To let dd stop piano lessons

[cantcopewiththisshitanylonger]

Dd7 has been doing piano for a few months and now is adamant she wants to stop. She started in lockdown with an app and loved it so we got her a teacher after the first lockdown finished.

My issue is that she said she wanted to stop before Xmas but she agreed to go up to Xmas and then decide. She decided to continue and so I let the teacher know she was going to continue. One lesson in and she wants to quit again.

I don't want to let her stop because she's good at it and I think it's a good skill to have but her dad thinks we shouldn't force her.

Starting to get sick of the arguments over it and thinking it's easier just to let her stop.

It might not be relevant but she does do another club that she really enjoys and gets excited about.

Aibu to let her quit?

My DD stopped piano lessons age 7 because she didn't want to go anymore.
Now, age 23, she frequently tells me I should have insisted she continue, as she'd love to be able to play, and it's so much harder to learn as an adult.

if you force it, its a waste of your money more than anything! does she want to learn any other instrument? let her! its important you encourage hobbies at this age!

its her choice, encourage her but don't force her

I don't want to let her stop because she's good at it and I think it's a good skill to have but her dad thinks we shouldn't force her.

She doesn't enjoy it so you should not force her to do it. She has her whole life to take it up again if she wants to. It's about what she wants to do, not what you want her to do.

My mum forced me to go to lessons for way too long after I admitted hating it. She later agreed that it was a mistake and she did it because she wanted to learn piano as a child but her parents were too poor. I didn’t hate music. Piano playing just wasn’t for me and I found coordinating both hands very hard. My parents still have that bloody piano

I did play violin for years and was reasonably good at it. Ended up joining a number of orchestras and string quartets. It might just be that piano isn’t the right instrument for her.

It's a hobby. Hobbies should be enjoyable. If it's not, it's just mean to force someone to do it.

One note of caution for those who think kids can pick things up when they want, when they’re older. Obviously we’re talking about a 7 year old here, so they can pick it up at 10 or 13. They will not have the same chances as an adult though. They will need to work, money is tighter than ever now thanks to most of us having to pay extortionate rents and fees even pre-COVID, room and luxury to practice may be hard to find. Life gets in the way, in short. We have extended childhoods precisely to learn skills.

Also have a 7 yo, a year ago he was doing really well but he was quite adamant he wanted to stop and I felt it wasn’t right to force him to stop.
Fwiw I was exactly the same and gave up after a couple of years. However at age 13 I decided of my own free will that I wanted to start- by then I could motivate myself and got my grade 8 at 17.

music is an essential part of a well rounded education

Totally agree with this. Would you allow her to stop learning maths or science if she periodically didn't seem to be enjoying it?

What has changed since she decided at Xmas that she wanted to continue?

Wasn’t right to force him to continue I meant (had stranks, tears etc., if it was a case of just not loving it I would have managed to persuade him to keep at it as so many benefits).

@biddybird

music is an essential part of a well rounded education

Totally agree with this. Would you allow her to stop learning maths or science if she periodically didn't seem to be enjoying it?

What has changed since she decided at Xmas that she wanted to continue?

Is it though? Really?

I play multiple instruments and spend my life listening to music. However, it's a hobby. For most people it's a hobby. Hobbies are supposed to be fun, not a chore.

How much poorer would your life and quality of life - including what’s now rather confusedly called ‘mental health’ - be without what you dismissively term ‘a hobby’?

@GreyPebbledash

How much poorer would your life and quality of life - including what’s now rather confusedly called ‘mental health’ - be without what you dismissively term ‘a hobby’?

I'm not dismissing music at all by calling it a hobby.

It's not my career. It's something I do for fun in my spare time. Ergo, it's a hobby. That's what the word means.

Hobbies are meant to be fun. If I tried something - say, I dunno, stamp collecting - and decided I didn't like it I would be stupid to continue to spend time and money on it.

I wouldn't call being able to play an instrument an essential life skill by any stretch of the imagination.

