Single Parent Joining The Army

[wannabesolider]

Hello!

Posting here mostly for traffic!

I am in the midst of a uni application for nursing, I am mostly certain I will be successful in gaining a place, I already have the grades (equivalent to 3 A's at A-Level). Once I have an offer I am debating whether to join the army and nurses are a high priority trade they are recruiting for, also the generous bursary they offer is appealing. I'm just looking for advice on whether it is feasible or just a pipe dream.

DD will be 3 by the time my degree starts and will be 6 before I commence army training and start serving, I do have childcare options for deployment between family and a nanny and then once old enough will look at the option to place her in boarding school.

Does anyone have experience as a single parent in the forces? Aibu to even think about it?

I am aware of the forces lifestyle as I was a military brat myself that went to boarding school (cheap private school fees is a bonus!). However, my parents were together until my mid teens and I was already at boarding school. My daughter's father has no involvement.

student nurse here, also a mummy and also a reserve Army member.
I do not think you are being unreasonable at all, it is not different from a mother of kids, in a relationship being in the military. Being in the military doesnt always guarantee front line/war zone. you could work on humanitarian causes and do short tours of 6-8 weeks.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow just because your sons father was fucked up big time that doesn't account for all children.

@3u33y thank you 😊. The reserves is another thing I thought about!

I’ve not RTFT as I got a bit bored of the boarding-school-bashing.

I am ahead of you in this process, in slightly different circumstances.

Pros: higher salary, subsidised accommodation, access to Forces Help to Buy, opportunities to specialise much faster than in NHS, supportive community, the BA have two options for flexible working now: there is flexible working (which doesn’t affect reckon-able service/pension) and flexible service (which does). Both are your right to apply for. CEA exists to support should you choose to send your DD to boarding school, but there are also pilot schemes for free wrap around childcare.

Cons: last minute anythings, some level of instability for you and your daughter, some level of bureaucratic bs will affect your life at some point

Do you plan on being an officer or soldier?

If you manage to do the three year degree with minimal disruption and upset to your daughter’s life, then barrack life will be practically the same.

The opportunities for deployments are fewer nowadays - we aren’t in the heydays of HERRICK and TELIC with money coming out the ying yang for people to go away, nor are we at war. Operational deployments are more stability / peacekeeping and on the nursing side don’t often require more than individual augmentees as opposed to whole companies of military nurses.

You are more likely to be going on exercise with a frequency that grates, but that is no different to those parents who have a job that require them to travel and stay away for periods of a few days up to a few weeks - of whom I know several (granted not as common as the old stay in the local area, home by teatime sorta lot). This bit is the most frustrating as you can often feel its all a bit pointless, but that complaint is part of the job.

The nurses I know have been fast tracked in their careers in ways the NHS can’t compete with - think nurse prescriber, nurse practitioners, ANPs etc but also access to courses as simple as IVs cannulation. The number of post registration NQNs I have met who have been in their ward/trust for 18 months plus who still cant do IVs is astounding (mostly because of access to training/needing time off the ward to do it!)

PP are correct in that a lot of our clinical skills are completed/current through essentially acting as agency staff in a select number of NHS hospitals so it really is no different.

Bit of a stream of consciousness here.

I take great umbrage to those who say your daughter is akin to being fostered if you take this career path. My daughter is younger than yours is now, and just by doing the training to be a nurse would go three days without seeing me - but then she’d get me for four days - and guess what I earnt a full time salary for doing so. So i provide her with a greater security, a roof over her head and opportunity than I would for actually working part time in some other 9-5 office job

Experience of military life when young, moving around every 3 years and boarding school.

Boarding school can be shit for some children. Great for others. Being with DS at home in his teenage years has made me realise how much I missed out on all that growing up.

I relish the time I that I can spend with DS and seeing him grow up, spending time with him in the evening and at the weekends rather than being someone who come home at holidays and who you speak to once a week on the phone.

@Arobase have people asked? Sorry. Pre boarding school, I really need think about that. If boarding school didn't work then I would leave, my four years service would come about within her first year of boarding school. I wouldn't stay in and force her to put up with it.

I’ve reported your last post as being unnecessarily nasty OP.

I don’t think you will be a good fit in the forces frankly. And if your possible unit has a snide book, I reckon it will be filled.

I forgot to add that one of my parents was forces growing up and I lived in 7 different places before they retired having done a full career. It was amazing. I loved it all. I collected friends from each posting, kept in touch with some. I really feel it gave me an adaptability and resilience which has helped me as an adult to make choices - eg before joining the military I did a degree with an international year abroad and then lived abroad after university because “why not?”

I'm a nurse. The army will pay for your training and you use their university etc. If you decide you want to joint afterwards then I would wait until you qualify. Also look at nursing in raf less stressful and mobile. Or get a job in a large teaching hospital in accident and emergency

The army prefer a and e experience, icu, or mental health trained

My OH is an officer so compared to a lot of numpties on here I actually have experience of your situation 😂. Go for it. The forces is such a tight knit community and I can’t think of a better place to be as a single mum.

