teacher commenting on my dd eyebrows

[Boxerdogmum]

im a bit stuck. im bringing up dd 11 years old to make her own choices she is hitting puberty and has chosen to just be at one with her own body hair. armpit hair and so on and i'm so proud of her. much more self confidence than i ever had at her age. recently she told me that one of her female teachers stopped at her desk looked at her and said you might want to just lick your finger and sort out your eyebrow hair there. shes not exactly frida kahlo but it made her feel very self conscious. AIBU to hunt this teacher down and hold her to account?

I’d also like to remind posters here that this isn’t a teenager having ‘banter’ with a teacher. It is an 11 year old child. Her natural eyebrows, no matter how unruly or ‘sticking up’ they may be, are not up for discussion with the teacher.

What’s the context here? Were your daughter’s eyebrows perhaps at a funny angle because they had been ruffled by removing her jumper, for example? Or was it a comment about her having natural eyebrows (thinking through the 100s of year 7 students I have taught I can’t recall one that doesn’t have natural eyebrows!).

My students have told me my hair is sticking up, my label is poking out etc on several occasions over the years. I’ve never taken it personally, or as a criticism of my style or personal grooming choices. Just that they were trying to help.

I’m not sure why this teacher is being called stupid.

"There is only one way you can tidy yourself up where eyebrows are concerned, and that is to pluck/wax/thread them."

I disagree with that.

I think that any eyebrows can look "messy"-as a pp had put for example if you have just taken a jumper off.

Havent RTFT I think this is appalling. If a teacher, a responsible adult, criticised my daughter’s appearance, which is what it being done realistically, I would be hopping mad, even if it was well meaning. It is telling the child that this is important. It’s something about yourself that you need to change. Your appearance isn’t right just as it is. It is being judged in small ways constantly, even down to your bloody eyebrows.
And then we wonder why girls are so self conscious.

she didn't tell your daughter to wax her brows so clearly has nothing to do with the size of them. they must have been sticking out oddly and she was being a normal decent person telling her to smooth it out.. I'd hope someone would do the same to me if my hair was sticking up/out randomly, rather than walking round looking stupid.

@diddl

"She literally just told her that her eyebrow sticking up. She hasn’t commented on her personal appearance as far as I can see."

She literally didn't though did she?

Are eyebrows not personal appearance?

Nice selective quote. Noticed you cut the bit out where I said it’s not comparable to commenting on weight or skin, because that doesn’t serve your point. It is clearly not remotely comparable to commenting on weight or skin, or something much more personal. I doubt there are many adults who have suffered permanent psychological damage from being told their eyebrow is sticking up and they might want to sort it out (notice the teacher didn’t say she must tidy it up - only that she might want to). I’m not going to get dragged in any further.

My students have told me my hair is sticking up, my label is poking out etc on several occasions over the years. I’ve never taken it personally, or as a criticism of my style or personal grooming choices. Just that they were trying to help.

Good grief. The lack of insight is terrifying.

You are an adult.
This is a child.

(Added to which, if a student tells you your hair is sticking up, I’d think the only appropriate response is to ask them not to comment on personal appearance please)

Aye, get her telt.
Shite all to do with anything.

"It is clearly not remotely comparable to commenting on weight or skin, or something much more personal."

I didn't say it was.

It is still your personal appearance though.

@littlepeas

This thread is bonkers. A teacher told a child that their eyebrow was sticking up. That is all that happened. She didn’t say ‘your eyebrow looks fucking stupid’ or ‘you should pluck that unibrow’.

Glad it’s not just me. I think people are linking two unrelated things. I do not think the teacher was commenting on the natural eyebrows at all - just that they’re were sticking up (as all eyebrows do, thick or thin).

I’d be reassuring her that that was what was meant. I wouldn’t be making a big thing of it. I’d give a few examples of similar comments to show there was no malice and the teacher was just trying to be helpful.

There is only one way you can tidy yourself up where eyebrows are concerned, and that is to pluck/wax/thread them.

Cripes, I must have been doing it wrong all these years. Drat, drat and drat again.

How do you do it then Butchy?

How do you do it then Butchy?

The Eyebrow Whisperer does not give up her secrets that easily.

If her eyebrows were sticking up-why didn't she just say that?

Why all the bollocks about licking a finger & sorting out her eyebrow hair?

Why does it even matter?

This is a grave matter and should be dealt with immediately. A firing sqaud is the way forward followed by a strongly worded email to the Head of Year. That will deter all future idiots from engaging in kind, 2 second comments to a young person during a pandemic.

Christ, the poor teacher. I would hope most reasonable people would tell their kid to forget about it.

Plus, if you did raise a complaint at best you'll get a "it'll never happen again" and behind your back the teachers will be absolutely pissing themselves.

Send the firing squad in for gods sake!

Traumatised because a teacher mocked my eyebrow. Probably some sort of therapy available?

@randomer

Traumatised because a teacher mocked my eyebrow. Probably some sort of therapy available?

what have you gained from this comment?

@Sethy38 my point is they’re not criticisms. I can’t honestly understand why this teacher is being so criticised.

I brushed my little boy’s hair down this morning as the static from his jumper had made it stuck up. I said “hey spiky hair squish down” when I did it. Have I emotionally scarred him? I was trying to make him look tidy. I didn’t realise it was such an awful thing to do.

Honestly, wouldn’t make a big deal about it. At 16 a teacher tried to smarten me up (hair, clothes) as I was a bit sloppy. She told me “these things matter when you start working!”

[quote OfTheNight]@Sethy38 my point is they’re not criticisms. I can’t honestly understand why this teacher is being so criticised.

I brushed my little boy’s hair down this morning as the static from his jumper had made it stuck up. I said “hey spiky hair squish down” when I did it. Have I emotionally scarred him? I was trying to make him look tidy. I didn’t realise it was such an awful thing to do.[/quote]
Again the lack of interest

Your little boy is presumably not 11 years old and not beginning puberty.

Your little boy is YOUR little boy. You know him, so you can be confident that commenting on personal appearance would be fine. For all this teacher knew, this girl was feeling very self conscious about how she was looking and growing hair.

You made the comment in the privacy of your own home, with no one around. This was at school, quite likely in front of peers.

Lack of insight

@everybodysang, a little inward titter. My kids were badgered for years to tuck their shirts in and do up their top buttons. Its all utter nonsense.

you're all taking the piss now. no one can genuinely be annoyed at this