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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pissed off at DP lying on sofa

154 replies

CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 07:56

So he has been lounging on the sofa pretty much all day every day. On loop.

It just pisses me off how he cant SIT on the sofa, he has to lie on it. It's really starting to grate on me. Yesterday I come in from work, there's a film starting. Great. I go to sit in what I consider a normal relaxing sofa position, sitting with legs tucked under me and pushed out a bit, kind of slouching - a bit more spread out than more "active" sitting. He comes back from opening us beers and yep, you guessed it, heads straight to lie down on the sofa, which means his legs are kind of almost across mine, penning me in.

It just feels fucking claustrophobic and like - give me some space. It's just annoying me that he needs to lie on the sofa ALL THE TIME. Can you not just sit on it? Slump on it? Does it always have to be LYING on it? If you're so tired you cant hold your body up a bit more, maybe go to bed?

Okay, the idea itself annoys me. But it also annoys me that his legs are pressing into me like that. It just wouldnt occur to me to do it - basically encroaching on someone else's personal space. That's how it feels to me. I know I'm just ranting now.

I was so angry yesterday I actually had to get up for a while because I thought I would lose my rag. And deep down inside me I know I'm being unreasonable and it's due to covid and lots of time together stuck indoors.

But out of curiosity: do you/DP lie or sit/slump on couch?

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 16/01/2021 07:59

Why don't you tell him??

I wouldn't like it either...it's lazy as fuck. I'd tell him to go to bed. Bed is for sleep...not the sofa.

MIL ALWAYS falls asleep on the sofa and I think "Just go to bed earlier!" That's not quality sleep!

Terracottasaur · 16/01/2021 07:59

What does he do when you ask him not to press against you?

FortunesFave · 16/01/2021 08:01

Terracotta she never indicated she HAD asked him to. If you think she should, then why not say that? Or ask if she had....?

FortunesFave · 16/01/2021 08:01

NOT to

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 08:02

@Terracottasaur
I know the really obvious solution is to just tell him to stop but at the same time - it's his house too and if that's what he finds relaxing, do I really have the right? 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Winterwoollies · 16/01/2021 08:03

Is he not working at the moment, OP?

inquietant · 16/01/2021 08:04

Yes, we lounge on the sofa and I am the chief culprit

Wtf is active sitting?

Just ask him to move his legs a bit but I think you're over reacting a LOT here.

If I had more room I'd get a sofa for every man, woman and child in the family so we could all lounge at the same time

FortunesFave · 16/01/2021 08:04

Well of course you have the right! He's taking up more than his fair share!

CormoranStrike · 16/01/2021 08:05

[quote CrotchBurn]@Terracottasaur
I know the really obvious solution is to just tell him to stop but at the same time - it's his house too and if that's what he finds relaxing, do I really have the right? 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Of course you have a right to tell a man not to put his body on top of you!

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 08:05

Just growing up I literally never saw my parents lie on the couch once. Genuinely not even once. They arent particularly uptight people at all, it's just that for them the couch is for watching something or reading a book, not lying on. I guess we turn out the same as our parents because I feel the same!

I was just wondering if most people do use their sofas to lounge on. To me it just contributes to this lazy vibe that is going on in my house at the moment that is annoying me.

OP posts:

FortunesFave · 16/01/2021 08:05

Inquitetant Active sitting is sitting upright I suppose....legs crossed or feet on the ground.

Lounging is what OP does...her DP lies.

Skullcup · 16/01/2021 08:05

DH lies on the sofa. We have always had enough sofa space so that two adults can comfortably lie down without touching each other.

You need a sofa each.

RedHelenB · 16/01/2021 08:06

I lounge on the sofa , when it's just family.YABU. If there isn't room for you to sit comfortably he will have to sit up though.

shotofchips · 16/01/2021 08:06

[quote CrotchBurn]@Terracottasaur
I know the really obvious solution is to just tell him to stop but at the same time - it's his house too and if that's what he finds relaxing, do I really have the right? 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Erm yes. He's in your personal space, which is person, to you.

God sake woman.

OliviaKeeling · 16/01/2021 08:06

I know the really obvious solution is to just tell him to stop but at the same time - it's his house too and if that's what he finds relaxing, do I really have the right?

If you really have to ask this, you really need to find your boundaries and set them.

FortunesFave · 16/01/2021 08:06

I agree OP. I don't like people sleeping or lying in shared areas. That's for bed.

nitgel · 16/01/2021 08:07

I do this

I did buy a foot rest thing though so I could put my feet up without being anti social

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 08:07

@Winterwoollies
I'm going to keep this vague so wont say anymore but: because of covid it works out as more financially beneficial to him to not be working right now so he hasnt been in since I think November.

OP posts:

WillYouDoTheFandango · 16/01/2021 08:08

You have the right the sit on the sofa just as much as he does and of course you have the right to say you don’t want his legs on yours.

Sometimes DP does this to me, sometimes I do it to him but if we don’t want the other person to do it we’ll say so and they don’t. Usually something like “Don’t, that’s hurting my legs today” or “can you shift your legs, they’re getting on my nerves”. No feelings get hurt and we just move.

Doffodils · 16/01/2021 08:08

I almost always have my legs across DH's lap when we're together on the sofa. I always thought he liked it!

I think if you feel that DH's are "penning you in" there are multiple other issues, which aren't really to do with the use of the sofa, but I also think you know that.

shotofchips · 16/01/2021 08:08

@FortunesFave

I agree OP. I don't like people sleeping or lying in shared areas. That's for bed.

Drives me mental when my FIL would fall asleep in the sitting room/TV room when we'd all be there. We'd then tiptoe around for an hour feeling awkward.. just go into a different room, or bed! It's a fucking mansion for Christ sake

SantaMonicaPier · 16/01/2021 08:09

Yes DP lies on the sofa all evening every evening. But we have a sofa each and also I use a footstool so not a problem

MummaBear4321 · 16/01/2021 08:12

This is why we have 2 sofas. DH insists on lying on the couch in the evenings. If we only had one sofa then he would just have to sit up. We are both deserving of some space on the couch. I would just say to DH 'I need some space to be comfortable too'.

KatherineOfGaunt · 16/01/2021 08:12

His want to lie down with his legs on you doesn't trump your want to not have him sprawled across you. It's your house too, you have the right to sit how you find it relaxing. He needs to take your feelings into consideration and if he doesn't know you find it incredibly annoying then he'll just continue to do it.

inquietant · 16/01/2021 08:12

@CrotchBurn

I was just wondering if most people do use their sofas to lounge on. To me it just contributes to this lazy vibe that is going on in my house at the moment that is annoying me.

We don't have to turn out the same as our parents, mine never lounged either.

They used to moan at me when I was young - hahaha can't stop me now

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