@GreyPebbledash

How much poorer would your life and quality of life - including what’s now rather confusedly called ‘mental health’ - be without what you dismissively term ‘a hobby’?

I absolutely love music. I listen to all genres, I like concerts (although don’t go to many due to cost and Covid!). I don’t get any additional enjoyment because I learned how to play The Entertainer on the piano at age 8. It’s proper snobby to say that without learning how to play an instrument you can’t enjoy music.

That's not what I said, but I think it's proper inverse snobbery not to recognise an extra facet to creation over consumption alone.

It’s proper snobby to say that without learning how to play an instrument you can’t enjoy music.

The appreciation of music deepens though, if you have tried to play an instrument yourself, even if you aren't particularly good at it.

@cingolimama

Well, I'm going against the grain here, but then I think music is an essential part of a well rounded education (I realise I might be in the minority). The ability to read music and play an instrument is not only a useful skill and a pleasure (eventually), but there are huge well-evidenced, knock on benefits. They learn to focus on a task, learn about long-term goals and practice, learn how to literally play well with others in ensembles, to name a few.

Truth is, learning an instrument is hard. It's not always enjoyable. But it can be incredibly rewarding. The thrill of mastering even a simple piece is wonderful for kids. And it gets them away from screens.

There will always be times, even with kids who love music and enjoy playing, where they'll hit a wall, get frustrated and want to quit. Usually, with encouragement and support, they get past that. I'm not saying that's what is going on with your DD, but it's worth considering. While it's good to know the keyboard, perhaps piano isn't her instrument? Is there another instrument she'd prefer to try?

I totally agree but then I play myself as do all my children. They usually don’t want to practice because it’s hard, can be boring and repetitive. To get a piece right takes a lot of repetition and determination. When my kids can play something well thought the sense of achievement is immense. They play the piece over and over with a smile, show their friendship family , want it recorded. It’s just bloody hard worn, but that’s true of many honed skills in life. When I was a child I had a natural interest and ability in music. My mum started my on piano lessons and over all I hated practicing. I fought and kicked much of the way (not literally!) however once I got older and was able to practice myself (high school) I carried on to do music a level and then degree. It’s a skill I have that most others don’t. I love to play now as an adult and can pick up most piano music pop or classical and have a go. If my mum had given in early I wouldn’t ever have had this. It’s a fine balance but in the end I believe learning an instrument and music is important so it’s built into all of my kids lives just as reading or maths work is.

@MustardMitt how do you know if you never learned to play an instrument properly?

@UrAWizHarry for many it’s far more than that. If you are dedicated in your learning and take exams, it builds life skills of patience, resilience with frustration, performance and exam experience and achievement. It also builds ucas points for further education. It can take you on adventures (I went on tour overseas with an orchestra at 15) and it can open doors jobwise when older.
Seeing it as a hobby is fine, but ONLY as a hobby is narrow minded

[quote Littlewhitedove2]@UrAWizHarry for many it’s far more than that. If you are dedicated in your learning and take exams, it builds life skills of patience, resilience with frustration, performance and exam experience and achievement. It also builds ucas points for further education. It can take you on adventures (I went on tour overseas with an orchestra at 15) and it can open doors jobwise when older.
Seeing it as a hobby is fine, but ONLY as a hobby is narrow minded[/quote]
For most people it's a hobby, and while I'd very much argue that subjects like English, maths and science are pretty much essential to a well-rounded education, music is not something I would class as core subjects - much like art and PE.

Yes, for some people these subjects are a calling and a career, but people need to be able to add up more so than they need to be able to play an instrument.

The benefit of learning an instrument isn't in actually being able to play (although I do think that is nice) or in being able to enjoy music. It is in the way it changes your brain structure.

@Stompythedinosaur

The benefit of learning an instrument isn't in actually being able to play (although I do think that is nice) or in being able to enjoy music. It is in the way it changes your brain structure.

100% correct

@UrAWizHarry interesting you bring up maths because it’s been studied and well documented that learning an instrument and to read music actually benefits mathematical learning quite significantly