He's mentioned my hair a few times now.

[Melonslice444]

I'm involved and moving forward with a nice man. He says lovely things all the time and would feel bad if he had hurt my feelings. But he keeps mentioning my hair and his comments make me abit paranoid.
My hairs naturally aurburn. I have always had lovely compliments on the colour. It's thick. Down just past my boobs as no hair cuts due to lockdown. I've been doing the unicorn cut on it and it's healthy looking. I'm always looking after it with conditioners and serums etc. I straighten it. I tend to wear it down alot. Just feel more happier with it down. Always have. Bobbles hurt my head after a while.

He's mentioned a few times I'm pretty and should have it up so I can see my face more. Which is fine. He's seen it up a few times when I'm tidying or whatever and he always says he loves it. He found the one photo of me on Facebook with it up and said that's his favourite picture of me.

He called me earlier on his break at work. I told him I was out walking and my hair was going frizzy as it's raining. He then brought it up again. Asked me why I wear it so long. I said because of lockdown it's not been cut for a year. Then he said you are so pretty you look so lovely with it up when it looks shorter.

Now I know he's complimenting me to an extent. But it feels abit like he's also insulting me.

I feel silly but he's making me feel insecure. Is he just doing a terrible Job at complimenting me?

I think I'd firmly just say I like my hair up, and sometimes I wear it down.

Then keep an eye for anything else where he seems to be trying to control. The comments about the hair alone might be nothing, but it may also be the start of him being a dick.

@Bluntness100

He wants you to look less attractive to other men. So he wants you to cut it off or hide it.

You madam have a problem on your hands.

Boom, nailed it on the first comment.

He's also testing how controllable you are.

That said, it's depressing how many people buy into the 'long hair is more beautiful' thing. Lots of people really don't suit it hanging down limply by their face.

The OP’s hair is beautiful. It’s not hanging limply. She does seem to suit it. More importantly, it’s her hair and she likes it.

It’s depressing how many people judge the appearance of others and think their opinion is worth more than that of the hair/face/body owner. Not your hair/face/body? Not your problem.

I have nice long hair. My face looks prettier with it up, though. I don't see the issue.

Cba with mine down its up all week and down 4 husband at weekend

I think OP that some people are just vocal about their preferences but a little too much. The fact his ex had short hair might mean that was his type always and hence why he would like that look on you or like you say, it could be to make you look similar to her (it’s very hard to tell these 2 things apart). Unless he’s threatening to dump you over it, I don’t think this 1 issue is anything to be worried about (assuming he doesn’t seem controlling in any other way). A lot of guys seem to have a strong preference on hair type in women I’ve noticed. Some seem to really dislike long hair and some can’t stand short hair. I myself have noticed some people who are very pretty and thought if they did their hair like X, Y,Z they would look perfect. It might be just his personality that he chooses to vocalise this so frequently

When in my 20-s I had a bf who had gorgeous wavy long hair any girl would envy. But he always just pulled them into a ponytail and rarely brushed. I’m not a control freak but kept going at him: why don’t you brush your hair, why don’t you let me brush your hair... why don’t you do this or that with your hair... etc.
My hassling him didn’t last long when he told me calmly but firmly: “it’s my hair, let me choose to do what I want with it.”
I realised I overstepped the boundary.

He has already got you questioning whether your appearance is good enough for him. Stop thinking about what he means and prioritise how you feel and what he needs to do about how you feel.

@surelynotnever

Ok I've just text him and said you seem to mention my hair a lot. Are you saying your are not attracted to long hair and like shorter hair?

Why are you asking him this? Just tell him to pack it in with the comments. If he doesn't, or if he does but moves onto other 'improvements' you could make, you'll know to ditch him and move on.

FFS yes stop simpering around him and his weirdness.

Your hair is beautiful and you know it.

Don't let anyone, especially a man who should think himself lucky that you're going out with him, make you feel any differently or even question it for a minute.

ShagMeRiggins, but do you go on to your DH and DD about wearing a tux/how to wear their hair?

That's the point here.

I don't see the issue either - I have really long hair like you however I wear it tied up most of the time, Cant work with it hanging around my face. When I wear it done I wear it straight most of the time but himself loves it when its curly and will always say it when I have it curly. I do have a friend of mine who wears her hair donw constantly the same way. She keeps pushing it out of the way for eating and it goes into a big frizz ball when it rains. I have seen it tied up when we are in the gym and I have to say she looks unreal with it tied up, really shows off her cheek bones and eyes. And I have told her that. Everyone loves certain things about people. To me its all about confidence try it tied up some time once in a while if a bobble hurts you head you are wearing the wrong one or they are too tight. But go back to wearing your hair down when you want . Just be aware of if it boarders into control

I had an ex like that. He said he preferred my hair up and kept mentioning it. Turns out i look alot better with it down, which i already knew, but he didnt want anyone else to find me attractive. Anyway, long story short.. he turned out emotionally and physically abusive aswell as narsicitistic, and using reverse psychology on me (sorry for spelling errors lol). Not saying that is what your man is like or what he will turn out like, but it sounds a bit like a red flag.

