Page 12 | When do we teach daughters to fight back?

Jimbellselmbath · 2021-01-16T23:47:23+00:00

Dd has been in trouble in school for "fighting" She is 12 and a little skinny thing. The other side was a boy, a school year older, taller and bigger, she said he has already turned 14. So nearer 2 years older. He has history for attacking girls back to primary but his parents are very vocal and protective and their boy is an angel. DD got the better of him in the "fight" Dd said he started it and she finished it like we had always told her to do. None of the above was disputed by either side. DD was placed in isolation for a week although lockdown happened so she did 2 days. The boy got nothing although he was in school. What has really riled me is the teacher was so bothered about her retaliating, that was the source of her punishment. Having had time to think about it I am not happy. So dd shouldn't retaliate? Should she do so when she's older? If an older boy kicks her in the fanny on the bus, should she wait until the next day to report at school? What if he's not from the school? What about an adult? Should she sit quietly and take his abuse? At what age can a girl fight back? I want to go to his house but dd would die of shame I have no faith in the school

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 18:01

@Branleuse

kids arent trained fighters. Theyre not trained to keep their cool. If a girl is attacked and then "overreacts" then maybe that attacker will think twice next time. Picking fights with people is a dangerous game.

Goes both ways. The daughter might do it to someone who overpowers and seriously injures her.

eeyore228 · 17/01/2021 18:05

After months of a kid hitting my daughter, kicking her in the stomach and going in more than once I told my DD if he physically hurt her once more she had my permission to defend herself and if that meant physically then so be it. She was told to inform anyone who told her off to ask them to call her parents and they would come in. I can accept all children have moments but I will not stand for repeated nastiness, particularly when the child’s mother literally didn’t care. He even told my DD and her friend he wanted sex and tried to strangle her friend when they said he was bring mean! He’s 9. No more. Fast forward and he punched her again so she punched him back and he hasn’t been near. I’m assuming the school don’t know because I never got a call.

FrippEnos · 17/01/2021 18:11

@WorraLiberty

Did the kid strike with no provocation at all or maybe he was the one being persecuted by OP's daughter, teased and bullied and he was retaliating in the first place.

This is a possibility (one of many, of course). He might have finally snapped and booted her after being bullied or he might've been the bully and the DD finally snapped.

This is why I think the OP should be careful about jumping straight to police and find out exactly what happened from the school first.

the OP has said that her DD disagrees with the schools version of events.

Teacher called back as we got home. DD disagreed with What she had said re the incident

ubless the OP tells us what the school said happened it will just be her dd's version.

StepOutOfLine · 17/01/2021 18:16

Has the OP been back?

Branleuse · 17/01/2021 18:23

@Wheresmykimchi surely a girl has a better chance of stopping a man overpowering her if she goes nuts when attacked. She didnt start the fight and is smaller and younger. She was attacked by a significantly older and bigger boy and happened to win the fight.
Similar to what happened to my daughter. i also felt a bit weird about how hard she fought back and even she was upset about losing her cool, but every single person I spoke to about it said that she had done the right thing and not a single person has given her grief since.

Teach the boys not to start fights. Dont start victim blaming girls for being too good at self defence

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 18:26

[quote Branleuse]@Wheresmykimchi surely a girl has a better chance of stopping a man overpowering her if she goes nuts when attacked. She didnt start the fight and is smaller and younger. She was attacked by a significantly older and bigger boy and happened to win the fight.
Similar to what happened to my daughter. i also felt a bit weird about how hard she fought back and even she was upset about losing her cool, but every single person I spoke to about it said that she had done the right thing and not a single person has given her grief since.

Teach the boys not to start fights. Dont start victim blaming girls for being too good at self defence[/quote]
Don't accuse me of victim blaming. You're completely out of line. In this scenario, which I've already promised to stop troll hunting about, there is no clear evidence that more happened than they were pissing about kicking each other and she leathered the shit out of him . In the real world , she'd be arrested and charged.
Google self defence.

I'm off to watch dancing on Ice than spend any more time on this.

Heartlantern2 · 17/01/2021 18:26

Both were fighting so both need to be punished.

Sex doesn’t come into it. (Although should do, but like, that would be sexist wouldn’t it!)

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 18:28

[quote Branleuse]@Wheresmykimchi surely a girl has a better chance of stopping a man overpowering her if she goes nuts when attacked. She didnt start the fight and is smaller and younger. She was attacked by a significantly older and bigger boy and happened to win the fight.
Similar to what happened to my daughter. i also felt a bit weird about how hard she fought back and even she was upset about losing her cool, but every single person I spoke to about it said that she had done the right thing and not a single person has given her grief since.

Teach the boys not to start fights. Dont start victim blaming girls for being too good at self defence[/quote]
And incidentally, my policeman father taught me not to 'go nuts' but to cause a scene and run like fuck. He was basing this on the number of killings and panic murders that happen in these scenarios, not filling young girls heads that they can batter the shit.oit of whoever they like.

But as I say. I'm off.

