Why do funerals cost so much money

[Frickssake]

Read recently that a standard funeral can cost upwards of 3k, cremation not being much cheaper. I know you can pay for a funeral plan etc but 3k plus! I'm off to look if there's a cheaper way when I go!

I think funeral directors can more or less charge what they want because they are an essential service. When my Dad died my Mum bought a plot.of land as he had wanted to be buried. When Mum died it was easier as she already had plot of land and funeral director did everything. We ordered flowers in a cross from local florist who she knew well. We hired a local hall and caterers for buffet as many people were traveling to attend. 7 years ago it cost almost £4.5k. She left plenty of funds to pay for it herself. She had even instructed my sister we must feed people if they come.

It's a captive audience, isn't it. Even direct cremation costs a fair whack.

Reading with interest.

My GPs both have funeral plans so I know they are taken care of.

I discussed with my dad, who has no assets, that he should set one up and he said he didn't need to as I can just sell his motorbike to pay for it 🙄. Great, so extra stress and hassle on top.

I've now gone LC though and I think he lists me as his NoK. I won't be paying for it, nor can I afford to. As NoK can I refuse to do anything? He lives in rented, shared accommodation, isn't married, has no savings. Has a car and a bike, neither worth a huge amount I don't think.

I want a direct cremation. I see no point at all in funerals and I hate them with a passion. I don't mind a wake as it's much more relaxed but see no need for the funeral bit and I definitely don't want money wasted on flowers.

My mother and mil have pre-paid funerals. I just want to be cremated and I’m pissed off that a coffin is required for that. My dad had the ‘rent a coffin idea’ where you rent it for the service the body is removed and burned and the coffin returned. A cardboard coffin could be used in place of the wooden one.

I was led to believe that the coffin doesn't actually get burned with the body and are reused. Like the rent a coffin idea but unknowingly. (Cheap alternative used as body cant burn properly alone)
Can anyone shed any light if this is true? I arranged 3 funerals in a year but no idea if this is true.

Do most people not have Life Assurance these days? When I left school, my DM arranged for an Insurance company to call and discuss it with me. Much cheaper than taking out policies late in in life.

The problem is that those who struggle to get affordable LA (or indeed any at all) are those in the group most likely to die prematurely and need it. If you're in a position when young to be healthy and afford the premiums, and keep them up indefinitely, it could be a great alternative to a funeral plan (or savings specifically for a funeral).

However, LA is usually sold for a fixed term and is sold/bought by most as a means to pay off their mortgage and/or support young children should the worst happen. If you buy it in your 20s, with a term to last until your 60s, chances are that your mortgage will be paid off and your children no longer juveniles by then, so it will chiefly have done its job; but try to renew your policy at 60 or 65 and you will find that the premiums are huge, even if you're in perfect health - if you aren't, like many 60-somethings, it will cost a whacking load more.

The main difference is that LA is sold on a basis of the likelihood that the vast majority of covered people won't ever claim on it; funeral/over 50s/similar plans are the exact opposite, in that they DO expect all policyholders to end up claiming eventually. That's why the former will usually pay out 6 or even 7-figure sums whereas the latter will commonly pay out significantly under £10K.

In many ways, the funeral industry defoes the rules of capitalism, particularly in terms of competition and economic cycles.

No one knows what is needed for a funeral or what it should cost ahead of them consulting an undertaker when a loved one dies. I've never come back from the shop and said 'bloody hell, the price of embalming has gone through the roof' or 'the local undertaker has got a cracking deal on coffin handles.' The taboos around death mean they don't advertise their prices. Also older working-class people seem to have a paralysing fear that they'll have a cheap funeral. My Gran's overwhelming worry in later was that she had enough money 'to go decent'. Nor does anyone want to be seen to be skimping on a funeral.

Also you need an undertaker in a hurry
My granndad died at home. An undertaker was needed to remove the body and store it after the doctor had arrived to certify death. This in the early 2000s so pre-internet phones and even if we had, we weren't going to ring around for quotes. It was a case of ring the undertaker in the nearest town. Who turned out to be scruffy, bunglers.

