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Original poster

Do you think most couples who get married in their twenties last?

465 replies

Whydoesmybackhurt · 14/01/2021 19:23

I've phrased it clumsily, sorry. Do you think couples who meet and marry in their twenties generally are seen to be more successful marriages?

I can't imagine marrying that young, I'm nothing like the person I was in my early twenties. Broke off an engagement and shudder at the fact I nearly married a massive twat. But that's on me clearly, like I say I was really immature Grin

I'm fascinated by people who marry young and successfully grow together with their spouse, just can't imagine that experience at all! I do think it's seen as the 'right' timeline to aspire to in general.

OP posts:
MouseholeCat · 14/01/2021 23:06

I was 24 and DH was 28, so we were on the younger end of the spectrum especially for our demographic- professional careers, postgrad degrees. Most of my friends are just marrying now and I'm 30.

The one thing I'd say is our relationship was very different from the relationships our friends had in their 20s. It wasn't dysfunctional, we held similar values and were on similar trajectories. We were just very well matched, and people often remarked on that.

I can't imagine being in my 30's as I am now without having spent my 20's maturing with the person I love most.

KathleenTurnerOverdrive · 14/01/2021 23:09

Don’t most people get married in their 20s? Given the average age to have kids is around 30?

According to the ONS the average age at first marriage is 33 for men and 31 for women.

longtompot · 14/01/2021 23:13

I met my dh when I was 17/18 and we married when I was 24. We have been married 25 years now.

Costacoffeeplease · 14/01/2021 23:15

We were 21 and 25, we’ve been married 34 years this year

Byeckythump · 14/01/2021 23:18

There's a world of difference between early and late 20's.

I only know a couple of people who got married in their early 20s and they all divorced pretty quickly and are now on much happier and more settled second marriages. Everyone I know who got married late 20s seems to be doing fine.

We met at 23 with no interest in marriage at all but grew together until it felt right, engaged at 29 and married at 31.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 14/01/2021 23:21

I know a mix of people and a LOT of them are separated or divorced. My 2 sisters have 3 divorces between them in their mid 40s.

By comparison, DH and I married at 20 and had our silver anniversary last year. DH's brother got married at 20 and they are about to have their 25th anniversary. As are our friends. But people do think it weird when they hear that we married at that age.

DD says she's 'winning' because she's 20 and doesn't have a boyfriend and is not planning to marry. So she's def got a completely different outlook.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 14/01/2021 23:22

Time did a report on this. Interesting stuff. www.google.com/amp/s/time.com/4358792/woman-age-married-how-long/%3famp=true

Squiginawig · 14/01/2021 23:22

I was 22 and DH was 23 when we got married. 34 years, 3 children and 2 grandchildren later we are still happy

Kokeshi123 · 14/01/2021 23:26

In terms of the likelihood of divorce, there is statistically a pretty huge different between under 25 versus over 25. 25-30 is just normal in my book, not "marrying young."

Ken1976 · 14/01/2021 23:28

I met my husband at 14 and he was 18. We started dating when I was 16 and married when I was 19. He was in the army so had been away overseas a lot so, looking back, we didn't really know each other that well.
We were married for nearly 35 years and had our children right at the start of the marriage. We got to properly know each other in that time and did practically everything together. He died quite suddenly when he was 57, 13 years ago , and I still miss him every day.

motherstongue · 14/01/2021 23:29

Met my DH when I was 17. Got married at 21, he was 24. We waited 9 years before starting a family so we had a long time just the two of us to properly grow up together and to do lots of fun stuff. Been married 32 years and still going strong. I just knew he could make me happy

ReallySpicyCurry · 14/01/2021 23:30

I actually agree with a PP re people in their 30s being a bit blinded by the ticking clock. It's happened to a few friends of mine.

