Home-schooling pushed ex-Marine to "breaking point"

[Ori2021]

Has anyone else read this story on BBC news? Parents are victims of this pandemic too. The toll on parent's mental health is really bad; this article just highlights it. I don't know what could be done to support people like this man, and parents in general like me, but I find it amazing that parents have just been told "get on with it," and quite literally, flung under the bus. It's damaging people's relationships with their own children.

Good on this man for telling the truth about his experience. It is AWFUL trying to home-school, and work at the same time. Some people are managing well, and hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel but I do think the Govt. need to think of a way to recognise the daily struggle that parents and families and their children are facing.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-55723022

*me as not mess!

It is bloody hard. It’s taken a huge toll on my mental health which was already wobbly. I have a flexible job, fairly easy children and my DH is doing it alongside me. I dread to think how much harder it would be with a bad boss, an arsehole partner / being a lone parent, or kids with behavioural issues.

Lots of people are having a hard time, it lots of different ways. And yet people seem to want to tell people no they aren’t. That just makes it worse.

He’s not even homeschooling them this time. They’re both in school!
He’s talking about his experience last year.
Plus it’s a two parent household and both kids are over the age of 7.

but I do think the Govt. need to think of a way to recognise the daily struggle that parents and families and their children are facing
How exactly would you suggest they do this?!

@Brunt0n How’s the weather up there on your pedestal? Had any snow?

Hoping for a well-timed lightning strike, personally.

Everyone is struggling, some just don't like the truth.
I'm not sure how parents don't realise there is a chance they might have to look after their children at home, a pandemic has been expected for some time.
Parents have been no more thrown under a bus than anyone else.
It makes a huge mess if you do fall under a bus, few would survive, hardly comprable.

I had an email hinting that social services would be interested if I don't ensure online attendance, when I asked for flexibility with online learning. Two KS1 children, lone parent, the other parent unwilling to engage, and I need to work. Not sure what to do, to be honest. Would social services prefer that I quit working, declare bankruptcy, default on my mortgage, move into temporary accommodation with zero chance to ever find a job in my area again due to adverse personal credit history? No, really, I am genuinely interested to hear what experienced people think, would that be more in my children's interests compared to missing a couple online PE lessons?

@GypsyLee

Looking after your own kids and being asked to support their learning is being thrown under a bus, lol. I wonder why people have kids at all these days.

you ok hon? thats the second thread i've noticed you being a bit mean on.. do you need a chat with someone?

I empathise, of course, but as a parent and teacher, my routine involves getting up at 5.30 and working until 7, 8, 9, 10 each night, so that I don’t fall behind with my workload. In fact, I chose to work four days per week, as I encountered the same difficulties as this man - not being able to exercise for my physical and mental health, not having family time etc.

Personally I think comparing home schooling his kids to having limbs blown off it a bit ridiculous
As it’s him doing it it’s probably ok but can you imagine if a single working Mum compared home schooling her kids to being permanently mutilated? She would get absolutely slated

YABU for saying “literally flung under the bus”.

I'm not sure how parents don't realise there is a chance they might have to look after their children at home, a pandemic has been expected for some time.

So when you were deciding whether to have DC, and planning your life post-DC, what arrangements did you make for a future pandemic?

@CaptainVanesHair

I think this is throwing up issues with schools themselves in terms of who needs more funding etc. Dds school have the kids on full time zoom lessons until 2. It’s been better for mess the teacher is there for any guidance, but mostly it’s just been so much better for the pupils. Not only are they being taught but the class can still engage with one another. It’s working so much better than the first lockdown. What I can’t understand is why no one made sure all schools had resources to enable this.

I've got my teenage GS living with me. My big challenge of the day is getting him out of bed which is par for the course with teenagers I think. He was eating breakfast this morning when someone on a news programme was saying how education was destroyed and children weren't learning anything.

He said similar to you, he found it hard in first lockdown but the online lessons this time are excellent, he is learning loads. He's in the dining room, I hear the banter with teacher/pupils and see the work he is doing. If some schools aren't/can't do it then something needs to be done to help them all achieve the same level.

