To not want my children to call her Auntie (yet)

[AmiBeingaCoworNot]

Hi everyone,

So I have 2 young children both under 4. Their uncle split with his wife at the beginning of last year and since September he has been seeing someone new, and we recently met her.

She is lovely but he started referring to her as "Auntie X" to the kids and I'm just a bit like "hold on! It's only been a few months!"

The rest of the family have form for doing this, the same happened to me when they met me (I felt uncomfortable with it) and although it's a nice thing to say, I don't think she has been around long enough for the kids to call her that yet?

AIBU? Does it matter when they're so little?

I dont think people are Auntie unless they're related as Aunties or married to Uncles.
I'd feel wierd about it.

I was brought up to call my parents friends auntie and uncle, so I don't see it as unusual. I still call my godmother Auntie X, which makes her really happy (I don't even call my actual aunt, Auntie, any more) but I must admit I find it a bit disconcerting to be known as Auntie Viennese by DH's grown up nieces and nephews who are mostly my age or older!

Do they live together? It would depend for me if she was just a girlfriend or a partner their uncle was living with as if married. Keeping in mind some people marry after a few months and others are together without marrying for decades, marriage would be pretty meaningless to me.

@LowlandLucky that's a dog though 😂

I hate the term 'Auntie' - what is wrong with 'Aunt'? But no - she should be called by her first name at least until there is a more permanent relationship.

@kowari They aren't living together yet.

@MagicSummer I hate the term "aunt" lol, not sure why but I definitely prefer auntie!

@SarahAndQuack Thanks for linking your thread. Has anything changed since you last posted? How are you feeling now?

In my culture, we call family friends auntie and uncle. It’s just a sign of respect. Not a big deal.

I find the enforced use of "uncle" and "aunty" a bit weird, because when I was a child neither side of my family did it. We always just used first names. It sounds oddly formal to me.

DH's family do use the honorifics, and since we've been together 10 years all the DNs call me Aunty Verging (I do not pull them up on it when they drop the "Aunty").

One thing I will forever remember from my wedding day (some 8 years after DH and I got together, and a couple of years after the youngest DN was born) is that the first thing my MIL said to me following the ceremony was "You're real Aunty Verging now!". DSIL looked horrified

In our family, Aunt and Uncle are titles reserved for siblings of a parent or partners of those siblings if the relationship predates the child iyswim. So I've been with DH for over 20 years so his nephews (all under 5) know me as Aunty Showy because I've always been there. But my DC don't call my BIL/SIL's spouses Aunt/Uncle because they've only become partners or spouses since I've had dc. They were introduced by their names when the relationships began and it seemed weird to suddenly change their names.

Did that make any sense?!

That would bug me given it’s the first time meeting. Just over the top. Once they’ve been together a while or lived together or get engaged then I would happily encourage the kids to use auntie myself.
What would happen if you objected?

@Ilovecaviar I think they would try to see it from my point of view but struggle to change as that's how they are.

My gran uses Auntie when she's talking about her friends to my DC. Even though they barely know them. It's her deference to age/respect.

DH & I are only children but the kids call HIS aunts "Auntie June" etc. because he still does. (He does it mainly to wind them up!)

My kids call their Godparents Auntie & Uncle. Started off being a bit silly but stuck!

is she asian? In asia - everyone is an auntie or an uncle - its almost cultural...

Loads of people have their kids call adults auntie/uncle X as a sign of respect- not calling adults by first names etc. I had to call my stepmother "Auntie A"- now that was confusing!
However, if it's not normal in your family, then YANBU.

Yabu

It's honestly such a weird thing to be concerned about

this is where the dc call her aunt x rather than auntie
When I was growing up our relationship with someone was defined by that title!

@cherrypie111 fair enough 😂

@mumwon I like that!

I didn't become auntie to my nephews until I had a baby with their uncle.

I wouldn't like it.
As a DC you had so many fake aunties uncles and cousins you wouldn't know who was a biological relation.
The flip side to having a young mind is they'll forget her pretty quick if the relationship doesn't last.

Why are people saying this is a cultural thing? This situation doesn't fit that. This isn't a close friend. This is a woman who happens to be dating the uncle. The two are completely irrelevant of each other. It fits close family friends. Not random women who could disappear at any point.

Some of you are awfully literal.

This is really not a big deal, OP.

I have people in their forties who still call me Auntie. The title was used as a form of respect, and my kids called all my friends Auntie and Uncle.

My kids have tons of ‘aunties’. It’s an overthink that could really hurt your uncle’s feelings, so better to just chill with this one.