I think it's good to have some time together as a married couple before having children. Most people I know nowadays are pregnant with their second within three years of the marriage. I do understand that not everyone has the luxury of time, but there's something to be said for having a few years to rub each other's corners off before adding the complicating factor of children

A friend of mine who is on her second marriage says that in hindsight, what attracted her to her first husband and father of her children, was how good he was with his daughter from a previous relationship, and my friend's hormones were going round the twist. They parented small children well together, but once things became less full on, realised they had nothing to say to each other. She says she wouldn't have gone near him ten years before. And she could have had her pick of men (still could)

Sparkles512 · 14/01/2021 23:35

I was 22 and husband was 26 when we got married.
We have been married nearly 4 years now and trying for our first baby.
Most of our friends have skipped the marriage bit and just had babies.
I love the fact we got our wedding, honeymoon, holidays and time to enjoy being a couple before having children.

cheesetoastiewithham · 14/01/2021 23:37

I met my husband when I was 16, married at 21 now 38 and still happily married with 3 kids 😊

thepeopleversuswork · 14/01/2021 23:41

I know only a small handful of people who got married in their 20s and all are now divorced. Vast majority of my friends got married in their 30s or not at all.

TBH the concept of marriage in my 20s was about as alien as retirement. It wouldn't have occurred to me.

TravelDreamLife · 14/01/2021 23:42

We married early 20's. Have been together 21 years next week. Spent our 20's travelling, building careers, financial security before having kids so created a very solid, equal relationship. I know people who married/kids at 19 (by choice) & are happy, too.

As for divorced friends/family. I've friends who married later & have been hanging on by a thread but stay together because they have kids, finances entwined etc. So I think it's a huge generalisation. You can interpret anything.

ChronicallyCurious · 14/01/2021 23:44

Most people I know are marrying now mid-late twenties. I know someone who married at 18 and is still married now 6 years later with a child. Things seem to be going good for her so far.

I’m not married but I hope to be so before I reach 30. I’d personally hate to be just getting married in my thirties or later.

PutBabyInTheCorner · 14/01/2021 23:48

I wouldn't have been ready in my 20s, I was far too immature and selfish and was having a great time without commitments.
I'm 40 next and still not ready (although have been with my partner since we were late 20s and have 3 kids now...)

glittereyelash · 14/01/2021 23:48

Met my husband when we were 16 engaged at 24 married at 29. We are 34 now and still going strong. It takes work though and life has thrown some serious curve balls at us.

thelonggame · 15/01/2021 00:09

met at 21, married at 22, celebrated our 30th Anniversary yesterday.
Certainly been some rocky periods but we worked through them and are still happy.

MustardMitt · 15/01/2021 00:09

I may be jaded but I read a post on Reddit the other day where the 20 year old who had been married a year was asking about how to make her husband like her again, as he was physically and emotionally abusive. However, she knew that ‘relationships are hard’ so thought it was up to her to fix it.

That seems ludicrous to me, but if you’ve got no life experience the how are you supposed to know?

I had children before I married, I was 29. I was such a different person from 20 to 30, I can’t imagine a marriage started in my early 20s would have lasted. Not happily anyway.

LadyGAgain · 15/01/2021 00:10

Perhaps worth breaking or down further. Lots of people marry in their twenties.

How many of those who marry in their twenties but met in their teens are still together?

How many of those who marry in their twenties met in their twenties and are still together?

From my friendship group, none in the former are still married.

justanothermamma · 15/01/2021 00:13

I hope so!

Met DH at 19, first baby at 23, married at 24 and second baby at 25...

He's the love of my (I suppose short?) life. I plan on forever.

Why do you ask? Just curious.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 15/01/2021 00:14

When DD died one of the nurses kindly warned us that 72% of marriages end as a result of child loss.

IHateCoronavirus I am so sorry your daughter died. But very glad you and DH have been able to love and support each other through that heartbreaking loss. Flowers to you both. I hope life gets better and better for you.

blueleonburger · 15/01/2021 00:19

I would think most people on average got married in their twenties no? But like another poster said there is a big difference between being 21 and 29! I think there are benefits to marrying younger, you grow together and build assets together, whereas if you’re older and married maybe you’re more established and set in your ways then blending into someone else’s life could cause more friction. For reference I got married at 25 my DH 26. Still married happily. Both our parents got married in their early twenties and still together 30+ years later.