teacher commenting on my dd eyebrows

[Boxerdogmum]

im a bit stuck. im bringing up dd 11 years old to make her own choices she is hitting puberty and has chosen to just be at one with her own body hair. armpit hair and so on and i'm so proud of her. much more self confidence than i ever had at her age. recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there. shes not exactly frida kahlo but it made her feel very self conscious. AIBU to hunt this teacher down and hold her to account?

I havent read the full thread but, to me, this one is difficult to decide on without being there and noting the tone of the comment and how it was communicated and whether it was in a way that other kids could make a skit out of it to your dd.

If it was me I would note down the exact details of the incident and, should there be anything similar in future, then approach the teacher based on both incidents.

I don't think the teacher should have said it, but I do very much agree with this.

As sad as it is to say, your daughter is probably going to face far worse comments in future from peers and other adults etc especially if she’s choosing not to shave armpits etc (completely fine) so I wonder if this might be more of a teach your daughter assertive responses she can use in the moment as you won’t be able to speak on her behalf every time.

But also I don't think you should constantly be affirming a choice that your DD has made at 11 years old. She should feel able to change her mind at a later date if she wants to (particularly re armpit and leg hair), but your evident approval of, and pride in this present choice is going to make that harder for her to do.

@Mountainpika

Blimey. Are eyebrows supposed to be styled in a certain fashion? Who says so? People need to be themselves and not slavishly follow self-appointed 'fashion gurus'. I've never done anything with my eyebrows in all my life. As to the teacher commenting, no, none of her business.

But then you post on a different thread

* An epilator is a bit of a surprise when you first use it, but persist and you get used to it. Do it before the hairs get too long. (Might be because the hairs are long that it initially feels painful.) Hardly feel it now. No problem.*

So not averse to hair removal!

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

I really wouldn’t contact the school about this. She suggested your daughter tidy herself up. She didn’t say she should pluck or dye her eyebrows.

Tidy herself up !!!!????

What the actual fuck??

For daring to leave her natural eyebrows?
At the age of 11?

Jesus H Christ.

Blimey are eyebrows supposed to be styled in a certain fashion?

There's no right or wrong for an adult but unless you live under a rock you must be aware there's been a fashion for shaping and styling women's eyebrows since the 1920s.
Women have a choice to groom their eyebrows or not but surely you're not surprised. . it's been in fashion for over a hundred years.

Teacher maybe thought your DD’s eyebrow was out of place eg if she’d just taken off her jumper and one looked messy. Same as she might say ‘you’ve got a smudge of pen on your face’ or ‘your hair’s sticking up a bit you might want to smooth it down’ or ‘there’s something stuck to your skirt dear’ are those offensive and warrant hunting the teacher down?

Why do you think the teacher meant to be nasty?

As an aside, you may want to discuss DD’s decisions to leave all her body hair intact, before she gets bullied. If she’s so sensitive a comment about her eyebrow upsets her, why encourage her to be so different to her peers?

Deodorants don’t work well on long armpit hair. She may be bullied for BO as well as for having hairy legs and hairy armpits on show eg during PE. I’d want to explore with her why she’s made this decision and what it means to her, and try to help her strike a balance between her own preferences and what is socially acceptable for teenagers at school.

Surely telling someone about an unruly, sticky-up eyebrow is not inherently different to telling someone that their hair is messy, etc? Which I presume is still allowed in a school, without triggering some kind of existential meltdown?

But also I don't think you should constantly be affirming a choice that your DD has made at 11 years old. She should feel able to change her mind at a later date if she wants to (particularly re armpit and leg hair), but your evident approval of, and pride in this present choice is going to make that harder for her to do.

This exactly!

The poor child is 11, not even a teenager. I think as a mother it’s important to remain non judgemental about her decision not to remove any body hair as it’s highly likely to change in a year or 2. Don’t praise her for a decision that could lead to awful bullying down the line. Presumably at 11 she hasn’t got the amount of body/facial hair she will have at 14! She may wish to shave/wax her legs/under-arms/upper lip in a year or so and it’s better if she feels she can come to you for advice (or go to a salon with you once lockdown’s over).

She's an 11yr old child.

