To ask how to not waste your youth?

[youthbaderginsburg]

NCed. Sorry the thread title is a bit dark!

Some backstory - I'm in nearing my twenties and I feel like I haven't really had an interesting life yet, more that I'm wasting my youth. This was to a certain extent spurred on by the 90s thread where people were discussing what they were doing during the 90s and it was so vivid and youthful. I know nostalgia can change things in retrospect, but I don't feel like I'm really living. Probably worsened by lockdown.

Sorry I know this is post-adolescent melodrama, but I'm wondering what you would recommend to someone entering their twenties to try to ensure the decade isn't forgettable? I'm in a LTR so can't do the casual sex thing, and do my best to avoid drugs (which does kill some ideas ) but anything you could suggest would be great. I want to feel young rather than just kind of coasting along, if you see what I mean.

Sorry if this is odd. Just not sure where else to ask!

*nearing my twenties, not sure where the "in" came from!

I was going to say don’t get tied into a ltr 😂

Ok so travel ! Travel and more travel . When you can

If I could go back and change anything it would be to skip the LTR I was in from 19-23.. So.. That's my only advice I'm afraid

Travel. Go to concerts. Make friends and plans with them. Live abroad. Live in a city. Skill up so you have choices. See a financial advisor about long-term investments.

Bugger off with his head!

We are in a semi open-relationship (wasn't going to discuss it as I suspect it may garner some interesting responses) but it's probably important to note. Travel and sex though, someone should have told my teenage self to plan accordingly

I dunno, i didn't do anything special with mine and don't consider it wasted in the slightest. Travelled as much as i wanted to, which wasn't tonnes. Went out as much as i wanted to, which wasn't tonnes. Spent a lot of time with my friends. Did as many drugs as i wanted, which was none. Had sex with as many people as i wanted to, which was a lot for a while, and then just the one. Found a job i love. Met my lifepartner at 20, got married, bought a house, had a baby.

Nothing exceptional or exciting, nothing anyone would write home about, just pretty much whatever i wanted to do at the time. Youth probably wasted by most people's standards, but i have no regrets.

Try not to worry about it. I didn't do anything particularly exciting until I moved out at 20 and had all the freedom that entailed. Heck, I didn't have a boyfriend til I was almost 19! We broke up when I was 20, continued to sleep together and lived together at one point! I then did the reckless drinking, partying, drugs and ONS for a few years in my mid twenties. I had a great time!

Travel!! Obviously once restrictions lift but go places! Meet people! Save up hard for a few months and just go somewhere.

Take up hobbies and go to classes or groups.

My metric would be "if I had a child would I be able to just go and do this?" If the answer is no then go and do it!!! I absolutely adore DD but she definitely changed the way DH and I live our lives.

Travel, travel, travel.

Read, seek to learn, try anything once.

Learn to be nice to yourself.

Dont wish your life away.

Hahaha thank you, Ohalrightthen that's actually very comforting. Probably have too many movie stereotypes & expectations in my head. Do you really have no regrets at all? I find that quite impressive honestly, hoping to get there one day myself.

Any recommendations for where to go (lockdown allowing), MobileSite?

Life is too short to hang around waiting for someone to change.
So if your relationship or friends are too much work or treat you badly even once, don't hang around for one second wondering if you should be loyal or give another chance.
Drop them and move on.
I wish I'd had this in my mind through my 20s

Dont wish your life away.

Hard, I'll be honest. Trying to decide to be happy at this present moment but it's a lot harder than just making the decision unfortunately. Trying to keep upbeat (ish) though?

Travel, eat out, concerts/gigs, girls holidays, buy a house if possible, sort out a career/job, waste money on things you want but don’t need. I’m early 30s now with 2 young children and I’m glad I lived my 20s how I did.

Don't "travel". Just go on really really good holidays. Its not the same thing.
Fun with friends - however you choose
Sport
Make the most of your physical energy and mental acuity
Get a grip on your finances. That way your thirties and forties are just as much fun.

And again..travel travel travel

Don’t do drugs.

