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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my partner to shave 4 days plus since last shave?

143 replies

hugocat · 15/01/2021 10:46

Apparently I’m controlling when I ask my partner to shave . What do you think? I think it looks scruffy and I don’t find it attractive at all.

OP posts:
Same4Walls · 15/01/2021 10:48

Yes of course that's very controlling behaviour. Do people seriously think it's reasonable behaviour to dictate how their partner looks. Hmm

AryaStarkWolf · 15/01/2021 10:48

I agree with your partner

LindaEllen · 15/01/2021 10:49

Imagine what people would say if it was a guy asking his wife to shave her legs / pubes. Then ask yourself the question of whether you're being unreasonable.

TheQueef · 15/01/2021 10:51

Mind your own.

MustardMitt · 15/01/2021 10:52

I ask my husband to shave because if he kisses me, his beard hairs really irritate my skin.

I think you can ask him to shave but he’s in no way obliged to do it.

luxxlisbon · 15/01/2021 10:53

What would your reaction be if he asked you to shave your legs more?

Applecrumble24 · 15/01/2021 10:53

Yanbu
On my first date with my dh, he had quite long stubble, which I hate. I told him that if he wants a kiss, he'll have to shave it. Next date, he was clean shaven 😂
Fast forward to now, if he leaves it more than 2 days, I remind him that he looks like a homeless man and he shaves. He does not want to look unattractive to me

BigFatLiar · 15/01/2021 10:53

Perhaps he wants to try growing a beard, won't happen overnight and may look scruffy for a while.

Have you expressed a liking for designer stubble?

Dundundunnn · 15/01/2021 10:54

Get a grip.

Same4Walls · 15/01/2021 10:54

@Applecrumble24

Yanbu On my first date with my dh, he had quite long stubble, which I hate. I told him that if he wants a kiss, he'll have to shave it. Next date, he was clean shaven 😂 Fast forward to now, if he leaves it more than 2 days, I remind him that he looks like a homeless man and he shaves. He does not want to look unattractive to me
Shock I can't believe you think this is acceptable behaviour.
AaronPurr · 15/01/2021 10:56

Another one here who agrees with your partner.

contrmary · 15/01/2021 11:00

As long as you shave your legs/armpits/pubic region daily then it's fine to expect your partner to shave too. Before you know it he will have a beard, and from there it's a small step to murdering prostitutes, as has been proved many times over the years.

Applecrumble24 · 15/01/2021 11:00

@Same4Walls
Well he doesn't have a problem with this or he wouldn't have married me. We both like to make an effort for each other, it's no big deal

Fuckmuppet · 15/01/2021 11:01

@hugocat

Apparently I’m controlling when I ask my partner to shave . What do you think? I think it looks scruffy and I don’t find it attractive at all.
Is that you, DH? Wink
Lorw · 15/01/2021 11:03

That is controlling if you insist and make him feel like he’s not attractive if he doesn’t shave. If you love your partner shouldn’t matter what his body hair preferences are. Can you imagine the outrage if he turned around to you and was like ‘Shave your pubes/leg hair etc because I don’t find it attractive’ 😂

Winterwoollies · 15/01/2021 11:03

This is awful. If he demanded you shaved your vulva/pubic region daily, or even every four days, I bet you’d tell him to go jump. It’s a two way street.

Sparklfairy · 15/01/2021 11:03

@Same4Walls why? Just from reading the post she didn't tell him to do anything. She said of he wanted a kiss he'd have to shave it. Her prerogative not to want to kiss poky facial hair, and the ball is in his court.

A man I dated was shocked I wore a skirt and hadn't shaved above the knee Hmm my leg hair is fair, you can't see it! He made some noises about being embarrassed to be seen out with me not being properly groomed. I made the decision to dump him.

Same4Walls · 15/01/2021 11:05

[quote Applecrumble24]@Same4Walls
Well he doesn't have a problem with this or he wouldn't have married me. We both like to make an effort for each other, it's no big deal[/quote]
Of course its fine to make an effort for each other but that's not what he did. He changed his appearance because you didn't like the way he looked. How would you have felt of he said if you want a kiss you'll have to shave your legs or dye your hair as i prefer redheads etc. There's making an effort for your partner and having to alter you appearance to suit their wishes. One is fine the other is absolutely a sign of controlling behaviour.

NotMeekNotObedient · 15/01/2021 11:05

Beards and stubble really irriate my skin so I do ask my husband to shave. But it's his face at the end of the day and I dont really think you get a say. If he was happy with your preference, fine, but he's not.

ChronicallyCurious · 15/01/2021 11:06

YABU. It’s been four days? Hardly four months. Even then demanding someone shave is controlling but at least that amount of hair would be somewhat understandable.

I’d tell my DP to piss off if he told me to shave after only four days because he didn’t find it attractive. Controlling af.

Mrgrinch · 15/01/2021 11:06

Only if you're happy for him to tell you how to look. Would you be happy if he told you to change your appearance?

toomuchfaster · 15/01/2021 11:06

I don't think it's controlling to ask, I think it depends on your response to him declining. DH doesn't always shave but will do so when we complain he is spiky!

shitinmyhandsandclap · 15/01/2021 11:08

His face, his choice

Whiskysoda · 15/01/2021 11:13

How would you react if you poor ‘dp’ told you to shave your legs and fanny or told you to wear a sexier outfit rather than your favourite comfy pjs?

Let the poor bloke make his own choices, he is an adult!

Are you always so controlling of his behaviour?

Lucieintheskye · 15/01/2021 11:14

OP why do you think it's okay to govern your partner's body? How would you feel if he asked you to change something about yourself? If he told you to wear makeup every moment you spend with him would you be okay with that?