School have just highlighted how unemployable I am...

[grannyinapram]

Failed at the most basic task today- I couldn't figure out Video calls so now my little boy missed out on his first school lesson. It reduced me to tears.
I'm going to need to find a job in a few years and this just highlighted how behind i am compared to most. I can use mumsnet and kind of email. That's it.
I don't even get word anymore because I only know the old word from when I was at school.
I did an online course a few years ago and you had to go through the website to submit your work and use email and I used to cry every month because no matter how many times DH showed me I JUST DONT GET IT. I hate this, I feel so behind but I literally can't remember how to do 'simple' tasks. I even had to have phonecards from universal credit when we signed on for a bit at the start of lockdown.
I'm in my mid 20s.
Why don't I get it?
Been a sahm for 8 years now. I'm at least 8 years behind.

how do people just know how it works? oh god I'm crying again...

I think your last post shows that you are determined to hate it all and are actually refusing to learn. Crying and shouting at screens and talking about computers going to obsolete...you've clearly decided long ago to hate every techy thing and thats that.
My 5 year old can send an email. Unless you have other learning difficulties, you are perfectly able to learn how to do something so simple, if you stop the dramatics and really try.

How old is your son?

I know exactly what you mean.
I know how to operate a few websites eg bank, credit card, Facebook marketplace etc but outside of that it is just a blur.
It makes it a lot harder when the companies beef up security. I haven’t been able to access my credit card statement for nearly a year. I did call up at least once per month and spend an hour on the phone talking to someone who took me through it step-by-step but I just ended up going round in circles in some sort of loop. I gave up last October and now I just wait for when the paper statement arrives to check things or I call up for a balance.

My children have now left school but I still feel the panic on Sunday evenings when they suddenly announced they had to print off their homework and the printer didn’t want to comply or it had run out of ink or paper or the paper was suddenly getting chewed up. Submitting work online was a recipe for several hours of YouTube videos or pressing buttons that led nowhere and in the end emailing the teacher to say the work would be handed in the next day.

I should say I am getting myself tested for ADHD and I possibly have dyslexia as well so whether that is the reason it never works.
I also did do an IT course and it was like it was another language. I think I am averagely intelligent but I just couldn’t follow what was happening and even if I did as soon as I was at home it was impossible to do the same thing.

I think it is like baking a cake. You can follow a recipe and for most people it turns out ok. For a few it ends up a gooey mess no matter how stringently they recipe has been followed

OP, I think your problem is mental block and low self confidence with IT. And possibly your ability in general.

I'm a software developer and I found my biggest difference to people who don't get computers is that I'm confident I'm good at all. I don't use office software (or indeed many commercial software) in my job. I just click on all the buttons in the Google classroom, meet, or whatever the school throw at me, to try and find the option to do something. If I can't find the button to do it, I google. Google has the answer to almost everything. It's really just about confident you can do it!

Just to say this is a pretty normal reaction: I work full time and use a lot of this sort of tech every day and still struggle with it.

Honestly this sort of thing can only really be learned on the job: it doesn't "stick" until you have to do it for work. Some people are instinctively better at it than others but everyone can learn it if they have to.

I would consider doing a course though: its no substitute for doing something for work but it will a) mean you can truthfully say you've worked to upgrade your tech skills and b) will allow you to fake it 'till you make it.

But don't feel bad about this. People who do this day in day out struggle with it!

For your mid-20s I would say that yes you are behind with technology. But don't feel bad. You should 100% sign up to adult education courses, libraries even offer computer lessons for free (when not in lockdown). You can find jobs without having to use computers but if you want a more office-based job in the future then you will have to really work at this. Don't feel bad though OP, we can only do our best to change what we are unhappy with!

If Im stuck with something like this, I get a piece of paper and write down each step of the way (so get your DH to talk you through it). Once you have done it a few times it will become clearer. I am a bit like you, but I get frightened of doing something wrong. Computers generally don't delete whole system without lots of warnings.

It sounds to me that you have a mental block against it. This can happen, quite often happens in some school subjects too, notably Maths.
People miss a vital step in understanding, and then they can't build or work around it because everything falls through the gap where that vital step should be.

