Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think women have a best before date

338 replies

Meowmeow202027 · 12/01/2021 01:06

To men that is?
Talking to dh about the fact im turning 30 this year and how since getting married and having 3 kids i feel unattractive and no one cares about my opinions or even looks my way. When men have kids etc there body doesn't change. Pretty much they are the same people as before unlike women.
Sorry for the rambling.

OP posts:
Tumblebugsjump · 13/01/2021 19:22

I have noticed a big difference in how men treat me, I feel invisible in their eyes, after I had my second child mid 30’s I seemed to disappear. I feel completely in attractive now, I didn’t realise when I was younger the attention I was getting from men was based on looks/youth, now I know it was.

Mummabear89 · 13/01/2021 19:28

I'm 31, mum of 3 soon to add a new addition and my husband always calls me his MILF. I've had some younger men show an interest in me but I have eyes only for my husband. I have some wobbly bits from being overweight for several years due to a traumatic previous relationship where I was made to fall out of love with my own body as my ex was very emotionally abusive and it is something that I am working on because I want to for me more than anything else. 7 years ago my husband and I started dating (we were friends for 6 years prior to that before I realised that I had been in love with him since the moment I laid eyes on him) and he has truly opened my eyes to how amazing my body actually is and made me realise that I am attractive and sought after. It is all in our head's. The only shelf life we technically have is when it comes to reproducing and we definitely should not be basing our attractiveness on that. Perhaps get yourself a nice treat that makes you feel good. A well fitted comfortable bra will take inches off your figure and instantly make you feel better about your body. Just make sure that you measure yourself properly. I found boob or bust when I was 20 weeks pregnant and I am now a convert. I do hope that you feel better soon though OP as I know how you feel I went through it when my older two were very young and I didn't get much support from my ex which made things worse.

Lovely13 · 13/01/2021 19:33

Young people, well those a lot younger than me, seem very age obsessed. Maybe all the social media? If I could go back in time, it would be to my 30s. Think it’s a fabulous decade. You’re still strong, and hopefully healthy. More confident and looking good! There is a lot to be said for getting older. Embrace it and enjoy!

Bravesoul · 13/01/2021 19:41

I re married to my toy boy husband when I was in my 50's there is no sell by date; many men age really badly as do women and others are fortunate to be fit in both senses of the word regardless of age.

Backtoschool101 · 13/01/2021 20:09

Really!? Oh shit I'm 29 today and you are right! No one in my house has even remembered it's my birthday including DH. My best friend did though! And I'm not even that bothered... I must be getting old and invisible Confused Sad

QueenoftheFarts · 13/01/2021 20:12

I feel entirely liberated by no longer giving a shit about whether people do or do not find me attractive. As someone deemed "plain" in my youth I wasted far too much energy fretting about attractiveness. Now in my late 40s I am much more confident and actually feel more attractive as a result of simply not caring any more.

VinylDetective · 13/01/2021 20:20

I’m 67 and men around my age still flirt with me.

DragonMoth · 13/01/2021 22:51

I'm 55, overweight and hardly wear any make-up (never have).
When I am out and about and in the right mood men of all ages will chat to me and flirt with me.
Sometimes I don't feel confident or particularly social and then the men and also women stay away.
It's all in the vibes you give out, if you feel happy, confident and outgoing, you will attract attention.
I am in a relationship and not interested in getting "picked up" and it's all a bit of harmless fun to me and I believe it is the same for most men.
So YABU
Don't mourn the woman you once were, embrace the woman you have become and the one you will become.
Look at your best features and make the most of them and if you can't see them ask your friends and family what they think.

Osirus · 13/01/2021 23:08

I agree, sadly. I think it’s 30, for most ordinary women.

I think that generally, men age much better than women. Desperately unfair.

Localocal · 14/01/2021 00:08

I'm 53 and men still flirt with me. Men in their 60s and 70s, mostly, but occasionally younger ones too. I'm also overweight/obese.

When I was young and thin and pretty I certainly got a lot more attention from men, but it was mostly because of how I looked and my possible sexual availability. Now that I'm fat and middle aged and off the market the people who are attracted to me are attracted by something else, and I'm happy with that.

So don't despair. I submit that you feel like crap because having three young children is utterly exhausting and you haven't had a fun night out in months or a decent night's sleep in years. But keep your chin up - it gets better. Your kids will become less draining for both you and your DP and I predict you will get your groove back soon.

There is no sell by date, unless you only care for the opinion of shallow, sexist men. And even if there were, it certainly wouldn't be 30!

PetraRabbit · 14/01/2021 02:43

I'm 45 and believe me I've been shocked when looking up the online profiles of men I knew in my mid 20s- so many of them have aged terribly. The idea only women age is ludicrous!
I wonder if it has a lot to do with being a mum in your case. You end up having little time for yourself and stop projecting a 'sexy' image in how you act. 30 is so young- it really is the peak of beauty for the average woman, and man!

LadyB49 · 14/01/2021 03:06

I separated at 46. Not bad looking two stone overweight great hair, and made the best of what I was. Absolutely not interested in meeting anyone. By the time I divorced two years later if been on half a dozen dates, always me who wasn't interested in taking it further. Had a short relationship of a few months which I ended after meeting my now husband. I was 48, he was 43. Still happily together after 25 years.
Only now feeling my age at 72 because of various medical issues.
I think taking a pride in yourself, not taking yourself too seriously, and being interested in people helps.

supperlover · 14/01/2021 06:38

I think you sound like you're tired and fed up and having distorted thinking. I'm in my 70s now and feel that I, and most women I know, gained confidence thanks to the feminist movement in our youth and don't allow mens' opinions to dictate how we feel about ourselves. Dress for yourself, not for others, form your own opinions and don't be afraid to express them when necessary, as your children grow up you get more time to be yourself and gain confidence. I think that at as the years go by you gain knowledge and experience and that can improve your confidence. I have never felt beyond a ' best before date'.

