What pronoun would you use?

[Learningtobehappier]

Heres the back story.

I was with my EXH for 5 years, left because of DV over 5 years ago with our child, theres zero contact, doesn't know where we live, we've been in refuge previously.

EXH is currently being investigated for Child Sex offences and i should find out soon if he will be charged (theres pretty good evidence).

I am a witness, have provided a statement and would go to court.

EXH now identifies as a female.

I'll obviously ask if the time comes, but in court which pronoun would you use? At the time when everything happened they were male, so it would come naturally to say "he then did this" but I wouldn't want to look bad for using him/he. But at the same time, it would feel really wrong for me to say "then she did this" when at the time they were male.

I thought about using they/their but then I need to be specific that there was only EXH there and that no one else was there, or that there was someone else there but only EXH did something etc.

So what would you use? What would I be expected to use?

absolutely not a transgender bashing thread

‘They’

#thisneverhappens

Use the name of the person if you are unsure ‘Garry did this’ and ‘Garry said that’ rather than getting he/she all mixed up.

I think you should probably use the name. However, take legal advice, but I would want my legal team reading out a disclaimer to say that you are absolutely respectful of them identifying as female, but should you refer to them as he, that this should not count against you, as the accused was a he at the time and you are describing the crime at that point in time. Or something similar.

A male committed a crime against you and others, and this should go down on record. It’s outrageous that this probably won’t happen.

Jesus OP, I am so sorry.

I’d have thought it was fine to say he, since you are recalling memories, and if you say anything else I think it will interrupt your memory flow.

I’d probably say that at the beginning of my statement. Or if you get advice to use a name to avoid the issue, then in the same way I’d just explain at the start if you slip into he that’s why. That will be fine.

To avoid the old name/new name problem, you could use the surname.

@EspressoExpresso

As above with the use of forenames, but maybe "Betty, then Colin, did XYZ"

I'd go with this I think.

'Pervert' or 'Nonce' seems appropriate.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I think "the accused" will be just right.

There's options here i wouldn't have thought of so thats very useful. I think "my ex husband" is good, as well as "the accused" or even the surname. I really can't bring myself to use she/her or the new name. I went through 5 years of violent sexual abuse and DV. I was only 17 when he was 46.

Thank you all, its been a really difficult time and im just hoping he gets charged, but terrified of even being in the same building let alone speaking out against EXH.

@KaptainKaveman

'Pervert' or 'Nonce' seems appropriate.

I laughed

I’d his name, the one he was given at birth and that you used when he you were with him. Or if you feel that’s not clear enough to identify him, you could say John now known as Susan... I’d want the court records to be as clearly identifying as possible

He. You are referring to a time when he identified as he (and was/is a he).

@Learningtobehappier

There's options here i wouldn't have thought of so thats very useful. I think "my ex husband" is good, as well as "the accused" or even the surname. I really can't bring myself to use she/her or the new name. I went through 5 years of violent sexual abuse and DV. I was only 17 when he was 46.

Thank you all, its been a really difficult time and im just hoping he gets charged, but terrified of even being in the same building let alone speaking out against EXH.

I went through 5 years of violent sexual abuse and DV. I was only 17 when he was 46.

Not a woman.

An abusive man.

I'm so sorry.

The person who did these things was (and is) a man. So he.

Even if you technically “should” call him she now, at the time of the offences you will be talking about he was definitely a man and referred to by himself and everyone as he, so I can’t see how you could say “she did xyz”

Absolutely outrageous that he is now identifying as a woman and will quite possibly use his “trauma” as an excuse for his actions.

Definitely take legal advice but for 1 he’ll always be Male and never female but if he wants to be she then so be it.
But anything you are recalling should be referred to as he IMO. As that was what was factual.

I wouldn’t claim to be understanding or sympathetic of his transition now. If anything just say something like ‘i understand since our divorce Bob now presents himself as Betty. I refer to my experiences / witness statement as with Bob as that was the facts at that time’

I would ring and ask to speak to the CPS about this. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about. Personally the first time I’d say Mathew, as the accused was known at the time, did .... and thereafter use their previous name. But get advice as you should be having to navigate this alone. Victim support might also be able to help.

Calling him/her the accused would be a serious mistake. It will alienate the jury or even the magistrates. You will appear bitter and unreasonable.

Totally use their name ...not she/her at all but like PP said saying he/him may go against you ( sad as that is)

I’m so sorry you’ve been through this and are having to relive it. I sincerely hope he goes to prison for a long time.

"He" for goodness sake! At the time of committing the crimes, he identified as male. Is still a man now but that's irrelevant. I would 100% use "he".

By using their name I mean the one you used while married to this person not the one they may identify as now. All your evidence will be from when they used that name rather than the new one, if they have a new name

I think 'my ex husband' is the best. I wouldn't use Betty or she. Or they. If you use Colin you might be 'corrected'.

If you use my ex husband it's saying he's a man.

actually thinking about it I also think that saying my ex husband may be a good idea but they may want you to name them

@legalseagull

If you're recalling a memory and giving evidence of the fact that you witnessed you should absolutely refer to him as he was at the time - him

Witnesses have been cautioned for dead naming defendants. Take care @Learningtobehappier

Can you not say “I will refer to Betty formerly know as Kevin as he and him; he is my ex husband and identified as male at the time.”