He's mentioned my hair a few times now.

[Melonslice444]

I'm involved and moving forward with a nice man. He says lovely things all the time and would feel bad if he had hurt my feelings. But he keeps mentioning my hair and his comments make me abit paranoid.
My hairs naturally aurburn. I have always had lovely compliments on the colour. It's thick. Down just past my boobs as no hair cuts due to lockdown. I've been doing the unicorn cut on it and it's healthy looking. I'm always looking after it with conditioners and serums etc. I straighten it. I tend to wear it down alot. Just feel more happier with it down. Always have. Bobbles hurt my head after a while.

He's mentioned a few times I'm pretty and should have it up so I can see my face more. Which is fine. He's seen it up a few times when I'm tidying or whatever and he always says he loves it. He found the one photo of me on Facebook with it up and said that's his favourite picture of me.

He called me earlier on his break at work. I told him I was out walking and my hair was going frizzy as it's raining. He then brought it up again. Asked me why I wear it so long. I said because of lockdown it's not been cut for a year. Then he said you are so pretty you look so lovely with it up when it looks shorter.

Now I know he's complimenting me to an extent. But it feels abit like he's also insulting me.

I feel silly but he's making me feel insecure. Is he just doing a terrible Job at complimenting me?

This thread has made me think about a couple of comments I have made to my two friends in the past. One friend has absolutely incredibly long curly thick hair that she wears down a few times a year. The rest of the time is tied back in such a way you can’t see any of her long hair. I’ve said a least a couple of times your hair is so beautiful, you should have it down more. Another friend has nice hair that is quite fine and when she curls it she looks absolutely stunning, like a model . Again I’ve said to her about having it wavy more. On all these occasions my friends have been talking about outfits/clothes/style or hair but still I’m not going to make these comments any more. I hadn’t really thought of what it’s like for my friends to hear them. I know this is off topic but it’s given me food for thought.

I feel like I need to bring it up with him again. But I don't want to feel childish and like I'm going on either. But I think the main thing that's bothering me is the why do you wear it so long?

I went to the search bar on our chat history as recently we've had to talk more online or on the phone. He's mentioned me having a ponytail being his thing twice in November and once in December on messages too. I sent him a photo of my natural wavy hair in November and I had just the top middle but pulled back into a bobble (mostly down) he wrote back I like it when your hair is pulled back from your face.

So it's definitely something he has been hinting. But as I say he met me with it down and therefore that's how he was first attracted to me?

But when should I bring it up to have an honest conversation about it? So I don't sound childish and like I'm overthinking (even though I am) I clearly am needing him to explain further if he is massively hinting at a haircut or something. Because as you've all said on here it's not a good start If so. I don't want to be getting further involved if this is the start of being put down.

Thanks again.

Honestly I’d wait for the next comment.

He can be attracted to you with your hair down and still have a preference for it up. It's not as simple as "up, she's hot, down, she's repellent".

This is obviously making you really unhappy though, so you need to talk to him about it. Once he knows that you like your hair as it is and don't want to hear any more about it, I'd start to worry if he didn't respect that.

I used to have very long hair and felt very attached to it as being my feminine beauty. My husband kept hinting how I could cut it a bit. I look back at the pictures and my long hair wasn’t that pretty at all, I looked like a wild crazy lady. Just saying.

Ok so you said he's an older man.

And he's said several times he's like your hair in a pony tail. And pulled back from your face.

Erm ... schoolgirl fetish?!!! 😯🤔

@lunalulu

Ok so you said he's an older man.

And he's said several times he's like your hair in a pony tail. And pulled back from your face.

Erm ... schoolgirl fetish?!!! 😯🤔

That's quite a leap.

School girl fetish is abit weird.

I'm 32 with children he's 46 with children.

he sounds weird tbh. Obsessed.

@Melonslice444

School girl fetish is abit weird.

I'm 32 with children he's 46 with children.

Don't think having children makes much difference to men's weirdness I am afraid to tell you.

If you think that middle aged men with children cannot be interested in young girls, then sorry but I think you sound very naive.

I am not saying this guy is, of course, but it’s hardly unknown.

Yeah pretty sure it's not a thing for. School girls for goodness sake.