When Covid ends do do ALL the holidays, as many nights out as you can (not necessarily drinking lots in clubs, I mean restaurants, theatres, gigs, unusual stuff like Secret Cinema), music festivals.

Also: work hard and join your workplace pension scheme straight away. Put decent contributions in to it - don’t think you can catch up later, it’s far easier the earlier you save. Aim for a well paid job in an interesting career.

If you’ve not yet left uni then try and get a 2.1 or a First- it’ll give you far more options.

Move to a city and do the city life thing- so much more to do. Save money each month- even a bit put by each month will mean you’re not stuck renting in your 30s.

Have lots of fun, but think of your twenties as ten years to get stuck in to a good career, buy a home and lay the ground work for financial stability so you’re well set up if you have kids in your 30s.

I did loads of fun stuff in my 20s, but I really regret not ever really finding what I wanted to do work wise. Now I’m stuck in an ok professional job but it’s dull. It’s fairly well paid and fits well with family life and gives a good pension, so I’ll probably be in it a while. Work our what you really want to work as.

And go travelling.

Oh and definitely ditch any friends who dont make you feel good. Have the confidence not to chase after anyone - just go on and enjoy yourself and the really good friends will find you.

Travel
Travel
Travel
Since you're in a relationship, either go with him, and if he won't, go without him
Travel

Hahaha lockdown maybe isn't the best time to be asking this

Also I have NO friends which I would love to change, but everyone at this age is quite draining (not to slag off my generation but a lot of unnecessary / wearing drama within the social circles I previously moved throughout). No idea how to make friends either, so it's all looking great so far

Since you're in a relationship, either go with him, and if he won't, go without him

Bet he'd love that! I hear you though. I just get bogged down in the bloody details, maybe I just need to get drunk and book some tickets somewhere down the line hahaha! (kidding, kind of).

Here's all the advice you need op!!

@youthbaderginsburg

Hahaha thank you, Ohalrightthen that's actually very comforting. Probably have too many movie stereotypes & expectations in my head. Do you really have no regrets at all? I find that quite impressive honestly, hoping to get there one day myself.

Any recommendations for where to go (lockdown allowing), MobileSite?

All the regrets i have are from my teens. I can honesty say past the age of about 19, i regret nothing. I've had an incredible amount of fun. It's just been very normal. Nothing cinematic, just unforgettable times with people i love.

People love to say that travel will fulfill you and change your life, but if you're miserable in Walthamstow you're likely to be miserable in Rome and Melbourne and Bangkok too.

I wasted it trying to get approval from parents who were never going to give me that. Wasted time trying to done what other people wanted me to do, listening to what other people told me about myself. It was all utter bollocks.

20s you can't win. If you're confident, people accuse you of being cocky. If you're not, people are straight on you with masses of unsolicited advice.

I wish I had realised sooner that the people who told me they cared for me and were there for me didn't act like it ..and walked away sooner.

Ps...just realised this would have been out before you were born op. It's not just about sunscreen!!

I think having fun and also finding a balance is key. So go crazy with wild parties if that's your bag, but also set down foundations for the future - whether that be university or a job. Say yes to things, but only if you want to do them - don't be afraid to turn down a wild party if you're really fancying a quiet night in.

Also realise that just because you do the crazy stuff a few times, it doesn't mean you have to keep doing them. Personally, I realised at about 21 that I was NOT a club kind of person, after 3 years of putting myself through it. I much preferred pubs and nice bars, or sitting at home with friends, some wine, and nice little buffets. It was strange saying no at first, but after a while I realised I was enjoying myself much more. I lost and made new friends along the way.

Don't date men just because they fancy you. It's easy to be flattered at that age.

Learn to love your own company. I honestly think that's so important - even though DH and I happily spend every day together, I'm always happy to be alone too. Sounds mad but I always talk to myself, either out loud or internally. 😂

I know you're probably looking for much more exciting things, but at 31 looking back, I'd say these were my main lessons!

"Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40 it will look 85". Oh dear

Thank you for that link NoTime I've never heard it before but I really like it. (and yes, a totally different century to when I was born! ).

These pieces of advice are great, thank you so much to everyone sharing!