Home-schooling pushed ex-Marine to "breaking point"

[Ori2021]

Has anyone else read this story on BBC news? Parents are victims of this pandemic too. The toll on parent's mental health is really bad; this article just highlights it. I don't know what could be done to support people like this man, and parents in general like me, but I find it amazing that parents have just been told "get on with it," and quite literally, flung under the bus. It's damaging people's relationships with their own children.

Good on this man for telling the truth about his experience. It is AWFUL trying to home-school, and work at the same time. Some people are managing well, and hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel but I do think the Govt. need to think of a way to recognise the daily struggle that parents and families and their children are facing.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-55723022

Agree to what @RickiTarr said, it's not that govt enjoys closing down schools, having 40% of staff in managing 70% of the students. It's tough I agree, n more for some than others but it's not something they created.

I'm a civil servant in a fairly senior role. I am also a single mother to primary school aged children.

The Department I work in has made it clear I am expected to do my (full time) job, as always. In fact I'm having more work piled on me - a new project just this week to add to the two existing large and time consuming ones. These projects are not life saving. They are not Covid related or NHS related. They're basically just business as usual. I doubt any member of the public would actually notice or care for a minute if they weren't done, or were done later than scheduled. But they have to carry on on the same timetable as ever, as though the pandemic & home schooling weren't happening.

Yet, despite the apparent vital need for me to work, I am not allowed to be a critical worker for the purpose of sending my kids to school. My Department has announced that none of their staff will be critical workers "to set an example". No matter how much work they actually have to do. (Nor can I be furloughed: I'd love to be.)

I got up at 5 this morning to deal with work. I was shaking so much with tiredness that I could barely read and felt sick. I'll do some more work later this evening. After a day of homeschooling my kids (the younger of whom has a mild learning difficulty). I have no idea how I will cope tomorrow. I have meetings scheduled for me with no thought of how this might fit in with home schooling or even feeding my kids (who needs a lunch break?). Pointless deadlines imposed. I'm just despairing. I don't know how to carry on.

Politicians, as far as I can see, do not give a flying fuck about the lives of children and parents.

What I do hope is that people will genuinely have a new respect for teachers. Yes, I know we have a degree and a teacher training course but well over half of the country are graduates and a teacher training course is only 9 months and cannot change your personality or ability to cope with the intense gruelling demands of the job minute to minute, year to year. And this is when parents are dealing with a) their own kids) b) on average 2 children as opposed to 30 c) the work is planned and set for them by an actual teacher

@nostaples I hear what you're saying and I'm sure in many cases parents experience this. However many of us are not just trying to assist children with their learning at home whilst holding down demanding full-time jobs. My experience is that the work we receive is set by a textbook and unfortunately we receive no engagement from an actual teacher.

@emptydreamer

I had an email hinting that social services would be interested if I don't ensure online attendance, when I asked for flexibility with online learning. Two KS1 children, lone parent, the other parent unwilling to engage, and I need to work. Not sure what to do, to be honest. Would social services prefer that I quit working, declare bankruptcy, default on my mortgage, move into temporary accommodation with zero chance to ever find a job in my area again due to adverse personal credit history? No, really, I am genuinely interested to hear what experienced people think, would that be more in my children's interests compared to missing a couple online PE lessons?

That's outrageous. As if ss have got time to investigate all the zoom skivers. It's preposterous to suggest it.

Also my own children are refusing about half the online lessons.

@andiamo72 I just wanted to express sympathy and solidarity. I left my SCS job a year ago and have been so thankful and felt so insanely lucky that I did. My new employer isn’t a beacon of good practice by any stretch but they are decent and human and at least trying to support staff through this period rather than treating people as a resource to be burned through.

I’ve no doubt that if I was in one of my old departments I’d be in your situation (god knows it may be the same one...) Being outside has been a real eye-opener.

I’m so so sorry that you’re in this situation. I wish I could send you more than platitudes on a screen.

I'm divorced from a Royal Marine and while I still worship the ground that him and his fellow soldiers walk on for keeping us safe, they are not the most mentally stable when out on Civvy Street. They've been broken and rebuilt into soldiers after undergoing nearly the world's harshest training, trying to teach a frustrated child without going all RSM? Even us mothers with our instinctive mother-gene find it difficult to home-school! He has my every sympathy bless him.

