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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so so upset and angry

220 replies

BroomHandledMouser · 16/01/2021 11:21

We have - very tentatively - booked a self catering holiday in August. It’s a beautiful cottage, north Devon and yards from the beach. It really does look lovely.

I’ve booked it for 6 of us - 4 adults me, DH, mum and step dad and our two children. I booked it as a surprise for everyone, so once I’d paid the deposit I called mum and told her. She was beyond excited!!

She immediately put in her holiday request.

She’s just called me in tears saying that it has been rejected due to capacity issues. She’s NHS - she has worked all through this pandemic, not once taking any time off. All she’s asking for is 20 hours - 20 fucking measly hours.

I’m so so upset. I wanted to take her away and get her to relax, and breath, and repair.

We’re still going, but my god I can’t stop crying. I’ve asked her to appeal the decision, but at the moment she doesn’t have anything left in her.

OP posts:
iklboo · 16/01/2021 13:17

Could she be 'ill' for a few days...???

That would be a bit obvious wouldn't it?

MacDuffsMuff · 16/01/2021 13:18

Oh and advice to 'go off sick' is really [hmm. I imagine her request has been denied because it's already booked up so the suggestions to leave her colleagues in the shit are just awful.

I doubt the OP will be back to this thread.

Fleurty · 16/01/2021 13:20

This ain't unique to the NHS I'm afraid, every workplace I've ever worked in has rules about too many staff being off at the same time. How would companies keep operating if they let all their staff take holiday at the same times? It doesn't matter if its only 20 hours.

For obvious reasons parents book their leave for school holidays as soon as the holiday calendar is opened.

YABU for booking it before your mum had checked if she could have time off.

RuthW · 16/01/2021 13:21

That's the way it goes. We are told never to book anything to do until it has been confirmed by management. I'm NHS.

Servus · 16/01/2021 13:21

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees. Family members have all suffered something familiar to some degree. I study human behaviour and I am quite worried by where this is heading. Its very demoralising. Humans need company, celebration, stable environment (especially children) and a reliable focal point and that is to stay calm and healthy. This cannot go on much longer.

VanGoghsDog · 16/01/2021 13:22

I have dismissed people who have "gone off sick" on the same dates as leave that was turned down (and in one case won a subsequent tribunal on it). The NHS wouldn't do that though.

VinterKvinna · 16/01/2021 13:23

@Fairystory

I know it is awful but my experience of the NHS is that usually only staff with children were allowed annual leave in August. Also, Christmas leave was prioritised for those with children. As a grandparent going on holiday with children and doing the big family Christmas for children you are ignored by management. Is it possible for your mother to ask what weeks she could take and you try to change your booking?
Why on earth does your choice to have children put you at the front of the holiday queue?
PurpleDaisies · 16/01/2021 13:24

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees.

This is ridiculous. People are not entitled to demand time off for any reason they want whenever they want it.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 16/01/2021 13:24

@Servus

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees. Family members have all suffered something familiar to some degree. I study human behaviour and I am quite worried by where this is heading. Its very demoralising. Humans need company, celebration, stable environment (especially children) and a reliable focal point and that is to stay calm and healthy. This cannot go on much longer.
Tyranny not to allow your entire staff to take leave at the same time and having to shut the doors?

What on earth are you talking about?

VanGoghsDog · 16/01/2021 13:24

@Servus

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees. Family members have all suffered something familiar to some degree. I study human behaviour and I am quite worried by where this is heading. Its very demoralising. Humans need company, celebration, stable environment (especially children) and a reliable focal point and that is to stay calm and healthy. This cannot go on much longer.
Or, she could just book different dates that aren't already full.

You don't need to "study human behavior" to know that any workplace has a minimum of resources it can run on and that leave has to be booked in advance and will be denied if that minimum would be breached.

vanillandhoney · 16/01/2021 13:24

I've never worked in a job where you didn't have to book your time off before confirming your holiday.

When I got married, I had to put in a special request for annual leave as i wanted more than two weeks off (over a year in advance) and put it in writing!

You can't just book a holiday and assume you can have the time off without actually checking with someone! Hmm

Almostslimjim · 16/01/2021 13:25

I cannot believe people are suggesting she gets signed off sick! There will be literally hundreds of NHS workers in similar positions, unable to get the leave they want, had leave cancelled over the last 12 months, exhausted, gone over and above. Heck, some of us ended mat leave early, went back full time instead of the part time agreed prior and lived separately from our husbands and kids for 6 weeks so we could work around the clock, and we still can't book the leave we want!

