Why do funerals cost so much money

[Frickssake]

Read recently that a standard funeral can cost upwards of 3k, cremation not being much cheaper. I know you can pay for a funeral plan etc but 3k plus! I'm off to look if there's a cheaper way when I go!

I watched a programme on this a few years ago. They don't keep the body forever though. They use it for their needs and return it back to you after.

My husband conducted a service for a family where the body was left to medical science. It’s odd doing a funeral without a body!

He’s also done “environmental” funerals for the council for people without NOK.

It’s worth pointing out the cost of funerals don’t include the ministers time. They do it for free.

RedRum

What is DJ on your list please?

My dad's funeral came in at just under £3k. It was a cremation. The thing I regret now was the priest was a bit crap, and there was no need for him really.

No order of service.

Someone mentioned pallbearers, we didn't pay for anything like that. I thought we should arrange them informally but mum said no, and she was right. The coffin was just carried in....i think his friends might have sorted it himself.

We didn't choose a time, they just told us.

I would have preferred a direct cremation but mum said that would be unacceptable to "people".

I've recently heard of direct cremation. Your body is disposed of and not at whatever service you choose to have. I think it was under £1000. I would prefer to used the saved money on a good party/wake.

I am undecided between direct cremation or natural burial. No wooden coffin, either cardboard or a shroud. Not because of the cost, particularly, but because I just want to leave quietly.

I want no fuss.

I know of two instances where there were no costs.

Elderly lady who donated her body to a university. The family received her ashes back in a box two years later. They still have the box. When the lady died, the family held a memorial at one of their homes, inviting family/friends to say a few words.

Another, the mother of a friend of my DS died. The mother had no money or savings, no assets. Her DS, only relative, had no money or savings (was uni student) and they had an acrimonious relationship. The council paid for cremation. He never collected her ashes.

Not the best way for sure but doable if there are financial issues or as in one poster above, don’t want to organise a family member funeral if estranged.

My dad has sorted his own funeral because of this although he didn’t hold back and clearly wants a very fancy funeral ! 🙈

I paid about £1,800 for my OH's funeral last year. No posh cars, just a hearse to bring him to church. Sons-I-L carried the coffin. Cheapest coffin - what is the point in an expensive one? - it only gets burnt or buried. I was amazed that cardboard or wicker coffins were more expensive than baseline wooden one, which we went for.

I did the order of service; no flowers except from our children and they were from the garden. I organised the announcement in the local paper.

There is no need for all the trappings - I asked that the funeral director not wear Dickensian garb but just ordinary clothes.

His funeral was very moving - musician friends playing and singing - lovely memories shared. And it felt as though it was his - and indeed ours - rather than just feeling the whole thing was railroaded into what the funeral director's ticklist might have dictated.

@Covidcovid

Even coffins are expensive. The cheapest one was £700 in the catalogue when I last sorted a funeral!

Must admit I’m tempted by the idea of a funerals plan but what if you pay the money and the funeral director goes bust?

My DP works for a funeral company, and coffins are very cheap to make. They make hundreds on them by selling them for that much to customers.

All their staff are on minimum wage, the bosses are on a ridiculous wage.

People get very emotive about funerals, and want to have 'the best' for their loved ones. That allows them to triple the price, without people really questioning it.

I’m Jewish and if you belong to a synagogue there is a burial scheme in place. Funerals are traditionally arranged very quickly and there is a simple, standard service for everyone. Coffins are always plain pine and there are no flowers, music, pall bearers etc during the brief ceremony. There is no wake but it is traditional for mourners to have visitors at the 7 days of mourning (shiva) and they often bring food.

All of this means that there is very little immediate cost and it avoids difficult decisions having to be made about a loved one’s funeral. I think Muslims have a similar scheme as they also have quick, basic funerals.

@AcornAutumn

Hi, sorry I should have put a gap before food for 450 people and DJ as those were costs we added that weren’t from the funeral directors. So everything from food downwards on my list are costs outside of the funeral directors fees 🙂

DJ as in disc jockey...a wake in the BC community is more like a big party so we hired the venue until 1am and just had loads of music and my Mom’s favourite music/songs playing.

