To ask how to not waste your youth?

[youthbaderginsburg]

NCed. Sorry the thread title is a bit dark!

Some backstory - I'm in nearing my twenties and I feel like I haven't really had an interesting life yet, more that I'm wasting my youth. This was to a certain extent spurred on by the 90s thread where people were discussing what they were doing during the 90s and it was so vivid and youthful. I know nostalgia can change things in retrospect, but I don't feel like I'm really living. Probably worsened by lockdown.

Sorry I know this is post-adolescent melodrama, but I'm wondering what you would recommend to someone entering their twenties to try to ensure the decade isn't forgettable? I'm in a LTR so can't do the casual sex thing, and do my best to avoid drugs (which does kill some ideas ) but anything you could suggest would be great. I want to feel young rather than just kind of coasting along, if you see what I mean.

Sorry if this is odd. Just not sure where else to ask!

Some great advice. As PPs have said.

Travel, remain single, pension and investments, skills.

Oh and live abroad!

When I said travel I meant like short holidays, doesn't have to be a year hiking along a continent or anything. Just leave your home town and visit places. I don't know how I did it really, cheap flights and shit hostels mostly. Saved up any and all spare money for a few months.

I'm in Scotland @youthbaderginsburg, lived across the central belt and we have some absolutely beautiful areas. Oh, when you can, take the train across the Forth Bridge, its beautiful and you can head up to St Andrews or anywhere up that way.

Oh, one of the best things I ever did was say yes to a road trip with mates down to a club in Newcastle. We thought we were going to a rock night, ended up in an album launch night for some big dance artist and had an amazing night just dancing and chatting to folk. Drove back home early next morning, took a group photo at the big standing stone at the border at dawn!

I’m 32, married, babies, house, car blah blah blah so past my youthful hey day although I’m hope making for a second wind once kids are up a bit!
If I wrote you a summary of adventures antics and scrapes I got into in my 20s it would actually look quite a lot on paper, but at the time I felt similar to you.
What do you want your summary to say?

Like loads of others said, TRAVEL!! I left at 18 and still not 'come home'. I'm 45 this year 😁

Also, and I know I'll sound like an old woman saying this, don't stop moving your body / exercising! Just keeping moving!

Plus when you only have half a dozen not great GCSEs getting a job abroad really isnt that simple.

Australia and Canada both offer a work visa for people from the UK under the age of 30. You can apply for it and all you need is the cost of the flight. Get a job when you get there tending bar or whatever and travel around on the weekends/days off. Met loads of people doing this when I lived in Banff, Canada. Really regret not doing it myself and going to Australia.

Oh and ideas of how you can make loads of cash and travel when the world is back on its feet... Royal Flight crew (not UK based) That's what I did and had the best time of my life! And god, I could tell a few stories 🤣

I left at 18 and still not 'come home'. I'm 45 this year 😁

LOL! 23 for me, but same! On my 3rd country.

Have you got an interest that you can really get stuck into?
I’ve played the piano pretty badly all my life and a couple of years ago I started on music theory which I’ve found fascinating. I passed my grade 5 and I’m now working towards grade 6.
I know passing grade 5 isn’t that big a deal as everyone who wants to do grade 6 and above practical has to pass it, but nonetheless I felt a real sense of achievement and knowing I had an exam to do made me get on with it.

I love this thread! Echo what everyone has said about travel. I spent a year abroad working as part of my degree and it was such a great experience, made me grow up in all sorts of ways and broadened my horizons. I would say spend your 20s making good friends, as it’s harder to have quality time with friends once you’ve got little ones.

This thread really resonated with me, as only this week I returned to some open spaces of my youth to discover they had been literally turned into a housing estate! It brought back such nostalgia for those days (I'm nearly 60) and the freedom and excitement for the future. I also came away with the feeling that my best years were behind me, would never be back and I wished I had had more fun and adventures when I was young. My upbringing was quite strict, and I didn't go out a great deal as a teenager, and I married at 23 and settled down with a nice young man and a mortgage at 22 etc. A happy(ish) marriage, but not much fun and adventure, though I appreciate that many 22 year olds today on an ordinary salary would consider themselves fortunate to be homeowners, so I do realise I'm lucky in that sense. So what I would say to you is follow your dreams, don't get tied down too early, and if the person you're with doesn't share your dreams or passions, pursue them without him - before you know it more adult responsibilities will be in your shoulders, and it's not so easy to be free. When the pandemic is over, I really want to travel, embrace life more and have FUN!

