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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give my niece money for uni

255 replies

Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 08:24

when I may not be able to for other niblings?

My niece is due for uni soon, she is a bright and intelligent girl and wants to go to uni but currently is refusing to due to the level of debt she will accrue at the end. I believe, based on her academic record that she would do well there.

We currently have the means to give her some money towards uni, equating to roughly half. I would like to discuss this with my sister (DNs mum) however my only concern is I may be unable to offer the same support to my other nieces and nephews - I currently have niece, 1 nephew (3) and 1 nibling on the way but have lots of younger siblings who are not yet having families but likely will in the future.

I also have 2 children of my own, whose uni funds are already accounted for.

The amount I have available for niece would make a big difference to her, however split between my siblings (e.g. I divided between 5 for them to use for their kids) would be very small, almost worthless.

WWYD?

AIBU to offer the help whilst I can? Knowing it is unlikely to be possible for the others?

OP posts:
ClaryFairchild · 12/01/2021 09:12

If she does not want the go to uni enough to have student loans, then how diligent a student will she be?

ramblingsonthego · 12/01/2021 09:12

Think of it this way, if a member of family only helped one of your children and not the other would you feel a but weird about it all? Would the left out child not feel that they didn't matter as much? It's a lovely thought but unless you can do it for all of them I wouldn't go down the road of doing it at all. It will breed resentment.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 12/01/2021 09:14

I think if you can help her and you want to then you should.
But definitely look into it and see what would be the best way to help.

My grandfather gave us bonds so that we wouldn't have to work while at uni although I didn't put them towards my fees as he told me they were to go towards living expenses and travel costs and that was a huge help.

MaskingForIt · 12/01/2021 09:15

@worstofbothworlds

I'm not sure you can pay uni fees in England, if you are in England? I am a lecturer and my understanding is that you have to take the fees loan.
The Student Loan Company pays the fees to the uni. If you want, you can pay the uni directly. This is why the system is unfair, because those with rich parents don’t end up accruing the debt, and hence why a graduate tax would ensure all students are equally affected, regardless of parent wealth.
Roussette · 12/01/2021 09:16

If you've got a ton of student debt yourself, why aren't you using your money to pay that back?

I have adult DCs who went to uni. They took out student loans, they worked hard, got good degrees following on to good careers, and paid their debts back.
Why can't your niece think along those lines?

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 09:17

@ramblingsonthego

Think of it this way, if a member of family only helped one of your children and not the other would you feel a but weird about it all? Would the left out child not feel that they didn't matter as much? It's a lovely thought but unless you can do it for all of them I wouldn't go down the road of doing it at all. It will breed resentment.
We did have a similar situation in our family - grandad was getting a new car and gave his old one to a grandchild who happened to have just turned 17. Monetarily the car wasn't worth more than scrap, but to that 17yo it was worth more than gold. My aunty kicked off big style about it (it wasn't her child who got it) but the rest of us saw it for what it was - a right place/ right time situation and no resentment has been harboured, except from my aunt to said grandchild. So I guess I would hope that my siblings remain as they were then, but I guess they may have grown to be like my aunt!
OP posts:
SoddingWeddings · 12/01/2021 09:17

Do you mean 50% of the fees or 50% of her total living costs? £27k in fees is one cost, but there's also rent, food, books, travel etc which she is no doubt totting up and deciding is too much (and I don't blame her!). I did university on a shoestring 2000-2003, worked as many hours as possible in a bar throughout and still left with £15k debt on credit cards and overdrafts plus my student loans of £15k.

thegcatsmother · 12/01/2021 09:18

Worst If you don't know that the fees can be paid up front, then you are hardly qualified to comment on my ds having a loan or not. No interest had to be paid, and for various reasons, we decided to do this. As paying for education meant no IHT is payable on that money, it seems like a win to me. As dh and I are both adults capable of weighing up the merits of loans or not, and we could afford to do this, then how can you possibly know if a loan was a good idea or not?

OP Offering to help out with the parental contribution could be a way of doing this, by either covering rent, or paying a monthly allowance?

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 09:20

@Roussette

If you've got a ton of student debt yourself, why aren't you using your money to pay that back?

I have adult DCs who went to uni. They took out student loans, they worked hard, got good degrees following on to good careers, and paid their debts back.
Why can't your niece think along those lines?

I'm close to paying them off through my work. My husband paid his off last year. There is no benefit to paying them off early.
OP posts:
alienspiderbee · 12/01/2021 09:20

I don't quite understand the numbers to be honest. If you have 15k say to give to niece, even if you end up with 15 nieces and nephews that's still 1k each. I'd never consider a gift of 1k from an aunt or uncle to be not worth having. I'd have been over the moon at 18

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 09:22

Offering to help out with the parental contribution could be a way of doing this, by either covering rent, or paying a monthly allowance?

Yes, this is possible.

I think it is the total cost that is the issue for her - £27k of fee loans, living expenses etc. Her parents cannot contribute at all.

She has to do her applications now, which is why it has come up.

OP posts:
Anon6543 · 12/01/2021 09:23

I'd be surprised if anyone had an issue with fairness towards kids not even born yet - that's at least 18 years later. Obviously there's no way for you to be sure you could support them fairly.

