Why do funerals cost so much money

[Frickssake]

Read recently that a standard funeral can cost upwards of 3k, cremation not being much cheaper. I know you can pay for a funeral plan etc but 3k plus! I'm off to look if there's a cheaper way when I go!

A warning to those who buy a funeral plan in advance. Make sure you know which FD you are registered with! My mum did this and never told me that there was only one funeral director who was eligible to do the funeral - she implied that it was a general plan and anyone would be fine. She died in the middle of the night at her care home (I live abroad) and the nurse called the funeral director she knew to come and take care of her. He was completely lovely and kind, but by the time I'd bonded with him, the funeral plan people refused to pay out as he wasn't registered with them to deliver care. It was awful and stressful, though the plan people were good enough to refund the money less a fee.

@wlv12

My mums funeral is on Wednesday.

It’s cost £5.5k, obviously without a wake or limousines. She had a funeral plan with the co-op for £3.5k, we made the choice between us to pay extra for a horse drawn hearse and a nicer coffin.

It may seem frivolous but it means something to us. She died on Christmas Day from covid, alone aside from the nurses who held her hands. We’ve been told so many ‘no’s’ since she went into hospital for obvious and understandable reasons and we have all been traumatised by it. We wanted one bloody big yes and she loved taking us on horse and carriage rides so - she’s having this yes. Mum would be happy with it too if she was here. We could have done it within £4K if it wasn’t for that.

Hugs. Xx

@Turnedouttoes

Out of interest who usually pays for the funeral? I’m very low contact with my horrible Dad for lots of reasons and there’s no way I’d be forking out for his funeral but I’m also his only family member and I doubt he has any money saved for it.

The estate, eventually. "Payment for the funeral takes priority over all other claims on the estate except debts secured against an asset." Though the organiser may have to pay first and reclaim later.

It is usually the executor of the will who arranges the funeral.

If there isn't enough wealth in the estate, then the person organising the funeral ends up having to foot the bill. And if no-one will arrange a funeral, the council will do a cremation or burial.

And that's why funerals are expensive - because in normal circumstances the person buying it isn't paying for it! Not directly anyway; an expensive funeral will reduce any inheritances. But then the person organising could well be getting no inheritance anyway.

Do organisations eg carehomes get anything to promote certain undertakers

I can't remember exactly the cost, probably in the region of £4k six years ago. It was an independent firm that my sister knew from her village.

What really irritated me was that I wanted a cardboard coffin, FD had quoted on something tacky like pine with brass handles - lower end of the range, cardboard was around the same cost of the pine one, but he was just so arsey about not wanting to use cardboard. I even had to get the hospital to confirm that the body (my dad was tall, but a bag of skin and bone by the time he died) was well within the weight guidance for the coffin.
the coffin was spectacular though
I reigned in my ghoulish side and chose something really nice, not "return to sender"

@VeryQuaintIrene

A warning to those who buy a funeral plan in advance. Make sure you know which FD you are registered with! My mum did this and never told me that there was only one funeral director who was eligible to do the funeral - she implied that it was a general plan and anyone would be fine. She died in the middle of the night at her care home (I live abroad) and the nurse called the funeral director she knew to come and take care of her. He was completely lovely and kind, but by the time I'd bonded with him, the funeral plan people refused to pay out as he wasn't registered with them to deliver care. It was awful and stressful, though the plan people were good enough to refund the money less a fee.

Yes, we had the same issue. My DF died suddenly at home and we had to find a funeral director to come and take him away. It was only the next day that I found his funeral plan which specified a different funeral director. Luckily both insurance company and funeral director were very understanding and managed to transfer the plan but it was very stressful.

We did a direct cremation which was £1500. We then had a funeral party at church. £50. Food and booze from Waitrose. £250. About 100 people.

@JKW36

My parents and I have spoken about this a lot. My mum is very insistent that she wants a direct to cremation funeral. So basically no funeral. A cardboard coffin etc. This is for two reasons. One is cost, she wants us to use the money that a funeral would have cost, and have a holiday with it, or such like. And secondly, she absolutely hates having a fuss made of her, and she says she feels the same even in death. I will then have her ashes and scatter somewhere she loves.

This is what I would like too and have discussed it with my adult children. I hate funerals and don't want one. The last one I attended was so cold and impersonal, yet the deceased was one of the warmest people I ever met. I want to give my children 3k to organise a slap-up dinner at a posh hotel, with my favourite music on in the background and anyone who wants to can stand up and say a few words.

@Turnedouttoes

Out of interest who usually pays for the funeral? I’m very low contact with my horrible Dad for lots of reasons and there’s no way I’d be forking out for his funeral but I’m also his only family member and I doubt he has any money saved for it.

My dad had insurance policies so my mum is using that.

I think there is a state funeral if you choose not to organise it.

I'm thinking I'll look into a pre paid funeral.

@wlv12

My mums funeral is on Wednesday.

It’s cost £5.5k, obviously without a wake or limousines. She had a funeral plan with the co-op for £3.5k, we made the choice between us to pay extra for a horse drawn hearse and a nicer coffin.

It may seem frivolous but it means something to us. She died on Christmas Day from covid, alone aside from the nurses who held her hands. We’ve been told so many ‘no’s’ since she went into hospital for obvious and understandable reasons and we have all been traumatised by it. We wanted one bloody big yes and she loved taking us on horse and carriage rides so - she’s having this yes. Mum would be happy with it too if she was here. We could have done it within £4K if it wasn’t for that.

@wlv12 for the loss of your mum. Good for you for making choices that will be important to you. When my mum died (pre-Covid) there was a bit of a feeling from others that donations to charity were preferable to flowers, but my mum loved flowers so I wanted lots of nice flowers for her send off. Other people might not consider this a good use of money but I decided it was in this case.