I feel sorry for babies and young toddlers - they are seeing no one externally, need the attention and people are trying to homeschool young kids. Babies/Toddlers are up around the same time as young kids, so can't fit them in by working late. Work? New role and have to quit straight away-financially screwed. I can't fit in ten hour work days and homeschool. Looking after the kids is a 14 hour day before the bare minimum of housework - quick cooking, dishwashing and laundry alone. Chuck homeschooling in for a YR and a Y1. We are breaking! Oh and to the PP who said "why have kids", I am lost for words - well I'm not, but I hate using the c-word.

I'm not surprised by this. A couple of my friends are really struggling. Whereas my 2 teenagers are fine and I haven't even been here, because I'm at work, so they just get on with it. Which I think is quite rare.

But if you had young toddlers, or ks1, ks2, I'd have gone spare by now.

This really isn't ok. Not that I'm imagining our stupid Government is going to save anyone!

The bottom line is that it's not possible to do two jobs (work & homeschool) plus the additional heightened parenting duties in a pandemic (supporting children who have lost their social networks, additional emotional support for their mental health etc).

It is simply not humanely possible to do this. The consequences of trying are clear all over the place: parents close to burn out, falling physically ill, marriages on the brink and terrible impact on children, particularly the poorest and most vulnerable.

The sooner this gets properly acknowledged by society, including the government, employers and some parents themselves the better for everyone.

I have a wonderful employer who has send me on fulltime furlough until schools reopen. And even on fulltime furlough it's a pretty hard slog with two primary school kids but at least it's actually possible to do without damaging my health. My situation should not be rare or privileged. Solutions like mine to this childcare and educational crisis should be available to everyone.

Sick and tired how parents and children- and working mothers in particular - are being thrown under the bus - AGAIN. We've been there before and should have learned the lessons by now.

Yes, I’m hanging on by a thread, like a lot of others. We both work from home and my work has increased over the pandemic. Homeschooling my KS1 during the day, who can’t do school work independently , do I need to catch up with work at night.
Very few of us are feeling ok right now.
Our school teacher is trying to balance teaching with kids in the classroom while preparing work for the ones at home. Some friends are single parents and working while home schooling, another has key worker provision but is a nurse that hasn’t had a break since March and feels at breaking point and traumatised.
I can’t wait for this awful time to be over. I feel hope when I see the vaccine ticker though and every day the number of people safer increases. This bit of hope keeps me going....but yes, like a lot of us, feeling very anxious and finding it difficult to cope 😞

@andiamo72

Gosh, that’s really shit. I really feel for you (and others on the thread) please look after yourself. It sounds like you’ve been pushed nearly to breaking point. Can you take today off sick?

I am also a CS and recognise a lot of what you say in my Department (except our dept encourages use of school and nursery places as key workers). Im pregnant with my first baby however so, whilst I’ve been battling all day and night sickness, fortunately not having to home school on top. I’ve found my workload has just exploded over the last 10 months - it was extreme before but now I could work 14 hours a day and still barely be on top of things. Covid and non COVID work.

@Sinful8

"I'm a civil servant in a fairly senior role.

These projects are not life saving. They are not Covid related or NHS related. They're basically just business as usual. I doubt any member of the public would actually notice or care for a minute if they weren't done,"

So you're job is literally to do "busy work" on the public shilling?

Could we not just fire you/your department if this qork doesn't actually need doing?

Thats not fair at all. There are all sorts of jobs and roles that might not be "essential" in terms of life saving or covid related but that still matter in the day to day improvement of life. Otherwise you will get people desperately trying to claim their jobs/businesses are critical and they are keyworkers just because otherwise they might be considered expendable when life goes back to normal. "Key work" isnt the only work that matters (though maybe it matters more in a pandemic).

Why are people “losing it” with their kids? That’s not on, they can’t help needing homeschooled.

It can be a pressure cooker
I confess me and my youngest had a fairly explosive row about my menu choice yesterday
We apologised and calmed down
All peaceful
But it’s going to blow at times
Kids will blow , parents will blow
Some anger is human and normal

@WitchesNest

Why are people “losing it” with their kids? That’s not on, they can’t help needing homeschooled.