She should be able to have hairy armpits & legs without it being an issue!

She should be able to have "messy" eyebrows-in the same way that if a ponytail has a few hairs straggling out at some point-it shouldn't matter.

This should be less about hunting down a teacher because you feel punchy, and more about defending your daughter's right to keep or change her mind.

“At one with her own body hair” 🙄
Please don’t make a complaint to the school, if your Daughter is so confident in herself and is intending to leave her body hair to grow, she will, rightly or wrongly, have a lot worse than this to contend with in the future.

I can't believe some of the answers on this thread. Obviously, the OP was just using a turn of phrase when she said "hunt her down". She doesn't actually mean she's going to stalk through the school with a bow and arrow.

I would definitely complain. Teachers shouldn't be making personal remarks about people's appearance. This is where it all starts. Girls being told, at a young age, how they should look, how to conform, what is expected of their gender. If she had perios blood all over her skirt, that's something different, but she has no right to pick someone up on how they look. I think it's outrageous. I wouldn't be calm about it at all.

Don't let people tell you to calm down. They're just as rude as your daughter's teacher.

This thread is bonkers. A teacher told a child that their eyebrow was sticking up. That is all that happened. She didn’t say ‘your eyebrow looks fucking stupid’ or ‘you should pluck that unibrow’.

Think you have lost the context of why it was said. She didn't say wow they are out of control you need to pick them. I think it was more of a your label is sticking out kinda comment. No she wouldn't of said it to a boy obviously but she would of said your jumper is inside out. I wouldn't email the school. But would arm my daughter with some polite responses for in case of anything in future

And boys ARE given a hard time at school about their appearance if it isn’t considered smart enough. At my dc’s school they are expected to have their hair off the collar and it is mentioned if it gets too long. They are also expected to be clean shaven.

@littlepeas

And boys ARE given a hard time at school about their appearance if it isn’t considered smart enough. At my dc’s school they are expected to have their hair off the collar and it is mentioned if it gets too long. They are also expected to be clean shaven.

What are the rules/guidlines for eyebrows?

How is expecting the hair on your head to be groomed the same as expecting your eyebrows to be a particular way? What’s next? Nails? Leg/chest hair? Tan? Make up? The teacher has a niche take on societal norms.

Good grief, as if girls don't get enough pressure to look a certain way, the last thing they need is to have these nonsense views reinforced by teachers, especially at age 11!! What on earth was the teacher thinking.

I wonder how many boys get told to groom their eyebrows by teachers.

This is sexism, its discriminatory behaviour and I would be complaining.

Completely unprofessional and I would certainly be having a word.

It doesn’t read to me that the teacher was saying she looked messy and should be more groomed - it sounds much more like she was just informing her that her eyebrow was sticking up. That’s all. She literally just told her that her eyebrow sticking up. She hasn’t commented on her personal appearance as far as I can see. It is not comparable to commenting on, for example, someone’s weight or spots. It’s a huge overreaction.

Teacher is bang out of order to be commenting on a young girl’s natural appearance in front of the whole class. I would definitely be having a word.

I’ll bet this teacher has never said anything to a boy about their grooming

"She literally just told her that her eyebrow sticking up. She hasn’t commented on her personal appearance as far as I can see."

She literally didn't though did she?

Are eyebrows not personal appearance?

Inform the teacher that your DD is aspiring to be the next Chris Whiity

I really wouldn’t contact the school about this. She suggested your daughter tidy herself up. She didn’t say she should pluck or dye her eyebrows.

There is only one way you can tidy yourself up where eyebrows are concerned, and that is to pluck/wax/thread them. Would you be happy with a young girl being told to 'tidy up' her leg hair or her upper lip hair too? What's the difference?

The teacher was out of line. She may have been saying it with the best of intentions (perhaps she's heard other pupils being unkind about her hirsuitness, as let's face it, all female body hair anywhere but the head is greeted with horror and disgust by most young people these days) but it was still misguided and inappropriate.

How about telling your daughter that it wasn’t right for the teacher to comment, but we live in a World where these things happen and people seem to express their opinion about many things they shouldn’t.

Leave the teacher alone it’s not like she sent your daughter for a Brazilian wax.