Why do funerals cost so much money

[Frickssake]

Read recently that a standard funeral can cost upwards of 3k, cremation not being much cheaper. I know you can pay for a funeral plan etc but 3k plus! I'm off to look if there's a cheaper way when I go!

I buried my mum in 2013 for just under 3K. She had always said to me ‘don’t you be spending a fortune on my funeral, cheap and cheerful please’. It was both, she would have been proud.
I’m 56 with no funeral plan, but have a funeral savings account which currently only has £1.8K in it 😟.

@Oblomov20

Thanks for Corrag for the breakdown. It's much more expensive than I imagined. I can't accept some of these costs. It seems wrong. Why can't it be done cheaply?

It could be done more cheaply but as someone else mentioned, often bereaved people are not in the right frame of mind to look at cheaper options. I'm usually quite canny when it comes to money but I was exhausted after losing two close relatives in one week and I just went for the easier option. Yes I could have done the flowers myself but I was barely functioning at the time. In some ways I think you pay for the convenience of someone else doing it for you.

@Oblomov20

Thanks for Corrag for the breakdown. It's much more expensive than I imagined. I can't accept some of these costs. It seems wrong. Why can't it be done cheaply?

People have these crazy ideas about wanting to be paid for their time and expertise. In this country so much is subsided by the government that we’ve lost touch with how much life actually costs.

If you think you can do it cheaper, do it yourself or set up a business doing cheap funerals.

It is worth pointing out that if you are married/CP and it is your spouse that does, you are eligible for a bereavement support payment, which just about covers the cost of the funeral:
www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment

It doesn’t help with other family members though, and if you’re too cool to get married/CP you don’t get it either (nor the ongoing support for your children).

*dies, not does.

Weve paid up front for our funerals - direct cremation, the co. Collect us from anywhere in the uk, take us to their crematorium in hampshire, hold the body so the brain bank in london can come and collect our brains for research, then cremate us. No service but they return the ashes to our family. Then, if our children want to have some kind of send off they can do so.

I think the cost was around £3k each but this money has been invested somewhere and no matter the cost of funerals when the time comes ours is already paid for. I read a few years ago that funeral costs are predicted to rise massively and that in 25 years time a funeral could cost £20-30k!

Have had to organise several funerals in recent years and no, it's not cheap. Ironically Covid has made it a bit cheaper because of some things not included (flowers weren't allowed at the time, nor any kind of wake) though lots of the core costs remain. Must say that the funeral directors I have dealt with have all been really kind and helpful though. It is a tough job particularly at the moment.

I don't think you can easily get a typical funeral below £3K minimum, and 4-5K is probably more like the usual cost.

@LynetteScavo during Covid a lot of places have been including the live streaming for free, since now it's not so much an extra as a necessity if loved ones want to witness the funeral.

@Frickssake the one cheaper option is direct cremation which is where you don't have a ceremony and the person just goes for cremation without anyone there. Think that's about 1.5 to 2K even so. Might be an option for you @Turnedouttoes with your dad. Though as pp have said, no one can be forced to pay for a funeral. If no one can or will pay, then I think the council does a very minimal one they have to fund (what used to be called a pauper's funeral). If there's no funeral plan then it comes out of the dead person's assets, though it is likely a certain amount will be payable as a deposit.

Corrag, I agree , normally I love to hunt around for the cheapest price, use a discount code but for my Dad’s funeral all I wanted was to hear a nice voice on the end of the phone saying they would look after things. I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with things like arranging for my Dad’s body to go from the hospital mortuary to the other mortuary or anything like that.

My Mum’s funeral in 2019 costa below from what I have documented and can remember. It wasn’t the most expensive nor the most budget. However it was a funeral within the black Caribbean community which if you’re not sure what these are like are almost a big celebration we catered food for 450 people (it’s an open invite to the funeral) and a DJ for the music so that added.

Although it was the worst day of my life (I was 25 at the time) it was the absolute best send off we had for her. My only regret is that she wasn’t there to see all the people who loved her and dance to the fab music she loved as odd as that sounds, it truly was the best send off.

