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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think most couples who get married in their twenties last?

465 replies

Whydoesmybackhurt · 14/01/2021 19:23

I've phrased it clumsily, sorry. Do you think couples who meet and marry in their twenties generally are seen to be more successful marriages?

I can't imagine marrying that young, I'm nothing like the person I was in my early twenties. Broke off an engagement and shudder at the fact I nearly married a massive twat. But that's on me clearly, like I say I was really immature Grin

I'm fascinated by people who marry young and successfully grow together with their spouse, just can't imagine that experience at all! I do think it's seen as the 'right' timeline to aspire to in general.

OP posts:
Hugoslavia · 15/01/2021 19:53

Most of my friends met their now husband's at uni (25 years ago) and married mid to late twenties. To me at that age you grow together and get to experience lots of shared first experiences. It's similar to the friends that you make at school. There's no pretence. I think that, perhaps when you are older, you are more used to your own way of doing things/set in your ways.

M0rT · 15/01/2021 19:55

I think your notion of society's ideal depends on your social circle.
You describe the ideal as meeting at Uni and getting married a few years later.
I'm going to assume your in the UK and mention that a good proportion of the population don't go to Uni at all. So your "society" may see that as the ideal, but it's unlikely to be universal.
I'm Irish and when I was in my twenties we thought English people got married insanely young! Pure anecdata from cousins, soaps etc. But it would have been uncommon for my friends/family to marry earlier than mid-late twenties. As I've gotten older I have realised that there are plenty of people my age in Ireland who did get married in their early twenties, I just didn't know as much as I thought I did then Grin
Ultimately marriages last depending on the suitability of the couple, not the age they met or married.

MummyMayo1988 · 15/01/2021 20:03

OP - great thread!

I met my DP at 18. I was actually with someone else at the time. Was not a good relationship and it went downhill FAST. I was so in love with this new guy so broke of my relationship and we started dating 3 weeks later. The kicker was he was off to uni 5 days a week. He came back every weekend to see me 😍
At 19 he proposed to me. I said HELL YES!
We had our first child at 21.
Bought our first home at 24.
Got married at 25.
Had second/third child at 26 and 30.
We're still totally, madly, sickeningly in love after 14 years together.
It's totally possible to marry young and stay in love and live happily ever after. Of course we have ups and downs; like everyone else. But our amazing friendship and total respect for each other is (we always say) the key. He is an amazing partner and father and hopefully I'm an alright mum too.

Babymonkeynuts · 15/01/2021 20:05

Why was there an advert for divorce lawyers on this post?

Idontbelieveit12 · 15/01/2021 20:06

We got together at 18 and 28. Had first child at 19 and 29. Married at 24 and 34, 3 children now and still happily married at 34 and 44 😊

Zoejj77 · 15/01/2021 20:09

Each to their own. If parties want to settle down theirs no reason why not but you do need to change and grow together and it’s a lot of changes for both

MrsM36 · 15/01/2021 20:22

My hubby & I have been together since I was 18 & married since I was 22. We've been together 21 years & will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary this year. We've had our moments over the years & of course there are time when I could happily throttle him (& I'm sure he feels the same) but at the end of the day we've been through an awful lot together & we still love each other. He is an awesome Dad to our 3 daughters too.

Timbucktime · 15/01/2021 20:24

I was 22 and DH almost 25. 23 years later and so far so good. He was also my first boyfriend.

june2007 · 15/01/2021 20:27

Well out of 5 sibling 4 of us got marrid in our twenties and are still maried longest one 26 years. My Dad got maried in his twenties and they have been married over 50 years. In laws in twenties and still maried. So yabu.

SingingSands · 15/01/2021 20:39

We got together aged 18 (me) and 21 (DH) and married aged 25 and 28, already had DD by this point.
Still together, 24 years after getting together. We have a good marriage. Perhaps there is something about growing up together that works for us.