It isn't a job, I could stomach, but it seems a licence to print money.

Nothing to stop you buying the DIY materials and building your own coffin. Probably best to make it well in advance and use as a bookcase until needed. But it probably requires a more robust approach to death than is usual in this country. If you are planning on 'passing away' , possibly not the option for you.

I have a 10 year funeral plan that I pay for monthly. After the first year if I'd died the funeral would have been paid in full. I even got £200 of shopping vouchers when I bought it.

I thought the funeral costs were taken from the Estate of the deceased. So although someone pays on the day, as it were, they get the money back. If there is no money in the Estate, relatives have to pay, or it is a Paupers funeral.

@Oysterbabe my mum also made the decision to donate her body, but after I watched a programme on it (and then did some research), I changed her mind.

They can have and use the body for years, but at some point that body will be returned - in parts. If there are 3 or 5 body parts (can't remember which), you have to have a "funeral" or some sort. As my mums wishes was to have a memorial after her death, rather than a funeral, I explained to her that I would find it rather traumatic to go through the whole grieving process again by having the body returned to me at an unknown date. I'd feel I was always waiting.

Things might have changed and I might not have understood it all, but what I saw was enough for me. Total respect for those who do it though.

So although someone pays on the day, as it were, they get the money back. If there is no money in the Estate, relatives have to pay

I can't think of anyone I know for whom standing out 5 grand for months until the estate is wound up would be doable without causing themselves financial difficulty, let alone stand the cost of the funeral if there's not enough left be the deceased.

It's definitely a lucrative business despite the up front investment costs. That's why so many new crematoria are being built and there's often competition to get planning permission on a suitable site. I've seen the figures.

I accompanied my friend to the funeral director after she lost her dm.
In conversation with the FD, she told us that a poor 20 year old man had recently come to them and was totally bewildered about having to organise a funeral. He had never known his bio father. Never met him. Yet, when this man died, he was tracked down as the only surviving family and forced to arrange and pay for the funeral.
This was 8 years ago and I don't know if things have changed.
Something to bear in mind for people saying that local council have to provide a pauper's funeral. I'm terrified. I'm in similar situation. I've been NC with my own dad for 25 years and closest family member to him.

In addition, I had to arrange my dm funeral a couple of years ago. They wanted a substantial deposit which was fortunately raised by her siblings. But, I was hounded for the final bill within weeks. Think it had to be paid by 6 weeks. I'm still paying my loan back. Oh and she had life insurance which she'd thought would cover her. Had paid it since I was a baby. It didn't cover a fraction of the cost.

Direct cremation is about a grand, that's what I'd want

Me too. That's what I did for my DM and now DF has decided that's what he wants also.

So although someone pays on the day, as it were, they get the money back. If there is no money in the Estate, relatives have to pay

I'm not in the UK, but yes, the Estate pays unless there is nothing in the pot. Here the account gets sent to the executors and is paid directly by them from the Estate funds.

My dad’s funeral, a few weeks ago, cost £3679. Didn’t have anything particularly fancy, no limo and just a coffin spray for flowers, because my dad always though it was a waste of money and wouldn’t have wanted a fuss.

This reminds me a bit though of the threads on teaching- if it's such a lucrative and easy way to make money, why don't more people set up their own funeral businesses? The answer is fairly obvious, you are paying for the fact that this is a taboo and probably at times morbid/a bit unpleasant service that you don't want to do yourself! That's worth a lot of money!

Recently there is a trend for direct cremation which can be less money. However I am a form believer that the funeral is for the bereaved and its worth baring in mind that your family may want a service and prefer the "structure" of a typical process.

Unfortunately I had a close relative (who was youngish) die who was insistent funerals were a waste of money, that he would have direct cremation, no service. His children felt they had no choice but to go along with it, and very much struggled with not having a space to say good bye. I understand he didn't want a fuss, but those around him struggling with grief and coming to terms with a quick deterioration before his death, very did much want to make a fuss and to gather with others.

It almost seems now that people feel its selfish or extravagant to have a traditional funerals and can be very negative about peoples choice to have one.

