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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you think most couples who get married in their twenties last?

465 replies

Whydoesmybackhurt · 14/01/2021 19:23

I've phrased it clumsily, sorry. Do you think couples who meet and marry in their twenties generally are seen to be more successful marriages?

I can't imagine marrying that young, I'm nothing like the person I was in my early twenties. Broke off an engagement and shudder at the fact I nearly married a massive twat. But that's on me clearly, like I say I was really immature Grin

I'm fascinated by people who marry young and successfully grow together with their spouse, just can't imagine that experience at all! I do think it's seen as the 'right' timeline to aspire to in general.

OP posts:
mdh2020 · 15/01/2021 17:50

Married at 18 , 53 years ago. Still together. My sister married at 26 and 38 and both divorced. Your age doesn’t matter - who you marry does.

godmum56 · 15/01/2021 17:50

we did, so did my sister and her DH

angela99999 · 15/01/2021 17:51

I got married at 23 to somebody I met at 19 and we are still together 45 years later. None of my close friends are divorced and most of us got married in our mid-late 20s, though a in couple of them one partner was older. Obviously I do know divorced people and when I think about it most of them did marry in their early 30s or later.

My youngest daughter (35) does seem to have got more fussy about the men in her life as she's got older, she wants perfection and will settle for nothing else. If she married and her spouse turned out to be less perfect than she imagined I think that she'd kick him out!

Sventon · 15/01/2021 17:52

My husband and I met at 21/22 years old. We married at 26 and have been married now for almost 21 years.

I8toys · 15/01/2021 17:54

Married at 24 now 49 - think so.

Mumof3girlygirls · 15/01/2021 17:54

I don't think age has anything to do with it ...rather it depends on the people. I met my husband 19 years ago when I was 21 him 23. I had 2 girls from previous marriage (yes very young marrying 1st time) he had 2 boys and custody of.... within days we were inseparable. We've been married for 10 years and have a 3 year old now all the others are in their 20s. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else we have so many memories together basically grew up together that I imagine us in our 80s sitting down remembering everything we've done.

longtimemarried · 15/01/2021 17:55

They said it wouldn't last when I got married at 21. I was married 55 years.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 15/01/2021 17:56

DSis1 married in her early 20’s, lasted 16 months
DB married in his mid 20’s lasted 13 months
DSis2 married in her early 30’s, still together
I married in my mid 30’s and been together for 19 years.

I couldn’t imagine being married during my 20’s.

bobbojobbo · 15/01/2021 17:56

*I (now) think it's utterly bonkers to think you'll love the person you're with at that age for life. If you do, you've settled and are probably not truly happy.

If you feel the need to say such things, its obvious you're not very happy yourself Hmm

I married at 19. It'll never last, they all said. Married 26 years and happier each year. If you meet the rigth person young, why would you waste that?

Defnotyourmother · 15/01/2021 18:05

Married at 19. Together 58 years later. Hoping it might last!

wonkylegs · 15/01/2021 18:07

I met DH at 21, married at 26 and we've now been together 20yrs through some really tough times and plan to spend many many many more years together
My mum married her first husband at 21, divorced 3yrs later, married my dad at 33 and divorced him 26yrs later however they seemed to hate each other for 25.5 of those years (no-one can fathom how they ended up together - chalk and cheese)
I don't think you can generalise

TenPenceMix · 15/01/2021 18:10

I was just 19 and he was 21.... still together 17 years later

Member984815 · 15/01/2021 18:12

Met my husband at 17:, married at 23 married 15 years now still going strong. My own parents married young too dad had just turned 20 and mom just turned 19 married still 40 years later . They were told they wouldn't last but when you know you know.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 15/01/2021 18:12

I married DH at 24, by the time I was 28 I had two boys under 2! Still very happy together and celebrating 25 years of marriage next year. I think we stayed together more by luck than anything though, I was clueless at 24 and we had some rocky times when the boys were small.

Now though our marriage is rock solid, we are nearly mortgage free and are young enough to enjoy ourselves as we go into our 50s.

blondiepigtails · 15/01/2021 18:12

First date December, engaged 11 weeks later. Married by July. Still going strong 33 years later. We were 22 and 25!!

MegaClutterSlut · 15/01/2021 18:12

Also married at 19 and dh 21, married for 18 years

ExeterMummaMia · 15/01/2021 18:13

I hope so too! I was 25 and had been with DH for about 5 years by this point, but had known him as a close friend for about 8 years. We've been married 8 years and still going strong!

Bubbles90 · 15/01/2021 18:14

Met at 21, married at 23 and still going strong after 30 years.

DoveOfPiss · 15/01/2021 18:15

My parents married when my mum was 23 and my dad 24. They celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary in September.

I got married at 24, divorced at 26, married again at 30 and divorced again at 35.

I envy all my friends who managed to find the right one first (or second!) time. I'm sure I am somewhat of a disappointment to my parents although they do have 4 lovely DGC, which my perfectly married brother has yet to produce GrinGrin

Barney60 · 15/01/2021 18:18

My best friend married at 16, 40 years later they are still together and very happy. i envy them. It depends on the person, support, maturity, and money.

wonderstuff · 15/01/2021 18:20

I met DJ at 19, married at 22, lots of people who didn't know me well had very strong opinions about me marrying so you, some were quite unpleasant. I'm extremely happy and we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this year.

What sealed the deal was that not only were we attracted to each other, but we could talk to each other, make each other laugh, and crucially we were nice to each other. I figured I might not find another relationship that good and committed to it.
It might have been nice to have a few more years to roam independently, I was sad for a while that I didn't travel after university as I'd intended, but on balance marrying my husband was the best decision I've ever made.

summerstorm · 15/01/2021 18:20

I met my husband at 17 married him at 20. Lost a baby at 23 and went in to have 4 children with him until he died at 47. He was ill for the last 10years of his life. I have no doubt that if he was still alive we would still be very happily married. I personally don’t think age has a lot to do with it. Instead it’s about marrying the right person. Also a lot of people are in love with the WEDDING, however to succeed it is more important to be in love with MARRIAGE

wonderstuff · 15/01/2021 18:20

Not DJ, DH - we need an edit button!

Snaketime · 15/01/2021 18:22

My mum and dad got married when my mum was 18, she is now 66 and they are still married. I was 18 when I met my husband, we got married when i was 25, I am still only 32 but we are currently still happily married.

Mary54 · 15/01/2021 18:22

Obviously depends on the individuals, every one being different. I understand the idea that people change, I'm sure I have, but also think that if you marry early you may not be so set in your ways so that you adapt to each other while changing? Only know we married at 19&24 and are still together nearly 40 years later