I've already organised my funeral and have bought a direct cremation plan for just over 1K.
I'll get cremated with no ceremony and my ashes will be delivered to my next of kin.
I loathe soulless crems, they make me feel super depressed. If I was a millionaire I'd organise a funeral in a cathedral but that isn't going to happen.
I want one of my pagan friends and my DS to take my ashes to a place of beauty or the sea, say the words of the wiccan requiem and scatter me there along with the ashes of my cats who have already passed away.
That will do me.

Local firm here for dad's cremation two weeks ago. No cars, no wake.
Just under 3K

I completely agree with Sickof.

I've just had to organise a funeral - relatively simple and obviously under COVID restrictions - and thankfully my family member left enough to pay for it herself (just under £5K); but I don't think many really appreciate all of the costs involved. It doesn't help in people's mindsets, because it's not something you actually wanted to buy, of course - and the big bill can come suddenly, rather than having plenty of time to think and plan, like with a wedding; but closing off somebody's life is expensive - just like starting off in life costs a lot, but we're used to the NHS bearing the brunt of that.

A good funeral director (open 24/7, as has already been said) will cover so many big and small tasks - each of which take time and incur costs. Just to take a couple of things for example, something as simple as pallbearing needs four people employed to be there. Also, nobody wants a cheap and/or old car to carry their loved one's coffin - and they cost a fortune to buy and run and replace after not many years or miles - even something like servicing them must have to be done very frequently, as they simply cannot break down during somebody's funeral - and if they're away for servicing a lot, you need more than one of them too.

Don't forget, also, that there are a number of unpleasant but necessary things that have to be done when dealing with a dead body. Funeral directors aren't going to give grieving families all of the gruesome details about what they've had to do with their loved one's body, but they've still had to do them nonetheless.

There are a number of costs which they have to pass straight on to the council, the church etc (the abovementioned £1K out-of-borough charge is disgusting, granted) and, just because we only see the coffin for a very short time, it's a solid, expensive item designed to carry a heavy weight and last (albeit unseen) for a very long time. It's a bit like when it seems garages are ripping us off, when their labour charges are very fair and they've just had to buy in an expensive part to fit on our behalf.

As for it being 'big business', why shouldn't they make a decent profit and earn a good livelihood for doing it, like any other business? There are hardly loads of people clamouring to become FDs - or even to do most of the jobs relating to their loved one's death that would be possible to do themselves.

For those who cremated a loved one what did you do with the ashes? Current family debate about it as I think they should be scattered and another thinks hey should be buried and I think that's defeating the object and the cost.

It’s a massive rip off. They basically pressure you into having the most expensive of everything. You’d do well to find a funeral for even just 3 grand.
Those lovely wooden boxes that they charge hundreds for are generally plywood with a veneer on them. They cost pounds to make. You can save money by not having the person embalmed. If you’re not going to view them, and plenty of people don’t view, they don’t need embalming. You can save money by not having extra cars, other than a hearse. You can save money by not having a funeral director walking behind the hearse.
Many firms basically prey on your grief and make you feel that you’re letting the deceased down if you don’t have top notch everything.
My dad used to be an undertaker. One of his colleagues got sacked and arrested for having sex with a dead person.

You don’t have to have a funeral. My step father had a direct cremation which I think was about £1200. No service. My Mum is doing the same. My grandmother overseas, planned her funeral and paid for it years earlier to save her relatives the hassle.

@newnamenewposts

For those who cremated a loved one what did you do with the ashes? Current family debate about it as I think they should be scattered and another thinks hey should be buried and I think that's defeating the object and the cost.

My late-DH's are still sitting in my understated cupboard. I have no idea what to do with them.

Actually, they were split 4 ways. His children each had 1/4 and I have no idea what they did with them. My MIL's 1/4 was interred after she died (15 months later) with hers and his dads (who died 10-ish years before DH, and which MIL had kept in her cupboard to be interred with her after she died). SIL arranged that.

For those who want cheap- you can have direct to cremation services, and just get the ashes back. No funeral, no visiting the body, just taking the body, cremating it and giving it back. That's the cheapest but there are still fixed costs for that such as storing the body, them taking it to the crematorium, crematorium costs (as they have to run it and keep the grounds nice and so forth).

