When do we teach daughters to fight back?

[Jimbellselmbath]

Dd has been in trouble in school for "fighting"
She is 12 and a little skinny thing.
The other side was a boy, a school year older, taller and bigger, she said he has already turned 14. So nearer 2 years older.
He has history for attacking girls back to primary but his parents are very vocal and protective and their boy is an angel.
DD got the better of him in the "fight"
Dd said he started it and she finished it like we had always told her to do.
None of the above was disputed by either side.
DD was placed in isolation for a week although lockdown happened so she did 2 days. The boy got nothing although he was in school.
What has really riled me is the teacher was so bothered about her retaliating, that was the source of her punishment.
Having had time to think about it I am not happy.
So dd shouldn't retaliate? Should she do so when she's older?
If an older boy kicks her in the fanny on the bus, should she wait until the next day to report at school? What if he's not from the school? What about an adult? Should she sit quietly and take his abuse? At what age can a girl fight back? I want to go to his house but dd would die of shame
I have no faith in the school

Are there seriously idiots out there telling their daughters to try and attack/keep fighting attackers? It boggles the brain quite how stupid and dangerous this is.

Totally agree, when a male attacks a female it isn’t an even match. In nearly all cases the male will overcome her., no matter how hard she fights. You only have to watch all the crime programmes. Do people have a problem accepting this. This doesn’t make the male superior in any way, it’s just physics.

OP I don’t know how to do the quotes thing but you said:

She punched him in the chest, kicked him in the balls, punched him in the face, knocking him down then while he was on the floor, she jumped on top of him and punched him repeatedly in his face

In the next post you said she acted in self defence. She didn’t. Once she had knocked him down there was no threat to her. That’s why she’s been punished.

He 100% should have been punished and I would be making a complaint that he wasn’t.

@TheNestedIf

Are there seriously idiots out there telling their daughters to try and attack/keep fighting attackers? It boggles the brain quite how stupid and dangerous this is.

Err fairly basic self defence, no? Make yourself a bloody difficult target??

Not in court.

I would be worried about court AFTER dealing with the more pressing issue of receiving a beating. Or worse.

Maybe but with the onslaught of posters telling OP to call the police....

To those of you having a problem with this child defending herself,what would you have done? Curled into the fetal position or run away or stay and take more physical assault? Write a strong letter of protest? I was that child years ago, having been bullied and hit on the school bus by a boy my age but larger physically-I climbed over the seat and kicked his as-it was pent up anger,rage and frustration. I ended up in the principal's office the next day with parents of both of us but I didn't care-wasn't bullied again that year. She's only 12.

@EKGEMS

To those of you having a problem with this child defending herself,what would you have done? Curled into the fetal position or run away or stay and take more physical assault? Write a strong letter of protest? I was that child years ago, having been bullied and hit on the school bus by a boy my age but larger physically-I climbed over the seat and kicked his as-it was pent up anger,rage and frustration. I ended up in the principal's office the next day with parents of both of us but I didn't care-wasn't bullied again that year. She's only 12.

Punched or hit him away ONCE and then sought help from the nearest person (if we are in the real world, not where all the staff were inside while the children were outside for 2 and a half hours).

And th many, many other factors.

@supernanmam

The OP didn’t suggest the attack took place on the bus. That part of her post was a what if about the general idea of fighting back and the sorts of situations her DD might find herself in when she would need to hit back.

Suprised to hear fanny is considered a rude word in other places in the UK.
We all call it that round here, its not perceived as crude or vulgar, it’s the equivalent of a boy calling his penis a willy.

@supernanmam "The clues are in the fact the op couldn’t decide whether the attack happened on the bus or in the school' Go back, and re-read carefully the original couple of posts. That is not what the OP said: she did not change her story about where it actually happened.

@Wheresmykimchi I suppose we will never know if any thread is 100% legit (unless one is the author)

Good for her! My dad taught me boxing from age 3 and I went to a pretty rough school. Growing up I had several fights, mostly with boys (I'm a female) and let me tell you I never lost one. I would definitely be round his house too.

@EKGEMS

To those of you having a problem with this child defending herself,what would you have done? Curled into the fetal position or run away or stay and take more physical assault? Write a strong letter of protest? I was that child years ago, having been bullied and hit on the school bus by a boy my age but larger physically-I climbed over the seat and kicked his as-it was pent up anger,rage and frustration. I ended up in the principal's office the next day with parents of both of us but I didn't care-wasn't bullied again that year. She's only 12.

I would have done what I actually did several times as a teenager with local lads; knocked them back, struggled like hell to get loose, punched them to give them something else to think about: and run off. Or once, stopped when the lad quit and started pretending laughing about it. In that last case the lad had some very nasty friends and I did not want to give him anything to prove.

That’s all I’m saying. Women can win fights, if they’re determined enough and it’s not a personal assault, if they can make the male recognise they’re not easy prey; but it is not always guaranteed, and you never want to make a male personally determined to batter a female, because they can. Never give them something to prove, and never risk attacks by groups.

Seriously, he kicked her between the legs!? I'd contact the police, this was assault.

Yes, apparently he kicked her between her legs but also left the imprint of his heel on her groin.

I can't see how that is physically possible.

If his heel is on her groin, his foot is on her lower abdomen, not better her legs.

Sorry: "not between her legs"

@supernanmam “As above” Sorry, what is that supposed to mean? Does it refer to. your deleted post?

Or are you seeking heavenly guidance?

@supernanmam "but you singled my post out to disagree even though others thought the same." Oh, okay. I'll learn from that. Next time I'll list the half a dozen posters, that would be logical.

Actually, I specifically posted to you because you were harping on about the bus versus school as the location of the incident. However, the original posters reference to the bus was specifically a "what if": as in what if her daughter was physically attacked on the bus.

"I explained that I’d understood what the op was saying" - It didn't seem as if you did actually understand what the original poster was saying.

"It’s obviously a load of BS, as others agree." Whether or not it's a load of what you consider to be BS, don't your responses qualify as troll hunting? I don't know for sure. However, I thought troll hunting was frowned upon on this site.

I'd absolutely not suggest fighting a man unless it's either unavoidable or you're Ronda Rousey (and I say that as somebody who trained thai boxing and BJJ 4x a week for almost a decade and can deadlift 150kg, which makes me 'elite' by women's strength classifications).

I remember this well.from school 30 years ago. He slapped my arse and I smacked him in the mouth. In MY behaviour report it was described as personal difficulties between us 🤮

A skinny 12 yo flooring a much larger 14 yo in the playground and beating the shit out of him and not one teacher, PSA, janitor or adult seeing it, well, it didn't happen...