To not want my children to call her Auntie (yet)

[AmiBeingaCoworNot]

Hi everyone,

So I have 2 young children both under 4. Their uncle split with his wife at the beginning of last year and since September he has been seeing someone new, and we recently met her.

She is lovely but he started referring to her as "Auntie X" to the kids and I'm just a bit like "hold on! It's only been a few months!"

The rest of the family have form for doing this, the same happened to me when they met me (I felt uncomfortable with it) and although it's a nice thing to say, I don't think she has been around long enough for the kids to call her that yet?

AIBU? Does it matter when they're so little?

It’s a bit of a cultural thing around here that any adult is Aunty Whoever. I really wouldn’t worry about this. How do you think it will damage your children?

@PurpleDaisies I guess I'm quite a literal person and I don't just call anyone Auntie.
I don't think it will mess them up. It's just the first time they met her, I am happy to accept if I am being unreasonable though!

I think it's normal for them to refer to Aunty Whatever or for someone else to refer to her as that in earshot, it'd be different to describe them as 'my children's aunt' to another adult - does that make sense?

With anyone I know, any small child refers to parents' friends as aunty/uncle - I'm Aunty Who to all my friends' kids, for example, but I wouldn't describe myself as their aunt to someone else. So I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this!

It's also not a cultural thing for me.

I only use the honorific "aunty" for the close female friends I have who I trust - it's a sign to me of closeness, I would not be happy calling someone I don't know and who may be a temporary presence in their life to be called that.

I wasn’t called auntie by my dp’s nieces and nephews when he got together with me after his ex wife (they didn’t have kids). 10 years later and we now have 2 kids, who call his siblings auntie and uncle, while i’m still plain Orange. It hurts and makes me feel excluded from the family.

@whoamongstus Yeah that makes sense! I guess it doesn't really matter then! I think it's also because I don't refer to my friends as the kids Aunties or Uncle etc so I'm not used to it.

It's not my style. Just use the persons name!

It’s not something I did with my son but lots of friends children refer to me as Auntie ‘Newfor2021’ - honestly I wouldn’t read too much into it!

I can understand both sides. To me I was culturally brought up that all adults were Mr/Mrs or Uncle/Aunty even at 18 I was told off by my gran when I referred to a friend of my mum's by her first name (oddly she was the only friend of my mother I was never instructed to call aunty)

Yanbu - titles have to be earnt

Ive never called anyone auntie, and my children don’t call anyone aunty. We just use their first names. But this wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. If he splits with her it’s doesn’t really matter if she’s been called aunty or not .

I mean dating their uncle for a couple of months doesn’t make her their Aunty. It makes her a random woman who happens to be dating their uncle....

I don’t know about cultural with my friends but it’s the norm. The first couple to have a baby referred to us as uncle name and aunt name and it’s carried on with every addition since. I’m an auntie to loads of kids these days.

If you go on the lines of she has to earn it, how does she earn it? How long do you deem long enough to be in a relationship with uncle for her to be called aunty?

I find it weird as well, when I first met my husband his family immediately began calling me auntie to his nieces and nephews which made me feel weird.
I've also noticed since having my own children that friends etc refer to themselves as auntie so and so to my children which I also find incredibly weird but I don't have the heart to say anything lol

Auntie is a term of endearment and respect to my family, it isn't as formal as Mrs/Ms but it signifies someone who either by blood or by choice the family holds dear.

I come from a big family my parents were both one of 13 and 16 so I've got plenty of aunties and uncles and we never called their partners Auntie/Uncle we just used their names.

I respect it's pretty unusual! I have a best friend of 16 years and I would call her Auntie (I haven't yet!) but I think it does need to be earned....

Is it really that big a deal? Just let him call her Auntie X. You don’t have to refer to her as that.

The problem with earning the auntie title is that once ‘earned’ the kids already know of you as just your name, and then don’t neatly swap over.

In my book they’d need to be living together or engaged to earn Auntie rights.

You say she has to earn it but she cannot help being new? Has she ever given you cause not to want to include her?

In my mom's culture everyone is auntie so I really couldn't get that excited about this.

@Freddiefox I don't think I have a timeline but I would like to at least meet her a few more times, and get to know her more before we call her that.
I think then I will know!

Either way, it's happening whether I like it or not as that's what everyone else is calling her (apart from me and my husband as he agrees with me)

@Orangedaisy that's a valid point to consider

I felt like this when my sil started calling her partner uncle to my DC. It did make me wonder when you decide it’s ok though as it’s hard to bring that title in if they’re used to calling them by the first name.