To let dd stop piano lessons

[cantcopewiththisshitanylonger]

Dd7 has been doing piano for a few months and now is adamant she wants to stop. She started in lockdown with an app and loved it so we got her a teacher after the first lockdown finished.

My issue is that she said she wanted to stop before Xmas but she agreed to go up to Xmas and then decide. She decided to continue and so I let the teacher know she was going to continue. One lesson in and she wants to quit again.

I don't want to let her stop because she's good at it and I think it's a good skill to have but her dad thinks we shouldn't force her.

Starting to get sick of the arguments over it and thinking it's easier just to let her stop.

It might not be relevant but she does do another club that she really enjoys and gets excited about.

Aibu to let her quit?

If she doesn't enjoy it, what's the point of forcing it? A waste of your money and a waste of the teachers time who could teach a student who actually wants to learn.

Was it one of those apps that helps you to play songs by showing you which key to press down on? If so it may be that she was expecting the lessons to teach her in a similar way. Learning scales, basic chords and hand positions probably seem a bit 'dry' to her, but she's too young to realise that you need those bits in order to move on to playing songs.

I would let her drop the lessons once the notice period is up (if there is one). Maybe she might be more into it when she's a bit older.

Might be worth changing the teacher and seeing if she gets on better with a different teacher? Pretty common for kids to get disheartened when learning music starts to get harder. I never learnt, but my DS (7 year old, same as your DD) is at a school where they are all expected to learn an instrument, and he is doing piano. He goes through up and down patches with it - sometimes really enjoying it, sometimes not. I think they key for me is that he enjoys the lessons, it's just the practice that he can be less enthusiastic about. If your daughter is coming out of the lessons saying she doesn't like it, I'd try a new teacher before deciding. I don't know any adult who regrets sticking with learning an instrument.

If she doesn't enjoy it and it's a source of conflict then it is best to stop. I'm a piano teacher and music should be enjoyable if it isn't there won't be much progress. Lessons with children who aren't enjoying it are very tough and progress is painfully slow as they don't want to do the practice. She might change her mind later on who knows, but if she wants to stop it's probably best to let her.

Let her stop. Would you enjoy being forced to do somthing you dislike because someone else thought was a good skill to have ?

This is how kids figure out what they enjoy. I don't think a child should have to 'commit ' to anything like this just because they gave it a go.

music should be enjoyable if it isn't there won't be much progress
Actually this sums it up perfectly.

If she doesn't want to play she won't be practising and won't improve, getting more and more bored being told to do the same thing all the time in order to progress and enjoy it.

It should be fun, if it's a chore it's time to stop.
Does she prefer another instrument, maybe something she can eventually play in ensembles, bands or groups?

DD (now 11) did around a year of piano lessons aged around 8 or 9 before deciding she didn't want to carry on. A few months later she decided to take up clarinet and has been playing for around 18 months now and really enjoys it. Piano's not for everyone, and it's really difficult if it's a chore.

My parents made me go to piano lessons. I hated it.
Looking back, it was an old lady teaching me and would be very strict. I think if I'd had a younger teacher and was taught keyboard instead i would have enjoyed it more. Just a thought

I was forced into piano lessons for two years.

I learned almost nothing because I just wasn't interested. I used to zone out.

Waste of time and money if a child has no interest.

@HopelesslyDevoted2u

My parents made me go to piano lessons. I hated it. Looking back, it was an old lady teaching me and would be very strict. I think if I'd had a younger teacher and was taught keyboard instead i would have enjoyed it more. Just a thought

I agree with this. My DD has keyboard lessons. They follow the Rockschool syllabus, so the music is a lot more modern and is fun to play. I don't think she would enjoy the more 'traditional' piano lessons anywhere near as much.

I think you might as well let her stop, but (and many of us know this from personal experience) she'll almost certainly regret it when she's older. Still, life is all about choices and consequences, so might as well start young :-)

Music should be enjoyable! Having said that there are always periods when it hard. My daughter has played two instruments for 6 yrs now and yes there have been times she hasn't wanted to but when offered the chance to give up has always said no. We have always taken the approach that when the payments are due and contracts up (she learns through the county service) then if she wants to continue then she has to see that period out as she has committed to it and we have paid for it. I would never force her though or our son, if they don't want to do something thats extra-curricular they stop. we have tried and stopped many things over the years.