Sounds a lovely idea to support your niece, but only if it's financially sensible (re. loans sometimes being better) and won't cause family resentment.

Anon6543 · 12/01/2021 09:24

If her parents can't support her at all financially, that's likely to be making a big difference to her outlook, so your offer of help (perhaps with living costs rather than fees) would be really worthwhile.

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 09:24

@alienspiderbee

I don't quite understand the numbers to be honest. If you have 15k say to give to niece, even if you end up with 15 nieces and nephews that's still 1k each. I'd never consider a gift of 1k from an aunt or uncle to be not worth having. I'd have been over the moon at 18
Ok, that is nice to hear. Maybe I need to consider that then.
OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 12/01/2021 09:25

I would do the same OP for my nephew.

There are several factors I would consider which are what does she want to study? There is a big difference in courses, teaching time and if required for a career or not.
How does her mum feel about it and what you would be happy paying for (fees versus living costs).

For me the first aspect would be to speak to her mum. If she is wanting to do a career degree then it makes complete sense.

Original poster
Almostslimjim · 12/01/2021 09:28

I'd be surprised if anyone had an issue with fairness towards kids not even born yet

That's the thing. My siblings are 27 (in very new relationship), 25 (partner still at uni) and 2 x 21. None are anywhere near having planned kids (DN was no way planned, hence the age difference!). I think they all want kids, but it isn't an in depth conversation I have had with them. They may change their minds, they may be unable to have kids, they may have 10, I don't know and I can't plan for those things.

OP posts:
Lucieintheskye · 12/01/2021 09:29

Paying off the student loans is a much easier thing than you may think. I think those kids would rather have the money divided between them and be able to afford what they need while at uni, rather than saving them the 30 quid a month they'll be paying back in the future.

I was told when considering uni to not even think of it as a loan because it's such a small percentage of your salary and is calculated to be affordable. It's so unnecessary to pay it all off. DH and I have the money to clear his student loan whenever we like, but it's unecessary and we'd rather have the chunk of money!

Make it a tradition maybe to give them their money at the start of each year. Even 100 quid to a teenager/student is a very welcome gift, and they'll appreciate it. Discuss with the parent though, they may suggest a lump sum would suit better if the niece is looking to buy a car or something.

BanningTheWordNaice · 12/01/2021 09:30

@ worstofbothworlds are you really a lecturer? Yes you can pay your fees and no you don’t have to take a loan.

Iwonder08 · 12/01/2021 09:30

OP, it is a very nice thought and you are not her parent, you have no obligation to provide for other nieces and nephews. However you say she is very academic.. How come she is not keen on uni? Is she not confident in her abilities to have a career after the uni to pay for the fees? What sort of subject she is considering?
To be honest my decision on helping her would be based on the academic area, does she need a degree to have a successful career in the area of her interest? Thinking engineering, law, medicine, finance..

thegcatsmother · 12/01/2021 09:30

Masking You have well off parents who won't help with university costs though, and arguably, paying up front means no cost to the government, and the tax payer isn't paying in the long run, as there isn't any thing to write off if it is not paid, so why is it unfair? The university education has been paid for without borrowing from the SLC (HMG in reality).

DeadSouth · 12/01/2021 09:33

I don’t know I think you should give her it if it’s okay with her mum that it may be a one child gift.
The other kids aren’t going to be in a position to need that kind of money for 15-18 years at least (going by the other two’s ages) and I don’t think it’s unreasonable if your not in the financial position when it comes around to say just that and you’d help if you could.
The likelihood is niece will be qualified and the loans a distant memory by then so unless someone is repeatedly reminding your siblings and their potential kids it may not even come up.

LIZS · 12/01/2021 09:36

It is more than 27k though. If her family is low income her maintenance loan could be 8k per year. Total could be 50k plus over 3 years. Some unis offer bursaries and scholarships though. There are also an increasing number of degree apprenticeships, with an income while studying. It seems like a big commitment all round for you to part fund and puts an obligation on your Dn she may not be ready for.

RandomLondoner · 12/01/2021 09:37

If she understands the loan system, then it only makes sense to override her decision if you think she is wrong in the assessment of what the degree is worth. What she wants to study and what she thinks she will work at matter.

4amWitchingHour · 12/01/2021 09:37

I think you should do it OP - or at least have the conversation with your niece / sister. It is very much a case of right place right time. You have no idea what your other nieces and nephews (including the ones that don't exist yet) are going to want to do, and it's years and years away anyway, it's not like this issue is going to come up soon and everyone's circumstances could be very different then.

She may choose not to take up your offer, but at least you'll know. If I were in your shoes I'd regret it if I didn't offer her the chance.

worstofbothworlds · 12/01/2021 09:38

@BanningTheWordNaice

@ worstofbothworlds are you really a lecturer? Yes you can pay your fees and no you don’t have to take a loan.
Yes I am and our student finance people advised us this wasn't possible though it was when the new loans were coming in so perhaps this was the rule at the time. I know of students who have done this for a second, undergrad degree but I guess I don't know any daft enough to do it for the first time around.