To ask how to not waste your youth?

[youthbaderginsburg]

NCed. Sorry the thread title is a bit dark!

Some backstory - I'm in nearing my twenties and I feel like I haven't really had an interesting life yet, more that I'm wasting my youth. This was to a certain extent spurred on by the 90s thread where people were discussing what they were doing during the 90s and it was so vivid and youthful. I know nostalgia can change things in retrospect, but I don't feel like I'm really living. Probably worsened by lockdown.

Sorry I know this is post-adolescent melodrama, but I'm wondering what you would recommend to someone entering their twenties to try to ensure the decade isn't forgettable? I'm in a LTR so can't do the casual sex thing, and do my best to avoid drugs (which does kill some ideas ) but anything you could suggest would be great. I want to feel young rather than just kind of coasting along, if you see what I mean.

Sorry if this is odd. Just not sure where else to ask!

Enjoy hour body. I'm LIVID about the time I wasted in my 20s thinking I was fat hmm and not appreciating my supple joints

I do happen to be a little bit fat (legitimately) so toning up / gaining health is part of my loose NY resolution. I get that though, looking back on photos when I was 15/16 and I was TINY but I thought I was huge

Again -travel. It’s the thing you will look back on and relish! I’m not much of a one for casual sex but for some people that might be a thing. Talk to people who are different to you with different cultures, beliefs and backgrounds, and really try to appreciate the beauty or the struggle associated with it. Visit city’s (Prague Amsterdam, Athens) and just walk around and learn the history. Visit places with a different terrain and nature like Africa, Iceland etc. Just writing this is making me so happy

Make a bucket list. Seriously, just make a list of 100 things you really want to do, see, achieve, try or enjoy before you die. Then do as many things from it as you can.

While I was living them 1980s and 90s, I thought my twenties were rubbish because I didn't have a man or a steady job. Now I look back and am so glad I didn't settle down too quickly. I lived and studied abroad, travelled widely, worked in a 'glamorous' profession I adored. By the end of my twenties I had bought a flat and met DH and was ready to settle down. I keep trying to encourage DC not to get locked into hard graft jobs before they've had at least one year off to just live and take a few risks in life.

I don't think being in a LTR holds you back. D Bro married young in his early twenties and they had a whale of a time, travelling the world, white water rafting, partying hard. His wife died far too young and he was so glad they had properly lived first.

As a wise old crone of 33 ,here’s my two cents:

• know where to say yes to things - new experiences, people, places, opportunities
• equally importantly, know when to say no to things - ‘friends’ that don’t make you feel good about yourself, bad relationships, jobs, etc etc
• love and accept your body the way it is. treat it with kindness and care. That means the full spectrum, so for me, sometimes it means too much wine, sometimes it means a four hour hike. Self love is the most valuable thing you can take with you into later life.
• i see that, like me, you’re in an open relationship [waves ] - never hook up anyone in your circle of acquaintance...been there, done that, bought the cringey t-shirt
• one all this pandemic crap is over, get yourself out there with local meet-up groups etc and meet new people. i’m happily married with a few close friends and i still adore going out and getting to know strangers in bars/through hobbies/etc etc. you come across as really lovely- i’d be your friend!

OP are you a student? Do you work? Do you like what you do? If not, what do you want to do? When you think of a rich, fulfilling, interesting life, what do you see?

I'm a full-time student. I'm not enjoying it much but pushing through till the end of the academic year in order to get the qualification. I've never had a job - I've got autism and some MH issues, which usually makes me very scared of anything new.

I'm not sure what my long-term motivations are, I can't really think of what would be a good life for me. I wish I knew as then I could aim towards it!

And thank you Mapletree you're so kind

Drink more alcohol, we drank a lot more than your generation. (Those who were young in the 90s.)
We mainly drank outside the home, it was a bit sad to drink at home. On weekdays in pubs. At weekends in restaurants, pubs and after 11pm at clubs. We met strangers and shagged them if we wanted to. I understand that your generation is frightened of strangers, even those in clubs of your own age I find that a terrible shame.
I don't see the vast benefit in all the claims of travel but I didn't do that much so don't know really.
As we used to say:
Get out there love.
Stick it to them.
Bottoms up.