Ok about the 'travel' thing. I probably have always thought of travel as doing touristy things rather than going abroad to work. Personally going and doing something like working in Spain in a bar (for example) didn't really appeal to me at that age - when I could work in a bar in UK.
Maybe I am just a homebody person

Everyone should live in London on their 20s. Not sure if that's as true now as it was in the 90s, but either a big city here or somewhere English-speaking, or a smaller one in a foreign country where you can learn a language and immerse yourself in a different culture, for at least a year.

Actually following on from my comments about travel.
My sister actually did the backpacking and working round Australia thing back in the 90s. She had to save for about 2 years - living a fairly fruggle life - to be able to afford to go.
She had a nice year and nice experiences. Made some friends but unfortunately in that pre - internet age lost touch with everyone after. Came home. Found her 'at home' friends had moved on. She had no money left....
Now 25 years later she never has earned enough to get a mortgage and currently (at age 48) lives with our parents.
She looks back at the time as an enjoyable year and a 'nice time' but it didn't really make any difference to the rest of her life.

Rhythm and all London raised folks should go live in a normal not very exciting market town for a year !! Life Swap !!

I’d definitely exercise more in my twenties if I had my chance again. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been now I’d mid 30s, and wish I’d looked this good in my twenties when I could freely exercise (now it has to fit in around 2 young children, husband’s job etc).

I’d also avoid drama and never drunkenly call anyone. Respect yourself and know your self worth. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Be super careful with alcohol.

Don't do drugs.

Try to find your "values", what really matters to you and embody them.

Love and treat yourself.
In 10/20 years time you'll watch photos of you and think "oh lord I was good looking", believe it NOW (unless you're really a monstrosity which I seriously doubt)

Embrace boredom. Best ideas, insights, come from a place of boredom (put down that phone!!!!)

Be present. There's I think a misunderstanding around the quote "seize the day", it's generally understood as "grasp any opportunity, do not care about tomorrow" but I understand it as "be present". It doesn't mean living grand things, it means living those little things fully and with intention. Yeah, even going for food shopping or doing the washing-up.

In hindsight, I had an amazing life in my 20s, good job, good boyfriend, good friends, good activities, but I wasn't present, I was a bit like a headless chicken with no intention and no pause button.

i wish i'd had your wisdom!
But I guess youth isn't wasted if you're living and learning, which I did, too fekking slowly and sometimes i needed the lesson five times but if I could condense it down I'd say know yourself. Don't start an accountancy course if you're only doing it because you think you should. But invest in to yourself! If it niggles you that your teeth are wonky go get braces now rather than later. Worry more about what you think of you than what your parents think of you.

OP, I'm 28, and felt I had a fairy good early 20s lifestyle which makes me feel okay about settling down now.

I came from a small town, but moved abroad at age 20 to Asia, met people I never imagined from all walks of life, drank loads, partied loads, had a lot of sex, travelled, gained a lot of confidence in myself. It helped me learn a lot about myself and relationships overall by being out of my small town comfort zone.

I'd recommend travelling, meeting as many people from all walks of life, expanding your horizons beyond what you're used to. Do it while you can! As you age, you will have more responsibilities and no chance to do those kind of things.

I should add, moved abroad to work*, not just on holiday.

I couldn't afford holidays but could afford to travel. I did voluntary work that took me all over UK and oversees. Brazil for three months with Red Cross, worked in a refugee camp for year, ran summer camps for children living in challenging circumstances during holidays - fantastic fun, lifelong friends good early management experience.

When it’s allowed:

• travel
• gigs/ live sport
• try new activities/ clubs - arts, crafts, languages maybe?

Meet as many different types of people as you can, and actually listen to them.

This could be through travel, or by taking different jobs or studying or hobbies.

Get to know people who are not like you, and who are not like people you have met before. Listen more than you talk. Ask questions. You'll find there are so many ways to "do" life.

But also remember that you still remain you, deep down. Don't expect a personality transplant or any sudden epiphanies. Get to know and love yourself.

And yes - sex just keeps getting better. But if you snag a nice SO, don't be in a rush to give them the boot just because you think you "should" be shagging lots of others. You can ride rings round yerself with the same person. And remember being single does not mean automatically loads of sex. But it does mean not having to put up with someone rubbish who drains your energy and gives you less than what you put in. Only stay if that person is actually making your life better and makes you feel good, like really good. Otherwise: buh-byyyyeeew

Just be single and don't have kids for at least another 10 years. I've been in relationships since I was 16 and had my first DS at 18. I love him to bits but omg I would love to know what freedom felt like

Travel and have adventures, don’t waste time on long term relationships that aren’t really fulfilling you anymore.