TwinkleMerrick · 17/01/2021 18:29

I'm a teacher and a mother of a daughter. In my school the boy would have been nailed to the wall, but the girl would also prob have a punishment for retaliating. I've often thought how would approach this as a mum rather than a teacher. With all the me2 stuff recently and my own experiences I will be teaching my DD to fight back and not take any shit! If the boy has a history of attacking girls and you are not happy about the outcome I suggest you write a letter of your concerns to the head. If you don't get the answer you want go above the head and write a letter to governors. It's not acceptable for females to feel unsafe at school and certainly lot acceptable for him to receive no punishment....what lesson is that teaching the boys and girls of the school? Good luck xx

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 18:30

@TwinkleMerrick

I'm a teacher and a mother of a daughter. In my school the boy would have been nailed to the wall, but the girl would also prob have a punishment for retaliating. I've often thought how would approach this as a mum rather than a teacher. With all the me2 stuff recently and my own experiences I will be teaching my DD to fight back and not take any shit! If the boy has a history of attacking girls and you are not happy about the outcome I suggest you write a letter of your concerns to the head. If you don't get the answer you want go above the head and write a letter to governors. It's not acceptable for females to feel unsafe at school and certainly lot acceptable for him to receive no punishment....what lesson is that teaching the boys and girls of the school? Good luck xx

But as a teacher, have you ever seen a fire alarm like the one outlined?

FrippEnos · 17/01/2021 18:30

Branleuse

We have no idea as to what happened.

The OP has even stated that the school has a different view to what her DD says happened.

EmilyInParis · 17/01/2021 18:35

@StepOutOfLine

Has the OP been back?

Course they haven't.

StepOutOfLine · 17/01/2021 18:40

@TwinkleMerrick

I'm a teacher and a mother of a daughter. In my school the boy would have been nailed to the wall, but the girl would also prob have a punishment for retaliating. I've often thought how would approach this as a mum rather than a teacher. With all the me2 stuff recently and my own experiences I will be teaching my DD to fight back and not take any shit! If the boy has a history of attacking girls and you are not happy about the outcome I suggest you write a letter of your concerns to the head. If you don't get the answer you want go above the head and write a letter to governors. It's not acceptable for females to feel unsafe at school and certainly lot acceptable for him to receive no punishment....what lesson is that teaching the boys and girls of the school? Good luck xx

I'm a teacher and a mother of girls too. Aside from the frankly unbelievable absence of any member of staff at any point during this fight, plus of course the fact the students were left in the yard for 3 hours approx with no supervision during a (presumed) fire drill.

I sincerely hope your evident loathing of boys and refusal to believe that they can be victims too doesn't come across at work.

As others have noted, the incident must have happened some time ago as a) Closed schools b) Christmas c) schools opening for keyworkers won't have a yard full of kids milling around on their own for 3 hours

So, the OP has already presumably taken action and it would be interesting to hear the outcome. Not nearly as interesting as hearing an unbiased onlooker's version mind.

supernanmam · 17/01/2021 19:00

If all this is true, which I highly doubt, they both sound a pair of nasty violent thugs. I’d be ashamed if either was my child.

Opheliaa · 17/01/2021 19:04

I would report it to the police. And get them to deal with it.

PinkPlantCase · 17/01/2021 19:13

She punched him in the chest, kicked him in the balls, punched him in the face, knocking him down then while he was on the floor, she jumped on top of him and punched him repeatedly in his face

OP the extent of your daughter’s retaliation is appalling. Knocking him over - yes self defence. But in this situation what kind of person then jumps on top of someone and punches them repeatedly in the face.

Whilst the kick your daughter received is unacceptable and should be punished her reaction is horrific.

You need to talk to her about appropriate retaliation before she goes and breaks someone’s jaw or blinds them.

squiglet111 · 17/01/2021 19:16

This is ridiculous. Call the police. She defended herself.... Self defense...

Probably call Ofsted too

MoodyMarshall · 17/01/2021 19:22

I reported this thread first thing this morning and it hadn't been removed @mnhq

Wheresmykimchi · 17/01/2021 19:23

@MoodyMarshall

I reported this thread first thing this morning and it hadn't been removed *@mnhq*

I quite rightly took a row for troll hunting so maybe we are wrong.

Opheliaa · 17/01/2021 19:23

Reported it for what?

MoodyMarshall · 17/01/2021 19:32

I work in a school. Nothing adds up:

Schools haven't been in since Dec 18th.

Every school has year bubbles, NO WAY would Y8s be near Y9s, except on
the bus. Fire drills are not happening at the moment.

This thread was posted at nearly midnight last night. It contains lots of salacious details about private parts/photos thereof.

AliceMcK · 17/01/2021 19:33

@Godimabitch

She absolutely should have faught back. And you should have raised hell at the school. He kicked her so hard between the legs that he bruised her? I'd have called the police to the school tbh. He's 14 and that's serious assault.

She should fight back and you should cover her back like a rabid fucking wolf.

This 100% I would not let my child be punished for defending themselves and I would be definitely calling the police, surely this is sexual assault. I have 3 girls and they are tsught to always defend themselves.

Whynothaveathird · 17/01/2021 19:49

....

Opheliaa · 17/01/2021 19:59

Schools haven't been in since Dec 18th.

Fair point. I was going to say they might not be in the UK, but the op has already said they're in Liverpool 🤔

LadyDique · 17/01/2021 20:15

surely a girl has a better chance of stopping a man overpowering her if she goes nuts when attacked

I'm actually open mouthed. Is that a serious comment?

No. A girl doesn't have a better chance if she 'goes nuts' when attacked. Very, very few girls (or adult women for that matter) will be able to overpower a male attacker even if they 'go nuts' because their male counterpart is likely to be bigger, stronger and faster than her.

Going nuts and trying to make an attack is likely to get her beaten or killed.

Tell your daughters to defend themselves and use any force to get clear then to turn and run like fuck.

Are there seriously idiots out there telling their daughters to try and attack/keep fighting attackers? It boggles the brain quite how stupid and dangerous this is.