If I were you I'd go completely back to basics - as though you'd never touched a computer or phone in your life before, and were starting from scratch. Go through every single step - no skipping! - and hopefully you will find the vital one that you missed the first time around.
You do also need to convince yourself that you CAN do this - because you CAN. Your analogy with the trees and the cabin was a good one - but you're missing the tool to see your way through the trees - and starting again from scratch could make sure that you pick up that tool.

Yes to doing it when you're not under pressure - currently your feelings around it all are contributing massively to the mental block, so it would be a really good plan to work on positive reinforcement first, so that you're prepped to be able to learn. Being relaxed and not under pressure is the first step in that prep.

Do it away from everyone else, even your DH (since he gets frustrated and is likely to encourage you to skip steps)

Ignore people who are being rude to you - your mental block is something that has happened in your past and you CAN fix it - but you do need to take the steps to do so.

Good luck!

I don't know if this will cheer you up, but this is literally how many teachers feel almost every lesson...or at least did feel back when they started remote teaching. DH still thinks it is a win when he gets online successfully.

It does not make you a worse person!

printed words better? Don't be offended by my suggestions because its not meant to be rude Its about the title of the books which are a great starting point
How about looking on Amazon - for the "Idiot Guides to Internet" or whatever - these mean you should have a page in front of you to refer to while you use the computer - or- print off screen the pages pp have stated.

I suspect you have undiagnosed additional needs, possibly dyspraxia. Have a look at the Dyspraxia Foundation’s website and I wouldn’t go for a course just yet. Taking copious notes as another PP suggests is a good coping mechanism. What platform is your child’s online classroom on?

Write step by step notes when your DH shows you then you have something to refer to when he's not around. Plenty of youtube videos can also show you how to do things. Go on, be brave!

Try not to stress out it'll make it worse. Just take your time with things when there's no deadline so you can figure out how they work without the stress of a time limit. And with things like word - there will be lots of videos on youtube to learn. I hadn't used it in a while as I'd been using something else and found some changes annoying and not intuitive. I'm sure the average person doesn't know all the features on most software that they use.

OP, you've been given such a lot of kind, practical advice from sympathetic Mumsnetters. I do hope you can take a deep breath, read through everything on this thread, and try very hard to make a fresh start with a positive attitude. That's the key!

The important thing to remember is that a great many people who use the internet or computer software never had any form of training at all. I am in my mid-50s and when I was at school or university there was no internet, no personal computers, no mobile phones at all never mind smartphones (not even televison until I was 15). I have never had a day's training in my life any of these things. The closest I came was when in one of my first jobs,a kind secretary showed me how to use an electronic typewriter (back in the late 1980s!).

I just learned how to use it all just going along and practicing over the years (and these days looking things up on YouTube when I need to!). I run a business and a professional practice completely online these days. I do everything on the internet including running a personal blog, keeping my accounts etd etc. Some fails ocur at times, like in anything, but that doesn't matter. Practice repeatedly (very important, this) at things at times when you are not under pressure , and you can do it! It really does not need any formal training, you need to stop worrying about that, but you have to put in some time and try to enjoy it.

What version of Word or any other software you may have trained in doesn't matter, I have never trained in any version of anything, I have just spent hours and hours poking around in programmes and on sites trying things out and going "ah!" when I at last figure out how to work the features!

Software and website designers these days really do make everything as user-friendly and intuitive as they possibly can, if they didn't they would lose business. Remember: they are always trying to make it as easy for YOU as possible, not put barriers in your way. You just have to play around with it. You can do it!

Maybe try some child-centred sites and apps? These tend to be really easy to use and get you going to start as you build confidence. Honestly, if you can work a TV remote control you can work most of these apps....