I should imagine it's because there are only 24 hours in a day and what is being asked requires more. A lot more.

Basically that article could be entitled ‘man struggles to do job he has no training for while also trying to do his own job, during exceptional circumstances’.
It’s a ridiculous story. Of course he struggled. Parents haven’t been thrown under a bus. They have been jumping under the bus voluntarily.

At the beginning of last years lockdown, I made the decision that I was not doing any homeschooling of any description. The school sent work, I didn’t open the emails. We went for walks, did puzzles, listened to and learned to identify the birds in our garden, we read books and watched documentaries on all the subjects they are doing at school.... we did family book groups. We painted and drew and gardened. We cooked.

The kids have been fine. Had they not and had had to redo the years they were in... I wouldn’t have minded one bit. But actually their teachers this year just went back and started halfway through last year and raced through it. All the kids had done a different amount so they just started at ground zero for all.
Now, admittedly my children are young. 7 and 5. So perhaps it was easier for me to make that decision.

But I also have friends who have 11yr olds, 13 yr olds, 15yr olds and I have friends who are teachers (of all ages) and they all did similar. Because they all knew that as non-teachers they have not been trained to teach. And those who were teachers were not trained to teach their own kids..... it’s not the same. PLUS the stress of the whole situation is a completely novel thing that added a level of anxiety and stress to almost every facet of life. They appreciated that their relationship with their kids, everyone’s mental health and also the kids relationship with schoolwork is way more important than getting the work done at any cost. The kids attempted what they could do and they asked for help in the evenings with the things they struggled with. They encouraged them to log on for face to face lessons but if the kids weren’t feeling it... then it wasn’t a stress. They had puzzles and books and games and went for walks and cooked and all the things I did with my kids. They even watched TV and played video games (shock horror I know!!!)

My kids go to a local state school. My friends kids go to a mix of state private and independent schools. No one had to redo a year. No one fell behind. No one got sued for not doing all the work. These are exceptional circumstances.

Stop buying into the ‘kids must do the curriculum to the letter’.... the school system is crazy! At the best of times. And these are the worst of times. If they want to do it great. If not find them something they want to do and focus on keeping your jobs so that you maintain and roof over your heads and food in your fridge. Your kids will be fine.

Why is it news when a man says he can’t cope? 😂 Women are beating the brunt of the pandemic at home.

We went for walks, did puzzles, listened to and learned to identify the birds in our garden, we read books and watched documentaries on all the subjects they are doing at school.... we did family book groups. We painted and drew and gardened. We cooked.

That sounds lovely, but I would not be able to do that and my full-time job at the same time, any more than I am able to do homeschooling and my full-time job at the same time. Which is what is causing the stress, for me and for the man this link is about and for the multiple people who’ve posted on this thread saying the same thing.

@Cadent

Why is it news when a man says he can’t cope? 😂 Women are beating the brunt of the pandemic at home.

The idea of women not coping would be too much for some men - they might have to think about pitching in and doing actual parenting.

Joking aside, its tough even with two parents both doing what they can, no-one was trained for the mess that this year has been.

@Whatamess582

I couldn't agree more.
However, @emptydreamer is not the only one to have this email.

It is about buck-passing.
My kids Secondary School has 9 children in today. In whole School.
Mostly I suspect because they have sent out an email saying:
'PLEASE NOTE THE SCHOOL IS CLOSED TO ALL PUPILS' each lockdown since last March. In fine print it now says: 'unless your child has a SW, etc etc) but it is heavily discouraged.

@goldenomber you took the words right out of my mouth.

@GoldenOmber

We went for walks, did puzzles, listened to and learned to identify the birds in our garden, we read books and watched documentaries on all the subjects they are doing at school.... we did family book groups. We painted and drew and gardened. We cooked.

That sounds lovely, but I would not be able to do that and my full-time job at the same time, any more than I am able to do homeschooling and my full-time job at the same time. Which is what is causing the stress, for me and for the man this link is about and for the multiple people who’ve posted on this thread saying the same thing.

Absolutely, well said.