School have just highlighted how unemployable I am...

[grannyinapram]

Failed at the most basic task today- I couldn't figure out Video calls so now my little boy missed out on his first school lesson. It reduced me to tears.
I'm going to need to find a job in a few years and this just highlighted how behind i am compared to most. I can use mumsnet and kind of email. That's it.
I don't even get word anymore because I only know the old word from when I was at school.
I did an online course a few years ago and you had to go through the website to submit your work and use email and I used to cry every month because no matter how many times DH showed me I JUST DONT GET IT. I hate this, I feel so behind but I literally can't remember how to do 'simple' tasks. I even had to have phonecards from universal credit when we signed on for a bit at the start of lockdown.
I'm in my mid 20s.
Why don't I get it?
Been a sahm for 8 years now. I'm at least 8 years behind.

how do people just know how it works? oh god I'm crying again...

You're not unemployable but I remember feeling exactly like you.

I've been back at work for years and I'm struggling to edit a form right now!! I can't get the enable edit to work. Which is the simplest thing (argh)

What you said about not being able to use laptop at a teenager also resonated with me. My mum was funny about technology - oh we don’t need that, viewed it as bit common think. So in 80s we were only family in our street with no vcr, microwave etc. Not due to lack of money.

Are you my sister? My mum was exactly the same - and still is. Powering on when I was a child with her obsolete twin tub washer because she sneered at the automatic ones. Even now - when something like 95% of adults have a mobile - she won't because she seems to think it's all a bit beneath her. I earn my living entirely online - she has no clue and no understanding about what I actually do (because she's never asked) and would be far happier if I worked in an office doing exactly the same thing because nothing you do from home online can ever be a "proper job".

Lots of good advice for you on this thread OP . I'm another one who thinks that you will get it if you take some regular time to practice when you are not under a deadline.

I also wondered if you might have dyspraxia, as a few have suggested. It might be something worth speaking to your Dr about (just phone them up). The reason I thought that is because your analogy - being lost in the woods without landmarks - is very indicative of dyspraxia.

If your DH tries to show you something DO NOT let him touch the mouse, you will learn better if you are the one doing things. It will probably frustrate the hell out of him but it will help you learn.

If DH is good with tech why didn't he set up ds for his lesson?

I think most people use tech just as much as they have to.

I started building electronics in the 1970s and wrote my first program in 1980 and I only know half of what Excel can do because I don't use it for much more than planning my finances / bill payments.

Also I can't learn from YouTube, I much prefer to learn from a book.

You are able to learn, you need some motivation to actually use the computer when you don't have to.

Set realistic goals and do one thing a day eg don't think 'I'm going to write a letter' think, 'I'm going to open word, write my name and centre it'

Once you have achieved your goal you can do another or put the laptop away.

If your DH tries to show you something DO NOT let him touch the mouse, you will learn better if you are the one doing things. It will probably frustrate the hell out of him but it will help you learn

It would give Netflix new murder to film about🙈 It's very frustrating but often necessary way

You need to do a few online courses (lots of free ones) and practise a lot, what you need to learn.

I'm a PA (but also have another area I work in) and if I didn't work and keep fairly up to date with the main MS office suite of packages then I'd soon forget it all.

What Frestba says is good too - write down the steps in a note pad for certain steps e.g. video calls. Honestly, the more you do of a certain task the more you get confident.

If you want to e.g. practise typing or Excel then set yourself tasks of e.g. typing up a document, or set up a spreadsheet on Excel e.g. for household budget. You could do rotas for housework cleaning on a Word table/spreadsheet or a shopping list if you do online shopping there etc.

PS maybe if you explained exactly what the problem is with using something like Just Eat, people could suggest some solutions. The supposed inability to use something as basic as Just Eat suggests not that you can't do it, but that you are being affected by anxiety when you try. The fact that you can post on Mumsnetbut feel you cannot use Just Eat means that you already have more than the basic knowledge and ability, but your anxiety and lack of self-confidence is what is getting in your way. That is easily fixed if you want it to be (and are prepared to put in a little time).

Hanging on to the idea that computers and the internet are going away is going to get you nowhere. They aren't, and if you don't spend a bit of time on this now you are really going to be disadvantaged in the future (not talking employment opportunties, just life in general. How are you going to monitor your child's internet use as he grows up, for example? How are you going to access health information that you need? )

OP, it's the fear that's stopping you learning. I agree with previous posters that you need to have a go on the computer to do something fun, non-urgent and low-stakes. Something you can approach in a spirit of curiosity, where it doesn't matter in the slightest if it 'goes wrong'. Little steps.

