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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School have just highlighted how unemployable I am...

238 replies

grannyinapram · 18/01/2021 09:55

Failed at the most basic task today- I couldn't figure out Video calls so now my little boy missed out on his first school lesson. It reduced me to tears.
I'm going to need to find a job in a few years and this just highlighted how behind i am compared to most. I can use mumsnet and kind of email. That's it.
I don't even get word anymore because I only know the old word from when I was at school.
I did an online course a few years ago and you had to go through the website to submit your work and use email and I used to cry every month because no matter how many times DH showed me I JUST DONT GET IT. I hate this, I feel so behind but I literally can't remember how to do 'simple' tasks. I even had to have phonecards from universal credit when we signed on for a bit at the start of lockdown.
I'm in my mid 20s.
Why don't I get it?
Been a sahm for 8 years now. I'm at least 8 years behind.

how do people just know how it works? oh god I'm crying again...

OP posts:

user1471457354 · 18/01/2021 10:14

If you go onto YouTube and type in ECDL course there are lots of videos going over the basics of IT. I did this course when I finished school and really helped me when I got my first office job. Don't give up!

movingonup20 · 18/01/2021 10:14

Once covid is over sign yourself up for a course, the library often has them if not try job centre plus for information. As to video calling - what package is it? My laptop is slow and not keen on running zoom for instance so it might not be you. If you want I might be able to talk you through how to set up for the next time.

ChairinSage · 18/01/2021 10:14

You need to stop talking in negatives and focus on the positives - look at what you can do and go from there. If you keep saying you can't do it, you never will!
Word is good enough for blocks of text but it's not so good for formatting with pictures - I prefer PowerPoint. You can't break it, so play around with the commands and see what happens. If you've used it 10 years ago, it's pretty much the same even if it looks different. I'm twice your age and have been using Word since the mid 90s - it's all the same principle underneath.

TheDailyCarbunkle · 18/01/2021 10:14

It seems like you almost have a phobia and that you're blowing it all up in your mind. Lots of tech is badly designed and unintuitive but if you tackle it a few times it gets much clearer very quickly.

My mum had a similar problem when she had to start using more tech for her work - she believed she couldn't do it and used to ask me endless questions about it. I eventually had to give her a major kick up the arse and tell her to engage brain. She did and she got a lot better at it than I am! It's similar to men who claim they can't do housework - they can, of course, they just have a mental block around it.

You absolutely can get to grips with it but your main hurdle is your own lack of confidence and your absolute conviction that you can't do it.

UnconsideredTrifles · 18/01/2021 10:14

OP, my mum - a fantastically competent, professional woman - won't turn off her laptop or close her browser because she won't be able to access her emails again if she does. She once phoned IT because she was convinced her keyboard had no 'K'. Some people just have a mental block with tech!

I think the other posters are right - the only way to get round it is to practise quietly, when there are no time pressures. Remember that it is exceptionally hard to delete everything/make the computer actually explode - the knowledge that there is no auto-destruct key really helped me get past IT anxiety!

Subordinateclause · 18/01/2021 10:14

I'm a teacher, please don't worry that your son missed his lesson. It honestly doesn't matter and isn't worth getting upset over. If you are struggling, talk to the school and they'll help you - the hard thing about online teaching is not knowing if people are choosing to not engage or if they need help, if you keep communicating with the school I'd hope they'd be supportive. It's really not worth being upset over though, honestly! You'll get there.

Subordinateclause · 18/01/2021 10:15

Teacher on a 15 minute coffee break between 2 live lessons before I'm slammed for not working by the way!

CroutonsAvatar · 18/01/2021 10:15

I’m the same as you OP. Was useless at IT in school, laptops and computers seem to freeze at the mere sight of me. The whole thing just fills me with dread. Managed to run a business for 7 years without ever owning a computer. Just my email and online banking on my phone and iPad. I’ve been a stay at home mum for 2 years and I can’t imagine what sort of job I’d be capable of when the time comes. I’ve been offered a little work of printing off and emailing letters for a family member’s business, and while I’m assured that it’s incredibly simple, even that fills me with dread!

Makes me feel so dense. My self confidence is rock bottom.

Ilovethewild · 18/01/2021 10:16

Op, in the short term get your dh to teach your ds and then he will be able to do it himself! Kids pick these up quickly.

Give yourself time to improve but you will need to get more understanding even if just to keep ds safe online...

PinkyParrot · 18/01/2021 10:16

How much you learn when doing half an hour a day at home is totally not comparable with using it when employed and at it 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
You need to do it over and over and over........ for it to stick imv.

And if you don't have a genuine objective it's really hard to sit and decide 'oh I'll make a table/diagram/template.' Quite different to being emailed a chart or spreadsheet that you have to use/add to, as might happen in real life.

Maybe an idiot's guide will help. But the bottom line is you will need it so get started.

