Why do funerals cost so much money

[Frickssake]

Read recently that a standard funeral can cost upwards of 3k, cremation not being much cheaper. I know you can pay for a funeral plan etc but 3k plus! I'm off to look if there's a cheaper way when I go!

Death is inevitable, weddings aren’t but we still choose to save and plan a huge amount of money to get married but no provision for our own death, not even £4k when many spend much much more plus honeymoon on a wedding.

A wedding can be planned over months if not years but a funeral is arranged in a matter of weeks where permitted but that planning and organisation-skill is dismissed by so many.

No one knows what is needed for a funeral or what it should cost ahead of them consulting an undertaker when a loved one dies.

There's nothing stopping you making enquiries in advance - whether on a thread like this, asking those who've already organised funerals and know their own costs, or just approaching the funeral director of your choice. The one I had to use recently gave me a comprehensive brochure of most of the costs, but I was free to ask about anything else - there were absolutely no hushing sounds and telling me that 'it's disrespectful to ask about costs' or anything.

We tend not to research it until the time we need the services, after a loved one has died, but you could very easily go into/call/email any half-decent FD (or all of them in your town) and tell them you're planning in advance - whether for your own or an elderly/very ill relative - and would like to know the options and breakdown of costs. Of course, costs might change over time, but you'd still have a reasonably good idea.

As the PP said, we spend so much time thinking, planning and costing up weddings in advance, but we hardly ever do the same for funerals; but there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't or couldn't. It's our own fault (and I include me in that) that we don't usually bother to do it. We can't blame the FDs when they're right there in premises that are open to the public and, like any other business, very happy to give you information that could well lead to you spending a lot of money with them in the future. Any FDs that won't do this or are cagey are still helping you, as you then know to strike them straight off your list (and tell your family).

Good, reputable FDs will only be discreet about in-depth (even graphic) details out of respect for your own sensitivities at an emotional time - and as has been said by a few people upthread, some bereaved people prefer to leave as much of it as they can to the FD and not to dwell on the details; but if you have gone to them in advance and you come out and ask them about all the specific costs and what the different services entail/include, they've no more reason to be coy about discussing their everyday service, products and prices with you than a greengrocer would be if you asked the price of a sack of potatoes.

My dad passed away in 2018 and the funeral cost over 6k and we didn’t go to the extreme because he wouldn’t have wanted us to. It is a lot of money and he would turn in his grave at the very thought of it but it was a beautiful send off and that for me was worth every penny xx

I also think there's some middle ground between what the deceased person chose in advance/would have wanted and what kind of celebration or memorial the family would like, to help them come to terms with and find closure on the death of their loved one.

If there's something you really don't like or don't feel is 'you', then of course you wouldn't want it at your funeral; conversely, you would specifically ask for anything that really does seem appropriate to you and your life (or you would hope your family would know to choose it).

A funeral is for THEM to remember YOU and I don't see why both parties preferences and wishes shouldn't both be very important; if anything, theirs should possibly carry more weight, as they will be (consciously) there, know what happens and have the memories to enjoy/deal with for the rest of their lives whereas you wouldn't be any the wiser.

I do think that more people should decide in advance and leave instructions of what wording they want on their headstones (if applicable) - and that this should be 100% respected by the family (unless it contains swearing or libel and the church/cemetery won't allow it, I suppose!!)

A light hearted tale now we are in lockdown, appointments only and mostly direct funerals.

Last week I was dusting our urns and keepsakes in our window display on the high street and a lovely lady stopped to admire. We both wore masks and after a brief, social distance talk she aired her concerns around costs and procedures which I easily put her mind to rest. I wouldn’t ever sell her anything or try and push plans etc, we had a lovely chat and she might return, appointment only for me to add her late husbands ashes to a little keepsake she knew nothing about.

Please, it’s not all doom and gloom, I personally love being able to help and it’s a pleasure caring for your loved ones during such a difficult time.