I had an amazing funeral director recently, they were so kind and caring and the cost reasonable. Planning the funeral though was a lot of work for them, and when I saw a breakdown of their costs and spent time at their premises, it really seemed ok price-wise, they have to maintain premises, the cars, the staff, and have someone available to pick up a body any day of the week at short notice. They were just so lovely as well. It's a real art to make this a good experience for someone, but I think fondly of my loved one's funeral, it was absolutely as we wanted it, the wake was in a great place.

This was before Covid though, which has made funerals horrible again, all distancing, no singing, and just not what you would want for your loved one. In that situation I think direct to cremation and a memorial service at another time is the best way forward.

*I’m Jewish and if you belong to a synagogue there is a burial scheme in place. Funerals are traditionally arranged very quickly and there is a simple, standard service for everyone. Coffins are always plain pine and there are no flowers, music, pall bearers etc during the brief ceremony. There is no wake but it is traditional for mourners to have visitors at the 7 days of mourning (shiva) and they often bring food.

All of this means that there is very little immediate cost and it avoids difficult decisions having to be made about a loved one’s funeral. I think Muslims have a similar scheme as they also have quick, basic funerals.*

Was going to say the same. I am not religious but I love our funeral process. Everyone, regardless of who they are goes in the same way. No cost, no stress, no hassle. It all falls into place. With my late DH all we had to do was say goodbye to him and know everything would be done exactly as it should be with no need for decisions, worries or anything like that

Understairs cupboard!

Best to look in to local independents, or even online funeral directors, as they are far more likely to publish a price list, and are generally cheaper. Though be aware that lots that 'look' local have actually been bought out by the likes of Dignity.

As for paying up front, it's truly helpful to do so if you can, and will possibly lead to a discount - remember that the Funeral Director incurs costs that they must pay out for come what may (doctors fee, cremation fee etc.), whether the funeral has been paid for or not.

Every Funeral Director will have a file of unpaid funerals, that they, in effect, have paid for out of their own pockets. They don't get any recompense for these. So if they now insist on at least a deposit to cover their costs please understand that they're not trying to be greedy. Though if you've used them before, and paid with no hassle then they're more likely to waive this.

Yes, I am married to a Funeral Director

a massive rip off. They basically pressure you into having the most expensive of everything. You’d do well to find a funeral for even just 3 grand. Those lovely wooden boxes that they charge hundreds for are generally plywood with a veneer on them. They cost pounds to make. You can save money by not having the person embalmed. If you’re not going to view them, and plenty of people don’t view, they don’t need embalming. You can save money by not having extra cars, other than a hearse. You can save money by not having a funeral director walking behind the hearse

I think it helps if you know what you want. I didn't have cars, we drove ourselves apart from the hearse. Didn't want flowers at all. No embalming, they didn't even ask me about any of these things. I just chose the music, the celebrant, to go online, and it was about £3500 given the online videos and things, and that was good value for what we ended up doing. Basic reasonable coffin. It helps massively if you know what your loved one would and wouldn't want as it helps you say no to extras that are not necessary.

I discovered that wicker coffins are not as cheap as they used to be (when I first started looking) but also not as environmentally friendly as people think. Cardboard ones used to be plain but are now available in pretty designs.

A shroud is possibly the cheapest option, but might not appeal to many people.

If you have a cremation I see no point it using something expensive if it is going to be burned - if being cremated in a container of some kind is essential, not sure if that is so.

We thought we had a fairly modest funeral for my Ddad a year and a half ago and iirc it was about 5k. That was for cheapest coffin, 2 cars, 3 wreaths. The wake was at the church so not separate cost there.

@Carysmatthews agree with your points there, I would advise anyone arranging a funeral to not spend money on things that they don't want or need. We utilised the services we paid for like the embalming as I visited my mom a few times before the funeral as did others so it was nice to have her dressed in her favourite outfit and looking clean etc.

We did go for the cheaper coffin as well thinking a casket at thousands was not necessary at all!

I guess it depends on what you're wanting from the whole experience.