@Crankley

For my own funeral I am contemplating buying one of these: coffincompany.co.uk/wicker-coffins and storing it until the day arrives. Then I just want to be taken straight to the crematorium, no servi8ce, fuss or bother.

In the search for alternative coffins, I came across a wicker (or possibly willow) coffin making course, very close to where my sister lives. She'd said in the coffin discussions that she liked wicker ones (FD didn't complained they squeaked). When I offered to book us both a place for her her birthday, she said "no"

A friend died a couple of years ago and her family chose a willow coffin - very beautiful

Sorting out mils funeral atm, coming in at 4.5k, not including flowers which is looking like another £800! Want her name, along with mum and grandma, letters are around £55 each!!

Well if you are arranging a funeral its going to be someone very close to you, so in your grief you are not going to haggle over costs are you?

DH knows someone who owns a small family business and they are absolutely loaded, so a good business to be in.

As previous posters have said I thought there was going to be a government investigation into funeral costs, think its a bit of aclosed shop.

Because most people require a funeral. Plus people feel sad and vulnerable so are prepared to pay more/sense of guilt if you don't give someone a good send off.

@Frickssake

Do organisations eg carehomes get anything to promote certain undertakers

I don’t think so. The care home my parents died in had an arrangement with a funeral director to remove the body but it could be moved again if a different company was to be used. I was happy with the one they used and stuck with them for both funerals.

I appreciate it can be a very tough time especially if unexpected but it is worth taking some time to look at the websites at the package costs especially independent directors. Our web page has every cost detailed along with what to expect for each package.

Our direct crem service starts at £1087 plus doctors fees if appropriate.

@Sickoffamilydrama - just out of interest, is embalming necessary if there's no viewing and the body is to be cremated?

@wlv12

My mums funeral is on Wednesday.

It’s cost £5.5k, obviously without a wake or limousines. She had a funeral plan with the co-op for £3.5k, we made the choice between us to pay extra for a horse drawn hearse and a nicer coffin.

It may seem frivolous but it means something to us. She died on Christmas Day from covid, alone aside from the nurses who held her hands. We’ve been told so many ‘no’s’ since she went into hospital for obvious and understandable reasons and we have all been traumatised by it. We wanted one bloody big yes and she loved taking us on horse and carriage rides so - she’s having this yes. Mum would be happy with it too if she was here. We could have done it within £4K if it wasn’t for that.

So sorry for your loss

@wlv12

@TheQueenRaven not helpful I know but it depends in the strict sense no.

I've worked in companies where embalming was the exception and the reverse. Some funeral directors are very nervous about not embalming and then it coming back onto them in some way or some may not have fridges in every location.

Often the buildings are old and difficult to put the equipment in so FDs hands are tied they could move but people are uncomfortable with new buildings in a industrial estate.
So some companies embalm as standard and include in their charges others do not and charge extra both are fine as long as you as the client are given the choice.

In part as you’re in no mood to shop around so the economics of competition don’t do their work. In think coffins have got a bit cheaper since the Internet but it’s still expensive.

@wlv12
It may seem frivolous but it means something to us. She died on Christmas Day from covid, alone aside from the nurses who held her hands. We’ve been told so many ‘no’s’ since she went into hospital for obvious and understandable reasons and we have all been traumatised by it. We wanted one bloody big yes and she loved taking us on horse and carriage rides so - she’s having this yes. Mum would be happy with it too if she was here. We could have done it within £4K if it wasn’t for that

I think it's great to go for a funeral that really reminds you of the person, it's then something to look back on with good memories rather than an impersonal service. It makes a big difference to do it right, to do it your way, whether it be wicker coffin, straight to crem and a big party, or funeral with great music.

At the moment, there aren't many possibilities for social events though.

Also people wanting medical donation, those have stopped in some places in covid, so it's good to have a Plan B for that.

DMs ashes were split 4 ways and scattered at places that were meaningful part of life (prelockdown travel bans): her favourite UK beach, a nearby wood she used to take the kids picnicking, the gardens of the local tennis club where she met DF (we had to climb over a fence to scatter there ). It took us several weekend jaunts but she would have enjoyed visiting her favourite spots one last time. DF planned the spots and came with us and said he takes comfort in knowing he's going to be scattered in the same places as her when his time comes.
I have visions of them maybe enjoying a heavenly picnic overlooking durdle door :)

Printing company websites have design templates of the Order of Service you can upload for free. (They make their money by printing them for you - far cheaper than the funeral company arranging it and just as good).

Sounds a bit morbid but i thought I might start my own template for my funeral. Then I can add the photos I like (really hate some photos of me) and add in the songs I want etc. That will be one less job to do for whoever organises my funeral. I can even write my own tribute, bigging myself up . Sorry I have an odd sense of humour.

A friend of mine died as a young mum of four, obviously it was incredibly sad.. she had a cardboard coffin covered with drawings and poems her children had written for her, stuck all over it. It was a lovely way to involve them at a traumatic time.

My dad’s was £4500 including 2 cars and wake at a lovely little hotel near the crematorium. One thing I did begrudge was the slide slow, £10 per photo! Wasn’t allowed to do my own as they had to make sure it worked properly etc as guess it’s their reputation on the line. That was fine but then they charged me another £80 to have it on a memory stick! Shocking.

The rest I don’t begrudge, hotel was so good service was amazing, but the funeral director - so kind, they made my dad look amazing, and there’s no price on that final image is there

Do most people not have Life Assurance these days? When I left school, my DM arranged for an Insurance company to call and discuss it with me. Much cheaper than taking out policies late in in life.