Cotswoldmama · 15/01/2021 20:47

I was 18 when My husband and I get together and 26 when we got married. We've been married 9 years now. I can't imagine us not being together. Obviously I not the same as I was when we first got together and either is he. I think marriages go through ups, downs, hard times etc but it's a matter if working through those harder times.

hells456 · 15/01/2021 20:52

I met my DP at 19, moved in together at 21, had kids at 23 and 29. More than 20 years later and we are just as happy. We never actually got round to the marriage bit though.

Sandytoesfrecklednose · 15/01/2021 21:03

I was 25 when I got got married (my husband is a few months younger than me), met at 19 but didn’t get together until I was 22. I’m 38 now and we’re doing ok so far. Definitely had ups and downs but we’ve gotten through so far. Lots of my friends who married at a similar age have divorced in the last 5 years or so though so feels like we’re in the minority sometimes. I think the thing that matters most is that you grow in the same direction. We’ve definitely both changed a lot over the years but we’ve still kept that common ground and the respect we have for each other has grown over the years if anything. Still feels like hard work some days though and I daydream about the carefree life I could be living if I’d taken a different path when he’s annoyed me 😂

Mamanyt · 15/01/2021 21:08

Women's brains don't mature until around age 25, and men lag behind us by 3-5 years. Before that, you don't really understand long-term consequences fully. Those who marry in their early 20s may or may not do well as they grow and mature into the people they will become. However, there are plenty who marry young and do very well. I suspect those people are very flexible to begin with.

I do think, unequivocally, that if people spent 1/10 the time planning a marriage that they do planning a wedding, at whatever age, there would be far fewer divorces.

RandomGirl · 15/01/2021 21:10

I got married at 39 as I was most definitely not ready. I had an absolute ball getting there though!

MySaladDays75 · 15/01/2021 21:11

Met at Uni - me 22 him 25. Married 6 years later. Together now 23 years! Just works. We have grown together and both realise that the grass is never greener.

barnanabas · 15/01/2021 21:12

We went to a lot of weddings of our contemporaries (including our own) from age 26-28. Pretty much all those couples are still married (happily in the ones I know well enough to say that). DH and I have been together for 23 years, married for 16 of those. He's still my favourite person.
I think I'd have had quite a different life if I hadn't settled down with a partner in my early twenties, but I'm happy with this one.

AllAussieAdventures · 15/01/2021 21:16

DH and I have been together since I was 17 and he was 19. We were friends before that and got married when I was 21.

We have been married for 23 years.

He is the only person I actually trust. Has always had my back and I will always have his.

We have had/have an excellent life together. Up, down, sideways over the years but we grow back into each other.

The love is as strong as it has ever been even if the romance and excitement waxes and wanes.

No matter what happens I know that he will always be beside me. We look after each other.

xtoniax · 15/01/2021 21:16

I really hope so. I met my hubby at 20 (he was 21), we had a baby at 21/22 (despite trying not toBlush) we got married at 23/24. Now have 3 children altogether and been together almost 12 years and married almost 9 years

SquigglePigs · 15/01/2021 21:17

Met at uni at 18. Didn't start dating until we were 22. Got married at 29. Still very happy nearly 10 years later. I think it depends on the people as much as anything and that is true at any age. I love that we have essentially shared out adult life. We're both quite different now than when we met but we've grown together.

My parents were 18 and 22 when they got married and still very happy 40 years later. The right person is the right person however old you are.

Uusi · 15/01/2021 21:17

The older you are the more difficult it is to experience something similar to love.
So getting married in mid 20 is fine

SendHelp30 · 15/01/2021 21:19

My family members mostly got married in their 20s, myself included.
2 of my cousins who got married in their 30s are both divorced. 2nd marriages and just too much drama with exes and kids I think.

SendHelp30 · 15/01/2021 21:20

Oh sorry; forgot to add those of us who got married in our 20s are still together. My parents included who’ve been married 40 years now.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 15/01/2021 21:24

I met my hubby at 20, he was 31, and we married three years later. We are celebrating our 16 years of marriage this year and still going strong.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 15/01/2021 21:25

Been together over 18