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Hand hold please - on train trying to rush to London to get to my dad before he dies

312 replies

africanantelope · 17/01/2021 16:48

Dad had a heart attack on Friday night, heart was not beating on and off for 2 and a half hours :( he had surgery but brain damage is bad and meds are no longer keeping him alive. Because of covid and having 3 kids I wasn't sure I'd be able to get to see him. I'm now on my way hoping I make it in time, we're weren't allowed in the hospital until we had the call. I just wish I'd come earlier but I don't drive and knew I'd be frozen just waiting outside. Also was told it could be hours days or weeks. I'm so angry at myself and just hope I make it in time. He was only 66 and healthy. Hand hold please lovely mumneters this train really isn't moving fast enough Blush

OP posts:
Sallymads · 17/01/2021 19:03

Im so sorry, sending you lots of love and strength x

Piccalino3 · 17/01/2021 19:03

I'm so sorry to read this OP. I hope you got there in time. I had a torturous journey to say goodbye overseas to both my parents, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thinking of you.

EnolanotAlone · 17/01/2021 19:12

Hope you arrived safely.

If allowed, hold his hand and play his favourite music you can share together, and have a chat together all the things your ever wanted to say. Big Hugs 💐

Audreyhelp · 17/01/2021 19:13

Thinking of you xxx

Jellington · 17/01/2021 19:13

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

Givemeabreak88 · 17/01/2021 19:15

So sorry Flowers

curlymom · 17/01/2021 19:16

Thinking of you. Sorry this happened x

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 17/01/2021 19:16
Thanks
Jeds55 · 17/01/2021 19:17

Hope you made it in time but if you didn't I'm sure he knows you love him. Thinking of you

Orchidflower1 · 17/01/2021 19:17

Thinking of you. 💐

WeAreShiningStars · 17/01/2021 19:19

I hope you made it in time to say goodbye, OP.

Wishing you peace.

BeigeFoodLover · 17/01/2021 19:21

Just wanted to send a massive squeezy virtual hug. I’m so sorry. X

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 17/01/2021 19:21

Dear africanantelope, I feel for you. I remember that horrible panic-stricken rush so well. I hope you got there in time to say goodbye.

But remember that he has probably been unconscious since he had the heart attack. You love him, he undoubtedly has always known that and loved you and your children. That's what counts, in his last thoughts of you, and in your and DCs' memories of him. It's not the saying goodbye but the years of love that matter.

Flowers
Weddingbells13 · 17/01/2021 19:22

So sorry op. Thinking of you xx

Kidsrule43 · 17/01/2021 19:24

So sorry for you

Igmum · 17/01/2021 19:25

Sending love and a handhold OP Thanks

tara66 · 17/01/2021 19:26

You sound very brave. Hope you get through this OK. Best wishes.

LucyAutumn · 17/01/2021 19:28

So sorry, hope you made it Flowers

Starlightstarbright1 · 17/01/2021 19:28

Sp sorry op.. hope you got there on time Flowers

Strongswans · 17/01/2021 19:30

So sorry op. I hope you got there in time. 66 is no age but he has clearly been surrounded by love.
I'm another who has been on that train, I was so very lucky that my dad pulled through against all the odds. Funny people saying about their loved ones waiting to be alone. We are sure my Nan waited until my dad and I were with her, holding a hand each while she looked out the window at home in peace when she passed. It was actually quite a lovely experience to be with her.

andyindurham · 17/01/2021 19:31

Hope you make it in time, OP, but to echo what others have said, these are not the defining moments in your relationship with your father.

When my mother died, I was at Schipol airport waiting for the connecting flight that would bring me home to her. Another couple of hours was all it needed (I lived overseas at the time, hence the travel) but it wasn't to be. At the time, I was upset - partly for myself, partly for mum but more for my dad, who was alone with her at the time.

In hindsight, though, while it sounds horrible, my being at home was more use to my dad than it could ever have been to my mum by that time. He was the one who needed help making all the arrangements afterwards, he was the one who needed someone to talk to - about mum and also, just as important at times, about 'not-mum'. Together, we got through it.

You don't mention other relatives in your post, but you won't be the only person grieving and going to your dad now means you can help others and be helped by them (as far as possible in the current circumstances). Best of luck.

OvertheRainbow2U · 17/01/2021 19:31

handhold - sending strength xxx

TiredMummyZZZ · 17/01/2021 19:36

I hope you made it, sending lots of love x

WitchDancer · 17/01/2021 19:45

I sat by the side of my dad for 12 hours, just waiting for him to pass. Exhaustion forced me to go home, so I said my goodbyes and left knowing I wouldn't see him again. I didn't get out of the hospital grounds before the ward phoned me to go back - he'd waited for me to go before he passed to save upsetting me (typical of my dad).

Please don't beat yourself up if you don't make it - they'll have told him you are on your way. He may choose to hang on, or he may choose to go now to save you that experience.

As someone said up thread, it's the years you have spent together that matter and not his final hours.

Much love

Colouringaddict · 17/01/2021 19:52

I hope you arrived safely. Hand hold for you xx

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