To not want my children to call her Auntie (yet)

[AmiBeingaCoworNot]

Hi everyone,

So I have 2 young children both under 4. Their uncle split with his wife at the beginning of last year and since September he has been seeing someone new, and we recently met her.

She is lovely but he started referring to her as "Auntie X" to the kids and I'm just a bit like "hold on! It's only been a few months!"

The rest of the family have form for doing this, the same happened to me when they met me (I felt uncomfortable with it) and although it's a nice thing to say, I don't think she has been around long enough for the kids to call her that yet?

AIBU? Does it matter when they're so little?

However, I can't see any lasting effects from once having an Auntie X.
I wouldn't give it a lot of thought. Not worth getting yourself steamed up about. Not that you are but...

OP you said it's not a cultural thing for you but it is to their Uncle (and possibly the woman he's dating). So you probably should leave it alone if it's not causing any harm to your kids.

In my culture, it's Aunty/Uncle to any adult because Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss is too formal and left for more formal situations/people. Using the person's name is considered disrespectful. Much the same way many people would have a fit if their children called them by their name or something. It's just arbitrary titles people ascribe meanings to.

Everyone knows the difference between the real aunties/uncles and the other adults being 'addressed respectfully'.

Dh moved in early Dec. I met his sister and dm at end of Dec and on the 1st meet I was announced as meet Aunty 'xxxx'
OK so dh was living with me...wed been friends for many years, around 8? and we're casual for a long long time and realised he spent most days at mine or taking My ds places etc that it was pointless him having is own place.
But even though we were living together. Knew our plans for the future etc. It still felt weird. My birthday was the first out of everyone and they got me a sil and Aunty card from. Kids. At that point we weren't even engaged.

An Aunt is only an Aunt when related as far as we are concerned.

@whoamongstus

I think it's normal for them to refer to Aunty Whatever or for someone else to refer to her as that in earshot, it'd be different to describe them as 'my children's aunt' to another adult - does that make sense?

With anyone I know, any small child refers to parents' friends as aunty/uncle - I'm Aunty Who to all my friends' kids, for example, but I wouldn't describe myself as their aunt to someone else. So I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this!

Exactly this. Totally agree.

Thanks for all the responses so far. I appreciate them all and you taking time out of your day to reply!

It's very interesting to read what people think about this situation.

I use auntie for my actual sister anyone who is a very close friend to us but for my husband uncle and auntie are used for almost anyone, it’s a cultural thing for him and something I had to get used to!

The kids are under 4. You are massively overthink this. Just call the woman whatever she wants.

@BeforeThisThenWhat What would you have said if they were older?

Exactly they're under 4, they don't need to be confused and become unnecessarily attached to every relationship. If they were older they could decide for themselves.

@SquirtleSquad I like you.

Well a few years ago my partners sister had a boyfriend she was with for a year. She actively encouraged them to call him uncle Fred (made up name for here as he has quite a unique name which could give me away). They split up after a year and the kids still ask where uncle Fred is 😭😭 we bumped into him randomly last year and the kids were shouting Uncle Fred Uncle Fred. Cringe! 😅😅 they are quite young and have sen so didn’t realise this wasn’t the right thing to call him. The last boyfriend was not called uncle for sure and they only lasted a few months so thank god for that.

It's a mark of respect for me. My dd calls any actual relatives, friends of ours, friends of our parents, aunty or uncle-whatever. I was brought up the same way and i very much see it as a sign of respect for an elder. It makes me really uncomfortable to see children refer to people of their parents and grandparents age by their first name! But each to their own.

Just because you call someone "Auntie" doesnt mean you'll get attached to them. It's just an horrific. I've been "Auntie Porcupine" to many children over the years, I have a close relationship with exactly 3 of them.

[quote AmiBeingaCoworNot]@SquirtleSquad I like you. [/quote]
Why thank you bad experience with my dsis and a string of boyfriends. No judgement in that sense but it got very confusing / sad for my little ones when their new "uncle" suddenly disappears and doesn't talk to them or come see them ever again. Much simpler if it's just auntie Xs friend has come with her for the day.

I think it is very much a cultural/tradition thing. That has been tweaked overtime .

I am White lower middle class british As a child, (1960s) ALL older neighbours/ parents friends were 'Auntie or Uncle' along with actual Aunts and Uncles. (There was never a difference between biological Aunt or by Marriage)
Calling one of these people by their first name would of earned admonishment from parents as rude and disrespectful.

My own children call my friends by their first name. My parents friends are still Aunty to my children but now first name to me. (Biological/Marriage Aunties remain so)

My Grenadian friend calls EVERY female friend from the next generation up 'Auntie' .

As for new partners. No. They would not be Auntie/Uncle until they marry the brother /sister.

Just like my ex husbands dizzying array of partner were not my children's 'step mother' until he married someone who deserves that title. It's about an intention of permanency. Honourifics are just that. An honour.

@Porcupineintherough That's it. That's what I don't like about it, I want my kids to have a close relationship with anyone who they call Auntie. I don't want it to just be anyone.

But why? Its such a bizarre thing to get hung up about.

It's a bizarre thing for you, and that's absolutely fine if it's ok with you, but to others what is bizarre is their child calling someone they barely know or is not family "auntie, uncle or similar".
Why can't people respect each other's differing opinions or choices?

@Porcupineintherough Why not though? I wouldn't say I'm hung up about it, I just don't like it.

@SquirtleSquad marry me.

[quote AmiBeingaCoworNot]@SmeleanorSmellstrop I probably am all of those things 😅[/quote]
I am too. I'd probably feel weird too if i'm honest but in the interest of an easy life i'd try let it go, just to avoid people realising that i am actually difficult and pedantic 😂

I think it's tricky and the ops situation is too soon. Generally I think the term auntie is for those to whom the dc are related by blood or marriage.

However despite this my best friend and I are both only children married to men with two siblings neither of whom on either side could really give a flying ahem about us or our dc Us and our DH's have a godparent role to each if our dc and she caught my bouquet. Therefore to our respective DC we are "auntie Roses" and "auntie bestie" but would never refer to the others dc as a nice or nephew. The DH's aren't uncle because they have their own blood nices and nephews.

It's very complicated but I don't think it should be casual.

@SmeleanorSmellstrop That made me chuckle! Every time I think I should probably let it go, someone else comes on the thread who agrees with me!

I’m like others - literally any vague acquaintance of my parents (or even their friends) were called auntie / uncle. Even strangers if they reached a certain age - my mom and dad were mortally offended when they got asked directions but it was prefaced by auntie and uncle!