To never feel comfortable doing this

[Frickinfreezinginthishouse]

I’m in another country and we’re due to go into full lockdown this week. I’m at home alone with my toddler and dog, Dp at work 8-6. Aside from the garden I’ll need you get out with my Dd and dog. Next to our house we have woods leading down to the beach. I love to walk through these when Dp is around but whenever I take just Dd and our dog I feel really uneasy and just want to get back. As we won’t be allowed to drive to place, this is our only place to walk, aside from around busy roads near our home, which is hard with both Dd and our dog, who needs to be off the lead.
Does anyone else walk in deserted places, would you feel uneasy or do you think it’s fairly safe with Dd and our dog?

I agree with previous posters if it makes you feel uneasy don’t do it. Our intuition is there for a reason. About 25 years ago I was on holiday with my son who was about three at the time.Every day we walked through pine woods, crossing a wooden bridge across a dried up river bed and down to the beach. It seemed idyllic at the time. We were well used to walking longish distances in the countryside and I was always confident, never thought about worst case scenarios.I have however always been an extremely vigilant person. One day we were returning to our hotel through the pine woods and as we approached the bridge a car was parked next to it. I don’t know how it had been driven there. Two men got out of the car. My hackles went up and I suddenly felt terrified, they were standing blocking the bridge. I said to my son “let’s have an adventure.” I literally picked him up under my arm and ran as fast as I could down the steepish side of the dried up river bed. The momentum got us up the far side of the river bank and onto the path. I was extremely fit in those days and I just ran until I got us back to the hotel we were staying at. I have never felt terror like it before or since. It still makes my heart pound just thinking about. Whether the men were just innocently standing there, going to rob me (not that I had anything with me),or something far worse I will never know. Every fibre of my being just told me to avoid and run and I am glad I did. Trust your instincts!

If it makes you feel uneasy why do you live there?

It's fairly key that you feel safe around where you live.

I too walk all the time in woods by myself, though sometimes with my worse than useless dog. I've done so in the dusk and damn near dark and I just don't feel the fear that others here speak of. I have though had other people say they wouldn't do what I do and that 'you can't be too careful etc.' I take the view that even if the worst of the worst happened (a vanishingly small risk) then I still don't think I would want to have missed all the pleasure that these perambulations have brought me over the years, giving me solace, wonderful exercise, lovely encounters with other walkers and sometimes complete joy.

I have the same apprehension as you, can you hang at the edge of the woods so still out in the open? Save the longer walks for when partner is there, could you drive to the beach?

No, if it doesn’t feel right I don’t go.

And the whole 'trust your gut thing' only makes sense if we all had a solid and rational ability to assess risk, weigh risk versus reward etc. But clearly, and for a variety of reasons - upbringing, experience, temperament, etc. - some people's guts will be telling them things which might keep them 'safe' but which will also prevent them from doing things which might be very good for them and for those around them. In the OP's case, it seems such a shame that she and her child would miss out on what sounds a really wonderful amenity to have right on her doorstep, which others would give a lot to have. And yes to the person who pointed that we can't all wait around for the menfolk to be around to do things like walk in woods or sleep (there was a thread the other day about someone who couldn't sleep when her OH wasn't there). It just all seems a bit wet to be honest.

I used to walk my dog every night when I got back from work. I lived in a a fairly isolated area in the countryside so it would be pitch black in the winter walking through the fields off road. I always had a small can of body spray in my hand with my finger on the nozzle. I did occasionally pass men from the opposite direction walking their dogs. It was so nerve wracking until they were passed and a distance away. I was ready to use the spray if I had to. One thing I did admire about my Xh was he would always go out of his way to cross to the other side of the road If there was a woman walking alone as he didn’t want her to be terrified. He was a huge built man who could look very intimidating. He’s the only man I’ve ever known to do this.

Same here, op. There's certain places I'd never go walkng without DH or another adult.

This seems crazy to me but I walk my little white fluffy dog in places where rarely see a soul twice every day! Sometimes I take my kid or my nephew (he’s 7 and loves a good walk). On odd occasions I meet another walker and we tend to say “hello” as we pass. I do take care not to take the paths that I know have no mobile signal without telling my parents (they live up the road) where I’m going - in case I fall and get hurt. Even when I was married my husband never came out with the dog and I used to walk him before the commute (from 5am) across fields and through the woods in the dark. I occasionally met the odd dog walker (we get everywhere!)

I think you need to woman up and take your kid and your dog out. There are not attackers hiding in all the bushes!

I've walked a dog/ dogs on my own for years — well before the advent of mobile phones. You're watching too many crime dramas on TV, OP. I think once you start getting nervous about going out you're on a slippery slope. I've had more trouble with weirdos in car parks and bus stations and shopping centres than in all my many, many hours alone in the countryside.

Go in good weather, around lunchtime when there'll be loads of people around. Get your confidence up, then keep going whenever it suits you.

