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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed off at DP lying on sofa

154 replies

CrotchBurn · 16/01/2021 07:56

So he has been lounging on the sofa pretty much all day every day. On loop.

It just pisses me off how he cant SIT on the sofa, he has to lie on it. It's really starting to grate on me. Yesterday I come in from work, there's a film starting. Great. I go to sit in what I consider a normal relaxing sofa position, sitting with legs tucked under me and pushed out a bit, kind of slouching - a bit more spread out than more "active" sitting. He comes back from opening us beers and yep, you guessed it, heads straight to lie down on the sofa, which means his legs are kind of almost across mine, penning me in.

It just feels fucking claustrophobic and like - give me some space. It's just annoying me that he needs to lie on the sofa ALL THE TIME. Can you not just sit on it? Slump on it? Does it always have to be LYING on it? If you're so tired you cant hold your body up a bit more, maybe go to bed?

Okay, the idea itself annoys me. But it also annoys me that his legs are pressing into me like that. It just wouldnt occur to me to do it - basically encroaching on someone else's personal space. That's how it feels to me. I know I'm just ranting now.

I was so angry yesterday I actually had to get up for a while because I thought I would lose my rag. And deep down inside me I know I'm being unreasonable and it's due to covid and lots of time together stuck indoors.

But out of curiosity: do you/DP lie or sit/slump on couch?

OP posts:
Pinkyandthebrainz · 16/01/2021 09:01

@MossandRoy

Hmm And you never spoke up? No man would be relegating me and any children to the floor in my own house.

diddl · 16/01/2021 09:01

Do you "liers" have the sofas angled in a certain way?

I find it impossible to lie down & watch telly!

Foghead · 16/01/2021 09:02

It’s his general laziness that’s annoying really, isn’t it?
Nothing wrong with lying around in the sofas at the end of a busy day but doing not much else is very annoying.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 16/01/2021 09:02

Ask him not to do it whilst you want to sit down too. But if he lies on it at other times when you’re not on it, I don’t see the issue.

We always lie down on the sofas, but we have 3 in the main living room and other sofas in other rooms so there’s plenty of space for us and our pets to lounge around. We can be a lazy lot. 🤣

Bulldoglady · 16/01/2021 09:03

I would hate to be penned in. Get another sofa! I have the three seater to sit and crochet on, and DH has the 4 seater to lie on if he wants.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 16/01/2021 09:03

My ex used to do this so the three of us (me and 2 kids) would all be relegated to the floor or the one other two seater sofa. Selfish twat.

Glad to see he’s an ex !

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 16/01/2021 09:04

Tell him he is crowding you and to move, or buy some kind of leg rest or stool.

PickAChew · 16/01/2021 09:04

[quote CrotchBurn]@Terracottasaur
I know the really obvious solution is to just tell him to stop but at the same time - it's his house too and if that's what he finds relaxing, do I really have the right? 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
He has a right to relax, yes, but not at your expense. His ownership of a penis doesn't give him a fight to make your life harder. He is not more important than you.

HappyFlamingo · 16/01/2021 09:06

I like to lie on the sofa. Moreover, if I lie in a position so that I'm touching DH, I'd see that as a nice thing - I want to be physically close to him because I love him - rather than an invasion of his space.

Sorry OP but YABU.

MossandRoy · 16/01/2021 09:06

@Pinkyandthebrainz it wouldn't have entered my head to ask him to move at the time. He was abusive, selfish, I was scared of him. I was a shadow of the person I am now. Wouldn't put up with that shit now.

HappyFlamingo · 16/01/2021 09:07

But obviously I would stop if he asked me to! I mean YABU because you haven't said anything.

vanillandhoney · 16/01/2021 09:08

What's the point in having a nice comfy sofa if you can't lie around on it?!

We deliberately bought a big three seater and my end conveniently has a nice divan area so I can sit upright with my feet out in front of me - it's bliss Grin

If DH tried to put his feet on my side they would just shoved off repeatedly. Or I would poke his feet, which he hates Wink

Candyfloss99 · 16/01/2021 09:09

We lie all over each other on the sofa and love it. However if it was annoying my I'd ask DP to move his legs away from me. It's very concerning that you don't feel comfortable to ask your partner to move his body away from yours.

Sally7645 · 16/01/2021 09:11

I think you need a footrest. We bought one and it massively improved our lounging experience

Arobase · 16/01/2021 09:11

I know the really obvious solution is to just tell him to stop but at the same time - it's his house too and if that's what he finds relaxing, do I really have the right

Of course you have the right, if he's pushing against you or encroaching on your space.

I suspect the vote would be more in your favour but for people who are saying YABU because you haven't raised this issue with your husband. He can lounge as much as he wants when you're not there, but it's perfectly reasonable to ask him to keep to his own side when you are.

I get it that it's not financially worthwhile having him go out to work, but can you persuade him to do something more useful with his time, e.g. housework, volunteering etc?

FreekStar · 16/01/2021 09:13

My teen is like this- she lies all twisted with her head lower than her knees- it's really unsociable as you can't have a conversation or feel you are sharing a film together when the other person is like that with a blanket over them looking half asleep. This isn't just sometimes- it's the default sofa position. So annoying.

timeisnotaline · 16/01/2021 09:16

I wouldn’t say ‘can you shuffle your legs up’ I’d say - so we don’t both fit on the sofa like that. Would you prefer a sofa roster where we each get turns or can we agree to share it when we both want to use it? I really don’t like this second class citizen approach where I only get the few inches of space you feel like sparing.

SamMil · 16/01/2021 09:17

Just get a pouffe for him to rest his legs on.

ClangingChimesofDoom · 16/01/2021 09:20

This thread is peak mumsnet. Of all the things to get wound up about!

HeronLanyon · 16/01/2021 09:20

teaches that really made me laugh. Could see tilt of head and thought bubbles so clearly.
Less is indeed more.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 16/01/2021 09:21

The amount of people who are like "just buy another sofa!" Is astonishing 😂

Some of us don't have the money or the space!

Parky04 · 16/01/2021 09:22

We have a sofa each (as well as bedrooms!). Probably why we have been happily married for 24 years!!

LizFlowers · 16/01/2021 09:24

@diddl

Do you "liers" have the sofas angled in a certain way?

I find it impossible to lie down & watch telly!

My sofa is parallel to the telly, I am facing it whether sitting or lying.
foxhat · 16/01/2021 09:24

I voted YABU. It's absolutely fine to ask him not to put his legs on you if that's not comfortable for you. It's absolutely not fine to consider his behaviour unusual just because your parents didn't do it. Maybe you need a corner sofa? My OH has leg problems and he puts his legs up on that and we can all sit on the rest of it in comfort.

vanillandhoney · 16/01/2021 09:26

@FreekStar

My teen is like this- she lies all twisted with her head lower than her knees- it's really unsociable as you can't have a conversation or feel you are sharing a film together when the other person is like that with a blanket over them looking half asleep. This isn't just sometimes- it's the default sofa position. So annoying.
Christ - of all the things to get annoyed about!

She's comfortable - as long as she's not insisting on being naked, she shouldn't have to sit in a certain way in her own home just to please you!