This is something you are going to have to get a basic grip on. You won’t need to be a tech wizard. I don’t know even a fraction of the things my computer or phone are capable of ... it’s a question of know how to do what I need to do. I’m 48 and we didn’t have computers as a child. My mum is 70 and she definitely didn’t have computers as a child... but she uses one every day as do I. To write, communicate, video call, bank etc.
Start basic and stop telling yourself that you can’t do it. Hear me out on this...
I’m a teacher of small children and when a child says I can’t do it then they can’t. It’s a self fulfilling prophesy. Only once you convince the child to drop the “I can’t” and embrace “I will try” then you can start to teach them. This is why many people are rubbish at maths for example. Their mum is poor at maths, she tells the kid you’re like me, you can’t do maths and it becomes true. So you need to drop that and tell yourself: “I am a capable adult and if small children and the elderly can learn video calling then so can I! And I will!” Be calm and play with it. Children learn by play and adults are no different. Play and try things out. When something goes right right it down so you remember what you did. Watch YouTube videos - others have mentioned it and they are right. You can learn anything on YouTube. In lock down my husband has learned guitar and I have learned to knit. All from watching YouTube videos. If the one you watch is rubbish then try another one.
No one can make you learn it starts with your attitude OP. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you can. Start small and build on it little by little every day just like children do at school. Children learn to read and right in small steps and by practicing- you need to do the same.
Good luck op. Don’t let your attitude beat you.

Apologies if this has already been said. Try taking pics on your phone
of the step by step guides you need to do on the desktop/iPad, op.
Have a writing pad beside you to jot down any memory aids that will
help you next time you need to do the same thing.

Do you shop online? Things like Amazon, supermarket shopping will help you become more familiar with 'netting.' You can do this op,
you just need the confidence.

i havent rtft but please dont be sorry.
it may not be your fault.
do you have the latest and faultless software and good wifi at home?
next time when you do stuff take good notes of each step and then you can refer to it later. it helps a lot.

PS also try doing things on the internet that you find fun, to break your mental idea that it is all hard and scary. What are you interested in? Music, puzzles, chess, celebrity quizzes, cooking? Anything at all, there are apps, games, things you can play around with which will increase your confidence. Don't just interact with the internet when you have to do something. Find other things too, that are fun or interesting for you.

How about writing everything down so that you can just go through in it until it settles in to you brain?

Also practice often, you could actually practice with word and Excel at home without a college organised course.

Pretty much all software is designed to be user friendly. Starting with the mindset of I can't do it is not going to help anything. Be calm, patient and keep trying. Google how to and watch YouTube videos. I do this all the time!

Op can I ask gently are you expected to go to work and you don’t want to? Maybe scared of it? Lots of jobs don’t need much tech usage. But you’ve immediately jumped to it makes you unemployable.

I wonder if you have a desire not to work, and the tech is a good reason not to?

Saying you can use things like just eat is extreme if you’ve no significant learning difficulties. So it would seem there is more to this than a complete inability.

Im 60 so grew up without computers. I remember the first time we got home broadband and felt like I’d entered a whole scary, incomprehensible world. I am not a natural. The only way I became vaguely able to use technology was by using it. I really improved after my divorce when there was no one to ask. I got an iPad and it really did seem intuitive to use. I can zoom, use teams, email and use YouTube to find out how to do things. There you get people literally talking you through what to do and showing you how to do it. I pause after every I structure, click what they tell me to click on then watch a bit more of the video and do the next thing. It’s like following a recipe. The more you do it the more it goes from being a whole unfathomable task to lots of do-able steps to carry out the task.

Please don’t think of yourself as unemployable or failing your DS. It’s just something you’ve not had reason or desire to use . If I can do this shit I swear most people can. It’s all about familiarity and practice and lots of making a pigs ear of things, which over time makes you less scared and more confident in just having a go. You can do this OP.

Try getting your DH to write the steps down in bullet points and practice following them a few times in a row, every day till it sinks in

Not being scared to get things wrong is really important. So what if you make a mistake? 'Oops' and try again, that's all!

You're not in charge of nuclear codes or a billion pound investment fund. You can't do much that will have any impact on anything, if you get it wrong. (Well, you could delete documents you're working on but, if you're doing things online, without having produced a piece of work that could be deleted, then the worst you can do is shut the programme and have to start again).

I think we can all get stuck in narrower and narrower paths of competence as we get older. Partly because we've focused on doing things we like and are good at, partly because of bad associations with the way we were taught things at school and partly fear of failing and looking silly.

Once you cut that last one out and realise there's nothing wrong with saying you're stuck, or asking questions, you realise that you can try pretty much anything, at your own pace. When you try that, with a little bit of determination, you can learn almost anything, step by step, to some basic level of competence.

It's very freeing, dropping the fear of failure and of other people's judgement.