I'm not 100% sure that world still exists though.

@youthbaderginsburg

Does anyone know what the first step to living a better ( / braver) life?

I'm stuck in my head all the time and I want to get on the path to making more interesting choices, I'm just not sure what the first step is. x

Start small! If you have an interest in something in particular, look more deeply into it. Research it and get to know it, so when you come to do it (whatever it is) you feel at ease.

Although that comes second to being at ease with yourself - sounds cheesy, I know. However, I've fond memories from my early twenties of grabbing myself a nice bottle of wine and some ingredients, coming home and cooking myself a nice meal. Then I'd throw on a nice pair of PJ's, sit sipping my wine and thinking about/reading/writing/watching something that I really loved.

I so looked forward to those evenings, they were so peaceful. It was the first time in my life that I'd done something entirely for me on a "small" level, if that makes sense? Of course, I'd sat and chilled in my room as a teenager, but this was different.

Oh and echoing other posters - don’t freak out about finding ‘the perfect job’ when you first leave school or graduate. Things have a way of working themselves out!

- i see that, like me, you’re in an open relationship [waves grin] - never hook up anyone in your circle of acquaintance...been there, done that, bought the cringey t-shirt

Hahahaha thank you, now I'm glad I mentioned it It's quite a new arrangement, so very new to the lifestyle! Just trying to balance the security of a relationship with someone I really love and the freedom to not feel regret if you see what I mean

you come across as really lovely- i’d be your friend!

Thank you so much! I'd be your friend too!

What I regret from that age: being in an open relationship that wasn’t going anywhere and was ultimately unsatisfying. Yes I was besotted but I put so much on hold because of it.

What I regret from that age: being in an open relationship that wasn’t going anywhere and was ultimately unsatisfying. Yes I was besotted but I put so much on hold because of it.

Oh! This is interesting. If it's OK to ask, what do you feel you put on hold by being in an open relationship?

I may have some regrets, but I can live with them. I moved away when I was 18 (a long time ago) and rented a flat in the next big city. I went to clubs, concerts, travelled abroad, took evening classes, concentrated on my job - later to be a career, but at that stage, just a job. Made friends, made contacts, broke hearts, had my heart broken, and then moved even further away to London aged 21. Did all the same as above except in the metropolis. Had a fucking whale of a time. Travelled some more, got a job in tv, went to university aged 36, had my heart broken, broke some more hearts - generally just lived life to the full. Apart from all that, read a gazillion books, saw a gazillion movies, ate out whenever possible - and finally, finally, got married aged 42. Phew!

Keep learning stuff. Explore your interests. Find an exercise format you love and do it a lot. Personally with hindsight, I also would have donated some of my eggs.

My twenties were a mix of bloody hard work and fun.

Looking back I am glad I put the work in, got degree and masters and a good career, progressed quickly, bought a house.

Drank too mush, went to concerts, wasted time with friends doing very little but having fun.

Also traveled and went on some amazing holidays. Took three months out and went to Australia - great fun and will never be able to recreate it.

Regrets - breaking up with my lovely boyfriend and not working abroad for a year.

@youthbaderginsburg

Hahaha lockdown maybe isn't the best time to be asking this

Also I have NO friends which I would love to change, but everyone at this age is quite draining (not to slag off my generation but a lot of unnecessary / wearing drama within the social circles I previously moved throughout). No idea how to make friends either, so it's all looking great so far

Completely agree OP I’m slightly younger than you and have only a few friends as I can’t tolerate the teenage drama! Find myself getting on much better with adults

Those saying about travelling, did you travel alone? Or with friends?