He simply doesn't get to say how you wear your hair or how you choose to look. Next it will be wear your hair up with this dress, those shoes, that bag.........

@greenemerald

I don't see the big deal. So he prefers it up? I prefer my DH with a beard.. if he didn't have it I'd probably mention that I preferred him with it. I can't see the sinister intention here. However if he's mentioned it a few times it can be quite annoying. I'd just say 'no I prefer it down, stop commenting on it now' and end of convo.

And what would you do if he said, clearly and on a number of occasions, that he preferred being clean-shaven? Would you still keep mentioning it and making it clear you didn't like the look of him as much clean-shaven, or would you accept that it's ultimately his choice?

And also, you're married to your husband, you are committed to him, you love him, it's longterm -- the OP sounds as if this is quite a new relationship. I would be deeply unimpressed if someone I had just started seeing clearly had a problem with the way I generally wore my hair and felt entitled to keep mentioning it. I mean, this is supposed to be the part where you're hoping you're good enough for me, not the part where you keep banging on about how much you'd prefer me to look different.

Everyone’s face looks different with their hair up. I’d put him straight and just say I like my hair long and down stop mentioning it.
You need to be firm

Urgh, I hate this with people! My hair was long and I had it cut into a short bob 18 months ago. My mum was delighted because I'm "too old" for long hair. A close male friend didn't comment but then gave me some hair ties for my birthday so that I could tie my hair up when I've grown it again. I mean, WTAF????

OP, just please yourself. Don't listen to anyone else. His problem, not yours and if that's all he has to complain about then he's bloody lucky!

Your hair is absolutely stunning op! Such a lovely colour and so thick! Please don’t cut it to try and please him- take a firm stance! When he brings it up again just say ‘o I love my hair, I prefer wearing it down’ and just ignore any further comments he makes on it. Watch out that he’s not trying to test your boundaries to see if he can control you, it’s a huge red flag!

Difficult to tell motivations for something without much to go on but the most important part is that him doing so feels wrong to you, you should express that you don't appreciate that and will continue to wear your hair how you like to have it.
I'm another woman who also almost always wears my hair down, it's not super long at the moment but I hate having to tie my hair up and it also feels uncomfortable after a while. Sometimes I clip a little of the front of it back with those little hair pins.
Just as a totally separate idea I'm adding, you might want to check if you have a dry/sensitive scalp if you haven't already because it can make putting hair up or anything else more uncomfortable. Mine is a bit dry (you can have a dry scalp but still have oily hair etc) and I like to put aloe vera gel on it an hour or so before I wash it, seems to help.

"It's a good thing I get to decide what I do with my hair, rather than you."

Repeat every time.

If he reacts badly at least you'll know what you're dealing with ...

@Melonslice444 out of curiosity what is the unicorn cut?? I’m jealous I wish my hair would grow that long don’t let anyone tell you how to wear you hair because it won’t be long before it’s other things. Nip this in the bud now.

It’s a well known fetish- girl in a ponytail giving a blow job. Preferably quite rough and deep
My best friend is married to a man who has zero sex drive. They have sex 2 a year and he never compliments her. However, when she wears a pleated mini skirt with tights (she is very slim and her style quite whimsical, so she occasionally dresses like that) he is suddenly lovey dovey, compliments start rolling, and he wants to have sex. We now think he has a schoolgirl fetish and i honestly find him so creppy. Whenever he sees a pleated skirt in a shop he always mentions how she would look SO nice in it. Eew

Fucking hell op your hair is amazing!

It's weird because it's repeated and you haven't asked for the feedback. If he saw it once and said 'oh you look lovely with your hair like that!' and you said thanks and then it was never mentioned again, you wouldn't think twice about it. It's the fact that he brings it up repeatedly when you aren't asking for hair advice.

It's ringing bells with me because my ex DH was like that. He started out saying he liked my hair blonde (it's been all sort of colours) and then sort of subtly saying that enough that eventually I realised it had been blonde for years. It was then other things, he preferred white underwear on women, he liked my hair parted in the middle, thought I looked better in heels etc etc etc. I was never demands or even requests, just sort of a gentle ongoing commentary and I am clearly incredibly suggestible to the extent that one day I woke up and didn't recognise myself.

It wasn't abuse, I chose to change myself, but it was controlling and he took advantage of the fact that I was insecure to mould me into being something that he wanted me to be.

We split up anyway for various reasons and I'm now married to someone nice. My hair is how I like it and I never wear white underwear or heels because I don't like either!

Trust your instincts. If it feels weird then it probably is. Luckily you are a bit more tuned in than I was and have picked it up more quickly than I did, instead of finding yourself five years down the line with your hair up every day of your life and wondering how you got there.

As to my ex, he also remarried. An Italian woman who had dark hair when they met and is now blonde. I'm not kidding.

regularly saying it and it stops being a compliment. Don’t mention your hair to him and ignore it when he says something about it, maybe he’ll take the hint