FunkBus · 14/01/2021 06:40

"I agree, sadly. I think it’s 30, for most ordinary women.

I think that generally, men age much better than women. Desperately unfair."

Pfff, what horrible planet are you living on?

I see way more attractive older women than men.

The idea that we are past our bests at 30 - 30ffs!!! - is just alien to me.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 14/01/2021 06:43

I was 37 when my now dh (age 25) asked me if I'd like a drink.
So in my opinion it's a no.

Ponoka7 · 14/01/2021 07:04

"I think that generally, men age much better than women"

As a woman in her 50's on the dating scene, they might seem like they do but a lot are grumpy bitter old men, set in their ways, out of date much more so than women. Men in my age group tend to think they are staying young by mixing with younger men, but that can make them even more unappealing. Women tend to stay more socially active, involved with grandchildren etc, which keeps them more healthily in touch.

Younger women certainly don't want older men, in the way that younger men want older women.

I had countless nights out ruined by the 'chatting up'. I've had street harassment, minor sexual assaults. For every bit of flirting, there's always the creepy/aggressive ones.

We've got to stop wanting validation from men and putting them in charge. I watch my DD's get harassed and inappropriate behaviour aimed at them and wonder why we were ever taught that this is something that we should want.

My 30's were my best times. There's a few dryness issues now because of the menopause, I miss how I was, but I've realised that men aren't fussy creatures and are happy to go with what gets them sex. We are more than our bodies.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 14/01/2021 09:03

I think we do but I think it’s the same for men. But not at 30! My dearest friend is 45 and she’s so beautiful - gets hit on all the time, can’t even have a bloody coffee in peace without the waiters hovering (those were the days - coffee with friends) I think it’s more likely that there are more available partners in our 20’s - by mid 30’s there are far less singles. I think invisibility for most starts at around 45-50.

KisstheTeapot14 · 14/01/2021 09:44

Jump off the shelf and carry on.

Who we are inside is more important than the outside of us.

True beauty is not something you can achieve with potions and hair stylists.

Mind you, I don't disagree that we can make the best of what we have. I wear make up now (45) and never thought about it in my 20's and 30's. This is just really a self respect thing to look at bit presentable to the world rather than thinking it extends my imaginary 'shelf life'.

Just wish my running shoes would stop looking at me in that reproachful way

5zeds · 14/01/2021 10:08

I think that generally, men age much better than women. Desperately unfair.
What are you trying to express? In what way “better”? They certainly don’t live as long. So their bodies don’t “age better”. They tend to have poorer relationships and be less resilient. So they aren’t more emotionally robust (generalisation obv). Are you thinking they “pull” more? You do know men (generally again) tend to talk about their conquests more. What is this “better”? Confused

GreenlandTheMovie · 14/01/2021 10:27

The average British man looks bloody awful after about 35. It really is shocking if you go on dating apps to see how quickly they age. Amusingly, most of them have no idea!

It's so bad that when I got a scammer friend request (where the scammer had obviously stolen photos from someone's profile and made up a weird name (think "Wendy John"), I felt I had to message them back to tell them he wasn't very appealing.

I then had a conversation with the scammer who said they were just given the profile and targets to work with, and he was terribly sorry!

alittleprivacy · 14/01/2021 10:58

@Osirus

I agree, sadly. I think it’s 30, for most ordinary women.

I think that generally, men age much better than women. Desperately unfair.

You must live surrounded by insanely, unusually handsome men. Most men in my peer group looked like potatoes by their early 30s. (Kerr Pinks, if they drank too much.) The only ones that didn't were ones who were making a conscious effort to eat well, not drink too much and do regular exercise/and or had a physical job. They were also the ones who, if they started balding, changed their haircut to accept their reality rather than continue on, pretending it wasn't happening and looking ridiculous.

Women tend to look better for longer, even when we're overweight it usually sits better on our frames. It isn't until our 40s and beyond that we start to look dowdy and middle aged if we don't take care of ourselves. If we make an effort to stay fit and healthy, we look every bit as good as the men who do the same. It's just that by middle age, more men traditionally do that than women. So you see more men who are focussed on staying in shape. Though most people of both sexes don't.

scentedgeranium · 14/01/2021 11:05

I'm 54 and a couple of years ago a younger man (heating engineer at my house ff) made an indecent proposal to me. I found creepy in the extreme and it rather unnerved me. I have never re booked him.
I feel physically confident and attractive most of the time (we all have our off days don't we?), and fortunate to have a husband who seems too still fancy me. And crucially isn't looking to trade younger. But that does happen a lot doesnt it? Even in our friendship circle its obvious. So I don't blame women for believing there's some kind of sell-by date. But thinking that at 30 is a little extreme.

MintyCedric · 14/01/2021 11:19

I think a lot of women peak when they're older, especially those that marry and have kids young.

By 40 you're kind of on your second innings.

My best mate and I are both 45 and single. When we've dabbled in OLD over the last year or two the majority of the attention we've gotten has been from younger men.

We're very different in terms of looks and personality too.

RantyAnty · 14/01/2021 11:30

Of course, women don't. This is some misogynistic tripe spouted by men.

Dick is in high supply and low value.
Men take what they can get. They always have and always will.

Men do not age better than women at all. Take a look at the videos of the men who stormed the capitol in the USA.

That is what average men look like. They don't look like celebrities. They don't have hoards of women chasing after them when they're 40/50/60.

Women of any age can easily get a man, that is if they even want one. Women in general take much better care of themselves and look far better.

MintyCedric · 14/01/2021 11:38

Dick is in high supply and low value Grin