To ask how to not waste your youth?

[youthbaderginsburg]

NCed. Sorry the thread title is a bit dark!

Some backstory - I'm in nearing my twenties and I feel like I haven't really had an interesting life yet, more that I'm wasting my youth. This was to a certain extent spurred on by the 90s thread where people were discussing what they were doing during the 90s and it was so vivid and youthful. I know nostalgia can change things in retrospect, but I don't feel like I'm really living. Probably worsened by lockdown.

Sorry I know this is post-adolescent melodrama, but I'm wondering what you would recommend to someone entering their twenties to try to ensure the decade isn't forgettable? I'm in a LTR so can't do the casual sex thing, and do my best to avoid drugs (which does kill some ideas ) but anything you could suggest would be great. I want to feel young rather than just kind of coasting along, if you see what I mean.

Sorry if this is odd. Just not sure where else to ask!

Have adventures, random spontaneous weekends, go to concerts, the ballet, comedy shows, museums. Have lots of meals and laughter with friends, go tubing (it’s so much fun) , take up martial arts or some form of sport if that’s your thing or some other form of hobby if it’s not. Be brave and say yes to things you want to do and learn to say no to things you don’t want to do, cut out people who are negative and only accept equal and mutual relationships in your life, never be afraid to be alone.

I travelled, including 6 months out back packing, lots of European city breaks and a few trips to US and Africa - it was great! Really recommend this.

I clocked at 27 or so that I was in the wrong job and changed direction to increase my earning, it meant studying - l made great friends through that, and it paid off in my 30s as my earning increased compared to where it would have been.

I had a sense that I think you have OP that I wasn't doing 'enough', but if I told people about my 20s I suspect they wouldn't think that. To me it felt like I spent a lot of time mooching about not doing much but I suppose a decade is a long time!

I also would have ended a LTR in my 20s much sooner if I knew then what I know now. I would have moved around jobs more too and been more ambitious in what I applied for.

I will make sure to trust Baz on the sunscreen, noted

Travel.

Don’t waste one day, even one hour in a relationship where you feel unhappy, insecure or like you need to change (no idea what the semi open relationship feels like for you, but worth bearing in mind)

Travel, study, wear anything you want to wear without worrying about what other people think. Don’t get into credit card debt.

Turn your phone of for days at a time , or travel somewhere where you can’t get connection and don’t even take photos - keep just the memories for you.

I was deeply anxious throughout my twenties and when I look back, although I regret one or two daft decisions, my main regret is just not making the most of what I had. I travelled a lot which meant I didn’t build up a big group of friends or get as far as I wanted in a career, but I had some fantastic experiences and met my lovely DH. I was too busy fretting about my career to enjoy myself a lot of the time so I would say try to see the potential in every part of your life and enjoy what you’ve got!

The 20’s is such a time of striving and imo that was the waste. I was so busy wondering if I was having a good enough time, doing enough, making enough career progress, visiting amazing enough places, having the best experiences, getting close enough to the goals of buying a home, trying to find a partner, ...

I’m not sure if that’s an inevitable aspect of being in your twenties but it’s not a headspace I miss in the slightest. Life has got steadily better with every year that passes.

"Take care of your knees,you'll miss them when they're gone"
Fabulous song.

You might like this poem too (just found a random link so I could share it)

www.hippocoaching.co.uk/post/2017/08/04/id-pick-more-daisies

I'm only 25, but we're saving up to quit our jobs and travel the world for a year at 27/28. That'll be a big experience that has allowed us to build qualifications and careers before so we can get back in after.

So far things that have enriched my 20s - be kind and make friends, good good friends and make sure you make time for them. And try out hobbies! All sorts, I've discovered I love paddle boarding, badminton, ping pong, painting, embroidery and more... really random things which have brought me joy.

And read books all the time.

Hmm. My regrets over my twenties, for what they’re worth, are:

• casual sex;
• worked very hard building a ‘City’ career that went in the bin once I started a family, I should have put my energy into building something that can be done part time;
• drinking a lot when this really bores me. It seemed like ‘the thing to do’;
• having children too late, wish I had started at 24, I didn’t know I’d be infertile by 34;
• letting myself get unfit;
• not finding ‘my tribe’ early enough (probably because I was in the City drinking instead of with creative people).

The things I’m glad about are that I met dh in my early twenties, that I travelled a lot, and buying a home that was a bad investment but I loved.

Have a good life xx

I found the friendship drama died out at around 22 :S

The lockdown as made me thankful for kicking the backside out of the twenties.
Serial monogamy, working hard- so many hours to establish my career and then playing even harder on days off. Lots of travel. Open to experience and curious to understand people and places around me?I only said no to very risky or criminal offers.
I had so much more energy then and I’m glad I used it. Good luck.

Getting weirdly a bit teary-eyed reading all of these ideas and experiences. Not sure why, don't mind me sobbing in the corner

And thank you. Really, thank you to everyone suggesting these things. It means a lot to me.

Does anyone know what the first step to living a better ( / braver) life?

I'm stuck in my head all the time and I want to get on the path to making more interesting choices, I'm just not sure what the first step is. x

I really recommend living in house shares in your 20s, even just for a couple of years. You can make amazing friends (and learn to understand/put up with weirdos) and gain their whole social network as well. Have parties.