As you know a lot of postings are along the m3 corridor so I think you could quite reasonably expect to spend most of your time in one general area. OH has been posted in Winchester twice, tidworth and Andover. He’s done 12 weeks in the falklands and 1 year in the Netherlands so hardly constantly away like some people on here seem to think happens. Plus the extra money you get for being away helps soften the blow and has helped us put deposits down on two houses we now rent out.

Our next door neighbour is a military A&E nurse based at an NHS hospital and they have lived in the same house for years. I think being a nurse in the army gives a lot more stability than other regimental jobs like my OH’s.

Continuity of education is brilliant, we will be sending our children to boarding school to give them stability and access to what we consider better education having both come from state school. A lot of OH’s military friends went to boarding school and he says they are all socially far more astute than those that went to non boarding. You’ll also have access to a far nicer house/bigger house than you would get buying/renting privately. Plus as you say the military bursaries for nursing are brilliant and if a few years down the line you find out army isn’t for you and your child then you leave.

The OP has been called an unfit mother unloving and a twat! I think she has responded well given the insults thrown at her by many posters who have no experience of forces life.

The OP specifically asked for those with experience and I agree with her its the know it all posters with no experience in this who have been the most vile towards her.

@YougoFargo thank you! I was quite surprised at the hatred of boarding schools!

All of those pros are exactly why I'm considering it. I would be wanting to train as a solider, more because I was worried about the near enough year away training at Sandhurst. I'd possibly think about commissioning during service. Which have you gone for? Would you recommend officer instead?

I haven’t insulted her. lastrolo

But with each post I really am questioning their suitability for the Forces life. And after their entirely unsympathetic response to arseinthecoopwindow, I’m not entirely sure they are suited to nursing either. 🤷‍♀️

It just seems selfish op. Not as if you don't have other options. But can understand why, as you've described your upbringing, you might not agree.
My gm was sent to boarding school at six and it affected her entire life. It felt like a rejection. Having your main caregiver suddenly away for long periods isn't that different, if it's their choice, they can't claim they were forced to, they CHOSE to leave them.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell sorry what post? The words fucked up big time, were the ones I reiterated that were used by the same poster who was if anything, quite nasty to me.

Continuity of education is brilliant, we will be sending our children to boarding school to give them stability and access to what we consider better education having both come from state school. A lot of OH’s military friends went to boarding school and he says they are all socially far more astute than those that went to non boarding

I agree that continuity of education and the good schools is important .I would have had 3 secondary schools.

But I know that it can also fuck you up - and I also know how lonely it can be for some, and your parents can't see that.

Your teenagers won't know what they've missed out on, until they become parents themselves and see what it is like having a teenager at home. Hard work, stressful, but also amazing - and part of being a parent and a family.

Have a look at mental health nursing as well. Its so interesting and if I could go back would do this

Nurses, doctors, priests etc don't do the full year at Sandhurst (unless that's changed).

I didnt say you had insulted her Sheldon

Why should the OP be sympathetic. That poster decided that because their DP had a bad experience boarding then no child should ever board.
You have jumped on the OP for responding in a way you don't like yet you ignore the posters calling her a twat a bad mother and unloving.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

I haven’t insulted her. lastrolo

But with each post I really am questioning their suitability for the Forces life. And after their entirely unsympathetic response to arseinthecoopwindow, I’m not entirely sure they are suited to nursing either. 🤷‍♀️

You absolutely did. You were passive aggressive about it but you did. Don't play the wide-eyed faux-innocence card.

I don’t think you will be a good fit in the forces frankly. And if your possible unit has a snide book, I reckon it will be filled.

And as for @ArseInTheCoOpWindow she was thoroughly unpleasant to the OP from the off.

@buckingmad thank you so much for that. 100% my thoughts 😊

As a Nursing Officer you do the PQO Commissioning course which is 14 weeks long, not the regular 44 week. It is the length of time as basic training for soldiers. You then complete phase 2 training of 8 weeks in Lichfield. I am an officer and highly recommend it. I am a transferee however, so completed RCC and then transferred across.

As an aside, my salary whilst training was equivalent to a Band 7 nurse. I do not know how the NHS justifies such low salaries.

The BA have many schemes to invite interest at all levels i.e. you can apply and be selected before commencing your degree (as long as you have a place), during your degree, or after. There are financial incentives with each of these options.

I never went to boarding school as a child, but wanted to! Oh well! My military parent was away for 3-6 months a year for a chunk of my life (shockingly around the time that the war on terrorism ramped up) but my relationship with them never changed, and I love them just as much as my other parent who worked a normal job (that meant I had to go to childcare after school, until I was old enough to be left at home until they got back).

I really rate this career. And as you say, you have 4 years to try it and see how it suits your life, but then you can leave experiences, highly trained and without student debt!! And your daughter will (possibly) have lived in a few places you would have never considered to go - but the chances are you’ll get to know Wiltshire or Catterick really well

I don’t need an eye roll last rolo

It is merely my opinion.