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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my partner to shave 4 days plus since last shave?

143 replies

hugocat · 15/01/2021 10:46

Apparently I’m controlling when I ask my partner to shave . What do you think? I think it looks scruffy and I don’t find it attractive at all.

OP posts:
ZestyDragon · 15/01/2021 12:52

I think it is controlling to ask someone to shave. However its not controlling to refuse to allow someone to kiss you if its going to hurt or irritate your skin. My partner has a beard which is soft. If he had stubble he wouldn't be able to kiss me as it irritates my skin. He hates shaving every day but likes kissing me so he has a beard.

nanbread · 15/01/2021 12:53

Yabu, if my husband told me to shave I'd tell him to fuck off

Blueberriesontoast · 15/01/2021 12:53

YABU if you mean his knackers.

YANBU if you mean his face.

We need to know where.

Icanseegreenshoots · 15/01/2021 12:58
Grin

This thread (and Joe Wicks' fart live on TV) are the only thing that have made me laugh today.

I am not sure op is expecting her dh to shave his knackers!! Maybe I have misunderstood! Grin

Pukkatea · 15/01/2021 12:58

I think like most things, it is ok to express a preference but unreasonable to expect them to conform to it.

CorianderBee · 15/01/2021 13:01

Depends - if it's giving you a rash or something then you can ask but he doesn't have to do it.

Rosebel · 15/01/2021 13:01

My husband only shaves twice a week as a maximum. I wouldn't dream of telling him to shave more often and would be pissed off if he told me to shave my legs more.
Why does it worry you so much?

MorganKitten · 15/01/2021 13:04

If he said you needed to shave your legs or bikini line a certain way or set days I’m sure you’d call him controlling

BillMasen · 15/01/2021 13:04

There’s a parallel thread running where a man asked a woman t wear her hair differently. Apparently he’s controlling, creepy, has a fetish and should be dumped immediately.

You as a woman here are expressing a preference and it’s fine

Fwiw I’ll say the same here as on that one. It’s fine to express a preference but not to force/expect the other party to change their appearance

Pringlemonster · 15/01/2021 13:10

I supposed it’s the same as you wanting oral sex ,and him saying only if you shave ...
It would not make you feel good ,would it?

ny20005 · 15/01/2021 13:14

It's his choice but it's also your choice whether you let him near you with stubble

I have really sensitive skin & my dh decided not to shave & grow trendy stubbly beard. He had a rant like a toddler saying it was his choice.

Absolutely my choice that he didn't come anywhere near me with it & I also flinched when he was stubbly & came near me

littlepeas · 15/01/2021 13:17

The vast majority of men look better with a beard. Plus, his face, etc.

Original poster
hugocat · 15/01/2021 13:20

He goes to work like it and is not growing a beard. If I was asked to shave I would . I'm now going to grow myself some hairy legs and an 80s style hairy Mary to see how he likes it Grin

OP posts:
Cuntitinthebin · 15/01/2021 13:21

@Applecrumble24

Yanbu On my first date with my dh, he had quite long stubble, which I hate. I told him that if he wants a kiss, he'll have to shave it. Next date, he was clean shaven 😂 Fast forward to now, if he leaves it more than 2 days, I remind him that he looks like a homeless man and he shaves. He does not want to look unattractive to me
I cannot believe he saw you again, let alone married you
Original poster
hugocat · 15/01/2021 13:22

@littlepeas

The vast majority of men look better with a beard. Plus, his face, etc.
Yes, I agree - stubble is nice but not this much growth on his face IMO .
OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 15/01/2021 13:23

@Icanseegreenshoots

I find beards disgusting and unattractive, and I DO remind my dh to shave. I can't bear him to kiss me otherwise. It is his choice shave and get kisses or not shave and I will run a mile!

YADNBU if I grew a beard he would definitely have something to say!!!!!! Grin

See, if I had a partner who said "remove this hair or I will leave" I would pack their bags for them.
Original poster
hugocat · 15/01/2021 13:23

@Rosebel

My husband only shaves twice a week as a maximum. I wouldn't dream of telling him to shave more often and would be pissed off if he told me to shave my legs more. Why does it worry you so much?
Because it looks horrible and I keep myself very well presented.
OP posts:
Same4Walls · 15/01/2021 13:24

Because it looks horrible and I keep myself very well presented.

Maybe he doesn't care if you like how it looks you know on account of it being his body so his choice. Hmm

Original poster
hugocat · 15/01/2021 13:25

@SquirtleSquad

Don't be a beard bitch
I like beards but not on HIM
OP posts:
AgeLikeWine · 15/01/2021 13:26

If my DP attempted to control or dictate what I did with my body hair, he wouldn’t be my DP for very long. He has never tried to do anything of the sort because he isn’t a controlling, abusive arsehole.

YABVU, OP.

TeamNegan · 15/01/2021 13:29

I voted YANBU. My husband has a beard and always has since I met him, to me he looks much better with a beard and I prefer it to clean shaven, he looks more attractive to me. He doesn’t often go clean shaven because he knows this, but equally I would do the same for him. I dye my hair a lot of different colours and if he prefers a certain colour on me then I’d choose that one and I wouldn’t be offended if he said he liked one or the other. Why wouldn’t I want to look attractive to my husband 🤷🏼‍♀️

Icanseegreenshoots · 15/01/2021 13:34

Really you are not being unreasonable op, your marriage does depend on feelings of attraction and chemistry and why should you lie and say you are fine with it. Better to be honest, and let him know. I have been married for 20 years, and it has been happy mainly because we communicate our feelings and preferences well. It goes both ways. I think keeping quiet about stuff like this is toxic and unhealthy personally. You are not asking him to lose seven stone and be a body builder, it is just basic every day grooming.

See, if I had a partner who said "remove this hair or I will leave" I would pack their bags for them

I don't think we said remove your hair or I will leave, I said remove your hair and I will enjoy kissing you and find you sexy. Grow a beard and I am very likely to gag and run a mile.

If I turned into a yeti overnight I would hope he would say something! In the same way he is honest about everything else. No wonder the divorce rate is rocketing if basic honesty is not there. Jeez.

Op I am with you.

Icanseegreenshoots · 15/01/2021 13:41

Hairy Marys Unite!

Minky37 · 15/01/2021 13:51

@hugocat

He goes to work like it and is not growing a beard. If I was asked to shave I would . I'm now going to grow myself some hairy legs and an 80s style hairy Mary to see how he likes it Grin
And it’s completely your right to do so.... if he asked you to shave it off for his benefit that would be controlling too.
lifeinlimbo2020 · 15/01/2021 13:52

[quote Applecrumble24]@Same4Walls
Well he doesn't have a problem with this or he wouldn't have married me. We both like to make an effort for each other, it's no big deal[/quote]
@Applecrumble24 I agree. Different folks different strokes 🤔 I am the same but prefer my DH with the stubble and not clean shaven 🤣