This is in the fees booklet I have left over as worded:
Services 990
Funeral director 725
Service to the person who died 1015
Coffin 440
Hearse 620
Embalming 95
Two funeral cars 268
Cremation fees 724
Medical certificates 164
Minister, church or officiants fees 350
Service booklets 220
Food for 450 (Caribbean catering) 2000
DJ 500
Neckerchiefs for immediate family women in My mum’s favourite colour : 20 from amazon
Pocket squares for immediate family men in same colour (20)
Drinks and alcohol for the table for the ‘wake’ £200

I can’t remember the other little bits we spent but I do remember adding everything up and it came in around £11-13k.

The money came from what my Mom had saved, we didn’t have to spend from our pockets at all and we were very grateful for that although we would have done of course if we had to.

I think funeral directors are actually one of the unsung heroes of the pandemic but also any other disaster.
Most I know are decent very caring people who want to give a professional service.

Having listened to and been exposed to some of the trauma they are exposed to on usually a weekly basis especially those that do the coroner's call outs they should also get more support.

Unfortunately as soon as it comes to death everyone thinks that it should be free or finds it distasteful to talk about or consider that the people working in it need to put food on their families tables as well.

I'm shocked how many think £3k is a lot of money to look after your deceased relative.

My DM died at home at 1am & was collected by the funeral directors (2 staff) in the middle of the night, taken to the funeral home, looked after for 3 weeks until the funeral date and dressed for her funeral andset up beautifully in a lovely room for viewing.

We met with the home staff and they talked us through all the options, were very kind and professional and talked us through things we hadn't thought of.

On the day of the funeral there were 4/5 pallbearers, again, couldn't have asked for a more professional service.
They are good at what they do and are paid well for that reason.

They have overheads. Body storage, vehicles, staff. They are on call 24/7.

I'm not saying £3k isn't a lot of money but put it into perspective

Most of the country can’t even look after their own children
Now you all are experts at funerals, and want to do it yourself, because it will be cheaper
Mumsnet is so funny

Oh and the room hire was a hall we use for all of our events...maybe a couple of hundred I can’t remember exactly!

I don’t know much but here’s what I’ve picked up:

There are funeral related benefits you can apply for. Not sure if it’s you the organiser that needs to meet the criteria or the deceased. You’d need to check. Worthwhile as I think it’s a couple of grand if you/they were on certain benefits.

If you go with a basic package from a funeral company they may not let you choose a service time, you’ll get what you are given, so consider that if you want it to be at a particular day/time so relatives can attend. I’d choose the last slot of the day if I could as the car park will be emptier for those driving to attend the ceremony (although with covid finding a parking space may not be an issue) and it’s easier for working relatives to get out of work a little earlier to attend.

Funeral companies are duty bound to offer a basic coffin. But it’s not always shown in their brochures. There have been tv programmes (perhaps watchdog?) looking into this and the unscrupulous companies weren’t selling the basic one to those who asked for it as they wanted to sell a dearer one so they could make more profit, while claiming it was the cheap one.

If you want anything put in with the deceased it has to be compatible with the furnace if it’s a cremation. So it won’t explode or take longer to burn down etc.

So a 2ft solid metal statue the deceased was welding when he died won’t be allowed. Various large metal badges or plaques, or steel toe-capped biker boots etc may not be allowed either. Depends but they will advise in advance.

The flowers are about £75-£120. It’s a lot of money as the florist will have spent time arranging them. However you’d be cheaper getting your own if you don’t mind them being bouquets from Asda rather than a 3ft long spray shaped to go on top of the coffin. The flowers from a cremation are generally put out the back for you to collect later and put on a grave/take home/do what you want with. You paid for them they are yours.

You can pay money to have your deceased’s name put in the book of remembrance at the crematorium. The name is put on a page of the date of death. It’s all years, so the page may start with 1995 or whatever with everyone since who died on that date. Staff turn the page of the book daily so you can go annually on the day of death and see your loved ones name again. (Not during covid perhaps). You can also buy a cremation memorial name plaque to plant a memorial rose bush beside. There are annual fees for this.

But then my Grandad’s funeral April 2020 was not where near the size and all the services fees and burial fees it was around £5.8k and the people attended was much smaller due to Covid restrictions. We used the same funeral directors too.

Dignity Funeral Services

Oh yes the flowers! The coffin ‘spray’ and the individual letters Mum, Aunty and Sister ...£370. Beautifully done and others contributed their own flowers/displays which went with the coffin in the hearse.