Maybe start with Word, as you were at least familiar with an old version of it. For example, type your week's shopping list or just a paragraph or two about what you've done that week, but experiment with changing bits to bold or capitals, or change the font or the colour etc. Click on stuff and see what happens! Learn that nothing bad will happen.

You need to be kind to yourself. If your dh gets impatient or cross with you, you are better off without his help. My dad's impatience when he was teaching me to drive instilled a nervousness and dislike of driving which I've only just got rid of age 49!

Haven't read whole thread as I'm just having a quick break, but suggest you check out doing the ICDL course icdleurope.org

Get a small notebook.
When DH shows you how to do something write a title at the top of the page.
Then write down every single step - break it down into the tiniest steps.
The next time you need to do whatever it is, read each step in turn and do it. Cover up the rest of the steps with a piece of paper and reveal the next step when you have completed the first one.

These things are not actually that difficult but it sounds like you have a block here where you become anxious as soon as you start. Breaking things down into tiny steps.
How is your DH with you when he is explaining things? I'm wondering where all this self-doubt is coming from. Is someone making you feel as though you can't do things? Sometimes people do this because they don't WANT you to be able to do something because quite honestly, being able to use ICT and the internet and video calls and online job applications gives you power and options in life.
Sometimes people don't want you to have those options....

I had an ex who did this with me about something else until I lost all confidence in the particular thing concerned and was ready to give up until I got a new teacher and he made me believe in myself and suddenly I could do it.

I am very computer literate I still practised, zoom, teams, google classrooms for ages with family members in other rooms before I ventured into the virtual world

Zoom and TEAMS had some good online training sessions.

I did a laminated step by step guide for my parents and some of there friends with screenshots. Would your DH do that for you?

20 years ago my mum insisted I take a touchtyping course at night school when I was in sixth form. I really appreciate it now. Could you do something online maybe once you've worked on the basics.

I really recommend the ICDL or some other qualification and then move into a voluntary admin position with a charity before applying for temp jobs and then more permanent roles. That's how I built up my confidence

Have you considered aiming to go back to work doing something practical, maybe outdoors? By all means try to improve your IT skills, but maybe forcing yourself into an office job when computers make you so stressed is the wrong approach.

To improve your use of email and word, I would try setting yourself low pressure, just for fun type tasks to try. With programs like word, instead of remembering how to do the things you need to do as a list of steps, try to get a feel for the 'user interface'. Ie what options are likely to be under file, tools, etc... What can I do by highlighting and right clicking, and so on. I think the best way to learn is just experimenting and getting a feel for it. It's a bit like finding your way around a new town. If you only follow set lists of directions to find places, you will get lost every time you make a mistake, but if you have a feel for they layout then you can find your own way around.

I once worked for a professor who was slated for the Nobel prize for chemistry and he couldn't use any computer other than his 15 year old mac so we had to send him everything as PDFs which he would print off, make changes to by hand and then scan back in and email to us. Even though we all worked in the same lab! Some people get along with new technology better than others, it's not to do with intelligence.

I don't know about you but I find with the stuff with the kids that I'm a bit like "you had one job" - like, because 95 percent of it is so easy (or rather, not actually easy, but it requires stereotypically female skills like patience and empathy and listening, that are not taken seriously enough) when you once have something more techy to do, it can feel like a pass or fail thing. Whereas in your work there would be tons of things you did, and did well, so if there's this one area you need help with, it doesn't seem like such a big deal.

I think the suggestion that PPs had, to do a course or two once the kids are back in school, is an excellent idea. When have you ever had time to learn this stuff in peace, with the help of an instructor who knows how to teach? Never. Don't write yourself off.

RaspberryCoulis

"My mum was exactly the same - and still is. Powering on when I was a child with her obsolete twin tub washer because she sneered at the automatic ones. Even now - when something like 95% of adults have a mobile - she won't because she seems to think it's all a bit beneath her."

OMG I could have written this.

Both my parents were total intellectual snobs and thought use of any kind of modern technology was both common and a sense of intellectual weakness. My mum used to get all panicky when we were watching TV because she thought we should be reading books all the time. My dad (who is ancient) still can't use a mobile phone despite having had one for over a decade.