Agree with the other posters, it might be the wrong instrument for her, not the right fit teacher or even just the wrong time.

On the one hand a friend of mine plays the violin, her parents forced (yes forced) her to continue and would not let her give up. She’s not a professional violinist but says she is pleased they made her carry on/push through the difficulty as she enjoys playing now, loves having the skill/ability and is really quite good.

On the other hand, maybe your DD is be destined to be one of those to fall in love with learning music as an adult (but might not if she was forced as a child.)

Or she might not be either of those types!

Absolutely agree with the poster who said this is how kids find out what they love....through generally trying lots of different things. Surely at best they find something they love for life and at worst they become a generalist with lots of different skills....both are great!

Has she said what makes her want to quit? Is it the practice, the lessons, the difficulty? I have heard grade 1 piano is astonishingly difficult.

My parents spent a huge amount on piano lessons for years and years. I have no musical talent, I used to dread Saturday mornings.

My mum tells me that they always gave me the option of not continuing... but I think at the time I felt as though I had to continue.

So yes, I would let her stop.

Dont waste your money. Not sure how you have decided she is good? My son tried and tried and tried and only ever passed his exams. He just didnt have the musicality needed, his sister in the other hand has skipped through grades, enjoys performing and has won local competitions. She is on grade 8 now. We let him drop it after grade 3. Funny enough he now picks up music and learns to play pop tunes on his own. Neither of my DC were forced so if your so keen on music let them get an instrument that suits them.

@Notimeforaname

Let her stop. Would you enjoy being forced to do somthing you dislike because someone else thought was a good skill to have ?

Like reading and swimming?

I think you've given her the opportunity to do this activity and she doesn't want to continue. I don't think you should force any child to do an activity. Give them the opportunity to try new things, I think that's great, but don't ever force them to continue.

Like reading and swimming are life skills, playing an instrument isn't. Completely different things

Well, I'm going against the grain here, but then I think music is an essential part of a well rounded education (I realise I might be in the minority). The ability to read music and play an instrument is not only a useful skill and a pleasure (eventually), but there are huge well-evidenced, knock on benefits. They learn to focus on a task, learn about long-term goals and practice, learn how to literally play well with others in ensembles, to name a few.

Truth is, learning an instrument is hard. It's not always enjoyable. But it can be incredibly rewarding. The thrill of mastering even a simple piece is wonderful for kids. And it gets them away from screens.

There will always be times, even with kids who love music and enjoy playing, where they'll hit a wall, get frustrated and want to quit. Usually, with encouragement and support, they get past that. I'm not saying that's what is going on with your DD, but it's worth considering. While it's good to know the keyboard, perhaps piano isn't her instrument? Is there another instrument she'd prefer to try?

Learning an instrument is hard and will require some donkey work. Like everything. It's not fun all the time.

Support her to practice. Dont expect her to initiate this at her age. Most wont.

Think how much time and support we give our children in learning to read.

Gives her time to see some progress.

Set a target like Easter. If she wants to stop then, reconsider.

Its particularly hard at the moment as there is no goal eg a concert. Playing to the class. Create an opportunity for her to perform eg a zoom concert to grandma in 3 weeks.

Give her a chance to improve and learn a bit of resilience.

@harknesswitch

Like reading and swimming are life skills, playing an instrument isn't. Completely different things

I do get your perspective but I disagree. Tell a professional musician that.

@GabriellaMontez

Learning an instrument is hard and will require some donkey work. Like everything. It's not fun all the time.

Support her to practice. Dont expect her to initiate this at her age. Most wont.

Think how much time and support we give our children in learning to read.

Gives her time to see some progress.

Set a target like Easter. If she wants to stop then, reconsider.

Its particularly hard at the moment as there is no goal eg a concert. Playing to the class. Create an opportunity for her to perform eg a zoom concert to grandma in 3 weeks.

Give her a chance to improve and learn a bit of resilience.

This. 100%

I'm middle-aged, I still remember wanting to give up at 7. It was my mum wishing she could have lessons, nothing to do with what I wanted. Just pure torture, the whole thing of rows & lessons. Put me off music for life.