Stompythedinosaur · 16/01/2021 13:25

She could get signed off with stress and exhaustion for a couple of weeks. Seems as though she’s worked her ass off and physically and mentally needs the break. So it would be above board as far as I can determine. How old is she? Can she retire soon?

This is an absolutely awful attitude. Who do you imagine is going to care for patients if everyone who's been working hard and feeling stressed decided to take some extra time off? It clearly isn't "above board" to use sick leave for extra holidays.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 16/01/2021 13:26

@VanGoghsDog

I have dismissed people who have "gone off sick" on the same dates as leave that was turned down (and in one case won a subsequent tribunal on it). The NHS wouldn't do that though.
true. Any decent manager makes a note of dates that had to be declined, but you normally know who is a responsible adult and who is a piss taker and act accordingly.
MacDuffsMuff · 16/01/2021 13:27

@ServusTyranny? Are you on the wrong thread? This is about someone not checking that someone else's annual leave was available before booking a holiday for that person and discovering that the leave isn't available. Explain the tyranny in that? Do you believe that someone else should have their leave cancelled to accommodate and prioritise this woman's request?

Ellapaella · 16/01/2021 13:28

I would see if anyone can swap shifts with her for that week.

HowManyToes · 16/01/2021 13:29

@Servus

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees. Family members have all suffered something familiar to some degree. I study human behaviour and I am quite worried by where this is heading. Its very demoralising. Humans need company, celebration, stable environment (especially children) and a reliable focal point and that is to stay calm and healthy. This cannot go on much longer.
I don’t think you understand the word “tyranny”, do you? 🙄
LemonTT · 16/01/2021 13:29

If you are organising holidays involving a frontline worker you get used to this. The worst experience I have had is one of us being called back whilst on holiday. Plenty of leave cancelled. Couldn’t get worked up about leave denied.

JohnBarron · 16/01/2021 13:30

I’m sure her manager won’t notice the OP’s DM has gone off sick conveniently the same week her annual leave request got rejected. Hmm

It’s the NHS, annual leave will have been sorted ages ago. I’m afraid you can be disappointed OP but that’s all.

And as for appealing to a higher manager, that’s just laughable. Ok then...

MacDuffsMuff · 16/01/2021 13:31

She could get signed off with stress and exhaustion for a couple of weeks. Seems as though she’s worked her ass off and physically and mentally needs the break. So it would be above board as far as I can determine. How old is she? Can she retire soon?

What a shocking attitude to work @ekidmxcl. No one with a half decent work ethic would even consider this. Who leaves their colleagues deliberately in the shit like this? Well, you clearly.

Servus · 16/01/2021 13:31

@PurpleDaisies

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees.

This is ridiculous. People are not entitled to demand time off for any reason they want whenever they want it.

As can be seen. This is what I’m seeing. People are turning savage in their beliefs and replies. We are human beings not robots. Society is turning very belligerent. Anger is spreading, and not from a pandemic, but from unreasonable pressure put on human beings.
Carysmatthews · 16/01/2021 13:32

I can understand your mum being upset but the reality is that no emergency service workers would normally book a holiday without knowing they had the leave. You should have asked her to find a week that she could take time off before booking the holiday. It was a lovely idea but very naive on your part.

PurpleDaisies · 16/01/2021 13:33

You are being utterly ridiculous @Servus.

How can a business (especially one where the work involves looking after people) run if people can all be off at the same time?

JohnBarron · 16/01/2021 13:33

@Servus

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees. Family members have all suffered something familiar to some degree. I study human behaviour and I am quite worried by where this is heading. Its very demoralising. Humans need company, celebration, stable environment (especially children) and a reliable focal point and that is to stay calm and healthy. This cannot go on much longer.
Ha ha ha! Ok then, what sort of deluded world do you live in where you think all annual leave requests should be given regardless of how many staff are off? Let’s shut our doors in August shall we, sorry on holiday!
BigBadVoodooHat · 16/01/2021 13:35

@Servus

This is tyranny. I’ve seen this a lot lately. Bad managerial decisions and complete neglect of human rights when it comes to employees. Family members have all suffered something familiar to some degree. I study human behaviour and I am quite worried by where this is heading. Its very demoralising. Humans need company, celebration, stable environment (especially children) and a reliable focal point and that is to stay calm and healthy. This cannot go on much longer.
Yeah, this thread has tipped over into parody now Hmm
Swipe left for the next trending thread