Why do funerals cost so much money

[Frickssake]

Read recently that a standard funeral can cost upwards of 3k, cremation not being much cheaper. I know you can pay for a funeral plan etc but 3k plus! I'm off to look if there's a cheaper way when I go!

I did my mums funeral including family car for 2850 about a year ago this was for a cremation and was everything
I went for a small local woman ran family firm which my mum would have loved
Flowers and the food & wake was around £700
I did all the legal stuff and my sister arranged the food flowers order of the service and memorial stuff
The same cremation with one of the bigger firms was almost £4000 that’s without the flowers and food and wake
It pays to shop around 😂 my mother would have haunted me if I wasted a single penny

Every Funeral Director will have a file of unpaid funerals, that they, in effect, have paid for out of their own pockets. They don't get any recompense for these. So if they now insist on at least a deposit to cover their costs please understand that they're not trying to be greedy. Though if you've used them before, and paid with no hassle then they're more likely to waive this.

Agree with this, I know of one being paid off at £10pm!

@Carysmatthews

It’s a massive rip off. They basically pressure you into having the most expensive of everything. You’d do well to find a funeral for even just 3 grand. Those lovely wooden boxes that they charge hundreds for are generally plywood with a veneer on them. They cost pounds to make. You can save money by not having the person embalmed. If you’re not going to view them, and plenty of people don’t view, they don’t need embalming. You can save money by not having extra cars, other than a hearse. You can save money by not having a funeral director walking behind the hearse. Many firms basically prey on your grief and make you feel that you’re letting the deceased down if you don’t have top notch everything. My dad used to be an undertaker. One of his colleagues got sacked and arrested for having sex with a dead person.

That is absolutely disgusting but please don't tar a whole industry because if one sick individual. I have done recognised courses both in house and the National Funeral association's diplomas and they are extremely strict and clear on up selling in fact you failed if there's even a hint.

As for coffins there's a video showing how they are made they are often venner as is most furniture we buy because it's considered more environmentally friendly.

There's seems to be a lot of anger and resentment towards funeral directors almost similar to Estate agents most based on half truths or misunderstanding. I wonder how we as an industry can change that?

Friend mum last year £1.5K. Very basic, small ceremony but nice.

@Chasingsquirrels

Oh, he has plenty of people paying off at that kind of rate too. Though not ideal, it's preferable to trying to evade payment altogether. Sounds unpalatable, but far better to have an up front conversation about these things, rather than having to chase for payment.

www.gov.uk/government/news/cma-publishes-final-report-in-funerals-market-investigation

@Covidcovid

Even coffins are expensive. The cheapest one was £700 in the catalogue when I last sorted a funeral!

Must admit I’m tempted by the idea of a funerals plan but what if you pay the money and the funeral director goes bust?

You need to take out the plan with a specialist provider. These a often but not always sold by funeral directors acting as a agent for the provider who is rather similar to an insurance company, so you money should be safe.

@Chasingsquirrels

Understairs cupboard!

I much preferred the “understated cupboard”. It made me wonder how fancy all your other cupboards were!

I want a direct cremation. No fuss and no bother

My mum died in 2019 , we had a mid week funeral , immediate family only ( her wishes ) so 7 of us , no cars , cremation mid week , one 5’ coffin wreath , celebrant - should have been really cheap however my adult ds insisted that she had wanted a bamboo coffin and as he was very badly affected by her death we went with it . Total cost £5.4K . My advice would be stick with wood ( cheap wood ) although the coffin was beautiful . I’ve told my family I want one of those direct jobs , no service .

I'm not sure if you pay extra for pall bearers or they come as part of the package to bring the deceased to the church/cemetery/crematorium.

My parents and FIL were all carried in & out by family members but you still need funeral home staff to help them moving the coffin in and out of the hearse and setting them up correctly, and setting up the coffin stand if in a church.

We lost my Nan a little over a year ago and it cost around 8k, it was slightly more expensive because it was a Saturday and the council charge extra for a funeral on a Saturday

Three years ago my husbands funeral was around £5k plus an additional £1k for the wake.
I could have gone more expensive or cheaper as it was the add ons that increased the price. Three extra cars was nearly £1k, extra orders of service. A mid price range coffin father than the cheapest, pall bearers as my sons didn’t want to do it, extra music and slide show. It all adds up but you don’t need to have them if you want to reduce costs. We did our own flowers as a relative went to Covent Garden the morning before and made a lovely coffin topper for less than half the cost the funeral director quoted because there was no need to pay a florist for their time and expertise putting it together.
I used a small independent funeral home who were excellent and worth every penny spent. Nothing was to much trouble. We could visit with my oh any time up to the funeral and they would prepare the body and arrange a viewing room. More than once if we wanted to go back or another member of the family wanted to visit separately. All the little details were seen to even down to his hanky in his pocket and his hair trimmed just how he liked to keep it.
For the amount of work they did I can’t see how their profit margin can be that high after you deduct set costs to the crematorium and legal paperwork.