What happens at the time of cremation....
I'm going to write about it in response to the question about what happens to a coffin after the funeral. Its nothing squeamish but if you are recently bereaved you may not want to read it

I have seen a cremation as part of my training in funeral taking. The ovens are VERY hot and the coffin burns almost instantly. It doesn't matter whether it is made of wicker or wood. it is seconds. A body takes a while longer - I can't remember exactly but maybe 10-15 minutes. Its more the speed of the coffin going that stated with me. The crematorium officials are also very careful to ensure that the remains you receive are those of your loved one.

I work in the funeral industry, previously in a directors. I'm now working for the Scottish government consulting in relation to regulating funeral plans.

The reason the funeral's are so expensive is that it's not your traditional competitive market. People don't "shop around" when somebody dies, it's only been within the last 18 months that any funeral director started published pricing online.

Funeral directors have been increasing there pricing annually for years although within the last 18/24 months there has definitely been a curvature in costs.

A few points, from someone who takes funerals as a small part of my living:

Who pays? If the deceased had assets, their estate pays. If they didn’t, then whoever organises it pays. If no-one is willing to do that then the council will step in. You will get no say over when it happens and may not even be able to attend.

Direct cremations: these are by far the cheapest option, but bear in mind this means you cannot have a funeral service. They will use the early/late slots at the crem, which are less popular, and do it when there’s availability. You may not know when it is happening until afterwards.

You might think this is what you want, but don’t underestimate the depth of human need to say goodbye. You may be caught out if you literally do nothing. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

You can reduce costs by: bringing your own flowers, printing your own orders of service, using your own car and having a reusable coffin (they are NOT standard at cremations). But if you have the money, you will often find that the effort of making the decisions and organising these things is just too much to bear, especially if the deceased was close.

This is why many people end of paying for services which, in other times, they would quite happily organise themselves. And the vast majority of funeral workers are caring people doing a tough job, and of course they deserve to make a decent living, in the same way as NHS workers do.

FWIW, I think the pandemic is going to lead to permanent changes in funeral customs. The crem where I do most of mine offers all manner of recorded music, including hymns with choir or congregational singing. In normal times, this is a relief, because the majority of funeral attenders are actually not used to singing, and their own attempts are a bit embarrassing to all concerned.

At the moment, singing is not allowed, so they sit and listen. And I think hat in the future, actual singing at funerals will be the preserve of families who are regular worshippers, bolstered by members of the deceased’s church. Others will sit back in relief and either just listen to hymns or dispense with them altogether.

The other change caused by the pandemic is that people spend a lot longer hanging round after the service talking to the family, because there is no wake to go on to. Graveyards are very chilly places in December, so I’m hoping that reverts to normal after the pandemic.

You might think this is what you want, but don’t underestimate the depth of human need to say goodbye. You may be caught out if you literally do nothing. Funerals are for the living, not the dead

The wishes of the deceased should be respected. There are other ways of saying goodbye that don't involve congregating at a crematorium and paying several thousand £££ to a funeral director.

@TheQueenRaven

You might think this is what you want, but don’t underestimate the depth of human need to say goodbye. You may be caught out if you literally do nothing. Funerals are for the living, not the dead

The wishes of the deceased should be respected. There are other ways of saying goodbye that don't involve congregating at a crematorium and paying several thousand £££ to a funeral director.

I don’t disagree, but it needs thinking about, that’s all. Ideally it needs talking about while everyone is fit and well rather than at death’s door.

My PIl were life-long Methodists. They left instructions that the service should be held in church, and then reception in the hall while the coffin went off to the crem alone.

DH and his sister rebelled. They left bil and me to host the reception, while they went to the crem with the coffin. They sat in the chapel while music played, and when they were ready, the pressed the button to close the curtains, then came back and joined the reception.

It’s one thing to say you want a simple send off and no fuss. And it’s another thing to deny those left behind something which they really need to do.

It’s one thing to say you want a simple send off and no fuss. And it’s another thing to deny those left behind something which they really need to do

Exactly that. I’d prefer a direct cremation but I’m keeping quiet about it because I know my family would be devastated. Who causes their family unnecessary pain for something they’ll know nothing about?