To never feel comfortable doing this

[Frickinfreezinginthishouse]

I’m in another country and we’re due to go into full lockdown this week. I’m at home alone with my toddler and dog, Dp at work 8-6. Aside from the garden I’ll need you get out with my Dd and dog. Next to our house we have woods leading down to the beach. I love to walk through these when Dp is around but whenever I take just Dd and our dog I feel really uneasy and just want to get back. As we won’t be allowed to drive to place, this is our only place to walk, aside from around busy roads near our home, which is hard with both Dd and our dog, who needs to be off the lead.
Does anyone else walk in deserted places, would you feel uneasy or do you think it’s fairly safe with Dd and our dog?

What are you uneasy about?

I don’t think anyone else can tell you what to do, you have to follow your instinct. If you feel uneasy then don’t do it.
I found that once I had my DC I was much more wary about going certain places and doing certain things, whether it’s paranoia or your Mum super senses kicking in I don’t know but I usually listen to whatever it is. Obviously if it’s really crazy like going to a supermarket or crossing a road then it’s different

@Ohalrightthen Just being in the middle of the woods with no one around and possible weirdos 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why do you feel uneasy?

I walk alone with dogs every single day and I can't say I've ever felt worried or scared.

if you feel uncomfortable, don't do it. Your intuition is there to protect you, but on the otherhand you need to think through why you feel uncomfortable and if needed address that.

What I would say though, is if you do go through places like this, vary the timing so that no one can predict when you will be there and keep dog on the lead through the woods for added protection and deterrant, they can run free on the beach

I think it depends where you are, how likely it is that other people will be around, how big your dog is. Some woods I feel safe in, others I don't. You could always stay in the garden if you're worried.

Surely depends what sort of place? If reasonably safe and crime levels normal, I can't see why not. If the area is notoriously frequented by unsavoury types, I'd think again. Only you can tell, OP.

“with no one around and possible weirdos“

Well... there’s not likely to be both

But seriously, the quieter somewhere is the less likely it is there’s anyone dangerous about, they tend to be places that are secluded but actually fairly busy... what the point hanging round if no-one is there...

I think it's a perfectly rational fear. You're more vulnerable to attack if you have a baby or toddler with you because you wouldn't be able to run away. Also, if an attacker were to grab your DD and threaten harm, you would be putty in his hands. You would do whatever he asked to avoid her being hurt.

What sort of dog do you have? If it's something large and fierce-looking, eg German shepherd, I doubt anyone would risk attacking you. If it's something small and fluffy, it will be less of a deterrent.

Are you allowed to meet other people outside for your walks? If so, could you invite a friend or relative to join you?

Trust your instincts if you know the woods. Some woods I would go alone, some I wouldn’t. Totally depends where you live and the area and who is likely to be there or not.

I live in a similar location and have no issues walking alone.
Unless I had reason to believe something happened or would happen in the woods then it would be different. But i don’t.

I’m really relaxed there when it’s with Dp too and there haven’t been any negative stories I’ve heard yet. Dd tends to dawdle about and often wants to play around in the part I feel is the most secluded, when I’m there I actually think ‘if anything were to happen, no one could hear me and it would take a while to run with Dd to get to somewhere in the open’
Dog is medium sized and hopefully would protect me.
I just hate feeling like this, keeping Dd occupied in the house or garden for 12 hours per day is really hard, breaking it up with a walk for a couple of hours really helps.
During last lockdown it was lighter in the evenings and we’d go when Dp got home for a sunset walk.
I’ve thought of carrying a small hairspray in my pocket or something as I used to do as a teen walking home at night, is that ridiculous?

I don't blame you for feeling uneasy. I do too in secluded places. Although you'll get loads of posters sneering at you probably.

After a local woman was attacked in a wooded area popular with walkers near me I've felt my uneasiness was in fact my gut warning me an area was unsafe and I trust my gut now, not people who laugh at me for feeling insecure and avoiding certain places.

