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AIBU?

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Original poster

He's mentioned my hair a few times now.

496 replies

Melonslice444 · 13/01/2021 13:08

I'm involved and moving forward with a nice man. He says lovely things all the time and would feel bad if he had hurt my feelings. But he keeps mentioning my hair and his comments make me abit paranoid.
My hairs naturally aurburn. I have always had lovely compliments on the colour. It's thick. Down just past my boobs as no hair cuts due to lockdown. I've been doing the unicorn cut on it and it's healthy looking. I'm always looking after it with conditioners and serums etc. I straighten it. I tend to wear it down alot. Just feel more happier with it down. Always have. Bobbles hurt my head after a while.

He's mentioned a few times I'm pretty and should have it up so I can see my face more. Which is fine. He's seen it up a few times when I'm tidying or whatever and he always says he loves it. He found the one photo of me on Facebook with it up and said that's his favourite picture of me.

He called me earlier on his break at work. I told him I was out walking and my hair was going frizzy as it's raining. He then brought it up again. Asked me why I wear it so long. I said because of lockdown it's not been cut for a year. Then he said you are so pretty you look so lovely with it up when it looks shorter.

Now I know he's complimenting me to an extent. But it feels abit like he's also insulting me.

I feel silly but he's making me feel insecure. Is he just doing a terrible Job at complimenting me?

OP posts:
Pinkyandthebrainz · 13/01/2021 20:26

I'd have to dump him. He sounds controlling as fuck and this is only the beginning. The shiny exterior starts to slip...

LindyLou2020 · 13/01/2021 20:32

Melonslice444.........
or anyone......PLEASE, what is a UNICORN CUT?

Girlyracer · 13/01/2021 20:33

I think an early PP got it right. That's head turning hair. And he'll have noticed that happening in real time. I vote that it's the start of some controlling behaviour. Fine to say you suit it up. But the cutting thing too? Why on earth would he want you to cut that gorgeous mane? To look middle of the road, that's why!

PaigeMatthews · 13/01/2021 20:35

Dump him. He isnt complimenting you at all. He is telling you how to wear your hair.

BronwenFrideswide · 13/01/2021 20:37

@LindyLou2020

Melonslice444......... or anyone......PLEASE, what is a UNICORN CUT?
You gather all your hair into a spike/pony tail on the top of your head and then cut across.
BronwenFrideswide · 13/01/2021 20:39

That should say cut straight across in one, then let hair down.

laidbacklife · 13/01/2021 20:39

Sounds like he doesn’t like your hair. V annoying comments. I would leave him.

Flipflopsaga · 13/01/2021 20:49

Controlling behaviour. Seriously I would end it as soon as possible. I really don’t mean to be pessimistic however I genuinely feel that this is the start of him ‘pulling the strings’. You sound fab and no one on here wants to see you turn in to some ‘downtrodden’ woman who loses herself for some horrid partner. I wish you the best of luck 🤗

Spinningdot · 13/01/2021 20:56

He wants to change you already. Big red flag.
Made me think of this:

And we are the boys
Who'll drape you in jewels
Cut off your hair
And throw out your shoes
Cause baby, you won't need them, where you'll be

Honeyroar · 13/01/2021 21:00

I’m just laughing because I’m always telling my husband to get his hair cut, but it does go a bit crazy, fluffy, standing up curly hair if left naturally!

Spinningdot · 13/01/2021 21:00

It sounds like he's sowing seeds of self-doubt already. It's gaslight-y.
There's a term for it when people use reverse, back-handed compliments but I can't think of it.

Spinningdot · 13/01/2021 21:01

Negging!!

Throckmorton · 13/01/2021 21:23

Why does he keep saying he respects you - that's a bloody weird thing to say. Nice men just respect you without feeling the need to spell it out! Sounds like one of those guys that calls himself "a nice guy" when he's anything but.

As regards the hair, he's basically saying you look pretty when you change your appearance, implying you look less pretty normally. Not nice!

MadameButterface · 13/01/2021 21:25

Oh I couldn’t be doing with this.

IdblowJonSnow · 13/01/2021 21:32

Very neggy.

Dump.

carly2803 · 13/01/2021 22:03

ive read your posts OP - i think he just wants to see your face?!

your hair is beautiful!, but do what you think is comfortable for you.

WeatherwaxOn · 13/01/2021 22:08

I think you need to just tell him that you've heard enough about your hair - it's how you like it. If he keeps on after that, well, you may want to review.

Years ago I had a male friend who used to say things to me like, "I really like girls who wear dresses", "I like girls who are girly and can cook" or "I don't like those DM's you wear."
My responses were "That's nice", "Okay then." and "Oh well." (which then escalated to "Good, I wear them to annoy you" as he raised it a few times)
Some years later when I was was dating my now DH, who was a mutual friend, I found out that the other guy had been thinking of asking me out.

MsConstrue · 13/01/2021 22:16

I've no idea whether he's trying to control you or not, but it does sound as though he really wants you to get your hair cut! (and failing that pulled back off your face) and he's just trying to think of tactful ways to tell you.

Maybe you just need to say to him "I like my hair long, and I don't want to tie it back. Please stop talking about my hair because it's fucking weird

LindyLou2020 · 13/01/2021 22:17

@BronwenFrideswide

That should say cut straight across in one, then let hair down.
Thank you!!!
Lollypop4 · 13/01/2021 22:22

Tell him straight-
' I like my hair down, I wont be changing it, dont mention it again' .
If he does....,
I would probably leave him

TheVamoosh · 13/01/2021 22:28

Why does he keep saying he respects you - that's a bloody weird thing to say. Nice men just respect you without feeling the need to spell it out!

Totally agree. It sounds creepy and patronising.

SarahBellam · 13/01/2021 22:36

Your hair is beautiful. Wear it exactly how you want. If he has a problem with it he’s not the man for you.

thosetalesofunexpected · 13/01/2021 22:37

Hi Op
Its a red Flag

Your Partner has got insecurities issue,

This is why he prefers you to have your hair up,(and he Jokes about wanting to cut your hair)
As your hair long, he thinks its more feminine, (more acctractive to men,
Be careful Once you start wearing your hair up more often,
He will start in other areas making you feel insecure/wanting you to change..

Its very weird that even though he finds your Auburn hair acctractive very pretty,he insists on mentioning on about wearing your hair up often/and even jokes about he like to cut it.

SophieB100 · 13/01/2021 23:04

You have lovely hair OP.
But even if you didn't, even if your hair was very ...meh...then that's fine too - because it's part of you.
So, as an oldie on this thread...my love you don't need to justify how you wear your hair. Any man worth anything wouldn't even comment on your hair in a negative manner. He would compliment you, and might prefer your hair up and down, but he wouldn't dream of telling you how to wear it.
If you were my DD, I would be concerned indeed.

Ebony999 · 13/01/2021 23:13

This is so typical of MN. Men’s intentions are immediately assumed to be malevolent. FGS, even him telling the OP that she’s ‘so so pretty’ has been described as ‘creepy’; she’s his fucking girlfriend! Not his girlfriend’s sister. He’s also wrong, apparently, for telling the OP that he respects her; wrong l because it should be a given. We don’t know the context in which it was said, do we? The OP has said that he makes her happy and it’s this one thing that bothers her. It MAY be that it is an early indication that he’s controlling. But in my view there’s insufficient evidence to dump him for this basis alone at this stage.

Anyway, I doubt that many of you LTB crowd who are otherwise loved up would actually end it in reality if you were in her shoes. OP , proceed with your eyes open but don’t be persuaded by these snipers.