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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not expect 7 year old to share on this occasion

140 replies

Dontwanttooutmyself · 16/01/2021 10:46

DS 7 got a “new” iPad as his main Christmas present- its ancient and barely runs, but it was his favourite present. His Saturday morning treat is free screen time and some days he likes to watch you tubers playing minecraft and try out the things he’s learnt.

This morning he was watching YouTube and holding (but not using) his iPad.

DH came in and asked to use DS’s iPad. DS said no. DH got in a mood and told DS off for not sharing. DH thinks DS is being a selfish and needs to learn a lesson about sharing. I think DH is being a massive fucking bellend. DS can be quite challenging- no SEN but struggles with emotions, especially at the moment. He’s generally pretty good at sharing and turn taking with his DS and us, but I would not expect a 7 year old to give up his best present without any notice at this point in the day just so I could read the paper. AIBU

VOTE YABU- DS should share and DH is right
YANBU - DH is a massive fucking bellend

OP posts:
CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 10:49

What the fuck?

2pinkginsplease · 16/01/2021 10:52

It depends on the circumstances, if dh was going to borrow it to do something quick E.g. search for something then your son was being unreasonable. If dh was wanting to use the I pad to watch a movie or hog it all morning then dh was being unreasonable!

FabulouslyFab · 16/01/2021 11:12

DH should grow up!

booboomoo · 16/01/2021 11:15

I think you DH could have handled it much better but also DS should have shared. I have a 6 year old who would have handed it over in that situation. Sometimes DC don't understand until you tell them and explain. However, your DH could have handled it much better, I wouldn't call a 7 year old selfish. I would explain that sometimes we have to share and he could have it back in a moment, and he could have a bit longer on his iPad because he had been so kind in sharing.

SpudsandGravy · 16/01/2021 11:19

Since this (Saturday morning) is his weekly special time to use the iPad then I can see why he didn't want to give it up. Seems to me that DH was unreasonable, and I'd wonder why he was doing it. He has the remainder of the week to ask DC to show that he can share.

dontdisturbmenow · 16/01/2021 11:21

Doesn't your oh has one of his own, or you? I don't understand why he would need to borrow from his son. If he doesn't have one surely it should have been a present to him that your DS could borrow?

EmmaMY · 16/01/2021 11:40

I think it is unreasonable to expect a 7 year old to share something just because we as adults would like them to. It his favourite present, so of course he doesn’t want to. Tell your DH to use his phone or get him his own iPad!

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 16/01/2021 11:47

YADNBU.

I bet the way he asked didn't help the situation! It's DS's time to chill & use his iPad as HE wants.

Why did DH want it? How long for? Why doesn't he have his own?

We wouldn't like to be MADE to hand our things over when someone demanded them. 'sharing' is NOT 'handing over on demand'. He shares other things at other times, he doesn't sound selfish. DH sounds utter ridiculous.

Affor · 16/01/2021 11:50

Hang on. DS wasn't using the ipad, so it's not sharing is it. It's just DH wanting to read the paper on an unused device!

YABU

CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 11:52

DS is 7 not 2 and he wasnt using the iPad.

In that context I think it's really fucking rude to not hand your "special present" over when your dad asks to borrow it.

I also think your reaction of calling him a "massive fucking bellend" is strangely imbalanced and reminds me of my own overreactions to things that usually run deeper.

reluctantbrit · 16/01/2021 11:55

Depends on the reason. Normally DD's electronics are hers but there is the odd occassion when she is not using it and one of us needs to make a quick search (weather - do I need an umbrella, bus times, supermarket opening times or similar) and we don't have our phones/tablet at hand.

Then I do expect that she is willing to let us use it for a second.

The only other time DH uses DD's laptop is when he needs a Windows one for his hobby and the rest of our computers are Macs. But it is always under the impression that DD can have it back at any time/doesn't need it/can use our Mac instead.

LaceyBetty · 16/01/2021 11:56

So he wasn't using the iPad at the time? Of course he should have let his father borrow it. YABVU.

Deadringer · 16/01/2021 11:57

I think your ds should have handed it over. Of course he would be reluctant and might resist a bit, but when a parent asks for something like this i think the child should comply.

Deadringer · 16/01/2021 12:00

@CrotchBurn

DS is 7 not 2 and he wasnt using the iPad.

In that context I think it's really fucking rude to not hand your "special present" over when your dad asks to borrow it.

I also think your reaction of calling him a "massive fucking bellend" is strangely imbalanced and reminds me of my own overreactions to things that usually run deeper.

Pp said it better
AndcalloffChristmas · 16/01/2021 12:00

Your DH is a massive bellend.

You Ds had probably been looking forward to this time and had been told that he could. Your DH gave him no notice of wanting it, which is a key factor here.

Your DH needs to learn to wait, not your Ds to share.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 16/01/2021 12:03

But your ds wasn’t using it.. I don’t really understand the drama.

Godimabitch · 16/01/2021 12:04

Is DSs Ipad the only piece of technology in the house?
Does DH let DS use anything of his anytime he wants?

MummytoCSJH · 16/01/2021 12:06

Watching youtube is the same as using it just because he wasn't actively tapping the screen playing a game! DH is being a dick.

Aprilx · 16/01/2021 12:11

I definitely do not think your DH is a “massive fucking bellend” because he spoke to his son about being selfish and sharing. Son wasn’t using iPad so he should have let someone else.

Godimabitch · 16/01/2021 12:12

I dont believe anyone should have to share everything they own just because someone else wants it.

And I dont believe in children having to do something just because an adult wants them to, I dont get the whole authority by age thing, I think it raises arrogant people who think they have the right to push people about who are younger, smaller or lower on the work ladder.

Rockbird · 16/01/2021 12:13

YANBU He was using it, he was watching YouTube. Quite apart from the sharing issue (I think your DS was right btw) this smacks of the arseholes who walk into a room and turn over the TV without asking because they want to look at something else.

Catty1720 · 16/01/2021 12:24

If I’m honest my DC do have toys they know they don’t have to share like their ‘favs’ if friends come over these toys go away.

BillyIsMyBunny · 16/01/2021 12:27

Was he watching YouTube on the iPad, or was he watching YouTube on a TV/ computer screen plus holding the iPad?

If he was using the iPad to watch YouTube then of course your DH was unreasonable to ask him to Babs it over, but if he was watching YouTube on a different screen and only holding onto the iPad without using it at all then I think your DH was reasonable to ask to use it and right to use DS saying no as an opportunity to talk about sharing.

aSofaNearYou · 16/01/2021 12:27

I think it's excessive to call him a massive bellend over a simple discussion about sharing. It shouldn't be that big a deal, and does give me the impression you might be a bit defensive about your son.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 16/01/2021 12:32

Yanbu- While i expect dc's to share, they both have thier own tablets and i wouldn't ask them to share them unless it was an emergency. i certainly wouldn't ask to brorrow my dc's tablet. I think your dh needs to grow up a bit and get a smart phone.