I walk in deserted places all the time. When DS was a baby, I used to put him in a backpack and walk across countryside where I wouldn't see another person for hours at a time.

What exactly is it you are scared of? Are these woods known to be the haunt of muggers, or is it purely being there alone you are afraid of?

Another self-defence thing you could try is a very very bright torch with LED bulb - the kind with yellow stickers warning you not to look into the beam. If you shine it into someone's eyes, especially in the lower light levels found in woodland, you can dazzle them and it causes a temporary after-image on the retina that could briefly disorientated your attacker and make it difficult for them to see you.

@MilkMoon They’re not known to have had problems in be past there, as far as I know. It’s a place where men often meet other men, from what I’ve heard, that doesn’t bother me, obviously don’t want Dd stumbling across that, but I’d imagine they’re out of the way a bit.
It just makes me feel vulnerable at certain parts as it’s literally fairly deep within the woods and no roads/houses around. I suppose my imagination runs away with me and I worry that if there was some weird guy, I’d likely be in trouble there as no help around.

I also live next to some woods that I walk through to get to the beach! I used to love it when it was just me and my (big) dog. I very rarely saw another person but the trails were well trod so it always felt fairly safe.

Now I have a small dog and a toddler it does not feel very safe at all. I feel constantly on edge when walking through because it would so easy for someone to hurt us. I try to be alert to what's around us but that's really hard when a toddler takes up 98% of my attention. I wouldn't have a clue if someone was following us and my small dog wouldn't care!

I will admit that I have read far too much crime books (fiction and true crime) so that probably influences my feelings. It's almost always women that are victims of brutal crimes in woodland and other deserted places. I have always lived my life with a healthy amount of fear and awareness that meant I was always vigilant about my safety but didn't let it control me and stop me doing things. Different now though, I'm probably too fearful.

I’m like you, would never feel comfortable walking alone in woods or the countryside, even if it’s light. Interestingly, I’m fine walking around London where I live, late at night even though the risks are probably much higher.

*Parts of it are places where men meet other men.
It’s generally woods in the centre and open fields around and then down to the beach, a stunning place and often dog walkers at the weekend and summer but I never see anyone during the day in winter.

I’ve thought of carrying a small hairspray in my pocket or something as I used to do as a teen walking home at night, is that ridiculous?
No! Whether it would be particularly useful is another matter but I can’t see why it’s a bad idea. That said - and I’m not trying to undermine what you feel - but weirdos really are very very rare. Also I don’t think there’s ever been a case of someone being attacked when with both a dog and a child out for a walk (there’s always a first time I know, but still).

I was recently out on the horse and these two hulking teens came walking up the bridleway - one with his hood up and the other just huge and looking moody. Took one look at the horse and the big one jumped up the bank and hid behind a tree. His mate was laughing so much he nearly fell over. We chatted and they were both delightful and nothing like their initial appearance. Just saying.

@Sick That’s exactly it, I’m trying to focus on my Dd and feel guilty as she loves to stop and look at the trees, flowers etc. When we go there with dp, I feel so much more relaxed and we can stay for hours whilst Dd plays in puddles it looks at things with her magnifying glass 😁
When it’s just us, it just feels eerie and I just rush us along, it’s a real shame as it’s perfect for lockdown to get out of the house.
There’s one section I can go to that’s fields by the roadside, that also feels quite weird as it’s down a dirt track to the beach..I’m not sure which part would be safer 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’ve got more wary as I’ve got older @Pineapples1980 I spent years walking down passages at night as a teen/20 something in Manchester and was very street smart, it just feels so isolated in there, but it pisses me off as I should be able to go where I wish without worrying about others, it’s so beneficial for Dd and obviously our dog needs his walks

Train your dog to attack on command

If I'm walking alone at night or somewhere off public streets or in rough areas I take something I could protect myself with. Even if that's just keeping keys in my hand. But I have anxiety, I've never understood how people can ever feel safe without the means to protect themselves, to just have faith that no ones going to attack you.

*Her walks