two particularly seem absolutely ridiculous to me now and I am embarrassed at how often I subsidised other people who I often barely knew at my own expense. I am also a bit more cautious about how and when I treat friends because it is a fact that very few of my friends operated the same rules, and you know what? They were right. Treats should be treats - well thought out and justified by the occasion. Otherwise you're not treating, you're just paying for stuff that you won't use for no reason. I now think it is better to just assume that everyone will pay their fair share. I do now ask for alcohol to be taken off the bill before my share is calculated if I didn't have any of it and I don't join in boozy rounds if I am not drinking - I say I will get my own. If you can afford it, you can treat friends if that makes you happy, but you can't expect that they will do the same for you. I sympathize with the OP who has obviously digested the same weirdo rules that I did but it is now time to ditch them for her own sake. The treat, if you like, is in having someone go out and get the stuff for you; they shouldn't feel they have to pay for the stuff as well.

Hopefully, OP, you'll come away from this thread knowing that it is OK to just ask people to repay you for stuff!

I would be mortified if a friend rounded up to tip me for going to the shops for them, though - just what I've spent, seriously, keep it simple

@MozzchopsThirty

'Of course you should pay'

That's not the point of the thread, I absolutely would offer and pay (which I have done)

My point is I wouldn't ask for £4 from a friend, for anything, a drink, a taxi, popcorn
That's what being a friend is about but obvs I'm in the minority

Being a friend is about being there for each other. They are doing just that IMO. For someone who is not "well off" I'm surprised to see you'd be happy to pop around to your friends delivering bits of their shopping, not expecting to be paid. I might call on you!! 🤣🤣🤣

@NoWordForFluffy

And then someone else further up thread with the £20 limit and widening network of friends so that anything under £20 is essentially a free shop.

I took the initial post as a joke about the £20 limit and my response was a joke in return, @Furries. Which was pretty obvious when read in conjunction with my other posts on here!

Definitely wasn’t aimed at you, your posts have been blooming sensible! TBF, I hadn’t clocked the one you responded to was a joke - after some of the responses on here I wouldn’t have been surprised!

@gluteustothemaximus

And then someone else further up thread with the £20 limit and widening network of friends so that anything under £20 is essentially a free shop.

THIS WAS A JOKE

Sorry! TBF, I read it last night and didn’t post until today - my bad. I think I’d got to the stage of believing anything by that point given some of the responses.

My sense of humour is normally pretty good 😬😃

Why do you think you're entitled to free stuff just because you're ill?

what's tiresome is people who post AIBU questions and then have 30 odd pages of replies which they blast down and Get defensive about. You don't want to k ow if YABU, you want MNetters to agree with you.

And IMO:
I'm not bitching - you are, according to the Cambridge dictionary
I'm not expecting free stuff - you clearly were, regardless of the fact that you offered to pay and did. You didn't expect to though. You expected it for free
I'm not a cheeky fucker - OK. You may not be but you certainly come across as one
I've paid for everything - that's not the issue but it's what you're hosing to focus on. You did pay because you couldn't not pay
I don't think I'm special because I work in the nhs - why mention it?

I think the utter batshittery has got to all of us, @Furries!

@NoWordForFluffy - 🦇😂🦇

My lovely neighbour keeps asking if I need anything when she is off to shops. If I do she always says it doesn't matter as it's only a couple of quid and pops said item on my doorstep. I put money through her letter box and text her. If I didn't I could never say yes again.

I’m so sorry for the ghastly kicking you’re getting, especially when you’re probably feeling lousy and sorry for yourself. Reading these replies has made me feel rather tearful, as it’s such a procession of vicious, mean spirited, deliberate misunderstanding. I know these pile ons happen sometimes, and you’ll get totally opposite reactions one day to the next, but this is one of the worst I’ve seen. I almost never post these days, but just felt the need to reach out. I read that you’re feeling ill and sorry for yourself, you’re a single parent working in the overstretched NHS, and the prompt demand for payment made you feel a little unloved! It takes away your opportunity to say “how much do I owe you” too, and yes, I wouldn’t dream of charging a friend in these circumstances - I’d be adding soup and fruit and chocolate, because I want to treat you, because you’re my poorly mate, and you don’t have a partner in the house to help you. You’ve come across as warm and generous here, and very mildly miffed that you others aren’t doing unto you and you’d do unto them! I think you sound a lovely person; you also sound reasonably robust, so I hope this hasn’t made you more miserable. Perhaps the excuse for some of the sewerage that’s poured into this thread is that everyone’s a little fed up, but it’s still disappointing that, after Trumpism and Covid misinformation, people still can’t engage brain before posting. The alternative, that they do want to hurt a single parent NHS worker currently unwell with Covid (symptoms include feeling miserable), is rather worse to contemplate. You were at no point saying you wouldn’t be willing to pay; you were surprised that your friends weren’t behaving with the same generosity you’d offer yourself. I’d also imagine you know your friends better than these online piranhas, and would take their financial situations into account. Perhaps this thread got slightly less weird and awful after the first few pages, but I couldn’t face it! Maybe you just chose a bad day to post. I’d rather be friends with you that most of the rest of this lot. Get well soon!