Sounds like heaven to me. Like you I live within walking distance of woodland which is perfect for walking my dog (no DC to worry about). I have just returned from my daily walk there and love being alone amongst the trees. I meet people sometimes, but they are all friendly, mostly other dog walkers and definitely no weirdos.

Have you had issues with odd people in the woods OP?

I wish we didn't try and shame people into having more confidence .

None of us can really advise you, as we don't even know what country you are in.

Where I am (and where I used to live) I would be perfectly happy walking through woods with my DC, and even more so with a dog. If it was getting dark I might put a high vis jacket on.

But if you don't feel easy then don't do it - unless you have therapy or something and then feel reassured. Intuition is there for a reason.

Depends on so many factors. In which country? What part of that country? Crime stats, size of wooded area, distance to other human settlements, etc etc

Sounds an overactive imagination to me. Your dog and your little girl will enjoy themselves and you’ve no reason to think you wouldn’t be safe.

I'm going to suggest that you don't trust your instincts, which are often wrong, but that you use your head. Do some research. Find out by googling or on a local messageboard whether there's ever been any trouble in those woods. Sometimes you have to apply reason and logic to counter all the mysterious fears and feelings we all suffer from.

MsFannySqueers what you described made my hairs stand. You ran like you never ran before because you knew you and your child are sitting ducks for an abduction into the car. There was no way you could have fought back or outran both of them. If they threatened to hurt your child, you would have done anything and still both may not survive. So you picked up your precious and ran and ran and ran.

At least you saw them from a distance back.

This illustrates why I will never walk in secluded wooded areas. I cannot defend myself nor outrun my attacker. Any rape alarm or weapon is useless and will rile the attacker or be used against me. However low the risk, I don't want to put myself in that position.

The most horrible crimes happen to women in deserted parks, woods and cemeteries. The attacks may be few and rare but attackers stalk these areas and the vicinity for this very reason. They can take their time with their victims there.

Listen to your instincts. Can you really not drive to bypass the bit that makes you feel uneasy?
Can your DH ever take a long lunch to go with you?

It depends how busy it is/how close by other houses are.
I walk alone with my DC with the dog but only because my dog is scary looking (even though she is a wimp) but I probably wouldn’t talk anywhere too remote with just my DC.

Could you go for an early morning/evening walk when your DP comes back and hen he can be apart of it too and then spend DPs working hours at home, garden or less secluded places.

The most horrible crimes happen to women in deserted parks, woods and cemeteries. The attacks may be few and rare but attackers stalk these areas and the vicinity for this very reason. They can take their time with their victims there.

It also happens a lot after females have been out drinking in clubs and pubs and as they are now closed the attackers will obviously be looking for other places where vulnerable women walk alone.

I always feel very vulnerable when out with my baby. If it was just me then I could run, but it would take me a few precious seconds to get her out of her pushchair and I wouldn't be able to run quickly carrying her. Terrifying stuff.

Shedbuilder has it right, so many of these fears are based not on any objective evidence or research or any real threat but on overactive imaginations, group-think on the danger women are at in these kind of scenarios - when the real threats are usually and sadly much closer to home - and on over exposure to crime dramas and crime stories in the media. As an aside, there's an article in today's Guardian about how ITV for one have gone way over the top in how many they show -

There is literally no way of advising in any meaningful way without knowing where you are OP! If you are in the depths of South Africa, Yemen, El Salvador or any country where women are generally in danger alone then no, probably best not to.

If you are in New Zealand maybe or Canada, perhaps southern Italy or North Wales...then less risky IMO.

I genuinely don’t get how pp’s are assuming ‘hey, you’ll be fine, you’ve just got an overactive imagination etc’ when you’ve given zero clues to make any judgement on your safety and for all we know you live near a beach in Somalia!?

We are lucky in that we have a few decent dog walks. There are two places I felt unnerved about going in alone with the dog and there is one walk I will not do alone. The other walk I have done lots alone now and feel okay. I figure if anyone tried to attack me my dog would have them. She defended me when a man pushed me so I am quite confident she would have my back. Having said that, if I felt scared even in that place I'd leave.

Many people feel more scared when they have a child as they have someone they love very much to protect and trying to get away with a child adds a different dimension.

I'm always a bit wth about parents who escape a house fire with their children still inside. It must be a given once you get out you rarely get back in and I'd rather die trying to save them than leave them to die tbh.

Awaits attack but I wouldn't bother. We are all allowed our own thoughts. Not all are escaping to get help I think fear just takes over.

I always feel very vulnerable when out with my baby. If it was just me then I could run, but it would take me a few precious seconds to get her out of her pushchair and I wouldn't be able to run quickly carrying her. Terrifying stuff.

I’m the same. I’ll go anywhere alone and feel confident but when I have my DC I am sick with worry.