I think they work hard for their money. The funeral director we used for my parents (year's apart) is amazing and very sensitive and diplomatic, and also didn't try and push the most expensive things on us.

Btw if it's a cremation, you can choose a reusable coffin. I actually heard somewhere they're all reusable in cremations, but not sure.

My Dad's funeral was about 4.5K last year.

Very simple but we did use an expensive firm because they are good and made everything easy (we've done a lot of death in the past few years).

We chose the cheapest coffin because it was the nicest (no bloody fake brass), cremation, hearse only, small chapel at the crem, live screening was included in the crem fee, humanist celebrant, newspaper announcements in two papers, 100 orders of service which I then posted out to people who hadn't been able to attend due to covid.

We paid for the flowers ourselves (about £100) as we wanted to use a specific off list florist.

The costs of the funeral ultimately come from the estate but the funeral directors are very keen to be paid up front. It's worth thinking about as not everyone has this kind of money to hand (I don't - most of my savings are tied in to get a better interest rate or held in an ISA).

I was lucky in that my overtime payment for all the additional work I had done during the first wave of the covid pandemic landed as the funeral directors bill arrived - as I didn't need the cash immediately I used that to pay for the funeral (my siblings were delighted!) I've only just been paid back as it took time to get all the money in from my Dad's accounts.

My suggestion to friends' parents is that they set up a joint account with one of their children to act as a funeral fund (as typically joint accounts aren't frozen post death and as a minimum the money contained within is felt to belong to the survivor 50:50). This obviously relies on a degree of trust between parents - child and siblings....

I'm the first of my friends to lose a parent (and have now lost both of them) and have actually written a letter to my friends' parents about things they could consider doing to make things easier when they do die. This might seem a bit odd - but death is the great certainty in life and most people don't want to make it harder for their survivors than necessary.

The difference in admin burden winding up my Mum's estate (crap financial record keeping resulting in having to contact masses of financial institutions to find out if she even had an account with them any longer) vs. my Dad's (one spreadsheet, kept in a place we knew about detailing all accounts held, updated when he closed one and opened another and containing rough balances was unbelievably helpful... he did forget to mention though that he still paid his credit card & other bills by cheque so we didn't pay a few things, assuming they were on direct debit so the estate incurred some late payment charges although most places did agree to refund them...)

Monopoly power and lack of competition, complicated by the fact people understandably, don't want to shop around. The Competition and Markets Authority did an investigation - not sure what they concluded, but I'll try to find it.

@Oysterbabe

My dad has signed up with a University to donate his body for med students to use. When he goes we have a number to call so that they can collect him. He is very much of the opinion that his body was just the container that he lived in and isn't needed, we can mark and mourn his death in another way.

This isn't always a solution.

This was the plan for my grandmother. She wanted to donate her body. Unfortunately it was rejected.

@JKW36

My parents and I have spoken about this a lot. My mum is very insistent that she wants a direct to cremation funeral. So basically no funeral. A cardboard coffin etc. This is for two reasons. One is cost, she wants us to use the money that a funeral would have cost, and have a holiday with it, or such like. And secondly, she absolutely hates having a fuss made of her, and she says she feels the same even in death. I will then have her ashes and scatter somewhere she loves.

This is what I want. I don't want to saddle my child with the hassle of organising a funeral...and with whatever money is left in my estate I'd like her to enjoy it.

A simple funeral doesn’t cost much more than a direct cremation. You don’t get to choose the time, it’s usually an early morning slot and you get to have a send off for your loved one.

Direct cremation for me.

Depends where you live. We used a wonderful company for my brother and it was under 3K, in SE London. I produced and printed the Order of Service and the Service was carried out by the family and I booked a great venue, brilliant catering (recommendation by the funeral company) too and again excellent value. Only car was for the coffin and that included the cremation. There are companies that are not out there to fleece you, just depends where you are geographically.

@NeedToKnow101

I think they work hard for their money. The funeral director we used for my parents (year's apart) is amazing and very sensitive and diplomatic, and also didn't try and push the most expensive things on us.

Btw if it's a cremation, you can choose a reusable coffin. I actually heard somewhere they're all reusable in cremations, but not sure.

I've been in the back of more crematoriums than I want to count and coffins are definitely not reused. There's something around this in Hong Kong but definitely not the UK and all crematoriums I know would point blank refuse to do that.

The CMA report is here most in the industry welcome it.