Interesting to read the recommendations of the CMA, thank you @Phineyj for the link.

My thoughts are that at a time of grief, how much is likely to be very low on your list of things you consider. It almost seems rude or even disrespectful to the memory of the deceased. The CMA proposal of an inspection regime and of a ban on payments to places for recommendation seem to be the most likely to have any impact.

OP, having a direct cremation and then your nearest and dearest having a separate memorial event or service may be the answer to your wish.

@Oysterbabe

My dad has signed up with a University to donate his body for med students to use. When he goes we have a number to call so that they can collect him. He is very much of the opinion that his body was just the container that he lived in and isn't needed, we can mark and mourn his death in another way.

Wow - I think it's wonderful for your dad to think of his body in that way. Very quirky, but very philosophical and pragmatic.

@Vivana

I want a direct cremation. No fuss and no bother

I think they can come in around the 1K mark?

@NotExactlyMrsCurrentAffairs
We have direct family experience of this
Family member was cremated by university and ashes returned to us not the body.
They have a general service at the university every year to commemorate those who have donated their bodies
One thing to know is that they aren't accepting bodies in the pandemic so for our family member who died in December and had left her body to the uni we had to arrange a funeral.

You can transport the body yourself, view the body at your home, I don't think you even need a coffin with handles (they're ornamental anyway) just needs to be compatible with the furnace.

Some of the cost saving suggestions from @Timeforabiscuit there though others have made similar points. I would just ask: how would people actually feel, when the time comes, about having to lift and carry your mum or dad's dead body yourself, source a shroud or coffin yourself and physically put them in it, have them lying in your house until the time of cremation (presumably without embalming as that's another thing to pay for), and grapple with getting them into your Ford Mondeo? Because all that's what you're paying for someone else to take care of. I for one was relieved to have professionals to do that, at a time when I was upset enough already and engaging in any of the above would have been unthinkable.

Storage of the deceased - expensive equipment. The limos are incredibly expensive to purchase. Just two reasons there

What I learnt from my aunt's funeral a few years ago is that a cardboard coffin wasn't as cheap as a laminate version and there was a premium uplift for seemingly the ecological friendly options. I pointed out to my cousin that she was being cremated so maybe, an expensive coffin was literally burning money and wouldn't have been what my frugal aunt would have wanted.

My partner died in November. I asked some of his family what sort of funeral they thought he would want, and they unanimously replied "The cheapest!"

A few funeral directors do a sort of bargain basement service and his cost £2,700. You have to have the service either first thing in the morning or late in the day. We went for late as he could never get up in the mornings, and it was at 4.

The only car was the hearse, it was very informal, me and his closest family spoke about him, we had some of his favourite music in between each speaker, his son did the welcome and close and his niece prepared an order of service with the words of his favourite song and some photos as well as who was doing what. A real famiuly affair.

It was lovely in a way, despite being so sad. It certainly didn't feel cheap or rushed. My only regret was that we couldn't afford a burial. I find myself wishing I could go to the place where he is, even though he's not really there iykwim.

We did a direct burial for not-D mum, 4 years ago so COVID no excuse. It worked for us

My FIL died in 2019, and originally had bought a twin plot in an eco grave place, wicker coffin etc. Then, during the last few months of his illness, he completely changed his mind and ended up with the most extravagant funeral ever! Brick lined grave, velvet lined coffin in the most expensive wood, a piper, tour of his previous houses in hired cars, wake. We don't know the cost, or how on earth it was paid for as they had no money, but we guess it must be well over £10k!

This sounds dignified and sensible. I never understood why many funerals take so long to arrange

This isn’t always a reliable option, Universities reject a large amount of ‘donations’ at the time of death if they’re not suitable for their needs, leaving the family to unexpectedly pay for a funeral. Especially at the moment when they’re not using the teaching labs as much

Agree. I doubt medical students will learn anatomy through dissection at all for much longer - they already do far less than when I was at med school in the 90s. There will probably continue to be a need for a small number of bodies for medical/pharma research for a few decades, but not enough for anyone to rely on this to avoid funeral costs.