To not want my children to call her Auntie (yet)

[AmiBeingaCoworNot]

Hi everyone,

So I have 2 young children both under 4. Their uncle split with his wife at the beginning of last year and since September he has been seeing someone new, and we recently met her.

She is lovely but he started referring to her as "Auntie X" to the kids and I'm just a bit like "hold on! It's only been a few months!"

The rest of the family have form for doing this, the same happened to me when they met me (I felt uncomfortable with it) and although it's a nice thing to say, I don't think she has been around long enough for the kids to call her that yet?

AIBU? Does it matter when they're so little?

Every single one of my parents' female friends was called Auntie when I was a kid. I didn't find it confusing or think they were my actual auntie

It's not a cultural thing for me either - DD only calls her actual aunts auntie. I think if kids have lots of people in their life eg family friends that go by the title then it wouldn't be odd but it sounds as though this isn't the case?

Assuming this is your partners brother and his partner is this something they do more widely in their family? In which case I'd be inclined just to go with it.

There was a similar thread on here a while ago...
There seems to be a split in opinion - personally I think if you're not related by blood or married to the blood-related aunt/uncle, then you're not actually an aunt/uncle!

@FrancesHaHa It's definitely something they do on their side of the family for sure.

I think I'll just have to keep my opinion to myself!

@JustAnotherUserinParadise oh! Are you able to link me to the thread? I'd like to read it! :)

@AmiBeingaCoworNot

It's also not a cultural thing for me.

Well in this case you correct him.

Her name is X. The kids have their aunties already

Dniece and dnephew were older when I got with DH, and it was only 18 months between meeting and marriage but DSis insisted her was Ryan until the day of the wedding then Uncle Ryan. Didn't really work as they'd got used to one.

I'd say she's trying to assert her position in the family in a nice way, making it clear she thinks it's serious.

However if you don't refer to your own aunts and uncles as Aunt and Uncle I can see why it's odd

I'd let it go but then when you refer to her, just use her first name

I’m Always intrigued when this pops up.

I never understand the calling people who aren’t actually auntie or uncle by them titles.

My uncle married when I was 16 years old she has never been my aunt. She has always been her name and that’s it. All cards were addressed to uncle x and y.

My son doesn’t call anyone auntie or uncle apart from my brother and his wife who have been together since before he was born. My close friends are called by their names, even ones that I have been friends with since before my son was born.

Interesting to see what other families do. Each to their own.

I can see why it's irritating but I don't think at the age your children are, it will have a detrimental effect on them.

If she disappears in a few months, they won't remember her, if she ends up being the one, then she will be auntie anyway.

I didn't think many people bothered with this auntie/uncle thing. It's a bit dated these days.,

I wouldn't worry about it, my kids know all my close friends as auntie... and I'm auntie to their kids too.you don't have to refer to her as that if it bothers you but I wouldn't make a deal out of it

@Viviennemary

I didn't think many people bothered with this auntie/uncle thing. It's a bit dated these days.,

It's a bit dated calling your parents siblings and their partners aunt and uncle, or calling all their friends it?

It can be a cultural thing, as some have said. In my DH's culture it would be unacceptably rude for a child NOT to call an adult lady Auntie (or the equivalent of Auntie in their language).

My son calls my friends "auntie" or uncle..it's cultural..In my culture children don't refer to adults by just their name, it would be disrespectful, so I think I have just automatically refer to adults as aunt/uncle or mrs/mr to him..

If you have a blood uncle and he marries then she becomes your auntie. Seems off to not use the title for both.

I've never met the woman my blood uncle married but in cards I still use auntie for her. She actually sent me a card and signed off auntie so I assumed she wanted to be thought of as and called auntie and I was happy to oblige.

I would also find it weird - it's very early. I'd be freaked out to be introduced to a boyfriend's nieces/nephews as 'Auntie Palavah' and wouldn't refer to him as 'Uncle X' until we were engaged or married.

We call our work colleagues Aunty and Uncle if they're older than us. I'm Aunty Timmy to the staff in their twenties. I'm 40. Believe me it took a while to get used to calling colleagues Aunty and especially being called Aunty !!😂

I remember my uncle with girl friends. We always called them "aunty". I can remember feeling a bit sad when I learnt one of them wasn't with him any more as she'd taken me to the beach and looked for shells, which I'd thought really exciting!
However it didn't cause any problems and we were always happy to accept the next one!
It was only 3 that I remember though, so I might have felt a little different if it had been a new one each time. The one he married asked me to be a bridesmaid so in the eyes of a 6yo could immediately do no wrong!

It’s just a name. In my culture as well we refer family friends as Aunty or uncle. It would be very disrespectful to go by their first names. I don’t understand why names have to be earnt?

We were brought up to call anyone close enough to not be Mrs X as Aunty X (or Uncle as it may be).

It was considered rude for a child to call an adult by their first name so hence the label. I havent done this with my children but I do know a fair few people my age (late 40's and older) who have carried on with their children. I think its a sign of respect in this case.

YANBU. I remember my ex husband telling me that when he was little, he had to call certain women - unrelated, but good friends with his mother - auntie. He hated it. He was never close to his mother, so it was always going to be a stretch!

My DD calls all of our friends she's met a few times Auntie or Uncle. If it doesn't sit right with you you are of course entitled to say something but I do think it will likely cause a drama over something that wasn't maliciously meant or even thought of as a big statement.

My kids call my sisters, one Aunty and the other sister by her first name. Just whatever they are comfortable with. The Aunty one has been more active in their lives.

I’m approaching 60 and still call my mums friend Auntie and her daughters call my mum Auntie. Growing up, we were well aware they weren’t our real Aunties. Everyone has their own experience though.