The British middle class has always had this weird puritanism about technology. This crisis has really brought home to me how self-defeating this is. It's one thing to ration your kids screen time but it quickly turns into a sort of kneejerk Luddite reaction: the assumption that its always better to be doing anything however shit as long as it doesn't involve a computer or a screen.

I'm really hoping COVID and lockdowns will have brought home to people that technology has actually been about the only thing that's got us through this and its high time we lost this ridiculous high-mindedness about it.

Theres lots of different types of jobs though OP, if you feel like you aren't suited to office work, it's worth exploring other things. Although to be honest, I work with very intelligent and capable people, and many of them struggle with online video calls...the amount of 'am I on mute', 'can you see me', or I don't know how to dial in is impressive. Be kind to yourself, you didn't manage to do it today, but there is always tomorrow, and why would you instinctively know it?

Nice to know I'm not alone
I'm early 30s. Never owned a laptop or computer ever...in my life.
Completely computer illiterate.
Never done a zoom call before or any video call in fact..even though I could with my phone.

And I cant type either

As pp said you need to practice so that it isn't all scary and just trees! When you first get shown how to do anything on a computer you should write an idiots guide (that's what I call it, I'm not casting aspersions) this is literally what it says, so go through each and every step and write down precisely what you need to do ie press ctrl & shift together, etc etc. When you have the step by step guide you then need to practice doing it when you are not under stress or pressure. Once you have done something a few times it become much easier and you will gain confidence.

@WhereamI88

Are you sure there isn't something else going on, dyslexia or something similar? I don't know much about it but it seems strange for someone who is mid 20s to struggle so much.

Very unusual that someone in their 20s struggles to comprehend the Internet. We learnt basic ICT skills at school. Also, dyslexia impacts reading, especially reading out loud. I know many people with dyslexia that are experts in their fields, including science, tech, IT etc.

OP there are a lot of basic IT courses online at the moment. You need to build your resilience and not give up.

Learning IT can be hard if your not that into it anyway but it is just a tool like pen and paper or knife and fork. Do you have any other hobbies? You could take a hobby that you are interested in and use that as part of practicing your IT skills. Eg cooking- use internet to find recipe, practice typing it up on word, eventually using bold and adding pictures, join a zoom cookery class (your local adult education might do them). The important thing is to not rush. Learn one button/skill at a time. If you use IT for something you enjoy at your own pace you might take some pressure off and see that it is just another tool that can be worked on as you go. Good luck OP.

You really have just got to play around with it when there is nothing at stake. Practice emailing your husband etc. There's no course in the world will help you if you then don't practice it by yourself.

My parents have reasonable competency with some things, but for some reason refuse to learn about email, and I always have to do it for them. My mum in particular is proficient with WhatsApp and Facebook but when it comes to email.. Nope. Can't. Shan't.

YABU. The reason you’re struggling so much is because you’re actively avoiding dealing with any technology, so as time goes by it gets harder and harder.

Active avoidance does nothing but make the problem worse. The only way to solve this is to stop wailing that you can’t do it and just bloody do it, because you can.

I use zoom for several hours a day for business calls. We use teams to collaborate, occasionally use teams video/call for informal chats. I work in IT (not with windows apps)!!! So I am fairly experienced in tech.

Getting ds's first class started on his school's locked down version of teams wasn't straightforward either.

Try not to catastrophise it. You have plenty of time to join an adult learning class for PC basics and then practice - start with windows, emails and video calls, try basic Word documents with a bit of formatting. Maybe practice with some relaxed zoom call with friends and have a play and see what it can do - just play with all the buttons and see what happens.

I think it's confidence, my dad seemed to take to technology but my mum didn't. to begin with I just opened Word and let her press buttons and see what things did, learn mouse/keypad control and get a bit of confidence that she wasn't somehow going to wreck the computer. If she got into a problem, she just closed it and reopened Word again. Maybe just play around a little on Word or on the internet, not trying to do a certain task but just press buttons and see what happens.

The British middle class has always had this weird puritanism about technology.

Not just that, but i've worked in offices where people wear their technology ineptitude as a badge of honour. It mystifies me. I get that it's harder for some people, but it's almost like they're proud of not being able to do it, to me that's like being proud that you can't read