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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so so upset and angry

220 replies

BroomHandledMouser · 16/01/2021 11:21

We have - very tentatively - booked a self catering holiday in August. It’s a beautiful cottage, north Devon and yards from the beach. It really does look lovely.

I’ve booked it for 6 of us - 4 adults me, DH, mum and step dad and our two children. I booked it as a surprise for everyone, so once I’d paid the deposit I called mum and told her. She was beyond excited!!

She immediately put in her holiday request.

She’s just called me in tears saying that it has been rejected due to capacity issues. She’s NHS - she has worked all through this pandemic, not once taking any time off. All she’s asking for is 20 hours - 20 fucking measly hours.

I’m so so upset. I wanted to take her away and get her to relax, and breath, and repair.

We’re still going, but my god I can’t stop crying. I’ve asked her to appeal the decision, but at the moment she doesn’t have anything left in her.

OP posts:
Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 16/01/2021 11:43

I also feel like shit!

OP posts:
Original poster
BroomHandledMouser · 16/01/2021 11:43

@user184628462 where the fuck have I said I’d go without her?

OP posts:
emilyfrost · 16/01/2021 11:45

YABU. You shouldn’t have booked it without checking she could get the time off work first.

It would still have been a surprise; a better one even because you gave her excitement and hope before she knew she if she could go.

FanGurrl · 16/01/2021 11:46

In your original post OP you said 'we're still going'

Aprilx · 16/01/2021 11:46

@BroomHandledMouser

I didn’t think I was being unreasonable, very naive of me I guess in hindsight.

I saw an opportunity and took it, I just didn’t think there would be an issue with mum booking leave.

I’ll see if I can make some changes

Have you never been in the workforce? I genuinely don’t understand how any working adult wouldn’t know about booking leave. Confused
emilyfrost · 16/01/2021 11:47

I thought that 8 months notice for 20 hours off was more than enough. Silly me!

Yes, you were being silly. It’s irrelevant how far in the future it is or how few hours it is if other people have got there first and they can’t spare anyone else.

Brefugee · 16/01/2021 11:52

I thought that 8 months notice for 20 hours off was more than enough. Silly me!

Have you ever worked anywhere, OP? August is booked up as soon as available and most workplaces i've ever been in have an unwritten rule that people with school age children get first dibs (which I've always found unfair but there you go)

It's always a risk booking before you get approved holiday, and i do feel badly for your mum. Maybe something will work out

FinallyHere · 16/01/2021 11:55

where did I say we wouldn't take her

First post explained she can't get time off but we are still going

That's why readers think you are going without her.

I'm very sorry, but when you book anything before checking everyone's dates, you are taking a risk that it won't work for others.

Especially with all the things that have happened recently, taking a risk and booking as a surprise is not a great idea.

Much better talk it all through and get agreement with everyone involved before booking. Because ... adults.

BigBadVoodooHat · 16/01/2021 11:58

[quote BroomHandledMouser]@Honeybobbin it’s 20 hours! She works part time![/quote]
So she’s entitled to time off whoever she likes, regardless of whether this will create staffing issues?

Does she contribute so little in her ‘20 fucking measly hours’ that her absence would be immaterial?

Really daft to book a holiday on behalf of working adults without first checking that they can get the time off. Confused

Stompythedinosaur · 16/01/2021 11:58

I think August dates will have been fully booked for some time! They can't just let your dm have leave when other staff have already booked it.

Can your dm come for the says she is off?

SlippersForFlippers · 16/01/2021 11:59

It's always a risk booking something without leave being approved, especially when it's at the most popular time of year.

kaco · 16/01/2021 12:02

@Zebraaa

NHS annual leave can be booked 12 months in advance so people would have booked for this August last August!

@countbackfromten no nhs annual leave has been cancelled in my Trust.

@Fairystory that’s absolute rubbish. It’s first come first served.

This - I was about to post similar.

You don't book a holiday without checking you can have annual leave. It doesn't matter if she only works 20hrs, there are only so many staff allowed off at one time.

Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 12:05

Presumably angry with yourself for knowing your mother works for theNHS and that cancelling holidays and restricting when holidays can be booked given we are in a pandemic - and yet still booking a holiday without consulting her first.

Winter2020 · 16/01/2021 12:07

Could you write to someone high up in the hospital saying what you have here. They might choose to pull some strings?

If she does get the leave granted she might have to take it even if you are not allowed to go to the cottage or mix as she might feel too self conscious to cancel.

Sethy38 · 16/01/2021 12:07

@Winter2020

Could you write to someone high up in the hospital saying what you have here. They might choose to pull some strings?

If she does get the leave granted she might have to take it even if you are not allowed to go to the cottage or mix as she might feel too self conscious to cancel.

Oh good grief
Weallfloatdownhere · 16/01/2021 12:08

[quote BroomHandledMouser]@user184628462 where the fuck have I said I’d go without her?[/quote]
In your original post Hmm

shrunkenhead · 16/01/2021 12:10

Has she tried asking her colleagues if they could swap the week with her? Ie if they're not going anywhere it doesn't really matter when they take their wk off

NerrSnerr · 16/01/2021 12:11

Could you write to someone high up in the hospital saying what you have here. They might choose to pull some strings?

I work in the NHS. Please do not do this. @Winter2020- do you think that someone 'high up in the hospital' has more pressing issues right now?

WunWun · 16/01/2021 12:11

I don't know about NHS, but I was a civil servant for years and everyone booked their holiday as soon as the calendar was opened up or it just wouldn't happen. And often didn't happen anyway.

Has she not worked for the NHS long?

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 16/01/2021 12:12

"We're still going"
"Where the fuck have I said I'd go without her?!"
😄 I love MN.

BigBadVoodooHat · 16/01/2021 12:12

Could you write to someone high up in the hospital saying what you have here. They might choose to pull some strings?

Dear NHS Boss Person,

Please could my mummy be excused from her 20 measly fucking hours of work this coming August, because I have booked a holiday for her and am sad that you are going to make her come in to do her job even though it doesn’t suit me.

Yours Sincerely,
A. Fuckwit

Hmm
GreenSlide · 16/01/2021 12:13

Why do you keep saying 20 hours? Is that a full week for your mum?

WunWun · 16/01/2021 12:13

@Winter2020

Could you write to someone high up in the hospital saying what you have here. They might choose to pull some strings?

If she does get the leave granted she might have to take it even if you are not allowed to go to the cottage or mix as she might feel too self conscious to cancel.

😆

I just waited a year for a hospital appointment about something that could have been cancer because of the pandemic, and you think this would be prioritised?!

Thirty2andBlue · 16/01/2021 12:14

NHS here and had to have summer 2021 requests in by end of Sept 2020. Each person can have 2 weeks between July and September so that it's fair. I've now had to book the rest of my 2021/22 leave requests too. I'd be really frustrated if my family booked me a surprise holiday without checking about annual leave dates as it's really difficult to swap and change!

Winter2020 · 16/01/2021 12:15

12BigBadVoodooHat

It's called compassion. Perhaps you might try it.