I know Full well men can be disgusting. But I will defend him on that one. He's shown no signs of a school girl fantasy.

Fucking hell, schoolgirl fantasies. Jesus.

Could be a clumsy complement. Could be that he will end up giving you a list of permitted clothes to wear. Either wait to see if it happens again, or talk to him about it - but actually talk, not send WhatsApps back and forth.

Good luck. Fab hair by the way.

Just be aware, it may be that his ex wore her hair like that not because it was her preference but because of him and what he wanted

@PurpleMustang

Just be aware, it may be that his ex wore her hair like that not because it was her preference but because of him and what he wanted

I thought that too.

Very big age gap OP.

When you are his age, he will be nearly 60.

Wait until the next comment.

He sounds very pass remarkable, your hair, your personality.

I certainly wouldn't like it.

I would think it very rude.

He ould be showing you who he is, watch very carefully.

Inwould definitely make some similar remarks back.

See how he reacts to being critiqued.

Early days yet.....I think his comments could get old, like him, very quickly.😁

Oh and your hair looks gorgeous in the photo.

@billy1966

Very big age gap OP.

When you are his age, he will be nearly 60.

Wait until the next comment.

He sounds very pass remarkable, your hair, your personality.

I certainly wouldn't like it.

I would think it very rude.

He ould be showing you who he is, watch very carefully.

Inwould definitely make some similar remarks back.

See how he reacts to being critiqued.

Early days yet.....I think his comments could get old, like him, very quickly.😁

Oh and your hair looks gorgeous in the photo.

Such an unnecessarily ageist post.

When he saw you his comment was he liked that you smile all the time (reminds me of the thing where random men in the street tell women to smile).

He wants your hair up because that's how he thinks you look prettiest.

It does sound like he thinks it's your job as his girlfriend to always look as attractive as possible for him. Coincidence that he's gone for someone quite a lot younger 🤔

I definitely think just wait till he mentions it again (which Sod's law would say will be never - after all this discussion!). Then I would literally just tell him straight that it's nice that he finds you attractive but just for the record you will wear your hair however you please. You can make it lighthearted.

My Dh does occasionally make comments about what he likes/doesn't like but it's certainly not often and hardly ever lately (probably realised it made no difference)

An ex used to always say how he preferred me with straight hair (it's naturally curly) and make up on - I should've ended that one much sooner than I did!

Please keep us all posted as and when he next mentions hair - we're all quite invested in this now

Such an unnecessarily ageist post.

How is it ageist? Or are we not allowed to mention older blokes going for younger women any more?

My ex said exactly the same thing about my hair, right down to 'I can see your face more.' Weird!

Maybe he does prefer it up. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't find you attractive with it down.

I probably wouldn't bring it up, but if he does again "oh for goodness' sake, can you stop with the comments about my hair! It makes me feel really uncomfortable."

If he is otherwise a nice bloke I would not give it much more headspace

You don't bring it up again.

You've made your point.

Now the onus is on him. He will either take that point on board, or he will find a way to bring it up again.

If he does, then quite frankly you should think of finishing things, because it's a clear signal that when you give him an answer which isn't his preferred one, he's going to push things.

You don't want that when it comes to communication.
You don't want that when it comes to money.
You don't want that when it comes to sex.

A pushy or wheedling bloke, a manipulator, a persuader - you dump them.

But you wait and see what they do so that you can find out honestly if that's how they are.

I think he's trying to knock your confidence and make you question yourself. Be wary. If he is just clumsy with his words he won't mention it again if you tell him that you don't want to change your style.

Fucking hell, schoolgirl fantasies. Jesus.

😂😂 ok I was sort of joking (and remember I didn't know how much older the DP was, or how old OP!!!!).

So he's 14 years older.

My rule of thumb is that 5 years either way is like nothing, up to 10 years is barely noticeable, 10-15 starts to feel quite a gap and over 15 more so. Over 20 feels like your granddad/mother.

This dynamic is important, whatever anyone says. His seniority makes him expressing his preferences feel to me a bit less ok. If he was close in age to OP, it would feel ok so long as not the start of him being controlling.

I'm sorry but having said it was ok, now I don't like it.