Personally I think comparing home schooling his kids to having limbs blown off it a bit ridiculous
As it’s him doing it it’s probably ok

That's very big of you

I'd definitely rather home school than have limbs blown off. I'm quite attached to my limbs. Each to their own.

@emptydreamer that's awful. I sent a similar email, asking what flexibility there could be (2 parent family, I'm homebased but can't really take breaks and my DH is working from home so could do with shifting some work to weekends). I got a completely supportive response, acknowledging that it's a very tough situation.

It's exactly this that we need, a formal acknowledgement that our best has to be good enough at home and at work.

Its the idea that we can all carry on as normal which is piling the pressure on. That applies for everyone regardless of children. You can't do 2 people's work as well as you can do just your own. Living alone, especially if you're a social person, is really challenging. Pressures are different to normal

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I'm not sure how parents don't realise there is a chance they might have to look after their children at home, a pandemic has been expected for some time.

So when you were deciding whether to have DC, and planning your life post-DC, what arrangements did you make for a future pandemic?

Erm, I made sure that me and dh were able to care for our kids, whatever the eventuality. Isn't that what parents do? Use your imagination, there are so many reasons schools could close. A pandemic is just one.

So many people are struggling, not just parents.
Although, it's no ball game for many parents atm, my sympathy is with those who have no help and support.

I’m not sure of the relevance of the “ex-Marine” angle.

Maybe the BBC were sick of the MN "stop whingeing, my granny lived through a WAR don't you know" chorus and thought it might finally shut us up

I think schools can't win with this.
State school parents wanted online lessons etc like private schools and complained bitterly when they had a handful of worksheets per week to complete per week. I've seen posts on here from parents saying that an hour a day isn't enough when there's others who would be lucky to do an hour a week.
I have lots of sympathy for primary parents trying to squeeze in a full day of school for their kids as well as wfh and the extreme change in policy meaning having to log into lessons at prescribed times etc My kids are secondary so obviously do the work and logging in themselves and we are fortunate to have one device per child.

Everybody has made sacrifices and are just getting on with it whether it's people in high risk jobs like prisons or children who are forced to walk past playgrounds without getting on the equipment. I don't think it's particularly brave to discuss the problems with homeschooling as if you're a parent you will have heard lots of others tell you their experience plus a massive number of people are going through worse problems ranging from not being able to attend funerals to having essential surgery delayed. While I have sympathy for everyone with problems in the case of education there is no alternative atm. Positive tests and vaccination numbers are moving in the right direction so we need to wait it out.

@Eskarina1
To be fair, there were words of support and understanding too, I have just such a short fuse these days that I prefer to ignore them as everything sounds very condescending to me - like "wellbeing tips" suggesting that I set aside some time and focus only for myself and my hobbies and interests on the daily basis, or do meditation, yoga or mindfulness. I mean, that sounds great, but all I hear is "why don't you eat cake then" (and I fully realise it is only my problem, they actually mean well). I need to somehow snap out of this grim world outlook I developed, but don't even know where to start.

@user1174147897

I don't think there is any segment of society left who hasn't had a mumsnet thread declaring "they have been thrown under the bus" .

So many buses...

Exactly from birth to death we are all suffering. Sheesh.....

The pandemic is a terrible crisis which nobody asked for or engineered. It’s a disaster, and there are many consequences for people, whether that’s isolation, home schooling, shielding, losing jobs and going out of business etc. etc.

However, I don’t think the Government can be blamed for all of it. Perhaps some things could have been dealt with better, but other governments have also stuffed up at times.

I think individuals have to be resilient and take some responsibility for themselves in some of this. Previous generations have also had crises to deal with.

I feel for those who are homeschooling and think you are all awesome, but employers should also be helping, there is a furlough scheme that can be used, and surely the school should be assisting?

@GypsyLee no, you didn't, because nobody can put sufficient arrangements in place to ensure they're able to care for their DC whatever the eventuality. You've just been lucky so far. And if you don't realise that, you probably lack imagination yourself.

Plus we are all 'caring for our kids'. That's precisely why people are finding this so hard, and why we're finding your smugness so insufferable.