The only one I've fortunately had to arrange cost around £4.5k about 4 years ago.
Minimal flowers, no cars but a fair sized funeral tea at a local hotel.
Nothing on the bill was excessively priced but not cheap. The biggest proportion of the bill was the undertaker's charge and considering all that they did & all that they just made happen & the number of staff involved I'd say was a very fair cost. Yes I could have done some of those things myself but as I was burying (well cremating) my wife I'd much rather pay someone to do it for me.
I didn't find there was anywhere that significant savings could realistically be made.
One thing that does swing the costs hugely is burial and cremation charges. Every local authority charges differently and the costs can vary enormously + extra if you are out of area.

I know you are advised to shop around but by the time you get into that office to make those arrangements there last thing you want to do is go through it all again.

I do agree there should be a cheaper method available because like it or not it is something every single one of us will need one day

@TimeToCloseTheDoor

A light hearted tale now we are in lockdown, appointments only and mostly direct funerals.

Last week I was dusting our urns and keepsakes in our window display on the high street and a lovely lady stopped to admire. We both wore masks and after a brief, social distance talk she aired her concerns around costs and procedures which I easily put her mind to rest. I wouldn’t ever sell her anything or try and push plans etc, we had a lovely chat and she might return, appointment only for me to add her late husbands ashes to a little keepsake she knew nothing about.

Please, it’s not all doom and gloom, I personally love being able to help and it’s a pleasure caring for your loved ones during such a difficult time.

Yes I've had those kind of conversations as well. It's actually very hard even though I'm no longer directly involved in funerals to hear people be so disparaging about FDs like they are ghoulish money grabbing freaks when most even the ones who are hard to work with as a colleague take a huge amount of care and pride in delivering the best.

It still feel proud about funerals I arranged and conducted even the children's one because I know I listened to the families and offered them choices to help them grieve and gain some closure in a difficult time by reflecting the individual's life and character within the ceremony.

The main costs of a funeral are the funeral directors themselves.

I work at a crematorium and burial dept. A direct cremation is £480 a full hour service is £780 you can get a coffin as cheap as about £200.

You don't technically need a funeral director. But how will you transport the body? Who will carry the coffin? Who will do all the paperwork. A grave and burial costs about 1200. But you need to think about moving and storage of the body etc.

Funerals are as expensive or as cheap as you make them.

Somebody has probably already answered you this @Turnedouttoes but it’s called a public health funeral now. My father was estranged from his immediate family and we were not expected to cough up, thankfully.

There was no sense of it being any kind of lesser affair, but some wider family who knew we weren’t paying got sniffy about the stigma of it. None of their business, considering.

There are costs to the council which vary, doctors fees to provide a death certificate which again vary. Even if they die in hospital with a doctor there is frequently an additional fee. Transportation to the funeral home from the hospital or home.
We have always paid x amount up front to cover the required costs for the funeral to take place like the council costs. Then the actual funeral costs a couple of weeks later. £775 was the council cremation cost. A grave digger was £500 if needed. ( didn't need) Burial plot £1920 before the cost of the coffin etc.
Over covid there was only one package offered.

The main costs of a funeral are the funeral directors themselves.

I work at a crematorium and burial dept. A direct cremation is £480 a full hour service is £780 you can get a coffin as cheap as about £200.

When you say 'the funeral directors themselves', do you mean their own fees/wages/business profits etc. - or the money you pay them out of which they have to pay for all the costs they incur and the money they have to hand straight on to third parties?

Not wanting to be harsh, as I'm sure (like with FDs), it isn't as straightforward as it might at first appear; but if I'm understanding you correctly, £780 seems an awful lot just to rent a meeting room for an hour and have somebody press a button to send a coffin into a fire.

Going on that (probably very flawed) supposition, just because it might only be 15-20% of the average cost paid by the family for the whole thing, it sounds on the surface of it to be a very expensive element indeed.