MsVestibule · 18/01/2021 10:16

I think the advice you have been given about just messing about with it is very good. Sit down with it for half an hour every day and just see what you can do. I know what you mean about new Word and old Word. I was out of the workplace for a few years and thought 'woah, what have they done to this?!' but I just got used to it. The Help function is pretty good.

Please don't give up on it. You know it's an essential skill and the only way you'll get better is by practising every day. Good luck!!

SisyphusDad · 18/01/2021 10:17

P.S. This is an established learning approach and there's even a 'proper' name for it: it's called a Breakable Toy. It means something that you create and use to learn, with absolutely no consequences when if things go wrong. I use it myself, and it can be really helpful.

thelegohooverer · 18/01/2021 10:17

DH explains all sorts to me and leaves me even more baffled and I assuredly do not have a learning difficulty.

I do find it helps to write the steps down when I’m shown something techy. I find it’s a bit like trying to learn directions to a new location. If someone just takes me where I’m going, I won’t remember the way, but if I have to figure it out myself from directions, it sticks better.

You can also look for back to work courses in your local area when you’re ready to look for a job. It’s not uncommon for people to need to catch up after a break in employment.

I’m just going to add that the combination of small baby hormones and sleep deprivation absolutely fried my brain. I was genuinely frightened that I had early onset dementia. But the fog does clear eventually.

Lockdownbear · 18/01/2021 10:17

It sounds like you need to do volunteer work or a college course to get going.

Mid twenties and SAHM for 8 years, have you ever actually worked?

You really do need to do something to get yourself into the workplace or you really will be left behind.
Even if its volunteer work initially just so you have something to write on a CV and get a reference from.

Your confidence must be shattered too.

PaquitaVariation · 18/01/2021 10:17

How did you get on with computers at school? If you’re only mid 20s computers have been part of your everyday life since you were born.

chloworm · 18/01/2021 10:18

Another vote for Vision2Learn! Anyone can do a free, recognised and accredited IT course. In your own time. Employers will look really favourably on this.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 18/01/2021 10:19

There isn't anything ''odd" about it as a pp has said. I had to use teams for work and it took me forever to work it out. I actually missed a meeting because of it. It isn't very user friendly at all.

You just need to get some practice in, that's all.

HitchFlix · 18/01/2021 10:19

I think some people just aren't good at tech type stuff. You can't be good at everything. My mum (who is very bright and creative and an incredibly hard worker) simply can't "get it". She's done a few computer/typing courses and she manages to get through them but with HUGE stress. And as soon as the the course is finished she forgets it all and often has to start from scratch. Or she usually just asks me - which is actually very annoying as I feel she should know the basics by now (but I grin and bear it coz she gave me life and all that!)

If you don't have a natural aptitude you have to be on it very regularly to keep up. So make a point of going on the laptop as much as you can. Even if it's to write a shopping list on word! Watch YouTube tutorials when there's no pressure on you and take your time getting to grips with the basics. If all fails you don't the need to do a job that's computer based. My mum is a florist - it's best for everyone if she stays away from the screens

Skipsurvey · 18/01/2021 10:20

can you write down a step by step instruction?

there is one particular programme i use at work which drives me to tears, i cannot get my head around it.
try more often to use the programme isntead of avoiding.

Timeforredwine · 18/01/2021 10:21

Do not worry, contact your school they will help, lots of parents in your sit not uncommon. Once libraries reopen go there for a hour, they run free short courses. At least you are trying.

sarahC40 · 18/01/2021 10:22

Get your oh to walk you through it every night when you’ve got some time and get screenshots of each stage printed. Persevere with it as it’ll open doors.

ChikiTIKI · 18/01/2021 10:22

If it makes you feel any better... I've been using mumsnet a few years but haven't created a new thread for a little while. Either the buttons have been moved around or I've forgotten, but I can't do it now. I was looking for a while this morning and have given up. So you're better than me at using mumsnet!

Biscoffaddict · 18/01/2021 10:24

Even teachers mess up with those silly Zoom/GoogleClassroom/Teams things often. I wouldn’t worry about it.

HerselfIndoors · 18/01/2021 10:26

Oh OP you poor thing, I really know this feeling. And I'm a professional in my 50s who uses specialist software and is not scared of computers, and I have been in tears over trying to get home learning software to work - I started a ranty thread about it!

Even though I'm fine with things I understand, I really hate that situation where it's just totally unclear what you're meant to do and nothing you do works - it's SO frustrating and confidence-sapping. And I agree with others, when you get into that "I can't do it" frame of mind, it gets even harder.

In your shoes I'd get DH to spend time with DS going through it and helping him so he can do it on his own. Then learn by watching DS and asking him – it will be more intuitive and less stressy.

And you are not alone at all - millions of parents have had problems setting this stuff up, and millions of kids have missed bits - it's not a disaster. Missing a bit of education is not the end of the world, especially for younger ones. If it goes wrong, just read with him or play a board game. I also think you'll be fine getting a job.

MrsWindass · 18/01/2021 10:27

nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/find-a-course/the-skills-toolkit

Free and online

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