If this whole “semi-open” thing is in any way not what you want or an attempt to save a long running relationship - just dump them now and save bother.

I wish I’d spent a little less time in my twenties dating men who demanded a lot of emotional support and barely gave me any. Being single and dating can be absolutely hilarious and if I’d never done it I’d really regret it now. I thought I was going to get married at about 24 and remember thinking “I want to have sex with more people!” Not that that’s for everyone but you probably know yourself.

What I wish I’d realised is despite the pressure to find a job straight out of college or uni, in the long run no one will give a fuck if you bum around for a year or work in a cafe and go on lots of holidays before looking for a “career”. It’s about the only time in life you can really without it being a massive pain.

And try to relax, if you can. You don’t need to plan your life or worry about these things now. Just think “how can I make the next thing I do interesting and fun”.

Obviously outside of the pandemic, but.....

Agree with everyone else - 'experience things'.
Traveling to different places (doesn't have to be 3 months backpacking, as others have already said - can be holidays other than 10 days on a beach' - or weekend breaks.

Depends on your budget / interest / likes and dislikes / energy levels - set yourself a challenge....Visit 10 new countries in the next 2 years (can be done with cheap flights and short stay packages, or even a month's inter railing, very easily) OR climb 20 mountains / hills over 3000' OR camp out in 20 different places OR find 20 different concerts to go to OR visit 21 different grounds or tracks of whatever sport you like

Perhaps make it 21 of everything as we are in 2021

Make a resolution to try 21 things you've never done before - be that going to a pantomime or picking your own fruit. Watching an evening of Speedway racing or going to an opera. Going to a barn dance or volunteering at a foodbank. Things don't have to cost you much, but do things that get you out of the house and meeting different people on a regular basis.

@youthbaderginsburg

Does anyone know what the first step to living a better ( / braver) life?

I'm stuck in my head all the time and I want to get on the path to making more interesting choices, I'm just not sure what the first step is. x

Glad you asked. I recommend revving yourself up by doing more exercise (whatever’s available to you at the moment) and using that headspace and energy to think FUCK IT and change EVERYTHING at once. New job, new home, new clothes, haircut, new hobby, new boyfriend - some or all of those. I’ve done this reset a couple of times and it’s improved my life massively.

Do somthing completely new...when the world opens back up again! Take a dance class...join a group or sport. Meet new people. But for now,you can look online and motivate yourself for all these choices you can make in the future and fun holiday/experiences you'd like to try.

Learning a second language can double your world and experiences.
Can lead to so many interesting things and people.

visit 10 new countries in the next 2 years (can be done with cheap flights and short stay packages, or even a month's inter railing, very easily) OR climb 20 mountains / hills over 3000' OR camp out in 20 different places OR find 20 different concerts to go to OR visit 21 different grounds or tracks of whatever sport you like

That's actually a really good idea. I'm kind of tempted to climb some of the Munros (maybe 21 like you suggested!) but I've never thought my health would be anywhere near good enough. Maybe it's something I can build up to, and I suppose the benefit is that it is socially distanced - and legal I think (?).

I go dinghying / kayaking in lochs quite often, but obviously wouldn't dare that with this weather or time of year!

I'm getting a bit motivated now

1. Dont waste time worrying about what other people think of you.
2. Dont waste time on people you dont really like or feel comfortable with because you 'should'.
3. Dont waste time comparing yourself to other people.
4. Dont do things because 'its what you do, isn't it?'.
5. Live somewhere other than where you were brought up. It will broaden your horizons.
6. Remember that there are no time limits on when you should do things.
7. Travel, take fun but low paid jobs, mess around and basically take some time to goof around before you settle down.

Enjoy hour body. I'm LIVID about the time I wasted in my 20s thinking I was fat and not appreciating my supple joints

Glad you asked. I recommend revving yourself up by doing more exercise (whatever’s available to you at the moment) and using that headspace and energy to think FUCK IT and change EVERYTHING at once. New job, new home, new clothes, haircut, new hobby, new boyfriend - some or all of those. I’ve done this reset a couple of times and it’s improved my life massively

Do you have any practical tips for accomplishing some of these things? I'm terrified haha!

*your body that was

@Ohalrightthen, but you’ll find out that there’s more to the world than Walthamstow. Or to living five minutes from your parents surrounded by the same people you’ve known since kindergarten, and who have a vested interest in you staying the same person. You’ll speak a different language and eat different food and meet different people.

OP, are you a student? Do you work? Do you like what you do? If not, what do you want to do? When you think of a rich, fulfilling, interesting life, what do you see?

When I was 20 ish I was racketing around but also working hard. I’d worked in France as an au pair, finished my degree and got a first, started an MA, dropped out temporarily to go and live in a commune in the US, returned and finished the MA, then had a bad accident and spent most of a year recovering, before winning a scholarship to study in the UK, which would turn out to be transformational. Nothing earth shattering, obviously, but I was having a lot of new experiences, which I think is key.

What an exciting time of your lifr OP (damn you Covid)

Use sunscreen. Take care of your skin. Enjoy your beautiful skin. Moisturise. Drink lots of water. Stay out of the sun.

And enjoy yourself. Be confident in you and what you believe. Have fun and build warm relationships (covid not withstanding ) with good friends and family. Be kind.

Don't forget sunscreen! Especially on the back of your hands as they really age!

Hope you have a fantastic decade 😊❤