Completely agree OP blush I’m slightly younger than you and have only a few friends as I can’t tolerate the teenage drama! Find myself getting on much better with adults

If only you were in Scotland, we could hang out!
(not sure if you're allowed to suggest that on here but oh well )

Don't stay with a bloke for the sake of it.
Don't put up with abuse from anyone - you are too good for that
Travel
Enjoy people - my best holiday was one spent travelling alone on a coach trip through Europe with couples/singles much older (70+) than me and boy were they fun!!
Don't sweat the small stuff
Save money if you can
Love your parents they arent here for ever
Be kind and forgive often

Good luck! Don't waste your youth!

Travel - and travel when you get there too (no lounging on a Sunbed for 2 weeks)

Educate yourself - sign up for courses, practical courses, vocational courses, anything at any level, and finish all of them.

Read - novels, autobiographies, travel books, basically anything that make you look at life differently.

Exercise - try everything but learn to love something that’s free to do !

Pursue what you love passionately and without any regard to cost

Travel travel travel
Travel travel travel
Do not come home after 2 years, planning to work to save money, and meet a boy, get into a LTR, and stay put for 7 years (because it’s ‘not his thing’) and waste the rest of your 20s.

Things I did you maynot be able to do now. Volunteer on Mencap holidays in the summer...Fun and a lot of experience. (looking after adults and children with learning disabilities.)
Complete Duke of Edinbrough award if not already done so... meat new poeple opportunity to travel in uk and abroad... internatioal cap.
Work for a holiday comapny in k and abroad. ...Independence, travel, meat new people, new experiences.
Degree, GCSE, retakes, BSL evening clasds. 9unable to complete.) Get a job in a different town.
Volunteer with local groups.

Oh yeah... and look after your back. Do the exercises to keep the muscles strong. Don’t ignore every time you ‘tweak’ it for 10 years.

I’m in England @youthbaderginsburg

@youthbaderginsburg

Does anyone know what the first step to living a better ( / braver) life?

I'm stuck in my head all the time and I want to get on the path to making more interesting choices, I'm just not sure what the first step is. x

Remember that you'll never arrive at that moment you think life is building to. It doesn't arrive. Life is the entire journey. Live in the moment.

@Crystal90567

Drink more alcohol, we drank a lot more than your generation. (Those who were young in the 90s.) We mainly drank outside the home, it was a bit sad to drink at home. On weekdays in pubs. At weekends in restaurants, pubs and after 11pm at clubs. We met strangers and shagged them if we wanted to. I understand that your generation is frightened of strangers, even those in clubs of your own age I find that a terrible shame. I don't see the vast benefit in all the claims of travel but I didn't do that much so don't know really. As we used to say: Get out there love. Stick it to them. Bottoms up.

I'm not 100% sure that world still exists though.

This is a generalisation.

Those ones of us young people who drink go just as hard and spend many many nights talking shite to utter strangers.

There are just a lot more people who don't drink.

I'm early 30s so not too old yet, but I agree with pp, I was in a LTR from 21 for most of my 20s and massively regret it. Tbh though if it had worked out maybe it wouldn't be a regret. My main advice would be to not put too much pressure on yourself. As you get older you care less too about other people's opinions and I wish I had had the same mentality through my 20s rather than wasting it being ruled by insecurity and comparison to others. I'd also say don't worry about getting older. Every single birthday I have mini breakdown that another year has passed and then a couple of years later when I look back I realise how silly it all was and how young I was (still kind of am, eventhough it doesn't feel like it with another birthday looming!) I'm trying to live by those rules now to not waste my 30s so if you manage to suss it out for your 20s then you'll have nailed it! I'll also add, cut out anyone negative. You don't owe anyone anything so if someone is bringing you down, they need to get the chop. Life is far too short and precious to waste it. And that also brings me to my final one, absolutely treasure the ones who mean the most to you. Take ALL of the pictures and have the happiest times with the ones you love because things can change so quickly. Ohhh and take risks! I still try to live by 'YOLO!'