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Well said @HiCockalorum. I think OP has probably hidden the thread and been around long enough to know this happens sometimes, but it's very poor and totally unnecessary.

Yabvvvvu

@Chocolatewins

Well said *@HiCockalorum*. I think OP has probably hidden the thread and been around long enough to know this happens sometimes, but it's very poor and totally unnecessary.

There are a cohort of bored bullies on this forum. I'm sure they sit there refreshing the AIBU section waiting to pounce on their next victim. Sad really.

@HiCockalorum

I’m so sorry for the ghastly kicking you’re getting, especially when you’re probably feeling lousy and sorry for yourself. Reading these replies has made me feel rather tearful, as it’s such a procession of vicious, mean spirited, deliberate misunderstanding. I know these pile ons happen sometimes, and you’ll get totally opposite reactions one day to the next, but this is one of the worst I’ve seen. I almost never post these days, but just felt the need to reach out. I read that you’re feeling ill and sorry for yourself, you’re a single parent working in the overstretched NHS, and the prompt demand for payment made you feel a little unloved! It takes away your opportunity to say “how much do I owe you” too, and yes, I wouldn’t dream of charging a friend in these circumstances - I’d be adding soup and fruit and chocolate, because I want to treat you, because you’re my poorly mate, and you don’t have a partner in the house to help you. You’ve come across as warm and generous here, and very mildly miffed that you others aren’t doing unto you and you’d do unto them! I think you sound a lovely person; you also sound reasonably robust, so I hope this hasn’t made you more miserable. Perhaps the excuse for some of the sewerage that’s poured into this thread is that everyone’s a little fed up, but it’s still disappointing that, after Trumpism and Covid misinformation, people still can’t engage brain before posting. The alternative, that they do want to hurt a single parent NHS worker currently unwell with Covid (symptoms include feeling miserable), is rather worse to contemplate. You were at no point saying you wouldn’t be willing to pay; you were surprised that your friends weren’t behaving with the same generosity you’d offer yourself. I’d also imagine you know your friends better than these online piranhas, and would take their financial situations into account. Perhaps this thread got slightly less weird and awful after the first few pages, but I couldn’t face it! Maybe you just chose a bad day to post. I’d rather be friends with you that most of the rest of this lot. Get well soon!

FML, irl I’m probably the biggest “sit on the fence” type person, but this thread is now getting totally unreal.

Good friends don’t get annoyed that a receipt was left in the bag - a good friend would pay said money without starting a thread. Equally, another good friend, if they had the means and funds may choose not to take any money if offered. These two scenarios aren’t mutually exclusive.

A good friend doesn’t start an AIBU thread re being asked to pay back the money!

YABU. You asked for it so absolutely you should pay. If they bought items on their own for you then it would be a gift. Also, why are you making them do a run for crisps and popcorn? Seems pretty frivolous and yes I would make you pay.

I would actually do the same just because it’s easier and if I could afford it I wouldn’t request the money back. However it would depend on the friend. That’s just me too. It could at least make someone feel better when isolating to get something for free. I’d Probably add a few treats in the bag too

It's irrelevant what you'd do, @Cakeandcoffeea. The question is whether it's wrong to ask for payment, which it isn't.

My bet is that if they hadn't put the receipt in the bag and mentioned it, OP actually wouldn't have asked how much it was as she would have assumed it was free. Which is why they told her to pay when they got there. I think the PP who've picked up on this already and called OP 'that' friend probably aren't far wide of the mark.

I’m not surprised that a small minority of people think they shouldn’t habe to pay if they ask a friend to pick up some shopping for them. I am surprised they are blatantly arguing that they shouldn’t have to pay and their friends should shell out for them.

I’ve picked up shopping many times for friends, it’s generally when on the way over it’s “can you stop and get some mixers, not sure I’ve got enough” that kind of thing, without fail it’s “cheers mate, how much do I owe you” and without fail I say “don’t be daft” and an argument ensues about taking the money,

I simoly can’t imagine not offering to pay, and being offended someone asked for the money for the shopping I requested they bought me. In what universe is that acceptable behaviour?

I simoly can’t imagine not offering to pay, and being offended someone asked for the money for the shopping I requested they bought me. In what universe is that acceptable behaviour?

The good news for us is that most of them are saying they don't want to be friends with the sensible type of person who thinks it's normal to - at the very least - offer to pay the money back (and mean it). Hurrah!

Op I would have been like at the popcorn & crisps request. I would have been expecting to be dropping off essential goods such as bread, milk, eggs, not popcorn & crisps .... hardly essentials are they?!

And as for you 'expecting' to have the non essentials for free ....

Some extreme cheeky fuckery going on here I'm afraid!

@NoWordForFluffyyou are absolutely right. I would also insist on paying a friend even if they told me no. Nothing should ever be expected for free

ARE YOU FOR REAL?????
They offered to help YOU, took the time to shop for YOU and drop it of for YOU and YOU think it should be for free!!!!!
YES YABVVVVVVU